you are visitor # since 05/28/01
Archives: 6-23-05 to 8-21-05
"Drink Around The Clock"
52
Pages of drinking stories.
Absolutely NO ADS, band interviews, etc....
We published this in 1998,
and still have copies available for any of you drunks
who didn't get it back then.
$4 post paid in the US and Canada
Phil Irwin: PO BOX 1781 San Marcos TX 78666
We accept paypal: use whskyreb@centurytel.net
8/21/05
I got to thinking about last nights diary entry..if a new reader of my pearls of wisdom read it they might think I'm just some tired old guy bitching about contemporary fashions.
Long term readers may disagree with my take on some fashion that I criticize..but they know something that the new readers don't: I've been bitching, pissing and moaning about certain (and not all) "current" trendy looks since I was a teenager. We all have loved ones and friends and siblings and co-workers who do their best to sport the latest look seemingly no matter what it is. Just because somebody is fashion conscious doesn't mean that I think that 1) they are a worthless, unoriginal s.o.b. I look down my nose at 2) That I would call them out if I encountered them (SHIT!! there are too many conformists to battle them all 24/7..or 3) that I think they should dress like me or friends of mine or shoot for some specific "look" as if I were some sort of substitute for the elite designers who make me want to puke with their best and worse dressed lists.
Let's go back over some personal history of mine.
I didn't flop out of my mama's bunghole with my take on style intact.
Through grade school and up into 7th grade I did my very best to cajole my parents into buying for me the "right" clothes that would gain me social acceptance. It was the height of the hippie era. yeah...I wore neru jackets and paisley scarves and double breasted suit jackets and other shit that was fashionable like those thin long sleeved shirts without collars (uhh..Wallace Beery shirts?).
I became the most hated and scorned social leper at my junior high school within 30 days of enrolling in 7th grade. I've already literally written a detailed book about my descent into unpopularity (publishers??). To make a long story short, by the time 2 years had passed and I was in 9th grade suddenly a lot of my fellow students wanted to befriend me. By the time I entered high school I could've probably been "popular" to an extent...but by then I hated them all. I hated the world and had about 2 friends which was fine with me. I'd buy loud clothes I found whether or not they were coming into fashion or "going out".
One of my out fits I like to tell Elvis about (as opposed to all those cowardly parents who deny their youthful fashion "excesses") was a hot pink shirt, pink crushed velour flairs (YEEAAHHHH!!!) and 2 tone platform shoes with heels that made me stand 6' 6".
I remember owning low waisted cream colored flairs, black platform shoes and lots of patterned shirts made of that miracle fabric that wasn't supposed to wrinkle like cotton.
When the leisure suit came along I thought it was damned practicle and got a few to wear to my job at Sears.
By this point in time I had already met one of the most stubborn, unfashionable guys of the 70's...my old pal Mike McNally. Just like I gloat that I NEVER got conned by the christians in my life into giving my life to Jesus, McNally NEVER wore flairs....NOT ONCE. He wore straight legged levi's which were difficult to find and considered very uncool at the time. Something a "narc" might wear.
I graduated high school in 1975. After a very brief attempt to enjoy popular music and after losing my taste for the Beatles, I assumed the stance I've held since then that pop culture is 95% CRAP..hippies were (and are) full of SHIT...and that rock and pop music bullshit that turned the masses on was more often than not FUN TO LAUGH AT.
McNally and I would drink a lot in parked vehicles with the radio on blasting out "American top 40" which we laughed at. Bullshit like "afternoon delight" and "chevy van" and anything by Olivia Newton John or Heart or the Eagles or any other "country-rock" bands made us wanna puke. We enjoyed the occasional novelty number...but we clearly thought that "rock and roll" was fucking deader than a doornail. It had been replaced by pop/rock/soul dreck that the rest of the world for the most part seemed to be infatuated with.
When disco came along..we laughed at it from day 1....NO SHIT. I had no idea that parts of the country would NEVER outgrow disco (Philly for instance) and that I'd be subjected to the same dogshit as a middleaged adult. I had no idea that in 2005 I'd have to endure young people having a go at 70's fashions as a lark.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
We knew good and well "rock and roll" as we knew it was dying. It was hard to be around rooms full of people at parties who would get PISSED if we made fun of "Heart" or "the Steve Miller band" or disco sputum like K.C. and the Sunshine band. It got harder by the year to drink beer in some park and sit through Casey Kasim's weekly survey of pop music.
We would rant at each other and at other less receptive suckers who'd bought into it all about how shitty the fashions that accompanied the music were.
