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Diary Archive: 01-04-05 to 02-28-05
2/28/05
WHISKEY REBEL REVIEW: (Remember! I'll review any commercial CD or Vinyl release from 2003 to present people send in..and I promise to be 98% truthful. I'm still waiting to get some stuff in the mail I'm not fairly obviously prone to liking. Don't be shy. I like quite a few genres of music).
ANTISEEN / ELECTRIC FRANKSTEIN split 7" TKO records "round 135".
These two veteran bands go together as well as Beam and Bud. Antiseen's tune is "weight of the world". It's swaggering chordal progression pegs about an 8.5 out of 10 on my catchy riff-ometer. Electric Frankenstein's "burn bright, burn fast" doesn't swagger..it rolls in an intimidating fashion resembling a too-fast cab ride down one of those steep ass hills in San Francisco.
Besides the incidental fact that both songs are kickass, I'd like to point out that TKO has busted fanny to ensure that you get an attractive single you'll show off to friends too lazy to buy this for many years to come. The vinyl is a black ink flecked solid green color resembling a kind of nauseating jello I used to see at buffets frequented by old farts (it usually had soggy marshmellows in it). There's 2 kinds of colored vinyl: 1) ordinary colored wax available from most pressing plants for a few pennies extra (yawn)..and then there's 2) fucking COOL colored vinyl that is unique like this slab. Hey, there's a quality full color cardstock sleeve wrapped around this split that's probably more amusing alone than most run of the mill bands actual records.
If by some coincidence you've just snapped out of a decade or so long coma or have just been released by your State's correctional system and haven't heard of these bands, this is a great release to begin your remedial music appreciation study course with.
2/24/05
WHISKEY REBEL REVIEW: The NERDS CD "a black star burning trails to nowhere" (Scarey records, Italy).
I knew this was something special from the first listen. I've taken my time about reviewing it and have listened to it more times than most releases because I want to do it justice.
Not all that many years ago fans of loud, kickass genres of music tended to gather in tribes dedicated to one of metal or punks sub-genres. People who cultivated the "look" of that sub-genre's music naturally swore their allegiance to that sub-genre and in many cases wouldn't be caught dead listening to anything else. It was almost comical when I'd see some extreme fan of a sub-genre walk through the Tower records store I worked at in Philly; I'd laugh to myself speculating as to whether or not they slept in their cool sub-genre identification duds.
It seems to me The NERDS seem to exist in direct opposition to that sort of mentality. It sounds like these Italian boys have been listening to the best of the best from one helluva lot of sub-genres. The result is a batch of 10 very well arranged songs with a lot of layered sounds and moods within the realm of kick-assedness.
HEY!!! Don't get me wrong!!! This isn't a load of prog-rock bullshit.
The average Hookers or Antiseen fan sitting in his dumpy duplex in Ohio or Missouri is going to react to this CD by grunting out between swills from his PBR can: "THAT FUCKING ROCKS!" as a grin parts his perma-scowl just a tad bit.
AND THAT IS GOOD. THAT'S HOW GREAT ROCK AND ROLL SHOULD BE APPRECIATED.
I just want to point out the fact that there's a lot more subtle things going on here than many listeners will recognize or need. The tracks "the traitor" "requiem for the forlorn hope" and "burning ambition" (featuring lovely guest guitar work from Florida rock-god Bootleg Bill) are layered in a similar (but different) manner that the Dead Boys layered some of their album tracks. At times guitar player Monkey Motherfucker's leads present an almost cocky, pleasant contrast to a dark metal like rhythm section.
To put that in layman's terms, it sounds like the band is triumphantly guzzling cold beers in hell. YEAH.
When I write songs for my band I usually take the cowards way out these days and try to make them as simple as possible so we don't fuck them up live (I probably should have gone that route 20 years ago!).
I can see this CD equally appealing to experienced musicians who have played in bands who know how much rehearsal time these guys have put in, AND to the average lovable beer bellied Joe who loves his loud music and his weed who smiles when he dumps beer in his goatee.
