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Archives (5-26-01 to 07-30-01)

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7/30

I sent off another HITLIST column this morning. It seems that Jeff Bale and I can't get email to each other..he uses my email address that recieves a hundred emails a day..but even though he recently updated his address book it's still not getting to me.

Is it the FBI?? the CIA?? the JDL??

Don't laugh. I'm sure I've been monitored for many years. Jello's address book "mysteriously" disappeared when his home was searched prior to his Geiger poster trial back in 1986. My name and address were in it. Then there's Jim Goad whom I've communicated with for years..nuff said?? And how about my email correspondance with Adam Parfrey?? that's got to get you on some sort of "whacko" list due to his publishing several of Uncle Anton's church of Satan books and one Manson book along with several other great "controversial" titles. Of course I received mail from G.G. when he was in prison..that can't be too good for your reputation with Johnny Law. If I thought about it I could come up with a half dozen more notorius freethinkers I've been in touch with.

I've had a mental picture for years of a government agent sitting in a cubicle scratching his head wondering how I could be in touch with evil dudes from conflicting ends of the perceived spectrum.

Maybe it's luck..maybe it's simply my superior intelligence..but it's a fact that I still have never spent a night in jail. I went through a period 10 years ago in which I felt guilty that I never have. I've come DAMN close of course, back in the days when I drank and drove for pure pleasure.I wish I still could. But my lucks been used up..I'm very careful now.

Imagine the delight of the precinct Captain on duty when a pair of his officers drags into the tank thee WHISKEY REBEL himself! I bet he'd treat the entire shift to Kentuckey fried Chicken!

So far the Ralph Emery biography I'm reading is very bitter. I didn't expect that...but that's fine with me.

What'll I read next?? I can't decide between a Dolly Parton autobiography or a Burt Reynolds. The Reynolds book seems almost wrecklessly candid when I thumb through it. But I got to know if Dolly slam's my main man Porter Wagoner??

I visited the official Johnny Paycheck website..and was very disappointed. The discography lists the song titles of his latest album..that's it. I'm a HUGE fan of his and I hoped for more.

The Johnny Ray site is fantastic! Ton's of info and pictures. Dean Martin has an enthusiastic one too. But I've adopted Johnny Ray as a guy I'm gonna stand up for from here on out. Just like me he fled the fucking bland milquetoast yard-martyr dumbasses of Oregon. You have only one life..can't you think of somewhere better to spend it than a town that outlaw's happy hour at local bars??

The 50's was a great era for music in many ways. There were many, many "melancholy" songs that charted in the 50's. Nowdays, in the age of Britney and Puffy (er, is it P. Diddy? fuck that asshole) "melancholy" is a forgotten mood entirely (along with HUMOR..where are the novelty songs?) Johnny Ray drank like a fucking fish every night of his life 'til the sun came up. He had his priorities straight. And his music performances were intense..he'd kick the piano bench (Jerry lee picked this up from him) fall to his knees, quiver and practically gush tears to sell his sad songs. Listen to Elvis's early slow numbers; and Gene Vincent's too for that matter. They owe a helluva lot to ol' Johnny. Sinatra is another favorite of mine, but his violent rages and outward emotional outbursts took place OFF stage. Frankie just stood there and crooned. Johnny groveled around the stage like Stiv Bators. Johnny pointed the way for the rock and roller's to follow him.

It's my mission to enlighten you ignorant masses about my fellow Oregonian ex-patriot. Long live Johnny Ray.

7/29

Goddamn, here I am..drunk as a lord again.

I've been reading biographies for the last week. I finished off Joe Jackson's a few days ago. It was damn well written..he recorded one of my 50 or so so favorite albums ("Jumpin' Jive"..which pre-saged the swing revival by about 15 years). I'd be honored to quaff a pint with ol' J.J.

Next, I tackled Wayne Newton's biography. It started out rough, but eventually morphed into a fine book. Wayne's "Danke Schoen" is a fucking great song; for that matter his "American trilogy" is right up there with King Elvis's version. He's a cool guy with lots of stories.

I just started Ralph Emery's book..it didn't attract bids on Ebay, so that means I'm destined to read it.

Damn, I think I've kept it together so far in this diary entry; but fuck, I'm wiped. I'm to the point I have to contemplate the eventual results of every hit of refreshing beer. And still, my spelling remains mostly intact.

Is it time to make wild drunken statements I may be embarassed by tomorrow?? why not??

Show me a man who will eat neither meat, nor pussy..and I'll show you a fucking gutless prickwad.

Show me a book written by a female for females only, and I'll show you a worthless, frigid, lying bitch..(this was inspired by a book we were forced to buy for Elvis's summer reading).

Show me a man with nothing better to do than stand on a street corner for hours and I'll show you a goddamn dumb Motherfucker (inspired by several neighbors)..

Show me a person who is quick to cry "Racist!" and I'll show you a racist...

I fucking hate idiotic, illegible graphitti that has some "secret" meaning. If no one can understand it, what's the point??

I hate beer snobs that feel compelled to voice their approval or disapproval of the calibre of beer you bring to a festive gathering.

I most of all right at this moment hate the goddamned Wallmart "greeter's"..AND anybody else who smiles at me and expects a smile or gesture in return. I especially hate people who are obsessed with declaring "GOOD MORNING!" to everyone they see.

I fucking HATE McDonald's latest add campaign "we love to see you smile"..that's the phoniest fucking pile of shit ever to hit TV. I HATE watching the dumbass actors in their commercials smile. I feel upset when asshole fastfood clerk piss-ant's make eye contact with me at all. SMILES suck. FROWNS rule. I pick my ass with your kid's "happymeal" toy...UUrrppp. Goodnight.

7/27

"A local band "The RANCID VAT" played at the "new" Long Goodbye tavern on 5/18. The tavern has recently changed ownership and is now a gay bar. The Vat had played open mike at the old Long Goodbye before and found the audience to be very tolerant to the bands music, which is not your standard tavern boogie music. The band offered to play the new Long Goodbye for free in the hopes of reaching a different audience and just for the fun of performing their songs in public. After performing two songs the people running the place became very nervous and made the band turn the instruments down to the point where the guitar and bass couldn't be heard over the sound of the drums. The band had not been playing overly loud in the first place but the Long Goodbye didn't have the nerve to tell the band to just get out. Since it was impossible tocontinue Rancid Vat stopped playing and started packing up. The tavern was so shaken hearing music that required some thinking and imagination that they even threatened to call the police while the band was quietly packing up to leave. The police never arrived but the tavern kept a very close eye on the band and it's fans until they drove away. The Rancid Vat is not so pretentious as to call what they do ART, but it is art and it takes a bit of open-mindedness to understand!

Rancid Vat is surprised that in 1981 people can't find it within themselves to try to appreciate something different".

The above article appeared in a Portland Oregon music weekly in May of 1981. Sounds damn familiar to me. Times haven't changed a fucking bit. We lasted 5 minutes at the "middle East" here in Philly in 1994..State troopers were summoned to stop our set at "Jeremiahs" in Charlotte N.C. during the 1994 COS supershow..our set was stopped 15 minutes into it. The club owner wanted to stop our last set a few weeks ago, but we talked him out of it.

After all these years to tell you the truth..we KNOW how to stop anyshow anywhere with few exceptions in 5 minutes if we want to. That's usually not our goal. We WANT to play the songs we bust our asses to rehearse like every other band.

By the way..the club back in 1981 didn't threaten to call the cop's...I'll quote the threat the club manager made:"If you aren't out of here in 5 minutes, there'll be 20 men clad in leather with flashlights to escort you out".

We never allowed our reception at the "Long Goodbye" to influence our collective thinking towards homosexuals. We've had gay band members of both sexes over the last 20 years. In fact, shortly after that incident our regular venue to play at in Portland for over a year was an all-ages gay disco.

It wasn't like we were making a "pro-gay" stance..we simply didn't give a damn about sexual preference. We hated 99% of people anyway..REGARDLESS of who or what they wanted to fuck.

I can't say I feel any different nowdays.

UUrrppp. I think it's time for a couple 7:00 AM Busch beers.

7/25

My favorite recording artist of them all??

Including performers representing every genre I like from the Sex Pistols to Wynonie Harris and Big Jay McNeely, Hank Williams and Hank Thompson to Nervous Norvous and Frank Sinatra. From Johnny Ray to Johnny Cash..from Bowie to Buzz Martin..Elvis Presley and Elvis Costello..inclusive of the Cramps, Slade, Homer and Jethro and Motorhead. Who's my personal favorite of them all???

I've answered this question the same way for years. It's the wildman of the SUN RECORDS stable..SONNY BURGESS.

I've never had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Burgess play live. So, I've had to base my judgement on all I've read about him. Sonny and his band the PACER'S were legendary for their crazy, wild live shows back in the 50's. They made a pact that they'd jump off the stage to perform the last show at every gig; they lived up to their pledge even when they played on top of a drive-in movie theatre building. They once leaped with their instruments to the bottom of an orchestra pit because that was the only way to get "closer" to the audience. Sonny went through a "red" phase at one point. He bought a red car, a red guitar, a red suit and dyed his hair red!

See...Hank and Elvis and Frankie are all godlike..but they never did THAT!! It makes me grin sitting here just thinking about how wild Sonny and the Pacer's live shows must have been.

The boys were wild as hell in the studio too for that matter. Sonny's "We wanna boogie" (often rated by even egghead rock journalists as the BEST Sun single ever) was so rambunctious that 40 takes were cut; Sam Philip's wound up releasing number 5. He eventually resigned to the fact that even though the boys were fine players, they simply couldn't tone down their over-the-top sound in the studio.

The guitar solo on one of the versions recorded of "We wanna boogie" may just be about the most frantic damned guitar break in my entire collection; and that's saying something. Yunno the really wild part of Elvis's "Milkcow blues boogie"?? I'm not knocking the King..(I named my Son after him) please don't take it as a slight to him that in my opinion Sonny and the Pacer's TAKE UP where Elvis's wildest music LEFT OFF!!

They were so great, they were assigned for awhile to tour with Roy Orbison as his back up band. Roy was selling records..and his voice was a fucking MIRACLE..but his live personna was just too..uh..yunno. A tad bit dullsville for the times.

Sonny's voice on his SUN recording's will often swing in the middle of a phrase from a sorta higher pitched Jerry Lee "white" country hick quality to an abrasive out and out blues-shout. At times he seems to rant like Elmer Gantry singing Little Richard songs from the pulpit.

The band included one of the only trumpets (!?) I've ever heard on any rockabilly or country records of the time. The dude didn't play intricate solo's on it of course..he blew the FUCK out of it..further giving the band a sound all their own. "We wanna Boogie", "Red headed woman", "Fanny Brown" hell,there's not a dull song in the whole bunch. They make the years just before my birth sound like a wild time..Hot women, hitting the jug down at the dancehall, pounding the bee-jesus out of the piano while the bass player humps his upright instrument for the crowds amusement. Professional musicians leaping with their instruments headlong with reckless abandon towards crowds of farm rubes...bopping, reeling and sweating. Pure sonic BEDLAM!!

Sonny's sound combined what I admire about so many of my other musical favorites. The earnest hillbilly roots of Hank..the wild physical theatrics of Johnny Ray..the intense screeching intensity of the blues shouters such as Wynonie Harris and the Godfather of soul James Brown. The unpredictable zanyiness of Sun Ra's performances.

So, Sonny's my favorite. Next question???

7/22

I've met scores of would-be singers and musicians over the years that I wouldn't have bet 2 cent's would ever "make it" past monday night open-mike night.

Lonnie was one of the first.

He answered an add Marla and I hung in music stores in Portland in 1980 when we decided to throw away our responsible future in favor of playing music and living off of candy bar's and $2.99 half racks of cheap ass beer.

That add connected us with Mike Schuppe (who STILL is a friend after all these years..and I've had the pleasure of appearing on two CD's with him) also Brad Davidson (who wound up the other 3rd of our first "real" band the SPAZTICS) who later toured the universe with the WIPERS (Greg Sage).

Lonnie was a scrawny..kinda smelly guy who had glazed over eyes all the time; he carried a beat up electric guitar with him everywhere he went. After spending a couple hours getting loaded with him he ensured us that he'd fit in well with what we wanted to do.

We all drove out to our rehearsal studio (a storage space we were soon evicted from) together.

Marla playing guitar and I banging the ol' skin's began to bang out a 3 chord simplistic tune. Lonnie had his guitar plugged in and around his neck..but whatever we began to play, he looked confused...and BUGEYED too for that matter.

Finally, we politely asked him to go ahead and play one of his own compositions.

He nodded..clenched the guitar tightly and scrunched up his face..

"I told my Grandma I was a punk rocker"

he strummed his guitar down 3 times..Rat-a-tat..

"And she said..Lonnie whattya doin'

"STRUM STRUM STRUM...

"Whoah! Stop!" I bellowed waving my hand in the air to stop Lonnie.."start it again, man.."

So, he started it again..

He screwed his face up into a mask of rage..

"I told my grandma..I was a punk rocker.."

STRUM STRUM STRUM..

"Whoah!! WHOAH!!" I yelled.

And so it went..

It was an interesting idea I guess..admitting to your grandma that you're a punk rocker (in 1980 yet)..and it might've gone somewhere..but no matter how many times we tried to restart the song, like an out of kilter bluesman Lonnie's face and brain were too scrunched up to do it all in rhythm so that Marla and I could play along.

We soon went on to another of his songs that went something like:

"Life in the city..ain't too pretty

nobody wants to be your friend.."

Did you know that the words "city" and "pretty" are rhymed more often than any other in rock and roll songs??

Anyway, that song wasn't any easier for us to play along with than his first. We never did find common ground with Lonnie musically. He was at the tender age of 20 or so already doomed to play in front of Greybound bus depots I'm afraid. NOBODY could follow him!!

We received a surprise visit from Lonnie one night a few months later at our apartment. He was toting his trusty guitar along of course. We smoked a couple joints (our stuff) and drank a few beers (our beer of course). I put on the turntable a SEX PISTOLS picture disc that I had found. Lonnie freaked out..

"No way Phil..NO WAY!! That's not good for the kid's man..it's not..GOOD for the kid's!!!"

"What kids??" I asked...

Lonnie shook his head...he was obviously very upset. So upset that he was probably ready to leave our apartment even though we had pot and beer to mooch.

"It's bad for the kids Phil; and I GOTTA GO!!"

Sure enough he did.