THIS was the roots of my current diatribe against fad, trendy clothing and hairdo's. I've been bitching about fashion's like those 80's legwarmers and that clownish "R&B" late 80's look. I never liked Nirvana, commercial rap from it's inception up to today and the droopy drawer with exposed underwear fad.
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH....that's what I've been doing for the last 30 years. When I rake over the coals these current dudes with their "disheveled hunk" elimidate look or alternative music loving broads and their Edith Prickley glasses...I'm not suddenly showing my age...it's a continuation of a long battle I've fought against chic hogwash.
To me there's little distinction between those smelly little neck doo-dads trendy guys wore up until a few years ago and 70's puka shells.
We all end up wearing some of this shit at some point in our lives. It's not the final judgement on people whether they conform or not.
I have quite a few friends who look bizarre...and quite a few others who look like their clothing comes from K-mart or thrift stores or the Gap or wherever the fuck. I don't expect original "looks" or anything I approve of personally from anybody I meet.
Is that clear??? UUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
Fashion is just something I enjoy reacting to...and I've been doing it for a long goddamned time. Class dismissed.
8/20/05
If you've had problems loading this page...or the accumulated "reviews" page it's been worked on and hopefully things have been consolidated properly by Marla. If not, blame her...and I guess me for not knowing how to do it.
I'm drinking Busch right now out of comemorative 12 ounce cans. Lots of 'em. The art on the cans is beautiful. It's a shame I can't drink out of these cans 365 days out of the year. I guess the problem is these outfits have to package beer to sell to all the amateur drinkers they obviously direct their TV commercials to.
On second thought, since 95% of drinkers under the age of 30 seem to have been conned into drinking "light" beer..why do they need to tamper with can art for NORMAL, FULL STRENGTH NON-PISSWATER, ANTI-SOCIAL, ANTI-TREND beer??
School will soon be back in session at the local university. Besides seeing the usual rash of dumbass poor driving skill freshman numbnut idjits driving the wrong way down local one way streets, my attention has been drawn to the incoming crop of students due to their obvious need to conform to trends and pre-fab TV "looks".
I was waiting in line at the local grocery store the other night and I couldn't help but stare at one of the obvious incoming pink-cheeked fratboy types. He stood at the end of the checkout counter with a cellphone pressed to his ear..of course he didn't appear to be talking or listening..it seemed like he was clutching it like a crutch. I mean, it was Saturday night..and he probably had no where to go but didn't want to appear to anybody as if that was the case. He was sporting the new mandatory haircut...a 2 inch spikey sort of intentionally disheveled doo with some sort of goop that made it shiney. He had a couple pink straws folded up and bulging out of his gaping pledge-week maw. I almost felt like pulling him aside to suggest he skip shaving for a couple days so he could style and profile that trend d'jour too.
Suddenly, another fuzzfaced newbie to the campus strolled in...with the SAME hairdoo and his cellphone pressed to his cheek in an identical manner. This guy looked almost lost; sort of like an updated version of the "Pinto" charachter from "animal house". These guys never established eye contact...they were total strangers I'd bet from seperate Texas towns.
BUT THEY WERE CARBON MOTHERFUCKING COPIES of one another.
All in all, they were the strongest living, breathing arguements I've witnessed yet in favor of the positive aspects of dangerous beer-bong frat initiations. I hope some upper classmen humiliate the living fuck out of these guys...and maybe drive them back home where they came from or otherwise away from the monkey-see monkey-do "greek" world.
To be honest, fratboy's don't bother me any more than other humanoids from their age demographic once they've aged a bit. I see older ones all the time at the liquor store..and they're usually pretty cordial to me since I generally buy more alcohol for a solo night of booze gargling at home than 6 of them do..and they know it...and respect that. I'm not under any illusion though that they think I'm anything other than some overweight local biker.
Of course I don't own a motorcycle...never have. Every year that passes I come closer to getting one. They don't know that.
"Where's your Harley, man??" they say cheerfully.
Of course the incoming impressionable rubes are too busy sweating their "look" to jaw jack with locals like me. I know statistically that 3 out of 4 of those guys aren't going to last at Texas State 'til Christmas. Oh well. It brings to mind my favorite bible verse which I love to quote: "many are called but few are chosen".
UUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP.
I've gotta say, I still really admire the ancient traditional rockabilly look. When I see guys decked out that way it makes me feel like there's some hope and reason in this world. I'll probably stand up for rockabilly and the practical, manly fashions that often accompany it until the day I keel over from a panic attack induced by shitty retail service. You can play rockabilly at my funeral....well, not that there'll be more than 5 people there; but if there WAS..I'd be happy if I were capable of looking down upon it all knowing that people were listening to Billy Lee Riley and Sonny Burgess rather than Creed or any of those new breed hybrid rap/country fuckfaces.
