261 Things to do with a Strap-on Penis
Created by JB and FAILuRE and Mal(ebolgia) and Agon and other people in #ircrobbers, compiled by zig.
My personal favorites are marked with an asterisk(*).

#1 paper weight
#2 letter opener
#3 stick it up fails ass
#4 coffee table center piece*
#5 convert it into a desklamp
#6 use it as an oil dipstick
#7 use it as a female dipstick
#8 smack a female with it
#9 tell your mother it goes with your silverware
#10 give it to a child and tell them it's a lollipop*
#11 run a hole through it. its now a straw
#12 replace the shift stick in your car with it
#13 replace the antenna on your car with it
#14 freeze it and use it to chill drinks
#15 use it to spank children
#16 use it as a microphone
#17 have it replace you in a meeting
#18 Doorknob
#19 stick a pen in it and use it to write with
#20 Get two. Strap to head. Claim to be the son of satan.*
#21 but a baby bottle in it
#22 put a liquor bottle in it
#23 See Death Wish IV
#24 serate the edges and use it as a steak knife*
#25 get a long one and use it as a pointer at your next meeting
#26 Tell Agon its a turkey ppl strap on dildo. Watch him ph33r it.
#28 Attach buttons. TV Remote
#29 Thermometer*
#30 Insert light bulb. Flashlight
#31 Add flavoring. Blow pop
#32 Digital Clock
#33 add a strap to 32 and its a wrist watch
#34 Add lcd screen and vibrator- its now a pager
#35 Implement of mass destruction
#37 Twist the night away
#38 Religious foci
#39 Meat tenderizer
#40 Pez Dispenser*
#41 Slot Machine Handle*
#42 Add make up and a wig. Look kiddies! Its mister penis!
#43 Toothpaste dispenser*
#44 Mayo bottle
#45 Salt and/or pepper shaker
#46 stylish padlock
#47 Skewer for shish-ka-bobs
#48 Replace your computers mouse
#49 Replace your computers joystick
#50 Replace your husband
#51 CDr spindle
#52 Shove up cats ass. It now has an easy grip handle
#53 press a button and neosprin comes out .. .good for wounds
#54 Inflict wounds
#55 use #53 to stop #54
#56 Mail to Bill Gates with note (are you doin using this on us yet?)
#57 Get 15 people, give each one. Go to frenchy's house and fuck him up.
#58 Replace Eiffel Tower
#59 Replace towers of Taj Mahal
#60 better yet just replace the torch
#61 and the book is the karma sutra
#62 Earn extra credit in classes with female teachers
#63 Earn that credit without the dildo
#64 snorkle
#65 Find new ways to crash explorer
#66 use as a party blower for New Years
#67 Bow before it
#68 use as party hat for new years*
#69 self explanatory
#70 Make your own three peckered goat
#71 baby passifier
#72 Table Tenis*
#73 Homemade rocket
#74 Add antenna. Cordless phone
#75 laboratory test tube
#76 Shotglass
#77 The 'other' Redeemer
#78 put on top of wedding cake instead of traditional ppl*
#79 Put on top of leaning tower of pisa
#80 Cooking Utensil
#81 tombstones for hookers
#82 Next muppet adventure
#83 crack pipe
#84 Tracheotomy tube
#85 birth control method (stab baby in the head with it)*
#86 good luck charm
#87 Wave it violently at people. Use this to get through traffic.*
#88 sell on ebay*
#89 deep fry it
#90 Use it to style your hair*
#91 Find a White House Intern
#92 Cigar
#93 Use as ignitor for nuclear bomb.
#94 Q-tip*
#95 add bristles .. TOOTHBRUSH
#96 Add teeth. Comb
#97 Home enema
#98 not at home enema
#99 stick in pocket, tell bank teller its a gun*
#100 dog toy
#101 Chew Toy
#102 Semaphore
#103 Ice cream scooper*
#104 Light pen
#105 Drumstick
#106 Battery Storage Device*
#107 Use in presentations as a pointer
#108 pool stick
#109 hollow it out and use it to make popsicles*
#110 use it to scare bums away
#111 Give MADD something to REALLY be pissed about
#112 Exploratory dental work
#113 use it to club baby seals*
#114 Fuck that, club Mal with it*
#115 Self pleasure
#116 Earplugs
#117 flower vase*
#118 A device for informing your girlfriend you're dumping her
#119 throw it at the neigborhood kids*
#120 A device your girlfriend uses to let you know shes dumping you*
#121 sharpen it and use it to compete in the olympics*
#122 Stick it on Bob Dole, see if he notices*
#123 use it as a unicorn horn
#124 Goats like dick
#125 bend it and use it as a boomerang*
#126 use it to teach your llama a leason for peeing on the carpet again
#127 cows like dick too... hell, all animals like dick, experiment
#128 beat your computer with it when it gives you errors
#129 use it to fend off fresh fruit*
#130 see if it is space worth when you donate it to NASA
#131 learn a new martial art with it
#132 Give it to l33tsign. He likes that kinky shit
#133 learn to fence with it
#134 Makes a good hammer
#136 use it a a pencil eraser
#137 Use it to sign bank loans*
#138 Always take it with you when test driving new cars*
#139 see if it can drive...