He was a fucking nut really. But still, for some reason I think about Lonnie alot more often than I do most other Portland musical acquantances. After hearing from good 'ol Mr. Mike a couple few weeks ago for the 1st time in 20 years, I'm ready to ask..are you out there Lonnie?? We'd like to hear from you. I wanna know what you've been doing. We've got a candle lit..for you. Even though it's 7:10 am and I'm drunk..

L-O-N-N-I-E???????

7/20

I just finished reading two books sent to me in the mail. One was self published..the other a computer printout. The printout kicked ass..the writer of the self published one should read and learn from the other guy...which is just my opinion of course. I'm no fucking literary critic...I'm honored and happy when people send me books, CD's, demo tapes and ESPECIALLY booze in the mail.

The guy who wrote the good one told his story in an interesting, straight forward manor. The other guy obviously poured a lot of energy into his book; I get the impression writing is his WHOLE LIFE. Unfortunately, he's one of these writer's who changes directions in mid sentence. He'll get halfway through a drunken weekend and drop the story turning toward something totally unrelated.

I suppose Kerouac could get away with that..

But the whole ear-to-the-ground stream-of-thought bit is tedious to me.

The writer I preferred more wrote detailed descriptions about exciting shit..pissing on a well known kinky dude..kicking a goth-rockers ass. The other guy referred only in passing to action oriented stuff..like being thrown down stairs out of clubs physically for being a dick. If he concentrated on THAT aspect of his life instead of mundane drinks shared backstage with popular alternative bands..well, his book would do a lot more for me.

I'm well aware that there are hordes of writers out there who believe it's better to complicate things..that being too direct is too "simple".

I'm a simple guy, what can I say. And I can do more with a 30 pack of ordinary beer than lots of 'em can mixing several drugs and intoxicants.

I also believe in the greatness of simple..even MEANINGLESS song lyrics.

Reading both books was inspiring in a way..I was reminded that there's a lot of stories I have to tell yet if I don't keel over dead suddenly I just may get to them.

For instance there's the night I spent running around Hollywood in and out of clubs with a cool black dude who was dressed in a sort of black KKK robe and hood. He caused quite a stir to say the least..

And how about my Sisters boyfriends (when we were growing up)?? What a pack of suburban musclecar bozo's!!

I haven't even BEGUN to write about our 7 years so far in Hostile City. For instance, Elvis and I violated a longstanding insistence on my part that we NEVER dine out during peak hours. The pack of FAT (yes..I am WAY HEALTHY compared to the pitiful parade of freaks we witnessed),UGLY,DUMB,INBRED neighborhood people we encountered at 6:00 pm at the Chinese buffet have caused me to consider changing my longheld preference of "regular" people to "hipster" alternative club types. The experience reminded me that W.C. Fields was indeed physically representative of the denizen's of this his home town.

JOBJUMPER sure as hell wasn't a complete accounting of the fuckedup jobs I've held. I never wrote about being an early morning automobile paperboy, the world's worst telemarketer, a so-so telemarketing manager, and of course my experiences with TOWER records were too recent for me to go into detail about like I could have in the final chapter of the book. The book was already 342 pages..I had to stop somewhere.

Did I mention that I met a nice lady in Chicago who's held over 30 jobs?? she even emailed me a detailed list (she even had worked once at the bar I appeared at where we met!)

I hope if SHE writes a book she sends me a damn copy..

7/18

I have about 2 pages just freshly written of my next HITLIST column. It's my best ever column for any mag if I do say so myself. It also involves dragging the names of a couple friends/band members/ex-band members into the public scrutiny. NOT because I'm pissed at them..I like 'em both..but for other reasons. Maybe I'll tone it down tommorow....

Don't count on it though..since it seems to be my hardest hitting I'll probably heap coal on it.

What would Ambrose Bierce do??

What would the BUK do??

What would my cousin Jeffrey the gospel singer do??

I got the "Hollywood" routine at the beer distributor today..they saw my picture in the paper. I'm sure that some ex-coworkers back at my office job from a few years ago saw it too..that is if the business still exists..and I'm not sure. Anyway, if THEY saw it they'll shit their pants in anger. I'm credited as being an "actor". I told the reporter that I was just a pal of Jello's..but what the fuck. I did have to endure a lot of fucking shit to get through the day. I'll gloat over whatever I get.

As part of my HITLIST column (damn I work hard for them) Elvis and I narrowed it down to the greatest 30 country-music songs of all time. This all happened last night..we nominated 87 songs and 4 hours later it all came down to "He'll have to go" by Jim Reeves vs. some other song I forget. JR won by the way.

I usually pickup my beer by the case..30 packs of cans. Today I bought a case of 24 longneck Bud's for the helluva it. We've been painting and cleaning up around here, so i've earned it. Beer DEFINETLY tastes better out of a bottle. Been drinking EZRA BROOKS whiskey (we'll miss you "Bam Bam") and I'll probably pickup a fifth of JACK DANIELS or FIGHTING COCK tommorow. It takes several days..hell, WEEK'S to drink away the grief of a fallen FREEBIRD.

We watched a 2 hour FREEBIRD FANTASIA videotape Alan King made us long ago. It included the famous interview that introduced them to GCW in 1981 that I quoted in an earlier entry. The internet dopes that usually fuck everything up are correctly pointing out to the masses that Terry Gordy was a BIG MAN that could really wrestle. Sad to hear he was a few years younger than me.

Fuck..I DON'T FEEL that old..I'd feel bad if I didn't have a couple score of heroes alive 20 years older than me...who cares. UURRPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Gene Vincent songs are running through my mind..it's time to shut this fucking thing down and really get drunk. FFAARRRTTT.

7/16 #2

It's only a few hours since my last posting. It's starting to sink in about "Bam Bam's" death.

It might surprise some people how much it hurts some of us when Pro-Wrestlers pass away.

I've tried and I've tried lots of times to express my feelings about members of the wrestling Brotherhood both dead and alive. Maybe someday I'll get it across just right. For better or for worse, rather you laugh at me for doing so or sympathize with my every word..the fact is that the feelings I have for heroes like Gordy are alot like the feelings most people have for figures I have little or no respect for..such as the pope, Billy Graham, female olympic gymnists or the royal family over in the UK.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I'd rather have Terry or Brian Pillman or Eddie Gilbert back than any dead President..or most of my deceased Uncles and Aunts. I sit here getting misty over a fallen FREEBIRD..but I don't give a rat's ass over how many hundred starving kids died in Africa or India.

I'm not sure that even Terry or Eddie or Brian would think that's right; but it's the way I am..it's what's right for me.

I picture Michael P.S. Hayes back in the early 80's introducing a scary looking Gordy on camera to a cringing Gordon Solie (R.I.P. Gordon).."he's NOT an urban cowboy..he's not a drugstore cowboy..he is a SPACE cowboy"...

For those of you who know what I'm referring to..the next shot in my 21 shot salute is also for you...

I saw the fabulous Freebirds live once at one of the worlds greatest boxing/wrestling arena's (hell, even Bukowski wrote about it..R.I.P. Buk)the OLYMPIC in Los Angeles. Gordy tangled with Dr. Death Steve William's who of course was one of his longest-term partners in Japan.

Even though I haven't been a regular pot smoker since the early 80's, I smoked an entire joint outside in anticipation of the action that night..it was Bill Watt's UWF promotion!! Bam Bam looked fucking indestructable as usual. Maybe that's what it was about him..he always seemed INDESTRUCTABLE.

I wish I could've been born and raised in the South so I could've seen more live Freebird's matches. It woulda been fun to watch Gordy and Snuka (who held the NWA tag straps for awhile) fued with Hayes and several partners.

I'm starting to feel the shots of Ezra Brooks..I promise to get a 5th of the FREEBIRD'S fave Jack Daniels to send Bam Bam off right soon.

7/16

Oh damn..I just got the news on the net:

"1Wrestling.com has learned that Terry Gordy has passed away.

Gordy was an original member of the Fabulous Freebirds and was a major star in the United States and in Japan.

Few details are available at this time. Funeral arrangements have not been completed but will be handled by Lane Funeral Home in Rossville GA."

Shit. He was one of the greatest wrestlers of my lifetime without a doubt. He and Michael P.S. Hayes and BuddyJack Roberts didn't just wrassle; they had STYLE....as much as any other tagteam that ever walked that aisle.

I've heard from friends in Chattanooga and from other sources that Gordy lived a lifestyle perhaps even wilder than the rompin' stompin' two fisted s.o.b. he portrayed as 1/3rd of the 'bird's.

As I've revealed on a couple rare occasions in the past it was watching Gordy,Hayes and Roberts strut to the ring sporting Rebel flag adorned vest's that inspired my "Whiskey Rebel" alterego in the 1st place back in the 80's. So,as you can see this isn't just another wrestler death to me.

I'll be kicking off a 21 shot salute (or rather however many I can hold) later.

Oh yeah..I think I'll go slip my FREEBIRD'S T-shirt on.

Goodbye, Terry. I'm gonna miss you...

7/14

Saw "Combatzone wrestling" A.K.A. "CZW" on television for the first time tonight. I have mixed feelings about it. It's a SHAMELESS ripoff of E.C.W...I enjoyed some of the action..but I'd feel a lot better if they'd simply create their own fucking identity. Geoff Gavin tells me they are "connected" with R.F. video since the collapse of ECW. Well, so fucking what?? I've always felt neutral at best towards those fuckers. The best thing about CZW is the fact that the average age of their wrestlers is about 19..unfortunately that's also their downfall.

Elvis and I took a stroll today for the first time in years to our local Wallmart. No, we aren't boycotting it for political or pro-union reasons. Elvis summed the experience up by saying it seemed like what an old U.S.S.R. breadline must have been like..lot's of good deals, but is it all worth dealing with such a crowd of total nitwits??

We saw a kid throwing a football around in the jampacked electronics department..we had barely finished chuckling over that when a young girl with cute little pigtails whizzed by on a bike almost running us over. Yep..this was INSIDE the store!! And a long ways from the sporting goods department. I counted 4 muslim (moslem?? what's the correct spelling??) women (I think..who can tell for sure) sporting Ninja outfits that covered themselves from head to toe even though it was a very hot day. Those Muslim fucks are as screwed up as the Christians..actually, a great deal more when you think about it...they dress like they're clowns at some theme park. All organized religion sucks of course.

I logically proved to Marla today in a discussion that when the media reports that violence during "greek picnic" week is caused by outsiders not involved in the fraternity's..that's a lie that borders on racism.

A) White fratboys are fuckheads..they are amateur drunks reknown for several decades by anyone with common sense for their idiotic public behavior..if they were holding a drunken "picnic" there would be a HELLUVA lot of trouble..

B) White's and Black's are "equal"..we should look past the color of their skin..right??

C) Then, logically that means that black fratboys should be expected to be fuckhead asshole's too..since whiteboy's are.

RIGHT???

My complaint about the fucking Greek picnic is the reality that it results in gridlock and roads unpredictably closed down. I got stuck for 4 hours once in greek week traffic..and another time we had a Rancid Vat show ruined by the fact that you couldn't get to the club due to the fact that roads were closed all over center city Philly thanks to the 125,000 frat assholes who were cruising around aimlessly.

It's a weekend ripped out of our fucking lives. We can't make plans to go anywhere or do anything. If it were white fratboy's it would've been run out of Philly long ago..they don't have a "race card" to hide behind.

Of course, I am consistent in my hatred of mindless crowd behavior when January 1st comes around; we always leave town and find a motel somewhere when the lillywhite "Mummer" parade makes our neighborhood uninhabitable. Those goddamned bastards aren't a bit better.

I'm an equal opportunity hater...I know there's nothing original about using that cute phrase to describe my feelings, but it's accurate.

I HATE parades..I HATE crowds. I HATE holiday's in this city because they are overun with traffic delays and inconveniences to me.

7/13

Just read the last entry..I vaguely remember leaving it. D-R-U-N-K!!!!! It was factual though..I won't let it go to my head that I'm a movie actor now in addition to being a BMI recording artist, a published author, a bona-fide Minister, a former child chess prodigy etc. etc.

Of course I'm also a regularly drunk jobjumper who snores and farts alot.

It'll be fun to see the completed film someday. Everybody from the producer and director on down to the people who tote shit around were all really friendly and cooperative. That was a bit surprising...

I don't want to give away any plot secrets or inside info here. If somebody played the fucking Tuba in the recording studio on one of our recordings I'd be pissed if they were out broadcasting inner secrets of our recording session publicly.

I drove Biafra to meet up with another friend of his who's a record dealer. We got to dig through a huge newly acquired mountain of boxes of albums. I bought about 30 or so at a great price..including a few I've wanted for years and some treasures to "share" with my Ebay customers.

The mysterious mental virus that has attacked Ebay customers hasn't gone away; after 2 1/2 years of receiving an occasional wayward "billpoint" and "paypal" payment, all of a sudden I get at least one per day!

I DON'T ACCEPT 3rd party payments...I STATE THE FACT THAT I DON'T in an email all winning bidders get...so why all of a sudden am I getting these bizarre payments??? It takes TIME..PRECIOUS TIME to email these mistaken people back to tell them that they're gonna have to get their money back from billpoint or paypal and send me a check.

We returned a videogame late to Hollywood video..the penalty?? $1.06!!! The same penalty at that fucked-up worthless competitor of their's..yep..Blockbuster would have been a full 5 days rental..$5.25!! What's more, even though you shell out a 5 day's rental fee you don't get to keep the game those five days..or even ONE for that matter.

Elvis 3000 and thee WHISKEY REBEL heartily endorse Hollywood video (at least ours in South Philly) and have nothing but fuckyou's and crotchchops for Blockbuster. On more than one occasion I've gotten so pissed off at a Blockbuster clerk I've destroyed my card in front of the customers behind me in line.

Of course our now departed pal Jello would tell you to shop at a Mom and pop video store..I say don't expect Mom and Pop to be any better. They suck too..and you have NO RECOURSE if they fuck you over. They can do whatever they want and laugh in your face. If they get too lippy at a corporate store you can complain to their district office and have 'em kissing your ass.

Marla got fed up with the moron's at our bank and went all the way to a corporate Vice President with her complaint!! The fucking branch employee dickheads cower in fear when she walks in the bank now.

Well, I gotta go...a noisy argument's broken out down the street at a house about 20 inbred halfwit's and 3 large dogs live in. These people LOVE to scrap..especially with each other..and ESPECIALLY the toothless women. It's better than the WWF!!!