I'm proud I've got a son who defies "Elimidate" fashions in favor of his own look (that often resembles a young Axl Rose wearing a goddamn bathrobe). I've seen him talking to knockout women before. He'll do just fine in life.
I don't know about these freshman clowns though...perhaps some forced binge drinking and hazing will make men out of them...maybe not..UURRRRRPPPP.
8/19/05
WHISKEY REBEL REVIEW: "the Radfords" "malfunction at the junction" CD (self release).
I recently answered a question in an interview sent to the Netherlands about my opinion on contemporary punk rock. I sagely pointed out that 1) lots of bands who we lump into a "punk rock" category aren't pleased by the association one bit. I can't blame them. I further instructed our Euro-pal's that 2) If you want to hear the BEST punk or raw rock and roll (or what ever fucking name you want to call it) you need to forget about trying to discover worthy bands reading trendy magazines and figure out a way to seek out bands too original, too raw, too brash maybe..and too fucking GOOD to be covered by them. HEY....they are out there..you just have to find 'em. Like the "Dog Shit boys" from Finland..and the band under the microscope today from Regina, Saskatchewan Canada the Radfords.
The Radfords are as full of attitude as any band you've likely heard this year...even though it's likely you've never heard of them unless you're from the central Canadian wrasslin'/hockey/beer belt. They brag openly in their press statement about running another band out of town; they pride themselves on chaotic and unpredictable shows. They love to brag...they live to brag. They say they're the best..and beg you to knock a hypothetical fucking moose chip off their shoulder. UUURRRRRRppppp.
I have to really focus on a lot of the stuff I review here...but the Radfords are as comfy to listen to as it is to squat yer ass on a sofa you've already spilled enough beer on and blown enough farts into the cushions that you can relax and feel COMFORTABLE.
I think that last paragraph is grammatically incorrect, but SO WHAT?? You get my drift..if not, report to the TV "wiggles" web page.
This CD sounds like it was home recorded; good...that means more money the band can blow on beer. The sound quality is better than about 80-90% of home recorded bands. This outfit is a trio...guitar, bass, drums. The songs are medium to fast tempo basic rock and roll. Some songs have 3 chords...some 4. I actually didn't count..but it's a nice stripped down, unpretentious sound. The only "sample" I heard was a wrestling ring bell...and for all I know these guys used a real one.
Instant fave songs of mine are "greasy chops"...an ode to facial hair:
"greasy chops looking long and mean, greasy chops every little girls dream, greasy chops are more than sideburns greasy chops ladies wait your turn"
then there's the romantic "Valentine's day"
"hearts and flowers and cheap romance
go for dinner and some wine then take her to a dance
but my hands just go down in my pants"
Oh oh..this one might offend a few of you..then again it's not so simple.."Queers are less gay"
"even queers are less gay than you
they've got better clothes and smell better too
queers are less gay than you.."
Mention must be made of the song that celebrates their running that other band out of town..: "loser left town"
"loser put his tail between his legs
I gave him just 5 minutes to pack his bags
he ran so fast he put a hole in his shoe
the loser left town cause I told him to.."
My reason for quoting these songs is to show that the Radfords are about as unlikely to uncork a batch of angst filled alternative "relationship" songs as most of the bands I've been pals with for a long time. I'll quote one last number that sums them up damn well..."we're the best":
"well I'm rocking like GG and I strut like Flair
you say you hate me well baby I don't care
with your stupid clothes and your stupid hair.."
You can't be the best without declaring yourself to be so...that's one of my rules. Contact these guys at: theradfords.cjb.net
I'm a bit behind on reviews..I'll try to get caught up and ask Marla to update the "review" page very soon.
8/18/05
NO I'M NOT DEAD...quite yet.
OUR INTERNET SERVER HAS FUCKED US UP THE ASS REPEATEDLY for the last goddamned week..and I'm good and pissed off.
I've heard a lot of horror stories from other people who've dealt with similar service problems..but "Centurytel" has to take the cake..win the booby prize. Their first method of dealing with our problem was to blame it all on some cyber disaster that had brought down service for our area. That turned out to be simply a smoke screen..a method of putting us off. After a few days suddenly the problem was unique to our home; more promises were made..and not followed up on. Marla talked to a supervisor, the supervisors supervisor, etc. etc.
One dude claiming to be a manager promised to get to the bottom of things and call her back within a half hour. He blew us off of course..never called back...and when Marla had to call HIM back and wait on hold and argue to be connected with him again he had no reason to offer why he didn't call back. We'd still be waiting if we had taken him at his word and you wouldn't be reading this.