#140 Hey mebbe it'll pay for it even
#141 teach it to fly
#142 Wrap it in a metal box and take it on the plane with you*
#143 tie it to a kit and go fly it at the park*
#144 use it de-arm ppl with pointed sticks*
#145 Donate to NASA
#146 Wear spandex. stick it in your pants. Go to grocery store. See who looks*
#147 walk into the hopspital with it on wearing sweat pants and claim you took too much viagra*
#148 Use it to cork wine bottles
#149 go to a club and have you zipper undone wiht that hanging out*
#150 Go to a club wearing nothing but that
#151 go fishing with it
#152 See how much fish you catch
#153 use it as a fishin lure
#154 San Francisco. All i'm gonna say
#155 light it on fire and use it as a road flare*
#156 smells like fish, tastes like chicken
#157 give it to the olympic torch runners instead of the torch
#158 hunt woodlands creatures with it by using it as an arrow*
#159 Secret Thunderbolt in Q3A
#160 have agon pull it out of his pants
#161 Stick it in Agons pants*
#162 I'm waiting for #169
#163 It can throw its own party
#164 give it to your friends as an appreciation of their friendship*
#165 play air hockey with it
#166 Buy strings. Guitar.
#167 use it as a pool cue
#168 It's kosher.
#169 Try to get job in Senate with it*
#170 give it to a jewish person as dradle
#171 use it as a shrubery decoration*
#172 Filaffles anyone?
#173 replace your lawn gnomes with them
#174 STICK IT RIGHT UP GAMEFANS ASS*
#175 Cheaper than plastic action figures... more comfortable too.
#176 get many pink ones, make lawn flamingos
#178 When riding saddles are just too boring.
#179 great gift for the holidays ..mainly after yout uncle uh..aunt edna has his ermm..her
#180 See #178? Same for Harleys
#181 use it as a prothsetic limb
#182 Use it in addition to a prostethic limb
#183 What Stef is REALLY wearing behind Vangie *peer pez*
#184 use it to knock down doors in raid*
#185 Goes great with a 3rd Nipple!*
#186 Great for bull fighting
#187 Great for cock fighting*
#188 use it to direct traffic
#189 put it in a terrarium, tell your friends it's your new pet snake*
#190 Its only illegal in Tennessee!
#191 good for making 101 lists
#192 Bend it and put on small speakers. Headphones*
#193 What other household item can you name "Big Blackie"?
#194 use it to direct ppl on planes
#195 Deliberately get caught with it at Airport security*
#196 attach it to a power drill, scare the hell out of your current lover*
#197 Deliberately get caught with it at Airport security again
#198 Ship it to Barrington, IL
#199 for that matter just plain fun on tourblulent flights
#200 bake it into a cake, see if anyone notices*
#201 For those lonely enough to make a 201 list about strap on dilos
#202 Create your own queer Congo line
#203 is that your strap-on or are you just happyto see me?
#204 Follows IEEE 1285.9 Dildo standards
#205 Backwards compatible
#206 Guaranteed to keep the wife occupied
#207 take it on the bus with you, talk to it like it's a small child*
#208 branish it and rob a 711
#209 Hell walk it like a dog even
#210 Adjust the size of your colon with it*
#211 Poke an eye out!
#212 something never to be thought of while watching oprah
#213 Rig it up to a restaurant's milk dispenser*
#214 It cant give you aids
#215 Attach to motor. Make milkshakes
#216 oh yes it can if not diped in alcohol
#217 its dishwasher safe.
#218 Keeps the kids busy for hours and the babysitter likes it too!*
#219 when you gotta slap someone, and you can't find a dead trout.
#220 the fresh maker!
#221 Great for storing thermal lube
#222 Recommended Device of World Domination by Microsoft
#223 Its PC99 compliant!
#224 comes with a free video and pamphlet
#225 Hand held
#226 <classified>
#227 Resembles NASA rockets. This isn't coincidence
#228 grandma's true favorite grandchild
#229 Favorite toy of #dws
#230 Attach it to a TV and watch the spice channel
#231 Stick it up zigs ass while blowing him. He likes that*
#232 it doesn't get stuck like those shampoo bootles do er uh
#233 an item that is often found in 'zig's stuff'
#234 uncle marvin's new pull my fingure gag
#235 denpending on where it has been it makes an excelent back scratcher*
#236 Use it to write unix kernels*
#237 fun for jaming it in to your ass and walking into a church with your pants down and yelling, " oooh unGHhh TRUST IT HARDER!!! MY TENDER VIRGIN BUTTHOLE BEAKONS!!! "
#238 when forks just arn't fun anymore
#239 hand it to a fisting grandma and let them smother it in chuncky old afterbirth and then tell that damn dog that starts barking at 4:30am to fetch this
#240 The perfect mothers day gift
#241 The perfect fathers day gift
#242 cut it up and put it on cheese pizza, say it's new pepperoni
#243 Ring toss
#244 Find a thrid world country and start your own currency with it
#245 lawn darts
#246 replace bowling pins with them
#247 Spin plates on it
#248 use in conjunction with stress reliever balls!
#249 Cordless phone antenna replacement
#250 use it to smack your bitch up
#251 use it as misquito repelent
#252 Wave hi to SkaCat with it
#253 Attach a paint brush and paint hard to reach places
#254 walk around with it hanging out your zipper and pretend you dont notice
#255 throw it at catholic school girls
#256walk around downtown and drop it in front of someone, fall down and start yelling OH MY GOD IT HURTS
#257 use it when making love, fake orgasm, then roll over and fall asleep (but leave it in victim)
#258 put it on your pet dog when guests are around
#259 make it the door handle to your bathroom
#260 leave it in the toilet
#261 replace coffee table legs with them

Want to add to the list? Send in your suggestions!