7/12

Well, shit. It turns out I WAS in the damn movie.

What a star-studded cast...besides Jello and Dee Dee Ramone there was Hank the Drunk Dwarf and Gary the retard from the Stern shoe...plus the infamous Corey Feldman and a cast loaded with 20 scantily clad bikini girls and ninja-bitches.

Best of all....the WHISKEY REBEL was filmed as one of the two main "porn guards" protecting Jello's charachter. The other dude was a HUGE black guy who told me he fought Steven Segall in a movie recently. Nice guy...VERY nice,,

Also protecting Jello's charachter was the band Betty White Trash..their singer reminded me that Cosmo and I gave him about 45 minutes of straight shit at one of our Vat shows a long time ago.

Well, I'm drunk as a lord..if anybody wonders why they haven't received an answer to their email...fucxk....a DRUNKEN lord.

As a movie star I deserve to be cut some extra slack...

Fuck anybody who thinks otherwise...

If readers of this diary are REALLY smart and clever..they'll realize it's best not to push me...

Things'll be back to normal soon. "Greek" (black college fraternity boy) weekend starts tommorow...UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPP

I'M A STAR!!! AND I'M SENSITIVE AS SHIT!!!

FUCK YOU asshole's...

7/9

A big day. What a WWF RAW!! Vince pulled out all the stops tonight. My compliments. Of course Elvis told me that some of the internet pinprick wannabe geek "experts" are upset as usual; seems there wasn't "clear delineation" as to whether the Dudley's were heel's or faces..blah blah blah blah...and as usual there weren't enough "technical" matches for the dour faced little creeps. See why I'm getting sicker and sicker of internet wrestling "experts"??

Bottom line you fuckheads..it ENTERTAINED ME!!

ECW was REBORN...R.V.D. and Tommy Dreamer both appeared..and you twerps smugly sit back and provide analysis about "crowd pop" levels..and point out plot inconsistencies...

IT'S ABOUT HAVING FUN. And Vince's expression of dawning awareness mixed with horror was more fun than a fucking hour of well executed technical moves.

One little nit-picking, budding little brainiac pointed out that R.V.D. "missed both of his moves"...there were 15 men in the ring Poindexter! It's not like it was a match situation..and the plot developement OVERSHADOWS any of your perceived "technical flaws".

That's like saying the SONICS were slightly off tempo when they recorded "Psycho"...or that BUKOWSKI violated rules of proper schoolmarm English when he wrote while drunk...

Gee..I suppose that if they had been around they would have pointed out that CACTUS JACK wasn't facing the camera correctly when his ear was ripped off in Germany..

But of course most of them weren't around. Most of them are obviously too young to be able to weigh the various pro's and Con's of a match objectively..and too old to be able to lean back, relax and enjoy a match at face value like kids (like me) can.

I picked up Jello and drove him to his hotel. We wound up at some sort of get together in the backroom of a restaurant for the crew of the film he's going to be appearing in. Dee Dee Ramone is another member of the cast..he has bleached blonde hair nowdays. He's playing the Pope in the film. I got to shake his hand. I have an opportunity to have a bit part as a redneck goon...a band I haven't heard of has been cast to serve as other redneck goons. We'll see what happens..and if it comes off.

7/8

Her'es one from the email bag:

"Could you please answer some questions for me.......

1) What excatly is the COS and what does it stand for?

2) Who was the annoucer guy um Rev Axl Future or something and what does he

stand for?

3) What kind of social message is the cos trying to put across to the kids,

is it more then just being anti social?

Thank you

Jen"

HI: Marla is really busy and has asked me to answer your questions..

The COS is an aggregation of bands who are friends. There ISN'T any formal agenda. There ISN'T any planned social message (by the way, quite a few members of COS bands have kids). I've been involved since day one of the COS..and I couldn't tell you how any other members vote.

Alot of us are into what we feel are some of the "finer" things in life ranging from pro wrestling to guns, smut, horror movies, booze, etc. That's not to say we ALL are into those things.

In my opinion, COS bands all tend to be opinionated in ways unique to each band. Some of the bands at first glance seem VERY different...LIMECELL and the FRANKENSTEIN DRAGQUEENS for instance. Or my band RANCID VAT and HELLSTOMPER. A lot of listeners have figured out what we have in common with one another. I sell CD's and records by all of the bands at our live shows. I know firsthand from talking to the people that buy them that there's a group of COS fans that want to accumulate every new release by every COS band. That's very good for ALL of the bands..to have other like-minded bands in other States spreading the word about them.

There have been quite a few lengthy articles written about the COS in various magazines..I suggest you dig them up.

Oh yeah..by the way..Reverend Axl Future is a professional wrestler who has wrestled in San Francisco and the Midwest most recently.

As far as us being antisocial...I'd argue with that. We obviously all get along quite well with one another for the most part. that's more than can be said for the vast majority of bands in the squabbling, cut-throat, back-stabbing, phoney music scene.

If you're wondering about any particular views (politically for instance) held by any COS member bands..I'd suggest you inquire to each band individually.

I hope this helps answer your questions...

thanks..thee WHISKEY REBEL (Intoxica's hubby)

It was a fun show at the South Philly taproom. The BAD VIBES and PARTY WRECKERS were well received..we had a great time watching 'em.

We spontaneously found a NEW way to produce total chaos. Cosmo was bouncing all over the stage in true punk rock style during our 3rd song..and he accidently knocked Jimmy Satan's Marshall half stack over. OOOPS!

The rest of us looked at each other and decided to keep going with one guitar.

For CHRIST'S fucking sake..we only have existed as a four piece at times for years and years. The owner of the bar at first wanted us to stop..but we cajoled him into letting us continue. It wasn't our BEST set...but it sure as hell wasn't the WORST we've ever done. I consider it a victory in that we proved we can continue under yet another unforeseen set of circumstances.

I know one thing..it was the kind of set I LIKE TO SEE from bands..I LOVE seeing bands deal with adversity.

The owner bought me a couple shots later..I hope that means we won him over.

Leslie and Larry turned up with the new CARBON14 issue..it looks jam packed with good reading. My Merle Haggard interview is in this issue..

Well..gotta list ebay stuff on a Sunday night..which I never do. Gotta pick Jello up at the airport though during normal Ebayin' Monday hours. Gonna have to have Elvis tape both RAW AND the homerun derby.

7/6

Well, it's the day of our RANCID VAT show at the South Philly taproom. I never know what will happen...

Will it come off??

Will there be five people there..or a full house??

First show with a new drummer..first show after the official 20 year anniversary of the band.

I ponder for a drunken moment...I wonder where all the snotty punkrock assholes who said we were TOO OLD to play in a band when we began in january of 1981 are?? HHMMM???

Every five years for the last 20 I've asked that question..every once in a while I actually hear from one of them. In fact one of our mouthiest critics from when we started came to our 1998 show at the COVERED WAGON in San Francisco. I had always hated him..had never made up with him..we had always held a grudge. But, that night he came up and shook my hand..just as someone would when they resign in a chess game. He had thought his band was just SOOooooo fucking cool in 1981. He carried a briefcase around even though it clashed with his leather jacket..so as to be somehow "ready" when the label's came a knockin'.

It could be our best show ever tonight,,but I doubt it; it probably won't be our worst either. But just by showing up WE WIN..by playing a date after existing for 20 years. And then what?? next goal...25..then 30 years.

And to anybody who says we're too old, I say..FUCK YOU! We were considered "too old" when we started. To anybody who says bands can't do their best work after they've been together as long as us..well...FUCK YOU!! Listen to our last CD...and the one that's half done. It's the best stuff we've ever done.

And then go tell Hasil Adkins he's too old...

And our old pals Fred and Toody from DEAD MOON who are ten years older than us...

Link Wray as a septagenarian recorded a hotter album a couple years ago than 99% of anybody who's attempted to play rock 'n roll.

Plenty of guys from the old heyday of SUN records are still playing...Billy lee Riley, my alltime favorite recording artist SONNY BURGESS..and Carl Mann.

One of my "guiding light" friends in this world..the great SIMON STOKES was recently featured in an L.A. weekly spread to commemorate his upcoming album. He's been cranking songs out on a regular basis since the mid 60's non-stop.

I will agree...YEAH. Most aspiring musicians probably should hang it up when they hit 25 or 30. WHY?? because MOST OF THEM NEVER HAD IT in the first place. Most of them get by on looks..and jumping cleverly from trend to trend like the frogs do in that old ATARI video game "Frogger"...

We've always declared war on 99% of the other bands around..and we've always tried to walk a different path than the folks bent on selling their souls to "get signed".

We are smart enough to realize that in most cases thanks to the crooked record "BIZ".."GETTING SIGNED" leaves you in debt...with your band broken up in a vast majority of cases. Unless you are REALLY lucky that is. Of course even people as huge as Gene Vincent, Poison and C.C.R. to name a scant few off the top of my head wind up sucking the hind tit in a few short years.

Corporate influence is obviously responsible for the piss-poor state of the "Biz" today; yet even people who KNOW this wind up with their fists balled up and tears welling up in their eyes crying into their beer (or heroin) swearing that they'll DO ANYTHING to "make it".

Fuck that. Even my crummy paying job at the title insurance plant earned me more money than I'd make as a musical whore..even if we sold a million records.

What the fuck...I've appeared on a cumulative total of well over 100,000 records and CD's..of course it's many different titles..but records I've appeared on almost always eventually sell at collector prices..95% of major label "hit" LP's and CD's over the years are valueless GARBAGE to future generations.

Bands like the STOOGES, the NEW YORK DOLLS and the MC5 who were ALL commercial FLOPS exert more influence on modern day musicians than all the Peter Frampton like mega-star's who were devoted corporate pawns. I couldn't sell a "Journey" or "Fleetwood Mac" album on ebay for even 50 cents (unless it's autographed or sealed) !!!!! Go check!! I'm not kidding...

Well...enough for now. It's 8:00 am..gotta get my beauty sleep. I just hope it all goes down tonight..but if not, well..I'm used to gigs falling apart at the last minute.

7/3

It was hellish around here for a few days..literally. Our outdoor airconditioning unit went tit's up on us. The days we were roasting alive without a.c. were the hottest so far this year..figures, don't it? That's my fucked up luck. On Saturday I was borderline hysterical from the heat and lack of sleep. Elvis and I retreated to the basement which was the coolest room of the house. We plugged in a powerful fan and actually brought a loaded cooler downstairs so that we didn't have to venture upstairs more than neccessary.

This morning, with that crisis solved (and a $2,000 debt outstanding for the a.c. unit) I got pulled over by bike cops on the way home from the post office.

No, I wasn't drunk. Our vehicle hasn't gone through "inspection"..due to the fact that we need to replace our windshield that was busted by little shithead kids playing ball on our street. I was looking at $500 dollars in fines and a court date..but the cop lady seemed impressed that I actually had a valid drivers license, registration and paid up insurance...it's a rarity indeed to find someone driving legally here in South Philly. Lots of locals never even bother to get ANY of those three. She let me off the hook with a stern warning.

Was I UNLUCKY for being pulled over??

Or was I LUCKY because I didn't get any tickets??

We've got to fucking replace the windshield (why? it's only gonna get busted again?) and pay for the "inspection".

I'd be happy to turn the clock back to the pre-inspection days of old. No matter where we've lived in California, Snoregon, Washington or here in Hostile city we've always had to pay up the fucking yingyang to get some joker to adjust our cars to pass inspection. Here's one vote for scrapping the hole fucking system! Air pollution isn't all THAT bad..if we get to keep a little bit of money it's worth putting up with.

The Confederacy of Scum supershow will be held in lovely Austin Texas this year. We're going to post info of course as soon as we get it concerning the details.It'll be interesting to see it held in a place that people actually like to go to. We don't book it for the convenience of peckerhead scenesters..it's a family get together that we have wherever we feel like having it. Yeah, Spartenburg S.C. isn't high on most peoples lists of places to visit..but we did it there anyway. C.O.S. fans will find it easy to get to Austin and have fun there. It's gonna be held at a great club there called EMO'S. I've been there a couple times..it's got two stages in two rooms seperated by a nice open air area where you can step out to smell the mesquite. Lot's of bars throughout the club. Austin's considered by the rest of the State as a haven for every whacko in Texas. My favorite sight to see is the tower that spree-killer superhero Charles Whitman staged his big blowout from.

Our cat jinx caught a fly and ate it in front of Elvis yesterday..which he says is gonna make him think twice about letting the thing slobber all over him in the future.

I never have let the fucking thing get affectionate with me in the first place; he spends about 2 hours a day licking his asshole and private parts. If I did that Marla and Elvis would puke...or have me committed or something.

Maybe I should start doing it..just to fuck with their minds??

6/29

If everyone keeps their fingers crossed perhaps the RANCID VAT, BAD VIBES, PARTY WRECKERS gig will occur next Friday the 6th at the South Philly taproom. If so, it'll be a fine show..both of the other bands are good..really good. And I have confidence in our ability to do something unexpected. It'll be a night of bad attitude rock & roll. No bullshit. No kissass "we wanna get signed" horseshit...no generic MTV wimp-pop-core. And best of all, I doubt any of the performers will be sporting birkenstock's or those goofy little necklaces that are always worn accompanied by a bleached-blond Julius Ceasar or Enema-M hairdo.

I talked to Jello Biafra a couple nights ago. The legal assault by his ex-DK bandmates gets more and more ridiculous. It's SSOOOOOOOOO farfetched that it's laughable.

On a visit to his home years ago Jello explained how he wrote the music to DK songs; he had a pocket tape recorder that he hummed into while we were staying with him. He explained how Ray and subsequent other collaberators would take his tape and translate his idea to guitar. How does this translate into the other 3 guys deciding 20 years after the fact that they actually had written the music..they simply had forgotten that they had..??

HHMMM?????

Perhaps the other 3 ex-DK's should reform and hire that lying cocksucker manager Malcolm McClaren to manage them?? They have a LOT in common if you ask me.

I know a lot of people I'm friends with hate Biafra...

I'm goddamned well aware of the fact that 90% of them hate him because they buy into media myths and tall tales about him rather than judging him as a person..a PAL.

It's obvious....FUCKING obvious I don't agree with him on a lot of points politically speaking..but I judge him as a PERSON..just as I judge a lot of people who are accused of being RACIST or non-P.C.