Never mind the fact that I can't update this diary with "centurytel".
Without the "service" we rely on from them (and pay them $80 per month for) I can't post stuff to sell on Ebay. The bottom line is..I'll be eating ramen tonight, twice tomorrow and likely steadily next week.
Hey..maybe we can call this the "centurytel diet".
Yeah, there's cheap beer to drink..but I can't even really afford whiskey.
Anyway, after a week of empty promises instead of our "service" being restored, our basic ability to go online and check email suddenly went tits up.
Marla called 'em again..damned frustrated of course. Believe it or not, the lowly guy she spoke to magically had every facet of our internet services restored in a matter of minutes. Obviously all the other bastards Marla talked to had just fucked around.
The problem is, WE CAN'T TAKE our business elsewhere. Like you can when you get pissed off at a restaurant or grocery store or Radio fucking Shack and their asswipe battery cards.
WHY?? There's a limit as to how long email can be forewarded from one server to another. I remember the time a couple years ago our entire website vanished without warning. I went from doing a solid 3 figure's or so of label/band "business" per month to flatass zero overnight. It takes a long time...measured in years..not months to restore contact with people who buy CD's and books and magazines and vinyl and other crap. When you disappear like that potential consumers go elsewhere to other band websites and buy other supposedly similar crud. People you haven't done business with before are leery of sending money to people whose email and address info keep changing.
Besides that, I've got book proposals circulating at all times. Not to mention the fact that I've got columns with my email address in magazines being issued monthly. What if I miss out on an email from a potential publisher or film producer or some other sort of sugar Daddy or hot Mama because their email is returned??
Centurytel has us over a goddamned barrel...and I hope like hell I don't wind up WEARING said barrel to gird my loins in the fucking State poorhouse as a result.
I've also been ITCHING to weigh in on the subject of the infamous "peace mom"whose been doing turn away business with journalists for a week or so up Interstate 35 a couple hundred miles. I'm blown away at the fact that so many lefties see her as some sort of nobel icon.
Just like the lady I wrote about in the Ebay infomercial a while back, there's SOMETHING OBVIOUSLY "not right" with her. Her choice of words is poor (especially when she started in on Israel), her facial expressions remind me of the sort of whackjobs I had to deal with when I had glamorous jobs in the retail world and she overall leaves me feeling like she's one step away from being commited by loved ones.
She reminds me of certain creepy right wing Christians who I've also seen on TV taking the opposite stance that she has..in their case for emotional"religious" reasons. It revolts me when I hear bible bangers equating our war efforts as some sort of godly mission. Affairs of state should be handled by intelligent, "secular" types...not holy Joe's or weepy half-hinged bereaving Momma's.
Anyway, her criticisms of Bush have already been stated by others who are sharper and more to the point. You likely agree by now with the Bush-as-a terrorist / demonic manipulator theory or plug your nose at that stance. She has nothing to add. Get Noam Chomsky or somebody else with a bit more intellectual savvy on the job, please.
8/10/05
Here's my daily bitch. It may seem like a silly, petty gripe..but it irks the hell out of me legitimately whenever weather forecasts are delivered and the radio or TV geek announces it as being "YOUR WEATHER".
Listen closely during your next local or national broadcast...they ALWAYS use the same silly phrase: "YOUR WEATHER" as if it's something personal for me. I would much prefer that they set up the forecast with a more professional, impersonal intro such as"and now here's the current 24 hour forecast for the Denver Colorado metropolitan area".
I first noticed the "YOUR WEATHER" phrase listening to a San Antonio radio station. I attributed the nauseating kiss-ass choice of wording to the fact that the station is evidently Christian owned (it's a talk radio station). I soon after noticed that stations in Austin were using the same phrase and when we vacationed in Las Vegas I saw it on local TV stations. I've now come to realize that the cable Weather channel is part of the "YOUR WEATHER" conspiracy. I hear old broadcasters say it and young alike..male and female. I want to know...WHY??? Is there some sort of trade school where broadcasters are taught to use that expression?? Is it some sort of espionage signal..is there some sort of hidden meaning?? IS IT JUST SOME SORT OF IN-JOKE WITHIN THE INDUSTRY?? HHmm??
It's not MY fucking weather you twerps. Don't blame it on Thee Whiskey Rebel.
Somebody help me figure this one out.
Oh my god, a current TV infomercial almost had me in deep shit with Mrs. Rebel. Have you seen the pitch starring that Ebay "power seller"?? When Marla saw one Ebay seller after another after another on TV declare that they were making thousands of $$$$$ per week she wanted to know what the fuck is wrong with me!