My pal's Travis and Liza from HAMMERLOCK sat next to Jello at a spoken word/reading thing I did in S.F.

Obviously Travis as a dedicated Libertarian, guntoting whacko considers himself miles away from Biafra politically speaking. He sat next to him and they exchanged some opinionated dialogue. They also found common ground..they're both Colorado boys who moved AWAY. They both share a hatred for the hordes of dot.com yuppies in San Francisco. After the show Travis told me that from the get-go he wanted to be civil to Biafra cause he's my friend...and there must be a reason. Thank's Travis. He said he wound up actually respecting Biafra as at least somebody who ADMITS to his extreme views..and speaks his mind. He didn't expect it...and told me afterwards he was pleasantly surprised.

Likewise when I was back there Biafra showed up at the Antiseen show and went backstage to greet the band. I'm told he sat and yakked with Joe Young who had just run for office as a Libertarian. Antiseen has been accused of being every kind of negative non-P.C."ist's" you can think of. He went down and checked it out for himself..just like Travis did.

My friends spread out all over the country are so often extremists...but not all from one end of the spectrum. Jim Goad?? a loyal pal...what end of the spectrum does he represent??

That's secondary. WHO KNOW's??? he's a PAL.

In the last 24 hours I've talked to two local pal's Dave G-man and Geoff Gavin on the phone..where do they stand??? I DON'T really know. That's secondary...I like them for personal reasons...I don't give a flying fuck about their politics. That's of relative unimportance.

I don't even know how the Cosmic Commander of Wrestling votes...and we've co-written a lot of songs. Really, I have no idea. Our songs are either fucking wrestling songs, or hateful social "commentary" or simple nonsensical hate-spew..which is eternal.UNIVERSAL. Neither extreme end of the so called spectrum can lay total claim to nonsensical hatespew...nor can they deny that they engage in it now and then. Nobody uses it to better effect though than US..those of us who's brains and SENSES OF HUMOR are tough enough and big enough to span the full spectrum of human genius and stupidity.

I can swing on all sides of the tree baby...

Or should I say I find it neccessary to take a swing AT people of diverse political persuasions.

FUCK the R.C.P. I have read their bullshit propaganda..they aren't worth the dew offa my cat Jinxy's severed balls.

FUCK Ollie North (have I mentioned him in two consecutive diary entry's?)..and the "memory" of dear old Grandpa Reagan.

FUCK the labor unions; unfortunately they have outlived their usefullness. In the last election they worked for one of the most useless pin-pricks (AL GORE) to run for President in a long damn time. I'm all for promoting harmony between employees and the boss.

FUCK the bosses who are so fucking greedy..and their predeccessors who left a several hundred year tradition in the good old USA of unadultrated sadistic behavior towards workers which made labor unions unfortunately neccessary then and now. Suspect anyone except for Ric Flair wearing a suit.

FUCK equally the assholes who made affirmitave action neccessary..AND the cocksuckers who cry "RACISM!" everytime things don't go their way on the job.

There is NO party or "movement" that expresses my views. At least not on a national basis. I believe in the sincerity of Governor Jesse Ventura. he comes closest to representing ME..but unfortunately, I live 1,200 miles from his home state.

The libertarians come close...but their stated position on proposed cell-phone ban's (which they are opposed to) points out a flaw in their reasoning. They are a bit too formulaic for me..although probably I am as close to their adgenda as a lot of their party members.

That doesn't mean I'm going to cut off all of my Libertarian friends..and I guess that's the point of this rant..which I bette end..i'm getting sauced. For your amusement I'm not correcting my bad speeling...from here on.

Your extremist nut friend..twinkles

6/27

17 years ago at a drunken punkrock party I met Nick..who is now dead..but used to play for the infamous band "the Authorities". We looked a bit alike..we both sported goatees about 12 years before they became fashionable, we both wore glasses, had the same guitar heroes whom everybody else seemed to ignore, the same favorite singles and tagteam wrestlers, ...etc.

Over the last two days I can say I've observed a dude in detail who is a total opposite of me. I saw him yesterday at the first of a "best of 3" baseball championship Elvis's team just lost.

You know all those stories you hear about parents raising hell at little leagues games??? THIS IS THE GUY!! Yesterday he led a verbal lynching of two black umpires (the league is 99% Italian) who made a few calls that profited Elvis's team to the detriment of his son's team. Superdad (that's my pet name for him) yelled and screamed and harrassed this umpire until he finally CHANGED HIS MIND on a call a FULL FIVE MINUTES after the play had ended.

Note! Superdad is NOT a coach...I never once saw him consult the actual coach whether his kibitzing conflicted with his official program..he took it upon himself to stand 8 feet away from the batters box through most of the game to yell assinine cliche's at all the players on his Son's team.

Superdad is the CONSUMATE dick..that is such a know-it-all he has to interfere in his kids little league game.

As for me?? I keep my mouth totally shut at all times..and usually sit in my car and watch the game from a distance. I know a bit about baseball...enough to know that Superdad's advice is very likely CONFUSING the players..if the coach wants them to bunt or swing the bat he'll let them know..he doesn't need some bigmouth contradicting him.

Superdad wears the kind of shirts that off duty cops wear and IRONED jeans (?!?)...I wear T-shirts with the sleeves cut off..and $3 shorts bought at a bargain store. Superdad wears a haircut that Ward Cleaver would approve of..and a mustache that pegs him as the kind of guy who reveres the "war on drugs" the Pope, John Wayne and Oliver North. I have backlength hair and a slovenly beard that I prune back every 6 months or so..I'm in favor of legalizing ALL drugs, I fucking hate the pope, prefer Bob Mitchum and Lee marvin to Wayne..and fucking LOATHE Ollie North..who's boring radio show is perhaps the worst I've EVER heard.

I consider Superdad and his ilk to be the segment of society I HATE MOST...not purely based on their values..but due to the fact that no matter whether you live in Florida, Maine or the West coast..there are self righteous "Superdad" types bossing everybody around they don't agree with.

My old man was one..my Father-in-law is one (which is why I began boycotting any dealings with him 17 years ago)my sadistic childhood p.e. coaches belonged to the fraternal order of "Superdad's". Why is it that so often in our society their opinion's are considered the final word on such issues ranging RESPECT for the flag, how to properly maintain a yard and whether or not a fella is properly dressed.

Superdad's are the guys that browbeat their son's into majoring in ACCOUNTING in college..even though they'd rather study history or English.

A Superdad will force his kids to attend his church..because it's THE ONLY TRUE church..BECAUSE HE SAY"S SO...

Superdad's demand that their Son's look and dress like them; likewise they demand that any guy who wants to take out his daughter had better look like a fucking cube too!!

It's ok to let your hair down and drink and act like a total asshole whenever it suit's SUPERDAD...such as during Monday night football or on Superbowl Sunday..

The rest of the time you are expected to toe the line that he has drawn..never use language he doesn't approve of..and never EVER question societal conventions that all the Superdad's consider sacred ground.

The Superdad's of this world are my ultimate enemies on this planet. I spend a lot of time bellyaching in print about all sorts of idiotic trendy lifestyle assholes and cause-oriented dipshits..but they are my FRIENDS and ALLIES compared to the superdads.

I hated them when I was a kid..and I hate them even more now. I sat in the car at today's game and thought more about how much I hate HIM than about how the game was going.

If your Dad is a SUPERDAD..and you're tired of his meddling in your life..declare independance...TELL HIM OFF! PUNCH HIM OUT!! Get AWAY from him before he ruins your entire life. There's no reason why Superdad's have to be calling all the shots in our society..

Why not let some scruffy motherfucker like me dictate morals for once?? I'd declare FREE drugs..FREE sex..FREE booze..and we'd finally have a BIBLE TAX!! Sound like fun??

Hell, WHY NOT!!

6/25

Went to the damned doctor today. I was so nervous ahead of

time that Marla and Elvis both tried to talk me into drinking whiskey

before I went. I knew that was bad idea...I did cradle a jug of REBEL YELL

in my arms for awhile though.

Of course it was a fight to get a cortisone shot..but I got

it.

We (Marla went along to help me argue..I'm tongue tied

around doctors) first were scrutinized by a female intern who tried to

prove to me that my bursitus was a pinched nerve..and that I should obey

orders and get an MRI. She declared you can only get a cortisone shot 6

times in each arm per LIFE!!

Well, I told her....I got a few left coming to me.

Eventually the doc showed up in the examination room. He

had me extend my ailing arm..he twisted it and asked me to keep him from

yanking it down; when he couldn't pull my arm down he declared that it was

somehow proof that it wasn't a pinched nerve..it's TENDON-itus. The intern

looked a bit embarassed. I joked with her about my paranoias a bit to get

her back on my side. She admitted that when she heard I'm on liquid

Ibuprofen she was shocked that a guy like me would be on childrens

medicine. As the doc administered the shot I gloated about how I have no

fear of needles at least as Marla looked away.

It's not the MRI that would be so bad..it's the principle.

Why not give a shot a try BEFORE putting me through that if that's what I

WANT???

The intern asked if I was "still on heart

medication"..another intern had recorded it in my folder when he gave me

free samples..which I tossed when I left the clinic. Apparently my blood

pressure checked out way the hell lower than it ever has..130 over 75.

Why?? Because I'm excercising in the hot sun hitting fungoes to Elvis alot.

Also, I've mostly quit eating for awhile except for chicken or fish once a

day and some vegetables or fruit. I've only lost about 30 pounds...people

won't notice for a long time..which is fine with me. I once lost about 80

pounds after seeing a hypnotist about 20 years ago. I got all the ooohs and

aahhhs I need then. Yeah...I gained it all back...but it took several

years..and that's something.

NOTE!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T given up drinking beer or whiskey in

the least. If anything, I'm drinking a bit more whiskey daily. The

hangovers are definetly worse...but so what?? I'm used to them.

THAT should be some inspiration for certain pal's (I have a

couple of you in mind) that the doctors are trying to con into quitting

drinking for health purposes. Maybe I need to completely give up the food

and simply drink more, HHMMMMM???

I hate expressing these sort of details in a public

forum...but what the fuck. The whole idea of this diary is to let it all

hang out. And I probably won't go into all this again for a long time if

ever.

OOh Ooh! One more thing.

I've always accepted the fact that I would die of a heart

attack..or at least have serious problems. You see, the sketchy information

I got from the adoption agency when I was 19 falsely attributed the death

of my Maternal Grandpa to a heart attack. When I located my blood kin this

year I learned he went in a logging accident. Hell, I can look forward to

severe depression and early senility...but heart attacks are scarce amongst

us.

Tonight's moral dilemma. Elvis and I saw a guy pulled over

on our street slumped over at the wheel at 3:30 am. I recognized his car.

He was blocking one of the few driveways on the street...but other than

that if he was drunk he had sort of made it home. The engine was still

running though....Elvis said the back window was all frosted up...was he

drunk??? or did he choose a strangely public place to stage a suicide by

carbon monoxide?? I considered tapping on the window..by the rule is "NEVER

disturb a sleeping drunk". I've paid dearly over the years many times when

I violated that rule of thumb. I didn't want to call the cops...yeah, maybe

there was a slight chance I'd be saving his life...but more than likely he

was simply drunk. What tipped the scales was the realization that if he

attempted suicide he might have already succeeded..in which case he didn't

need me to report it. If I reported him he'd probably find out through the

"neighborhood pipeline" (a lot of people have relatives on the force...a

huge number of healthy people have handicapped license plates) who reported

him...and I'd feel like shit. The neighbors would hate us even more than

they already do..they HATE rats. It was only a teeny-tiny percentage that

I'd be doing anybody any good by getting involved.

Oh fuck..I'm out of beer on this floor..time to go to

sleep...it's 6:00 am.

6/24

Elvis and I are in big trouble with Marla. We felt a bit rambunctious after watching WWF King of the Ring PPV. We wrestled around a bit as usual. Then, Elvis whipped me into a wall by our 2nd floor bathrook a little bit too hard. CRUNCH!!!!!!

Luckily it was the wall that made the crunching sound and not my bones. It caved a portion of the wall in pretty good. Marla was disgusted and called us animals, idiots, etc. She's right I guess.

It was a fine card for the most part. I'm confused as hell about a few things:

1) the match between Shane Mcmahon and Kurt Angle was entertaining..but it seems to only discredit a wrestler at the hands of a non-trained company "owner".

2) I'm glad WCW seems to be on the verge of being relaunched. But, who do they expect the fans to be cheering for?? the invading Wcw wrestlers?? Why??

3) Jericho and Benoit are both popular as hell right now..yet neither denied the "rumor" that if they won the WWF strap they'd defect to Wcw with it??

I'm sure the answers to these questions have been theorized upon by dozens of internet "experts" already. I don't really want anybody to tell me..I'd rather figure it out for myself.

I took only a half ration of medicine today so that by tomorrow morning my arm will be sore; I'll get up and type for a couple hours and my arm should hurt like hell for my 3:30 pm doctor appointment. Marla is going to come along to speak to the pair of quacks I'm going to see. I want another cortisone shot damnit!! And I want IT TO HIT THE RIGHT FUCKING SPOT this time.

MRI my fucking ass.

If my arm gets fixed I pledge to do a good deed. maybe I'll buy a few bummer bottles of Night Train wine and pass 'em out to "homeless" dudes. On the other hand, if they don't fix me up they may be making room for the Whiskey Rebel under the bridge.

One by one we keep adding updates to our website. We're getting about 40 legit hits a day since we added a counter a month ago. I checked out other peoples sites that I know..I'm not pointing any fingers..but it's amazing how many people feel the need to have an obviously doctored counter. You can fool some people in the short run with shit like that..but maybe it's a sign you need a new hobby if you need to bolster your website with trickery. It's such a natural and predictable ploy for rock bands in need of attention!!

There are some GREAT band oriented websites (the CRAMPS and for instance) but of course most consist of:

A) a few pictures of the band lookin' good...

B) a "guest book"

C) a couple paragraphs of hype...

D) a calender of gigs..usually outdated.

I know we've been guilty of leaving outdated info on our BRILLIANCY PRIZE RECORDS website. We're trying to make it more and more entertaining to visit. Until we can make that counter spin on the merits of the site I don't WANT a lot of hits.

On the other hand, I can see the humor in an obscure, ignored band loading up a counter with a Led Zepplin like number of hits. I guess it depends on whether or not you do it with a smile on your face.

That reminds me of the pathetic band member I knew who cried in his beer to me one night "Man, WE'LL DO ANYTHING to get signed!!" He wasn't smiling as he said it...he was clenching his fists and practically crying. He wasn't a beer drinking buddy much longer. After radically changing styles a few times, he and his bandmates wound up with big drug habits that broke up the band. He returned to the job he had quit a few years earlier...with his guitars in pawn shops strewn all over Europe and the U.S.

If the internet had been around during that band's existance, I GUARANTEE you'd they'd rig their website counter to Gun's 'N Roses level.

Enough preaching...Sunday ended 35 minutes ago.

6/22

Holy fuck....I don't believe it...we actually have a RANCID VAT live show set up for July 6th at a place called the South Philly tap-room. It's a small joint I am told...which is fine by me. Guitar oriented music is almost dead...especially in wigger-rap metal oriented places like Hostile city. I'm glad there's any place to play that isn't afraid of us busting the joint up.

Our new drummer is doing great. We miss Eric Perfect, but I'm sure he's having a blast playing with Limecell. What the hell...we gotta continue either way.

Marla and I have been lazy about playing music for the last few months...that's gotta change..it WILL change. We have a great studio over in Jersey to record at even if we are banned from most clubs in Philly. Over the last 20 years we've been lazy before and always bounced back.

A few days ago we got email from a guy who was around when we first started Rancid Vat....Mr. Mike. It's damned inspirational to hear from him..he sent some crazy ass drinking/debauchery stories to us. We are stockpiling a fine batch of drinking stories for our 2nd drinking stories mag. Anyway, Mr. Mike is one of about 10 people West of the Mississippi that I dig. I don't guess that he has any idea how much it means to hear from somebody like him from out of the blue after suffering through 20 years of a band. We need an email from a guy like Mr. Mike now and then to brighten our fucking day..too bad he and I don't live in the same town..I'd once again have a regular drinking/trouble making buddy I think.

Elvis and I have been watching 1 "Wrestlemania" per day since we found the box set for $20 at a thrift store. We've seen 9 now...and have TOTALLY (suprise!!??) agreed on the quality order up until number 9. We'll make a big diary entry after watching all 14 reporting our findings. I hope it raises a helluva lot of dispute and arguing in my email box..to be honest I was an NWA/WCW fan up until the mid 90's. I KNEW a lot of it would suck..and it does. There's a bit of good stuff worth discussing though.

John Lee Hooker and Carrol O'Conner died yesterday I hear. O'Connor brought me a lot of pleasure over the years..I watched ALL IN THE FAMILY with my family when it first ran. It always stirred up arguments between me and my old man...which made it a great show.

Hooker was just an incredible talent...he doesn't need my eulogy..I can't think of words that can do justice to him. I guess that's my best way of showing respect...goodbye man.

6/21

Holy christ..a great movie coming up in a few minutes that I've been waiting to tape for years.."Emperor of the North" starring two of my top 5 actors of all time...Lee Marvin (my alltime favorite) and Ernie Borgnine (he's right up there in my book..remember "Marty"? it co-starred Frank Sutton..yunno, Sgt. Carter!).

I remember watching the two of them on an old johnny Carson show when the movie had just been finished. They were both drunk as shit..much to the amusement of Carson. They talked for 10 minutes or so about how they both drank a case or two of beer a day EACH during the filming of "Emperor".

Just got back from a Chinatown szechuan meal..my favorite food without a doubt. We had panfried dumplings, Hunan beef, General's chicken and a fried rice dish. Nothing experimental or different..just old favorites.

"Surprise surprise surprise!" as Gomer pyle would say..the "City paper" here in Phillie finally ran a review of JOBJUMPER. Leslie and Larry were astonished since they approached them with a review copy back when the book first came out.

I'd be a dickhead to not be satisfied with a positive review..although the lady who wrote it claims that my prose "kick's Bukowski's prose in the ass". I never expected anything like that...I can only conclude she's not a big fan of the great one. Being a huge fan of his I had to make an effort not to come across as a Buker wannabe.

Well, I guess I better wrap up and get downstairs to tape the movie.

6/20

My arm STILL isn't fixed after a year and a fucking half of dealing with pain..LOT'S of pain. A year and a couple months ago I finally set aside my paranoia and fear of dealing with physicians. The last time I had been to a doctor was in about 1995. That doctor turned out to look like Bo Derek; she hated me instinctively however...her personality was more like the WWF's Ivory. I went to see her about a virus. Instead of dealing with the problem I brought to her she gave me a standard physical..which included a probably more painful than standard examination of my bunghole with her gloved fist. I felt raped! Funny, a lot of guys would've dug it. I guess an anal exam is the closest thing to cheating that you can do with a doll like that and tell your wife about it with a clear conscience. What bugged me the most about that rare medical appointment is the fact that she NEVER EVEN TOOK MY VIRUS seriously. I didn't go there to be poked and prodded...if there's something wrong with me that I can't notice on my own I'd RATHER NOT KNOW.

Anyway, a year and a couple months ago I forced myself to go to a doctor near our house. It turned out that he's also one of thee Cosmic Commander of Wrestlings personal doctor's...as well as our friend Kathleine and the Blue Meanie. My first visit I saw an "intern" who more or less wasted my time. I told him it was bursitis causing me pain..it crops up every ten years or so. He gave me (along with an unsolicited lecture about "lifestyle" and free samples of heart medicine that I ashcanned when I left the office ) a measly little cortisone shot with a tiny needle and told me to come back to see the doctor if that didn't work. It got rid of a bit of the pain..but he had administered the shot from the back of my shoulder...I went back again in a couple weeks and the main Doc himself gave me another shot from the front which was expected to be more effective. He also prescribed liquid Ibuprofen.

Why liquid???

Because I'm ALSO paranoid of swallowing pills....yep.

I also am paranoid of eating apples that haven't been peeled...and carrying a tray across the room. No, I'm not kidding.

The pain partially went away...I developed strange moods from the medicine; the doctor laughed at that. He said I was taking a child's dosage...it's incredible that I can drink 20 beers and 6 or 8 shots of whiskey and feel fine..but 4 teaspoonfuls a day of childrens medicine can alter my mood in a way that is noticable to my loved ones.

My bursitis was STILL not completely cured. In the past a nice shot of cortisone fixed me up for another 10 years..why hadn't it done the job completely??

I went back to the doc and told him I was still on the medicine because the pain hadn't completely gone away...his response:

"Oh that's OK!! you can take the medicine for years!!"

He didn't seem to understand why I wanted to get off his prescribed medicine.

I read a book a while back entitled "Pill's Au-go-go" that explains all the kickbacks to doctors from pharmacuetical companys. Suffice it to say that I know damn well why he wants me to take his prescribed medicine for as long as possible.

Meanwhile, every visit in which I saw the intern he'd start in on me about why I hadn't taken the heart medicine samples. He also wanted to schedule me for vague "blood work"..he probably hoped to diagnose me as a diabetic..imagine the kickback he'd get from that!!

I eventually went for Xrays but Nope...they couldn't find any reason for me to be in pain. The day the doc went over them with me he squeezed, prodded and poked at my arm trying to find the source of the pain. Unfortunately, I had been taking the medicine regularly...and the pain had gone away. Of course if I quit taking the medicine for a couple days it came back. I jokingly told the doctor that I should've not taken my medicine before the appointment...and I would've been howling during his examination of my arm.

He ignored me of course...and along with his intern decided I should get an expensive MRI.

"You aren't claustraphobic too are you??" he asked in a jolly tone...

FUCK YEAH!! Of course!!

That was a couple months ago. I haven't made the appointment for the MRI. I've GOT to get cured however. I'm SURE if he carefully gave me another cortisone shot it would fix me up. I can't talk to the guy though. He looks at me and see's a big nut with tattoo's. I'm gonna bring Marla along as my "Mommy" to order him to obey my wishes. I'm going to quit taking my medicine a day before the exam..and sit down and write for a couple hours before I go in..that'll have me screaming in pain.

Why couldn't the doctors fucking think of that??

Fuck FUCK FUCK. My arm's killing me already just from typing this. It slows me down to about 3 pages a day on my book. I'd go to a new doctor, but I'd have to start all over again...answering dumb questions about my tattoo's..I'd have to sit through another blood pressure lecture and ward off any meaningless exploratory exams. I DON'T EXPECT to live forever..I DON'T WANT to live forever..I JUST WANT MY ARM FIXED!!!! Why won't they listen to me?????

Thriftstore find today: a unique Bukowski T-shirt that isn't screened..it's a crude looking iron-on patch. The shirt looks very new...though the patch has some very tacky looking wear. I honestly don't know whether I'll get $50 or zilch out of it.

I ate a lot of baked beans yesterday...and have been farting so much it bothers even me. all for now.

6/18

Practice is in an hour..I guess I'd better prepare..

Ppsst!! gurgle.gurgle.gurgle....aahhhhh.

Ppsst!! gurgle..glugluglug.....ahhhhh.

New website is being posted a bit at a time. A lot of links to add..a lot of descriptions of CD's to be written. I want to make it clear to the potential listener what our Rancid Vat and Alcoholics Unanimous CD's each sound like. The Vat has been suffering from a "noise band" stigma for years. Our first album from 1981 was noisy without a doubt (I'm not apologizing for it..it still is the favorite of a lot of people we're in touch with..and it was without a doubt our most "creative" album. A guy who does a "psych" zine "rediscovered" the album as a lost psych masterpiece!)...but the 2nd "Burger Belsen" is a series of 2 to 4 minute songs with maybe 2 minutes of lengthy jamming during one song. It's a PUNK ROCK album. Our third LP "Rancid Vat Justice" has 5 short songs on one side...a few of them damn fast..and an 11 minute masterpiece spacenoise tune:"Destroy Nature". The albums since then "31 flavors of Hostility" "Radio Rampage" and "The darkest souls in rock and roll" are a combined total of about 80% formulaic punkrock/rock & roll songs...and about 20% of self indulgent noise.

I should point out that we haven't made a conscious effort ever to strive for a certain percentage of noise or bonehead 3 chord song structure songs. We've limped along for 20 years doing what we comes naturally with a shifting set of musicians.

The people that are into "noisy" "experimental" bands gave up on us a long time ago. We are no longer "stylish" to those people. We're in good company though....most of those same people used to worship our pal's from Antiseen...and they ignore them too as far as I can tell from discussions with Jeff Clayton.

Oh gee....maybe I should work up an alternate guitar tuning to try to get 'em back in the fold??? FUCK THAT...

When we started out we thought of ourselves at war with dumbasses in bands that aped ACDC. After suffering through 15 years of rap's cliche horseshit, self indulgent boring snobbish electronica and more lately the ultimate expression of BAD rock and roll.."rap metal"...well, ACDC sounds pretty damn good to me Brother!! I consider myself a DEFENDER of guitar oriented rock and roll. After a few interesting post-punk albums (P.I.L. for instance) the combined forces of the music world have failed to do much at all to improve on that old fuck..rock & roll.

It's time for a lot more people to turn to Rancid Vat. Don't be afraid.....a 6 minute song here or there won't hurt you!! The MC5, Stooges, Alice Cooper band ALL had their share of 6 minute songs. We aren't any more an artsy-fartsy band than THEY are. It used to irk me that while we had an "art-noise" stigma to live down...at the same time club owners banished us from their clubs because we were "hardcore punk".

Alcoholics Unanimous is often thought of as being a side project to the Vat..but to be honest it's always outsold Rancid Vat over the years. I consider it a more successful project in many, many ways. I have NO IDEA why A.U. seems to be passed over when C.O.S. articles are written. Musically it's always sounded a bit like an amalgamation of several other C.O.S. bands. The last A.U. cd "it pays to drink" may be the best release of any I've played on.

Oooops. I've been notified it's time to go to practice....I better fucking go. Ppsst! Gurgle..gurlge..glug...

6/14

I'm drunk as a lord...whatever that fucking means. I'm not using spellcheck..in spite of many a shot of EARLY TIMES...and many a can of Busch.

If my spelling is still strong, well that's just another testiment/testimony/testicle to my greatness.

This edition is unedited...and you can set your testicle's to it.

Talked earlier tonight to 2 of the JEff/Geoff's in my life. Clayton and Gavin respectively. I'm not sure why I'm mentioning that here...so let's move on.

The 76'ers lost...oh BOO HOO. I suggest all you bastardball fans out there fucking GROW UP anf learn to appreciate wrestling...either pro-wrestling or wrestling yer own dick. The only major league sport wee observe around here is bsaeball. Cuz it takes BRAINS..and PATIENCE and CLASS. If you're such a big bastardball fan why don't you try to give me ONE good reason..just ONE GOOD REASON why you would be a 76'ers fan if you lived in L.A.????? HHMM???

It's always fucking root root root root root root for the home team...at least I appreciate baseball teams that are based elsewhere..and wrestlers who don't fucking pronounce "water" as "wooter" and "ball as "bwall" and "radiator" as "raddeeayter".."hello Vincent!" as "YO! Vinnie!" and I don't call my Son "Daddy"..(yes, this is a strange Philly phenomena..children are referred to as "Mommy & Daddy" in some homes) and if I had a daughter I fucking wouldn't call her "Mommy" like all you scrapple eating local yokel 76'er fans do!!!!!!!!!!!

What's more, the pope can suck my asshole.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I feel better now.

Goddamn am I gonna feel great tomorrow morning. I have to get up in 3 hours or so to take Elvis to play baseball. I am a good parent..unlike all the 76'er loving dumbass parents who call spaghetti "macaroni and gravy" ...

What's so fucking great about Alan Iverson???

The last REALLY great NBA team was the Detroit Pistons team with Bill Laimbeere (sp?) and Isaiah Thomas...that team ruled. Big BIll taught Dennis Rodman who was young how to play a heel on that team. Every other bastardball team since then has been loaded with hiphop lifestyle pussies.

To shift gears..remember last night on SMAKCDOWN..Perry Saturn was walloped by accident with a foreigh object....there was a pause..and I wondered if his commen sense had been knocked back into him (I wonder if some of you bastardball losers finally realize how you've been duped into supporting the moronic hiphop lifestyle 76'ers) after a brief pause...he stood up and bellowed at the top of his lungs: YAHTZEE!"...I laughed my ass off.

To quote the Iron Sheik:

"Iran #1....Russia #1...76er's...PTTUAAHHHH!!"

Boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo.......