Of course it's a goddamned scam to sell DVD seminar kits. I didn't have to research what his customers have to say about his "system" on the internet to know that the sales pitch was one constant stream of manipulative hogwash. It was obvious from the bubbly over-enthusiasm of the spokesperson bitch that something was amiss. She's an actress...and a damned bad one. Nobody THAT chipper and perky exists except in very bad B movies. Only a bloody FOOL would order anything from a commercial with a ditzy bimbo like that representing the product.
As I pointed out to Marla those people can get away with saying they sold $2,000 their first week (for instance) and pass a polygraph test because the figures they quote can be GROSS sales figures. Hey folks, if I sell my bass amp for $550 on Ebay I really didn't "make" $550 in the same sense that you get a $550 paycheck. The amp COST ME $500. After you take away a chunk of money for Ebay's listing fee and end of auction percentage I'm not going to be clearing much. Likewise, if I spend $200 on a stack of records at a record store up in Austin and sell them for $230....I didn't "make" $230.
Over the years I've seen plenty of friends sell several hundreds of dollars of stuff per week on Ebay clearing stuff out of their house. Good for them. If it's stuff that cost them a small percentage of what they sold the items for, they did well. If they sell a stack of CD's for $5 each that they paid $12 for...well, it's getting rid of junk and making some extra money but it's not like they're running a "business". The key to making money on Ebay is having a steady stream of merchandise coming that you sell at a high margin of profit. That's VERY difficult of course. The guys I know who were dealers during Ebay's early days cleaned house back then. Quite a few of them quit long ago though because there's 1) too many other people selling..you have to practically give away all but the hottest merch and 2) you see all these people at thrift stores and yard sales looking for the same stuff you are.
Anyway, this "power seller" dude (I hate that phrase) is loaded with XLNT advise that likely would've made you a bundle 5 years ago.
I'm in the process of writing a book about my Ebay experiences because I see the writing on the damned wall. Lots of stuff that used to sell consistently no longer moves at all. "Hard Rock Cafe" T-shirts for instance; I used to do well with them..but the market is glutted and the HRC freaks have already had several years of Ebay to locate what they want..their "dream" stuff they'd be willing to fork over some real cash for.
Obviously some clever sellers are now focused on selling their dated tips that are truthful in essence...but no longer that effective.
If you want to sell a mountain of vinyl you've accumulated over the years, you might do alright but you won't earn what you would've a few years ago. Sorry. Do what I'm gonna do and wait for the next big marketing idea to come along.
Checking the internet I quickly found postings by several PISSED OFF customers for the Ebay seller guide kit. It seems that they were pestered right off by phone salespeople trying to bilk them out of another $2,000 for more insider info.
It pays to be a cynic when it comes to infomercials. Just lean back and be entertained..but keep your hands off the damned telephone.
8/07/05
I really do love to be right in the long run when I make predictions about trends and fads. Frankly, I'm not wrong very often. It's easy; all you need to do to forecast the future is 1) come to a good working understanding of how imitative our rotten species is 2) detach yourself personally from the masses and their icons 3) work at a major record store in an urban area for 3 weeks or longer 4) drink heavily (go ahead and substitute weed or airplane glue if you wish).
Here's my latest prediction come true.
A few years ago it became fashionable to make "mullet" jokes about what McNally and I used to call a "mud flap" hair cuts in the 80's. Remember all the pro wrestlers with "rocker" gimmicks who sported them for instance?
Anyway, even though plenty of people whom I respect jumped onto the mullet joke bandwagon it got out of hand. There are mullet joke websites, mullet practical joke party wigs, etc. etc. etc. etc.
It's not all THAT funny. I always wondered why certain people became so thoroughly over the top absorbed in mullet jokes when their own hair style would likely be considered mundane and out of vogue in snotty, chic circles.
In Philly I saw my share of techno loving white boys in baggy, droopy ass britches (which were in all truth invented by String Bean the deceased Grand Ol' Opry legend in the 50's) which I might add they will deny wearing when they are parents...making "mullet" jokes. HAH!
No, I never wore a mud flap hair-do....go ahead and ask McNally if you don't believe me. I did have a Playboy Buddy Rose style going for a while and of course had a routine businessman's hair style for years too.
I'm currently paying notice and shaking my head at the preferred hair-do these days by fratboy studs on the make; a disheveled crop of 2 or 3 inches or so on the top..sides short...accompanied 90% of the time by a fashionable 2 day growth of stubble. I know from watching the commercials on Soapnet that every current running soap has a charachter that looks like this. It's damn sure most of the male contestents on "elimidate"sport this look.