6/13

One of the biggest thriftstore scores of the year today. I found about a half dozen albums at a Goodwill store and was waiting fairly patiently behind a slow, moronic customer who was trying to pay a slow, moronic clerk. I saw a large number of video tapes near the cash register. I left my place in line and investigated. There were several WWF tapes. HHmmm...I waved Elvis over who was standing nearby. I pointed a couple of the titles out to him in a subtle manor. As we were looking the pile over I heard a female voice behind me..

"Are you wrasslin' fans?"

To be honest, I am so sick and tired of dealing with strangers and their dialogue I'm sure that if she had asked me to stand up for anything else I would have said "NO!" just to shut her up.

But I CAN'T betray wrestling!! With a very minimal amount of thought I immediately barked out "OH YEAH!!" in an enthusiastic voice.

I'm glad I did. The voice belonged to the store manager who knows me by sight from weekly visits..she pointed to a huge box behind the counters.

"If'n you want ALLLL the wrassle-mania's there's a set of 'em behind the counter...

Elvis and I exchanged knowing glances...we didn't let on that we were all that interested.

"Uhhh...maybe so; How much??" I asked calmly..

"Twenty dolluh's"...

"Oh...OK...I guess that's fair"...I still kept my voice calm.

"Well make it twentyfive then!!" she said laughing.

Luckily she was joking.

The set is in mint condition. We'll probably tape the whole thing and sell it to one of the jillion wrestling fans we know who have more disposable income than us. The retail price as near as I can figure is $150. It's listed at Border's on the net for $134.98 as a discount price.

We're gonna have a couple marathon viewing sessions...so I'll have a chance to review all those old PPV's. Man, the Chump Hogan matches are gonna really suck..but viewed from a safe historical distance I think we can put up with it. I bet the best matches that stand up well today will be ones I've forgotten or never paid attention to.

I don't usually watch SMACKDOWN. I did tonight because I read about the taping ahead of time. I'm a big, BIG fan of Tajiri (sp?). His debut match was great..and Regal's expressions were as priceless as I read they would be. The fans went apeshit over Tajiri..I'm amazed how many of them obviously recognized him from ECW. I'm not impressed at all with the way that Kaientai (sp?) was treated. I thought their gimmick was really stupid and degrading considering they can obviously wrestle circles around half the talent in the WWF easily.

Remember now...unlike all the internet "experts" I'm not claiming to have knowledge beyond what I've seen from my armchair since I was 3 years old.

I realize you need a catchphrase (and a "set-up" catchphrase even!) to get to the top in the WWF. That makes it hard for guys who wrestle technically well but are not charismatic. I mean, sure...just because those guys were huge in Japan doesn't mean American fans will appreciate them. Likewise, some American wrestlers achieve god like status in Japan..and some never even go over.

For that matter, look at how many wrestlers are huge in a region of the US, but their home-grown common accent or mannerisms or big-city "Jew-york" accent and mannerisims kill them in the rest of the country.

I guess where all this is leading is my surprise..PLEASANT surprise..that Tajiri is so over with the fans. I crack this can of Busch in his honor..

"CRACK"...

I loved the Austin backstage footage tonight too. He's done an incredible job appearing to have undergone a personality change. I tell you what..this isn't really scientific..but I've noticed a HUGE increase in the number of Austin T-shirts that I see at thrift stores donated by disgusted fans. Remember when he was the biggest selling T-shirt attraction in the US for a year or so??? You saw his name in lights over every Southern truckstop:"WE HAVE STONECOLD STEVE AUSTIN T-SHIRTS!!!" I'm serious..I saw it all over the South. I encountered a phenomena in Chattanooga that Alan King warned me about..Stonecold-clones!! There'd be several guys drinking at this bar..and instead of dressing up like the hordes of psychobilly trendies or Limp Bisquit boobs there'd be a few guys who ALL looked like Austin. I wonder if they all went out and bought pickup trucks?? Anyway, I visited the hometown of Hellstomper and attended a show of theirs at the very same bar. And yep..the "Stonecold-clones" raised hell and had to be physically stood up to by a whole bunch of us during HELLSTOMPER'S set before they were driven out.

I wonder if those guys have donated their T-shirt's to thrift stores and grown their hair back?? It's possible that Austin could clear the slate and be a heel for awhile..and then come back bigger than ever. I have a great deal of faith in him.

I also have faith in Kurt Angle. He's still a fairly new wrestler..you have to keep reminding yourself of that fact. I don't know if he improvised the bit tonight about Justin Credible's name or what..but I laughed my ass off at his delivery.

Rhyno seems to be climbing the ladder awful damn fast...which is great. He LOOKS like he deserves to be wrestling the top group of guys. He's pulled it off great. Funny how HE doesn't need to talk hardly at all...I think he's more effective when he doesn't..just like Sabu.

With RVD going to WCW...can Sabu be far behind??

Please...PLEASE...!!!

Well, I was going to get into the latest John Rocker fiasco (a brawl at a game in which he along with all the other guys in both bullpens and dugouts ran out during a dispute after a batter got hit..the batter is named Raul Mondesi..GET IT?? Rocker became the focus of the situation because he got into an ordinary screaming match with a Latin player)...especially after reading differing accounts in the on-line papers I read from Toronto, Atlanta and New York.

Once again Rocker gets a raw deal from the fuckedup p.c. press...

I'll just say this...those goddamned muckraking sports writer's know DAMNED WELL that only a punk stays on the bench..he had to come to the defense of his team. They KNOW THAT..but they know it makes for a better story to blame ANYTHING they can on Rocker.

If you read his ENTIRE statement (the infamous one) in context Rocker isn't a goddamned bit more of a "hater" than 95% of the people that criticize him. I wrote a column about him in an old issue of "Hitlist".."SYMPATHY for JOHN ROCKER". It hit the nail on the head..if I do say so myself.

Rocker would probably be offended by me on sight..he could be an arrogant jock asshole..but since when is that any reason to make the guy out to be some sort of evil "hater".

If I hear ONE MORE FUCKING WORD on the matter in the press..I'll be back here bellyaching about it at length!!!!

6/12

I wish we lived on a block where nobody knows one another..nobody talks to one another unless it's an emergency. Those are the best places to live...I've experienced total anonymity in a few homes and apartments. I've NEVER enjoyed the company of neighbors in a single damned place we've ever lived.

A few months ago in Chaple Hill I witnessed firsthand an arrangement whereby my pal God Toss and people that he sorta knows have literally taken over a small apartment complex. People seem to roam from unit to unit partying and visiting. His neighbor knocked on his door at 3:00 in the morning cause he saw a light on. The guy turned out to be a fine fellow...but I don't want ANYBODY knocking on my door without calling first unless it's the mailman or U.P.S.

The last time I had drop-in company it upset me for several days.

Ok, OK, yeah..I know I'm a fucking NUT. I'm simply being honest. I spent DAYS distracted from my work wondering if they were going to drop in again.

Our current neighbors fall into two categories. There is a shrinking core of about 25% who have lived their entire lives on this street. Several are related..a few by marriage. I see them walk into each other's houses without knocking..

CHRIST!! How can you lounge around the house in your shorts...or fuck or even watch video porn in peace knowing that a dozen different relatives could bust in at any time??

The longterm folks think they own the fucking street...

A few weeks ago we called the cops when two little fuckhead kids dinged up our van while playing hockey in the middle of the street. We were forced to...one parent Marla complained to just blew her off..."I don't have TIME to look at yer van"...

The cops wrote up a report and talked to people at a couple houses. Of course the kids DENIED everything..even though we saw them do it. Of course their parents lied right alongside them. We expected it..

But it ended the hockey games in the street..for now.

The Mom of one of the little shits told Marla....

"Why don't you just move back to Ory-gone!! We've played in these streets for years!!"

She was hysterical with rage....lashing out at us.

You would've thought it was HER car that had gotten scratched!! She acted like WE were the instigators of the problem!!

Well, in the five years we've lived on this street the "local's" have decreased in number from about 40-50% to the present 25%. Several old farts have died..and there houses are bought by "outsiders" like us. A record producer bought a place down the street. A couple years ago a couple blatant LESBIANS (oh my gawd!!!?!?!) moved into a rental across the street..and a young couple who smoke and probably deal pot beside them.

We...the outsiders..all get along just fine. We don't have kids running amuck busting shit. We don't walk in and out of each others houses. We don't fucking CARE whether or not people are "good Catholics"...

The sad thing is, my last neighborhood in Portland was even WORSE. We had fundamentalist Christian's on one side who glared at us...a couple "candle light vigil" loving deadhead hippies across the street, etc. etc.

For that matter I grew up on a street that was even worse...

There are so many reasons to hate your neighbors...and so few reasons to like them...

6/11

Drinking is a wonderous habit at times. I realized tonight that I can knock back a 12 ounce can of beer likes it's nothing. When I started out long ago, a beer MEANT something. Every beer I drank meant I was going to get a bit more fucked up. I haven't bothered to pick up only one beer on a trip to the fridge in years...unless I'm a houseguest; don't wanna freak out your host yunno...

When it's time to start drinking at this stage in my life, I just start pouring 'em down. I'm 20 years past the need to count beers while I drink..looking back that was a typical sign of immaturity when I did.

Frat boys count beers...

Proud, masculine alcoholic's like me scoff at schoolboys who treat drinking like a school yard game.

I'm sure as hell not the biggest drinker...my old pal Pig Champion was. I drank and watched him drink several nights a week for years. If drinking was a chess match he was Bobby Fischer..and I was merely a bear cub playing with it's dick. He could CHUG a 40 of any beer or malt liquor put in front of him. He could chug several in an afternoon..he rarely did it to amuse people like a circus act...he was getting off on it. He began at one point to chug small "bum" bottles of fortified wine like Night Train & Thunderbird; he soon graduated to chugging large 1/5th bottles. I'd sit there on his couch watching nursing a 12 pack of 3.2 percent OLYMPIA or HAMMS.

For personal reasons we've fallen out of touch with one another. That's a shame..I miss having a drinking buddy. I usually drink alone here in Hostile city. The people my age or older are fucking squares...or total over the top loser's. Younger drunks come over a dozen or so times per year.

I wonder sometimes if I'll ever have a drinking buddy again??

I'm not knocking the pal's who come over occasionally. It's fun to drink with 'em..but they have lots of things going on in their lives. I have several friends who don't drink at ALL who it's fun to hang out with. But I miss having a drinking buddy who gets shitfaced everynight within a mile or so of my home.

A pal who can push me to NEW HEIGHTS...too often my alcoholic consumption is like taking medicine...very little fanfare.

Hank WIlliams Jr. song "All my rowdy friends have settled down" is ringing in my ears...

"and hangovers hurt more than they used to..

cornbread and icetea have took the place

of pills and 90 proof..."

"but nobody wants to get high and get loud

and all my rowdy friends have settled down.."

I remember one time when I was 15...sitting down to drink a 6 pack of Olympia. By the time the last stubby bottle was empty I had the fucking WHIRLIES!!

Today I took a cooler with 6 beers to one of Elvis's baseball games...I drank 'em all within an hour and a half. Yunno what?? I didn't feel a thing.

A 12 pack of beer would have me on Puke's doorstep well into my teens..

I can only wish those days would return..it'd be a boondoggle to my frigging wallet. I buy it by the 30 pack these days and hope it'll somehow last two days...I always keep whiskey around to supplement it.

NO WONDER if I go to a bar these days I get drunk BEFORE I leave the house. I can't afford to spend $50 to get beer drunk at some bar. I'm lucky..VERY LUCKY that whenever I do go out some kind soul will inevitably buy Thee WHISKEY REBEL a few shots..

I've heard from 3 frigging people who quit or lost their damn jobs after reading my diary entry of several days again. I'm not sure whether I helped influence it or not..probably their jobs would've ended anyway. Still I SALUTE YOU Brothers and Sisters...you are better off..for now.

Don't spend all your time worrying about getting the next yoke around yer damn neck...tough it out for awhile and breath the air of freedom.

All too soon you'll have another job..just take a damn break for awhile.

I believe Antiseen and Limecell should be back home from their touring back West. Hellstomper/Cocknoose will be wreaking havoc on the South in a matter of days. I'm gonna go downstairs and relist more Ebay shit for the masses...

Oh yeah...SUPERB RAW tonight, Steve Austin stole the show with his goofy hugging of Vince. Don't tell me he's gonna work a gay angle??

If so it's gonna be a great summer.........

6/8

Last night Elvis and I went to see the Phillies play the Mets at Veterans stadium which is only a couple miles of easy driving away from where we live. We've both been to a lot of games. We usually buy general admission tickets which entitle us to sit anywhere we want beyond a certain seating level. We move around whenever we start getting bugged by assholes sitting near by. Most of the time we're 50 rows away from anybody at all. You know how they show sometimes on baseball broadcasts a couple nuts sitting in an obscure part of the stadium?? that's us.

Last night we were sitting in leftfield during the top of the ninth inning..and all of a sudden our concentration on the game was broken when we both felt a number of small particles falling all around us.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked El...

He turned and gazed up over our heads and behind us at the "luxury" box perched atop the stadium. There's a whole row of luxury boxes forming a semi circle around the stadium. He pointed as another shower of invisable mystery particles made a tinkling sound on the seats all around us.....

"See it's up there..wait a second and you'll see kids peeking out the window"..

I turned and watched. I made out two faces trying to be discreet peeking out of two vantage points..they were both boys about 8 to 10 years old. They were grinning and laughing at our concern.

The Phillies make a big deal out of running a little scoreboard film before each game which states repeatedly...WORD FOR WORD...that "any fan caught throwing items of any type onto the field..or interfering in someone elses right to enjoy the game will be ejected from the game and possibly prosecuted..."

"This WILL BE DONE IN ALL CASES..there are NO EXCEPTIONS!!"

O.K. I thought. It was time to get those little fuckers tossed out of the game..they were ruining the game for us, so why not??

I sent Elvis who is much faster than me to talk to a security guard standing one level down. Meanwhile I stood and glared at the little shits who had been throwing stuff. They were absolutely titilated by the attention I was giving them!! They blatantly looked down giggling hysterically.

A head poked out of another adjacent box. It was a mustachioed young blonde businessman's head. I fucking HATE blonde, smug young businessmen. His kids and Wife leaned out of the other end of the box to peer at me....a sweaty overweight guy with a beard,hair and tattoos wearing shabby shorts and a T-shirt with cutoff sleeves. They were obviously quite amused at the sight of me standing there glaring up...like an angry peasant feebling waving his fist at the window of a castle.