To be honest, I inadvertantly pioneered this look at times on days off from work in the early 80's..but nobody ever considered me to be chic or stylish when I did.
Anyway, I digress.
The other day I was loading beer and food into my cop style car trunk outside of a grocery store when I saw the inevitable result of too much "mullet" humor. I believe I predicted this in a diary entry several years ago. I saw a young guy maybe Elvis's age or younger climbing out of a 2 tone 50's Chevy (a fine automobile, eh?) wearing the snazziest looking mud flap hair style I've seen in YEARS. If we had been at a bar I would've bought the kid a beer and a shot...and I bet he would've been a fine fellow to clink shotglasses with. I FUCKING KNEW that the most despised and lampooned hair-do since the Rod Stewart shag look would HAVE TO RESURFACE.
I'm not sure, but I think the guy had even frosted the lower portions of the flap. He honestly looked like ol' Magnum T.A. the wrestler in his pre-accident prime.
All you old farts in your droopy nostalgic drawers had best stand aside and make way for the NEW ORDER.
I suppose it's time to explain why in the hell I've been tuned into the Soapnet. Marla and I have been thoroughly hooked into watching "DALLAS" reruns which have been shown in religious order in sequence for a couple months now at least. We watched the show and loved it when it first ran of course. "Jobjumper" readers will recall that our rental house was torched with us inside on the night that Southfork ranch burned. It was eerie as hell awaiting the rerun of that episode. Believe it or not, that was the night we were stricken with the flat tire that couldn't be changed in San Antonio on route to Bobo and Texas Stud's birthday party. Another jolt of bad luck..but not as bad as a house fire.
I'm very aware of the fact that "Dallas" is seen by some as a typical "soap". Nothing could be farther from the truth. The writing was damned good and the acting top notch. The heel and face turns by the charachters weren't last minute shock value decisions. Every major charachter was a shitheel at one time or another but not always in an obvious or exaggerated way.
Larry Hagman is a hero of mine. I've read his book and admire him for being a true eccentric in real life. Did you know that he hasn't talked on Sunday's in many years? Did you know that even though he's had organs replaced he still straps himself into a spaceage style jetpack and flys around above the palace he lives in near Ojai California that playing J.R. Ewing earned him? UURRRRPPPPP.
The cast of "Dallas" was a hard drinking bunch. It's to their credit that the on screen beer drinkers demanded that they actually be drinking Lone Star even though more popular corporate beer labels were affixed over the labels?
For the last couple months I've started my nightly Ebay work 2 hours earlier than I have over the last several years..my life revolves around "Dallas" these days. Oddly enough I never watch the WWE anymore. "Dallas" now scratches that itch for me better than Vince's writers can.
8/03/05
I'm likely without a doubt one of the last people I know not to watch "American choppers" on the Discovery network. Even though we were booked a year or so ago to play a huge bike function the Orange County Chopper folks were scheduled to appear at (we cancelled when it became clear we weren't gonna be payed properly) I didn't get around to watching the show until I was holed up in at the Red Roof inn between days of the San Antonio city chess championship.
I enjoyed it a lot. My initial thoughts were that if Paul sr. is a TV ratings drawing hothead, some cable channel ought to film my pal the Cosmic Commander on the job. The two of them both have way more "depth" (for lack of a better word) than men of their chosen professions are supposed to have.
Paul Sr. is entertaining though. The Brothers are so different it all made me wonder if they have different Mom's. I couldn't find much info on the net about the family; I suppose they want it that way. More power to them.
My mechanical apptitude is absolutely piss poor. I'd amaze my Wife if I simply changed the oil in one of our cars for the first time in 20 years. I'm happy with my genetic makeup..really. Hey, I'm a gifted man, right?? in many ways. At least I have the honesty to admit my weak points.
Just like a lot of other viewers who watched the show from day 1, I enjoy watching the O.C.C. crew at work because it's pleasant to watch talented craftsmen in action. There's a huge load of snobs out there who look down their elite schnozzes at "plain folk" bike culture people as if they're missing links or boobs or barbarians. Several fabricators on the show are frigging ARTISANS as talented as our ancestors who made things by hand before everything started being shit out of plastic factories.
Even though I praise the show for the most part, I do have just ONE little question concerning the honesty of it's presentation.
Of course, whenever I praise something 95% I always hear from people about the 5% bellyache I registered. Don't twist my words, twerps. This is really just a minor point.
The O.C.C. work environment is delightfully supportive in spite of the occasional ball busting particularly by Paul Sr.
I have my doubts as a student of human nature and as THEE JOBJUMPER that we'd see that same "reality show" type atmosphere at the shop on a day when shooting isn't scheduled. I'm sure someday soon (if not already) some lowly disgruntled ex-O.C.C. employee will pen an unauthorized and likely partially true tell-all to make a buck.
It's inevitable..just don't be surprised.
I'm not gonna quit watching the show for that reason..there's simply a dark side to every workplace. That's my 5% bitch. UUURRRRRPPPPPP.
7/27/05
San Marcos is a fine place to live. The post office is the most efficient I've ever seen, the 3 grocery stores are pretty good and all have frequent sales on beer. The liquor stores are staffed by good people who know their shit. Best of all, there is hardly a sign to be found in the city limits that the 1960's ever took place. You have to look very closely for any sign of hippiedom; the people who are considered "hippies" don't look the part and sure as hell aren't in control.
On the other hand, even though there are a few good old fashioned bars to tank up at the music venues here are rather pathetic particularly from the standpoint of a "musician" with 25 years experience. The one local record store seems to excell at alienating young people and old alike. I enjoy shopping there, but nobody else seems to. Intelligent or even semi-intelligent written word media coverage of the music "scene" is likely amongst the worst I've ever seen 1st hand. All there is are a couple dated looking local rags slapped together with 85% add's. The "articles" seem to be cut and pasted from hokey propoganda sheets that accompany promo's.
The bookers, soundmen and other various club employees all smile and shake your hand (well..MY hand) but they employ the same old time worn manipulations and tricks and two-faced tactics I used to see in Portland in the early 80's. With Austin and San Antonio nearby San Marcos seems to be primarily a stop on a Sunday or Wednesday night for touring bands you've never heard of and never will.
We didn't move here to play music..but since we live a mile from the town square where all the clubs are, it's convenient to play here to suit our own purposes.
We did our second Alcoholics Unanimous Texas chapter show here last night at a club where the chicanery was so transparent, the light pay envelope at the end of the night was SO EXPECTED that I didn't really get mad about it. We had a good set..and it really is a good way to practice for REAL shows we've been offered and will perform at in other more significant cities across our fair land.
Unlike what my enemies real or imagined might think, my ego isn't so out of control that I automatically expect the locals to know who the fuck we "are" or "have been". Yeah, I inform them a bit in between songs from the stage. We've quickly won some fans over already. I must've talked to 20 audience members last night and answered their questions. We've managed to win over people EVENTUALLY everywhere we've ever based ourselves.
I'm not "too good" to talk to anybody who shows up and watches us play. I refuse though, to spend my precious spare time schmoozing with local-yocal rube tinhorn music scene "power brokers". We AREN'T a local band even though we live here. I'm more concerned with seeing that our stuff is received in places like the bay area, the Eastern seaboard and Germany (where we've had several releases over the years). OK??
I'm not going to lower myself to name names of clubs or bands who piss me off who are locals whom I would only elevate by bitching about.
I do as you should know by now write for a couple national magazines. I've helped my share of bands over the years achieve some acclaim outside of their putrid little burg's. I've been responsible for my share of unkown bands getting CD's and records released nationally.
Having said all that, I was PISSED off by something that happened last night that might seem small even to my bandmates.
The club we played at was strictly a beer joint. If our heel personna band Rancid Vat had played there we likely all would've dragged flasks and bottles along in spite of that. Since A.U. is a "face" band meant to make people happy through the power of drinking songs, I made a devout effort to follow the rules and leave my whiskey at home.
As usual, my schtick involved many references to the neccessity of TIPPING THE BARTENDERS. I noticed two jars crammed full on the bar by the end of our set. Fine and dandy. Mission accomplished.
Wouldn't you think that the bartenders would treat me decently after that?? Does it surprise you to read here that the motherfuckers thanked THEE WHISKEY REBEL by crudely SHANKING ME IN THE BACK??
Imagine my disappointment when I saw from the front of the stage during another bands set a full round of booze shots for the band being sent up in neat little plastic cups that clearly disclosed their contents?!?!?!?
I was saddened and hurt..for about about 2 1/2 seconds; then I got PISSED. I'm even more irked now that I think about it 24 hours later.
To the ingrate bartenders and even any of the folks from the other bands who were holding back on the whiskey, I want to say this: SHAME ON YOU. I might've put you on the map using my mighty influence..but now I wouldn't give any of you the DEW OFF OF MY SWEATY BALLS if I saw you dying of thirst in the West Texas desert.
Just because I'm working as a fan favorite on a given night DON'T YOU DARE try to take advantage of my sweet happy drunk disposition; DON'T YOU DARE to EVER ONCE hold back on whiskey from me in a situation like that.