All these folks obviously felt nice and safe up in their exclusive boxes out of the reach of a commoner like me. That's why they felt safe to point and laugh at me like a bug in a jar 50 helpless feet below.

Indeed they were safe. I was as powerless to get to them as I am powerless to live like them..for better or for worse. They are the ruling class..THEY are the ones who have people like me ejected from baseball games. For all I knew it could be the family of one of the players up there..or an influential Wallstreet tycoon who has a financial interest in the ball club.

Elvis trotted back to me...looking disappointed.

"I told the guy what happened. He said "thanks"....but he didn't do anything about it".

"All right...I'll TRY!!" I said beginning to fume with rage.

As mad as I was I knew that I had to come across as the cool and calm guy. I knew that the security guards were used to tossing guys who look like me out.

I turned to clue Elvis in..

"I don't know if these security guys are gonna do anything..think of how much money people spend to rent those boxes!"

By now there were two security guys..both about 55 or so. They looked very apprehensively at me..obviously looking for the first sign that I was going to lose my temper.

I spoke in a polite but determined voice...

"Excuse me...but these kids throwing stuff at us from box 120 haved ruined the game for us!"

"Uh...which box did you say it is?" one of the guards asked..a bit uncertain what to do.

I pointed at box 120. The two kids were literally leering at us...as if challenging the guards to do something.

"Why don't you guys sit here" the guard gestured to some lower level seats that we ordinarily couldn't afford...."and I will report it right now".

We settled into the seats. I watched the guy walk a hundred feet or so to another guard. That guard spoke into a walky talky and ducked away down a concourse.

The guard walked slowly back to us..

"I reported it..." he said...turning and walking away.

The game was almost over...it was ruined for us anyway. I pointed at the box and walked to the exit as if I was going to go up there myself..but what good would it do?? I'm sure the guards were watching ME to make sure I didn't start an "incident".

We walked to our car and talked a little bit about the situation. I told Elvis that it was one of the best examples of the double standard that exists in society today when it comes to us plain folks and the elite. In spite of the Phillies dramatic warnings they weren't about to toy with angering anybody with enough money to afford a luxury box.

Rules are for ordinary assholes. The rich live in another world and follow a different agenda. Crack open any newspaper in anytown in the USA that has a handful of rich people. There'll be a jolly little column about the doings of "society". Glamorous parties (including the names of people who attended..as if THAT'S NEWS?? to who outside of their tiny circle??) , trips abroad, the symphony orchestra season...blah blah blah...and of course accounts of loving charitable acts.

Not all rich people act like elite assholes...and I'm not against the accumulation of wealth in any way. I'm not calling upon anyone to picket the stadium or chain themself to a hotdog stand in protest.

I tell you what though, whenever I find myself walking down the street directly in the path of some S.O.B. in a snazzy business suit I steer myself straight for him and hope he doesn't duck out of the way. If he dodges me and glares I glare right back with hatred boiling in my gut.

I want to write a letter expressing my anger to the Phillies...more to get a couple free tickets than anything else. I know they'll just shrug off anything I have to say. I hope I don't procrastinate on doing this. I probably will though.

6/7

I should put some photo's up on this site..

Photo #1 might well be a picture of me playing former several time U.S. chess champion and International Grandmaster Yasser Seirawan in a tournament game around 1980 or so.

Photo #2 could be me during the 2 1/2 years I was too fucked up to get any other job than Radio Shack.

Photo#3 could be the rather cleancut photo I took to apply for the management position with the inventory service..(back in 1986)

Photo#4 in that case should be a picture of me sporting the "crimson mask" after the one and only show the now dead Webb played bass in..

Photo#5 me and Marla and Elvis looking rather formal at my Sister's wedding..

Photo#6 Me laughing my ass off because I tricked my holier than thou relatives into drinking alcoholic punch at my Sisters wedding reception..

Photo#7 Bootleg Bill, Elvis and I as pictured on the back of the CD we're all on..

Photo#8 Eddie Gilbert, Elvis and I..

Photo#9 Rudy Ray Moore and I..

Photo#10 Me as a Sears sporting goods salesman at age 18..sporting 3 inch platform shoes..

Photo#11 Me and my old man..right before he kicked the damned bucket; buddies for the 1st time..

Photo#12 Me shaking hands with the great one..Charles Bukowski..

Photo#13 Me..at age 11 shaking hands with soon to be WWF World Heavyweight Champion Stan Stasiak.

Photo#14 Me and Marla walking BACK down the aisle after taking our wedding vows..we both look miserable.

Photo#15 Me and Elvis and Pig Champion when El was about 3 years old..we'd go eat pizza on Saturday afternoons..the 3 of us..for the next 3 years or so.

Photo#16 Me puking up cocaine nasal drip..

Photo#!7 Me picking through the laundry pile this morning looking for a clean pair of shorts..

Photo#!8 Me with a phony smile..at any one of a thousand job interviews..

Photo#19 Me punching a hole in the wall...because I'm ticked off at one of Elvis's video games..

Photo#20 The huge shit Kling-on I left sticking to our toilet bowel a few mornings ago..

Photo#21 Chump Hogan booking my shit Kling-on as a vital new force representing his new wrestling traveling fiesta..

6/6

Exactly 7 years ago today we pulled into Philly. We're still treated like newcomer's..and I can't blame the lifelong residents that consider us that..because as much as we love it here we have gone out of our way to avoid picking up local vocabulary words and phrases ("wooter" for water..and "down the shore" signifying a trip to the beach are just two) local scofflaw driving tactics and the intense fear on the part of locals of New York city, the entire South...hell anywhere with the exception of Wildwood New Jersey.

This is the best place we've ever lived though..bar none.

People who live in Philly understand the ways of the people that live here..people from L.A. and N.Y.C. and S.F. and virtually anywhere (with the possible exception of Boston) else THINK they understand what it's all about..but they haven't a clue.

Well anyway...even though I'm never gonna learn to eat scrapple, after 7 years Philly still hasn't let me down..VIVA HOSTILE CITY!!

I wish there was a way I could live in other places for a month or two just to soak up the local atmosphere without undergoing the expense of a long term commitment. It's be fun to live in NYC for a few weeks...for that matter Wyoming or South Dakota both have their charms. I can barely afford to visit NYC for a weekend thanks to its $200+ per night motel/hotel rates. The plains states would be great to spend a few weeks in but I can imagine I'd get sick of the isolation before too long.

Hell, I'd make a GREAT senior citizen..I'd love to travel around in an R.V.

To shift gears, last nights RAW was frigging great..what more can you ask for?? Vince was great..Mick Foley and Jesse the mind were great..the Austin vs. Jericho title match was about as great as you can expect a match with 15 minute time constraints to be. Jericho is great as ever and Austin is getting better week by week..I swear his cowardly heel routine could become the biggest thing of the year.

I've never been a HHH fan particularly, though his matches have been more entertaining in my book since I raked him over the coals in HITLIST. He is very good..no doubt. I'm not gonna commit the same mistake of all the internet geeks who don't know dick about the sport yet they "rate" matches as if they were authorities. I still prefer about 30 or 40 other "heel" wrestlers I've seen over the years. But that's my PERSONAL preference. If the next guy thinks HHH is number one, well..what the hell..the bottom line is to show proper respect for ALL wrestlers (with the exception of Hogan and his little buddies..yeech). I hope he comes back from his injury without any problems.

The rumor mills are predicting Bret Hart will go to WCW...remember, my pal Geoff Gavin and I have been predicting for YEARS that the Hart/Michaels screwjob was all a work..planned to bring about the eventual Pay-per-view matchup of the millenium..either the present or the past.

It's great to see Tajiri brewing tea for William Regal (who is my favorite current WWF wrestler) I can't wait to see what the WWF has planned out for him. They wouldn't be dumb enough to spoil him like they did the other incredibly talented Japanese guys?? Or would they??

RVD seems to be heading to the new WCW. Elvis has stated to me that he thinks Sabu may be possibly right behind him..let's hope so. Damn I miss Sabu.

I've been thinking a lot about Lonnie Mayne lately..and the CLAW..who nobody's even heard of. DAMN I wish I had a tape of his matches to watch. I need a tape of Rose & Wiskowski tagteam matches too..Or ANY old Pacific Northwest footage I don't have..I'm just a nostalgic softy I guess.

Yeah, I know..I'm a grown man..and I should be concentrating on making a buck..profit margins and spread sheets.

Fuck all that...I want to wallow in memories...

I'm drunk.....time to sign off before I get too sappy...

6/5

Bad mood today. It was brought on by a series of little inconveniences..a laundry sorting error. I went to get coffee and found an empty can. A moronic email question from an ebay customer (he wanted to know why I hadn't responded to him...my response was attached to the end of HIS message). The cat is shedding hair like crazy.

Little stuff like that....a lot more little things went wrong..but they were all pretty small. Elvis and I went to Roosevelt park for our daily baseball workout excercise. All of a sudden I was hit out of nowhere with a wave of depression that physically shook me. All of a sudden I began to focus on the rather large number of friends who I no longer see or hear from. It began to really eat at me.

Some of these friends and I simply drifted apart..some of them I phased out of my life..and some of them phased me out. What really bothers me are the cases where I'm not sure if someone has phased me out or not. It doesn't make me feel better to realize that there are quite a few people out there whom I owe a call, an email or a damned letter.

If I sound like a crazy, paranoid nut..it's because at times I AM a crazy paranoid nut. I've known that for most of my life. I also know that I can keep my paranoia under control for months and months at a time. Other times, the waves of anxiety get to me..several times daily for a week or more.

When I located my blood relatives for the first time earlier this year I learned that an awful lot of them suffer from depression enough that they are undergoing medication. They were all interested in knowing whether I'm "excitable" like my birth Mother. I don't know all the details of her life or the lives of my blood relations who evidently experience similar feelings of depression. My own individual choice is to avoid prescription medicine in favor of daily help and consultation from my best friend: KING ALCOHOL. When it gets really, really bad I climb into a hot tub with a half fifth of whiskey over a tray of ice cubes (and a bit of water) in a big 64 ounce 7-11 style cup. It's always worked for me..instead of getting me drunk it seems to sober me up.

If conventional medication works for an individual, they should stick to it I suppose. Remember...I have a pill phobia...I CAN'T swallow pills. I was built for liquor...

Well, anyway..I've gotta go out and make some new friends. Maybe I should get back into competitive chess...or start looking for a fucking bar to hang out at. ..I don't know where to find one within staggering distance that isn't either infested with mummer's or South street trendies. Perhaps a bowling league?? Volunteer work at a senior citizens home??

Do other self employed people who stay up all night and sleep all day have this problem???

Well, time to clock in at my Ebay job.

6/3

I've made reference on many occasions in columns and in my book to the fact that I spent a couple years back when I was 18-20 or so investigating many of the hundreds of Christian denominations. For the most part I conducted my study with a friend who had grown up in a Catholic home..I of course grew up in a bible banging evangelical home. When we got together to study religion we'd crack open beers, smoke a joint and break out our bibles.

Yeah, I know..it's not quite as much fun as shooting pool or chasing after women. We spent a night or two out of most weeks discussing biblical contradictions or going over various discussions we had each had with people from different churches since we last met. We were questioning every Christian we could find who would step up and answer our questions.

A fun place to start was with street preachers who were out in abundance back in the 70's. It made our DAY to encounter a preacher publically; we knew the critical questions to ask that were impossible for devotees of any denomination to answer. We'd debate until a couple of their followers would try to distract our attention away from the main preacher. We'd INSIST on an answer from the guy on the soapbox. One preacher used to wear a whistle around his neck that he'd blow into to drown out a point he couldn't counter. A college newspaper photographer snapped a photo of me yanking it from his neck one day...it made the front page!!

The busiest preacher belonged to the "foursquare" church. We outfoxxed the guy until he had to PUBLICLY retract the statement that he could "logically prove" gods existance. Of course it states in the bible that Christianity is a FAITH decision. We encountered this guy so often that he'd start moaning on the pulpit when he'd see us walk up. We made a deal with the guy eventually that we'd permit him to speak as long as he didn't contradict the bible. If we caught him we'd point it out...otherwise he could work the rest of the crowd without our interfering. Once a couple obnoxius hippies came along to argue with him; my buddy and I joined the preachers side of the argument to shut them down..just to prove we knew HIS side of the argument as well as he did.

Once a newly born again Christian who was watching my friend make a monkey out of his pastor SNAPPED!! He swung wildly with his fist at my friend..who layed him out with a karate kick.

After a couple years we reached the end of our quest. During that time I had attended a buddhist meeting, a Catholic mass, a revival meeting at the "foursquare" church and visited every damn Christian book store in town. We talked to Jehovahs witnesses, Krishnas and Seventh day adventists. My friend gradually forced a "dial bible truth" telephone Mormon fellow to close down. Several women and one man I argued religion with eventually broke into tears.

A couple unsuspecting Mormon missionaries knocked on our door at home...I asked them to come back in ten minutes..and rushed over to my friends house to bring him back so that we could question them about various suspicious issues in their faith.

Eventually our study ended...we had given organized religion a shot, but had wound up disappointed. There was one final crucial arguement that pretty much ended all of our searching..one line of logical reasoning.

I've shared it with a few friends over the years..and I'll reveal it here...although I'm NOT anxious to engage in debate...it's too boring. Personally, if someone is happy being a Lutheran or a Catholic or a frigging Jehovah Witness more power to them.( My Mother is a religious nut..religion drove us apart when I was young..and thanks to the grouchy beligerant nature of her church it has ALWAYS and ALWAYS WILL probably keep us apart. Still, as much as I hate her church I realize that it's ALL SHE HAS in this fucked up world).

Here it is:

I figure that if there is an "afterlife" or Christian judgement...I stand as much chance as being "rewarded" as Joe Christian. If there is no afterlife...well, it's game over..and I had a better life because I am dedicated to as much pleasure as possible without the hinderances of the church. (we'll have to argue reincarnation some other time).

How do we know god is telling the truth about our "final reward"??

His word...in the bible. It says so repeatedly in the bible that it is gods word.

Well, HOW DO WE KNOW GOD WON'T CHANGE HIS MIND??

HHmmm???

The Christian response here is "because he promises in the bible not to lie"...

Well, now wait a minute...if God IS ALL POWERFUL..and all he claims to be, then he is powerful enough to lie??? RIGHT???

To deny that is to say that God is not powerful enough to lie to us..