To be honest, at A.U. and R.V. shows and Whiskey Rebel book readings from coast to coast a lot of the time I get so much booze brought up to me that it's uncomfortable to drink it all. I love each and every son of a bitch who buys me a shot or a beer out of his hard earned pay. I appreciate it...and even though I'm sometimes too wiped to identify later all the Brothers and Sisters of the bottle who honor me with booze, I make a good effort to thank you all.
Can you imagine these local's trying to hold out on ME??
Maybe it was all part of a practicle joke that Mark and Elvis are perpetrating on me?? HHmmm.
I don't want to hear a load of knee jerk compliments from bartenders and bookers and people from other bands..I already KNOW we're good. All I want is to be treated with the hospitality liquor wise that any of you would receive if you were to be in my home...WHICH NONE OF YOU will ever be.
7/27/05
I've written about my least favorite songs fairly often over the years. Any seasoned Rebel-Roo will quickly name if questioned my long term bottom "#1" ("Wildfire" by Michael Murphy).
Tonight I stumbled upon a hippie era 60's song that's SOOOoooo bad, I'm wondering how it's escaped my attention. I found it whilst entering albums for sale on Ebay. To be honest, I don't WANT to dump on the responsible artist. He's also responsible for lots of fine music particularly from the 50's. He was not only a passenger on that fateful rock and roll package tour that lead to the tragic plane crash deaths of 3 other greats (Bopper, Valens and Holly stupid) if I recall correctly from a passage in Waylon's autobiography..this is the man who introduced him to pizza: Dion DiMucci.
Dion was a guy from the streets of NYC who recorded "the wanderer"..and "runaround Sue" two great songs (he was responsible for lots of great lesser known songs too). I own a 3 LP vinyl Dion box set..and it's received it's share of play in my rumpus room over the years.
It's said that he kicked a long term heroin habit in 1968 just before he recorded one of my LEAST FAVORITE smash hit songs of the 60's.."Abraham, Martin and John". Let's just say with all due respect to Mr. DiMucci I prefer ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL to post-Peter Paul & Mary folk ditties..OK?
The LP I listed for sale tonight boasted "AM&J" as the title track; OK. Fine. I'll sell almost anything to make a buck. I know a lot of people love that song. Splendid...UURRPPP.
I was shocked to see that the 2nd song on side 1 was a Jimi Hendrix cover.."purple haze". I hadn't noticed that before. HHmmm...I thought. This could be good.
I went to cue the tune up..and..shit...I couldn't find the starting groove. Track 2 was a ballad minus guitar. OK. Maybe the tracks are listed wrong. I skipped around from song to song. Nope...no "purple haze".
As I scratched my belly and pondered what the fuck happened to "purple haze" I let track 2 play. And, that's when the shocking reality washed over me like finding a hard-on in a bar broad pickup's panties.....the "sensitive ballad" that appeared to be mastered in error was indeed the WORST FUCKING JIMI HENDRIX cover I've ever heard; not only that, it's the WORST hard-rock, metal, acid rock, classic rock or what-have-you cover I've ever heard.
I love Pat Boone's "metal" covers CD. I'm an open minded guy.
But Dion's cover of "purple haze" is so bad...it's not even funny to laugh at.
It brought to mind the classic question: "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING??" First off, Dion's version doesn't even contain a guitar track..much less a whimpy one. The prominent axe is clearly a FRIGGING FLUTE!!!! Not exactly one of my rock and roll instruments of choice.
For Christs sake...I have nothing against the flute; I used to know how to play flute in high school along with 90% of the combined woodwind instruments used in orchestra's. I even blew on a god forsaken piccolo a couple times. It's ok. Both instruments have their place. I even know of a decent rock and roll flute song (and NO it's not that Canned Heat piece of shit or "color my world" by Chicago) it's the "swinging shepherd blues" by Moe Kauffman...a 50's vinyl 7".
I'm hardly stuck in the 60's music wise. Hendrix was from a generation that preceeded me. I've learned to enjoy several of his songs...especially since I learned how one of my true all time musical favorites..tenor sax honker Big Jay McNeely influenced his stage antics. I've covered that subject before too.
"Purple haze" as warbled in a guitarless, monotone vocal, spaced out flute hippie style by Dion simply BLOWS. How has this cover song escaped my attention??
I checked before writing this..evidently the song was a floparoonie commercially. For once the listening public chose wisely.
I'm gonna sign off and get about a half dozen cue-tips and attempt to scrub the residue from that piece of crap from my ear canal's. UUUURRRRPPP!!!!
.