The same god that invented crib-death, agonizing bouts with cancer and aids...

The same god that flooded his playpen the earth destroying almost all humans...

The same arrogant deity that cockily states "I'm a jealous god" in his "holy" book..

We're supposed to blindly assume this jerk won't change his mind??

How do we know that he's not going to REWARD people like me who SEE THROUGH the whole bible/faith ruse?? And CAST INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE the Christians (suckers!) who took it all literally...blindly. Yep..if there IS a supreme deity (and I've seen no proof there is) getting past the puzzle of religion without being suckered may be our test of worthiness in a cool afterlife..with constant free sex, booze and pro-wrestling cards.

I'm staking my life on it..how about you, Brother or Sister???

5/31

Back from Elvis's baseball game..his team got whipped 11-4. Another game tomorrow. I sat in our minivan and watched while reading the paper. The game ran a bit long and I had to even read bits of the paper I hate..such as "Peanuts" in the comics page. I read the entire business and technology sections too. Now I'm feeling very well imformed..stock tips anyone??

I brought along a sack of beers of course. I try to be discreet about consuming alcohol behind the wheel of a parked vehicle which I obviously will be piloting home. The handful of parents who attend these games undoubtedly think I'm a weird fuck because I choose to sit alone rather than sit with THEM.

I have never, ever felt like a "regular guy" living either in Philly,Seattle,L.A. or Portland. I am NOT a "regular guy" in any sense of the word. I have had friends over the years who are very successful at being accepted by locals ranging from the PTA to the Monday night football crowd at the local tavern. Our old singer Kurt from ALCOHOLICS UNANIMOUS was accepted wherever he went in town as a good Father, citizen and stand up guy. He just knew the right things to say to ordinary people.

I prefer "ordinary" people to counter culture types...but they won't have me. It's not my appearance...my backlength hair and beard and tattoos is unique in our neighborhood where virtually ALL MALES between the ages of 16-55 have a "goodfellas wannabe" look; but back when I had short hair and wore suits 365 days out of the year I STILL wasn't accepted by average Joes.

I just don't know how to keep my mouth shut when sensitive subjects come up. NOTE! I don't go looking for trouble. I gave up publicly arguing religion and politics 20 years ago. But I can't just sit there and nod along and drink beer when certain sensitive subjects come up.

I'm not a wishy washy agnostic...I REFUSE to pay lip service to organized religion. Uncle Anton's Satanic agenda and books are very close to my way of thinking..if I were a "joiner" I'd probably be a Satanist who votes Libertarian. I have a few minor disagreements with both groups...but I'm miles away from locking arms with Democrats, Baptists, Catholics, Republicans, Muslims, etc.

I HATE nuns, Catholic schools, parades, priests and block parties...I guess that about destroys my chances of being accepted as a stand-up guy in this neighborhood!! That's about ALL they stand for around here!

I hate multi-cultural festivals, Monday night football, the Portland trailblazers, the Grateful dead, yardwork/gardening, microspew beer or Starbucks.....so there goes my chances of ever being accepted in Portland.

Oh the shame!! I'm doomed to be a "loner" forever...drinking my self to sleep at home every night..my closest companions being talkshow hosts and email friends.

Oh well (yawn) so be it.

Thriftstore find of the year yesterday....a bonafide Jesse Ventura T-shirt..it's even an official one from Minnesota...XXL, Gray. Yeehaaww.

5/30

I was just at the liquor store a few blocks away picking up a fifth of Ezra Brooks (still a terrific friggin' value at $9.99). The store was empty except for me and a black lady behind the counter..and my ATM card was being processed...

When in the door bursts a white blonde lady in an "evening" dress (frock? gown?)..I'd guess she was the Hillary C. type. She looked back and forth from the clerk to me as if trying to choose which one of us to talk to. Finally she flashed a very phoney condescending smile in the general direction of both of us.

"Isn't this a liquor store"??

"Yes...wine and spirits" the clerk patiently answered..

"well...don't you sell Pepsi"?? she asked with a slightly miffed tone of voice..

I thought it strange that the society broad hadn't even looked around the store. How did she know they didn't sell Pepsi?? Perhaps her chauffer had returned from a trip into the store empty handed and she was checking on him.

"Mm MMmmm...wines and spirits Ma'am" the clerk replied again very patiently.

"Is there a...7-11 around??" she asked tripping over the "7-11" as if she wasn't used to shopping at their stores personally..

"There's a Wawa down the street" the clerk pointed the correct direction.

The rich bitch stood there mulling that over..an annoyed look reminiscent of William Regal crossed her face. I could tell that she had no idea that "Wawa" (which is a very stupid name for a business I admit) is a huge convenience store chain. Her nose wrinkled she turned on her heel and strutted back out the door.

My ATM card was approved. I took my card back and put it back in my wallet. I just had to make a comment to the clerk..

"Hey...she must be from California" I offered...

"She's from somewhere allright!" the clerk cheerfully retorted.

I remember one time I was driving on I-5 through Western Washington about midway between Portland and Seattle. I had just picked up a German friend at the airport..and we were getting thirsty. I stopped off at a 7-11 and waltzed in to pickup a couple 12 packs. Imagine my chagrin...there WAS no fucking beer...it was a goddamned DRY county. And I lived in the Northwest for most of my life without ever learning that there actually were any dry counties.

The clerk looked at me as if I was as stuckup and full of myself as the Hillary clone at the liquor store. My German friend needled me.."I thought the Whiskey Rebel would know where to find beer"...

Ho ho fucking ho.

I got caught with my pants down in Myrtle Beach S.C. a few years back. We drove in from Charlotte N.C. and passed probably 179 stores that sold beer...but NNNOOOOOOOO. I had to wait until I got to "Murder Beach".

The 3 of us wound up driving a coastal highway road with a traffic light every 1/4 mile for about 35 miles to get back into North Carolina where cold beer awaited. When I entered the very first convenience store there was a LINE of people..all buying beer. Obviously a lot of them had made the same mistake.

How in the hell are you supposed to find out about goofy, ancient blue laws when you're traveling around the US?? Local municipalities like Myrtle Beach want your money so fucking bad..they spend millions of dollars in advertising to lure you to their resort town and then...WWHHAAMMM!!! They sucker punch you with a hick bible belt law.

The thing that really griped me was that upon inquiring from the desk..it seemed there WAS ONE place you could order drinks freely on Sunday; the rooftop lounge of a swank hotel!!

In other words, the blue laws are seen as only neccessary for those of us commoners who drink at less lofty establishments.

The fact that blue laws exist in our day and age is a reminder that the human race really is no goddamned good. And DON'T wave your American flag at me and tell me that we enjoy freedom here...

I take that back....

In America you are FREE to be a self centered, bible clutching, busybody conformist asshole. Freedom my ass!! Where's my fifth of Ezra?? I was so happy to get it, but of course 85% of its purchase price went to various sin taxes....did you know that??

How about just once we have a BIBLE tax???

5/29

Over the last month or so I've had two friends repeatedly tell me what a great film "The FILTH and the FURY" is...Jeff Clayton and Geoff Gavin. When Clayton heard that Andy P. (shame on you!!) still hasn't brought or mailed to me a copy that we traded for several months ago, he was ready to dub me a copy and mail it up from Dixie. He says he's watched it many times..sometimes on back to back to back days. When Geoff Gavin heard Claytons offer he was nice enough to burn me a copy and drop it over (he lives nearby) to spare J.C. the trouble.

What a helluva great film. The SEX PISTOLS are my alltime favorite punkrock band without a doubt. The "F& the F" tells the bands story and offers the bands explanations of several ridiculous rumors surrounding their rather shortlived existance. It's done in a way that utilizes recent narration by the founding bandmembers, lots of hitherto unseen live video footage and constant music rather than being a longwinded documentary. The surviving band members offer Sid's side of things by using interview footage from before his death. This film should finally put to rest Malcolm McClaren's claims of having been the genius behind the band. Sid was incredibly young..obviously just a screwed up kid. Nancy can't be seen for 5 seconds on camera without coming off as an obnoxius loser. The 4 founding bandmembers break new ground in rock n' roll movie history by appearing to be acclimated towards both their various weaknesses and ineptitudes yet also their strengths as performers.

The strong anti-heroin message presented will lead to this film being put down by the legions of punkrock junkies. Oh well...fuck 'em.

It's amazing to me how many kids today claim to be "punkrockers" yet they've never heard of the Pistols and other punkrock bands from the late 70's-early 80's. I've been inspired to list in no particular order 20 or so of my favorite punkrock albums from this period. I've left out a lot of great albums that just don't qualify as punk rock..NOTE! an example..BLACK FLAG was not a punkrock band..they were a HARDCORE band by my way of categorizing bands. ELVIS COSTELLO released a few exceptional albums during this period..but he was a POP artist who wore punky looking glasses and thrift store clothing. I've deliberately left off albums by people I know with one exception (Jello from the Dead Kennedys has been our pal for many, many years).

I want to point out that these were not neccessarily the "best" bands of the era..lots of bands didn't release full length LP's..some didn't record at all.

One more thing...I encourage people to locate and purchase these albums..but don't come crying to me when you hear some of the naive political notions spewed out in a few cases (the CLASH for instance!). Like pro wrestling, enjoying punkrock requires a "suspension of reality".

ARTIST / Album title...

SEX PISTOLS "Never mind the bullocks"

SIOUXSIE and the BANSHEES "the Scream"

DEADBOYS "young loud & snotty"

DEADBOYS "we have come for you children"

The CLASH "1st LP"

The CLASH "give 'em enough rope"

NINE NINE NINE "Seperates"

The DICKIES "Incredible shrinking Dickies"

PUBLIC IMAGE LIMITED "1st edition"

The RAMONES "Rocket to Russia"

The SAINTS "stranded"

DEVO "are we not men? we are Devo"

DEAD KENNEDYS "Plastic surgery disastors"

PUKE SPIT and GUTS "self titled LP"

The CRAMPS "Gravest hits"

The CRAMPS "songs the lord taught us"

The TOY DOLLS "dig that groove baby"

WAYNE COUNTY and the ELECTRIC CHAIRS "1st LP"

The GERMS "1st LP"

The ADVERTS "crossing the red sea"

ANTI-NOWHERE LEAGUE "we are..the league"

The DAMNED "machinegun etiquette"

While I'm compiling lists here's a quickie list of supposed rock music acts that I loathe. NOTE! I didn't include bands that have recorded crap I can sorta laugh along with (such as "Mr. Roboto" by Styx)..NOTE! to any Ebay customers who have strayed to this page..yes, I sell merchandise by these bands..because YOU the consumer like these groups. However, these acts to me are bottom of the barrel with no redeeming attributes. Bear in mind before sending me hate email that my own bands have been called every name in the book by critics..so I've earned the right to criticize others you might say. In no particular order:

Billy Joel

The Police

Toto

Bjork

The Eagles

Bruce Springsteen

Grateful Dead

Doobie Brothers

Bon Jovi

Journey

Jimmy Buffett

Stevie Nicks

Limp bizkit

Nirvana

Led Zeppelin

AGAIN! Go ahead and send me all the hateful email you want if you are fans of these groups..but bear in mind that as a guy who has played in bands for 20 years I have no sympathy for thinskinned musicians. If I can accept criticism, so should the millionaires on my above list.

5/26

A quiet holiday weekend..for now. Later on we're invited to a BBQ that will probably be attended by lots of alcoholic artists..sounds ok to me. Meanwhile we're all bustling about getting shit done that we've been procrastinating on. Elvis is actually cleaning his room. Yep, that's UNBELIEVABLE!! He's playing a tape I can hear all the way up stairs here..I just heard "popcorn" by HOT BUTTER...now "Big electric cat" is playing. I heard Tiny Tim earlier...that boy digs a real variety of music.

I had a breakthrough day working on the book. Yesterday that is. I had been totally confused by how to represent a small but key portion of my life..I got past it and am planning on printing the first draft of the 1st half of the book later today. The 2nd half is about 40% done..with some holes to be filled. I'm pretty proud..the end is in sight. Of course I'll do a 2nd draft...but thanks to the wonders of the computer age that is very easy compared to getting the framework down. I've managed to take what were ideas for 3 books and weave them all into one.

Well, there's my 5 minutes of cockyness...

I'll be back to a productive state of chronic selfdoubt probably within minutes.

The last few days I've been watching cellphone users in cars very closely. Even though my Libertarian friends are kicking and screaming about proposed legislation to curb use of cellphones in cars...I say BAN the Son's O' Bitches.

The argument goes that next eating while driving or picking your nose will be illegal...I say poppycock. If people driving while yakking away like idiots weren't being so universally fucking MORONIC there would be no discussion of curbing their use. I'm mostly against more government regulations...but we damn well need some basic traffic laws. Sorry, I'm NOT in favor of anarchy on the roads. The masses NEED to be controlled at times..and this is one of them.

Every time some asshole driver cuts me off I make it a point to pull up alongside them to see if they're talking on a phone...95% of the time they are of course. TRY IT YOURSELF if you don't believe me!

This morning Elvis and I were treated to the sight of 2 guys in a pickup truck..BOTH of them with phones pressed to their ears. The passenger had a fools grin on his face..he was blabbering loudly obviously very amused with what he had to say. The driver was trying to be Joe Cool..holding HIS phone in a jaunty manner..barely moving his lips.

DON'T YOU CELL PHONE USERS KNOW HOW STUPID YOU LOOK!!

You look stupid even to people who are ordinarily dolts in every other facet of their miserable lives. Especially when you walk down the street going "wah wah wah wah waahhhhh" really loudly..barking out instructions to someone on the other end. You look like you're trying to ape Jerry Lewis.."Hey laaadddyyyyy!".

I've nothing against owning the damn things...as long as you go stand in a corner or a discreet place to use 'em..or keep them in your car for an emergency.

No, you DON'T look important to the rest of us...anybody can afford the damn things now..go find a newer more exclusive status symbol to impress us with.

Reading a collection of Erskine Caldwell short stories. Damn, he's really underated. Haven't picked up the new Mick Foley book..but I will.

Why is everybody bellyaching about the WWF going downhill over the last several weeks?? I've read several people making this claim..but none of them explain themselves. Am I missing something?? I sure as hell don't miss WCW one damn bit. If Vince drops the ball there will be competitors popping up left and right to take business back away from him. Of this I am confident...pro wrestling will NEVER die...at least no time soon.

Time to go get a damn beer...

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