I guess I can draw a wrestling parallel here between the NERDS and Lord William/Steven Regal; his work is sophisticated if you know the art of technical wrestling well (not that I claim to) but very pleasing on a basic gut level too.
2/23/05
Well, my Wife has been home for 24 hours. I've been punished...slighty. Luckily, I was able to blame most of the perversion, insanity, poor judgement and substance abuse that took place here the week she was gone on Mark and Elvis.
** ** ** ** ** **
Seriously, I got one of those ominous, creepy phone calls you get a few times in your life from a relative you don't regularly stay in touch with to notify you of a death or serious illness. I knew from looking at the caller I.D. which still bears the name of a deceased Uncle whose family I haven't spoken to in many years that the call wasn't going to be pleasant.
My Sister (the one I grew up with) was calling from a relatives home to notify us that my Mother (the one I grew up with) had a minor stroke. She was saved from a likely instant death by the quick thinking of her Sister who called 911 fast enough to save her.
Oddly enough another Sister (by blood..we share the same Father..she grew up with our Brother who passed away very recently) emailed yesterday and noted that her Mother had in the last few days been saved by a 911 call.
Isn't that strange timing?
Oddly, even though I'm the type of guy who can get rattled and dangerously upset over trivial crap I'm pretty much in control through all this.
My last telephone chat with my Mother was good enough that I felt we had finally buried many years of animosity. I breathed a sigh of relief after that call in fact.
I think it's silly to read too much into concidental bad tidings. I don't think there's a master plan at work. My life has resembled an orchestrated soap opera for the last 2-3 years though. That can't be denied. It's a new feeling for me since "family life" was dull and barely noticable for a long, long time.
I believe your "family" is whomever you choose to recognize as such. I recently heard a friend very seriously state that a mutual friend is his "Brother"...in spite of no blood connection. I approve.
Hey, you adopted people out there...it's time to look up your kinfolk. If you don't know how, email me and I'll tell you what to do. Those of you who have or recognize no "blood kin"...look around you and recognize those people around you who are indeed "family". Those of you with normal blood ties to relations you're in touch with...carry on.
The tempo of my soap opera has heated up.
UURRP.
2/20/05
Day five or so of my Wife being out of town.
My inflatable doll dumped me.
I've been thrown out of half the bars in town for sucking farts out of bar stools.
Mark came over the other night for our moo-moo fest; we wound up both shitfaced in our backyard tree house that overlooks Ranch road 12 exposing ourselves to passing vehicles. I don't think he remembers much of the night.
The kegger I threw for the "nice" students I met the other day turned into a big brawl. I gave up on trying to mop up all the puke and blood. I don't sleep in the bed anymore..I simply curl up in a fetal position and sob myself to sleep.
Elvis got an abortion.
I'm a fullblown crackwhore now.
Shit. We forgot to leave out the recylables. I'm in for it now when she gets back home.
2/17/05
WHISKEY REBEL'S "bachelor week" update...
Damn..things have gotten livlier around here; my Wife has only been out of town for about 48 hours and I've definetly progressed from taking naps, studying chess and drinking Ovaltine.
I'm not sure, but I think I've developed an addiction to crack coccaine..and a fondness for sex with the cats (they really seem to like it rough). Friday night Mark and I are breaking out the Moo-Moo's..nuff said..it'll be a wild one.."white russians" will be the drink d'jour.
Let's see..Elvis is pregnant.
That's about it. Five more days to go....
I got band copies in the mail today of a CD Rancid Vat contributed a song to for the fine DEVILS SHITBURNER record label in Germany. It's a loving tribute to Hank Williams Sr. titled "we're getting closer to the grave each day". The bands include Before I Hang, Bootleg Bill, Born Bavarian, Hammercocks, Hammerlock, Hellstomper, Karamasov Bros. to name a few. Our track was a version of "I'll never get out of this world alive". There's a nice note inside sanctioning the trib by Hank III.
More about it later.
Right now, I've got a date with the knothole in the back fence. After that, a sitz bath with the cats in preperation for the kegger I'm throwing (complete with entertainment..a very hip yodeling/break dance routine by yours truely) for some nice students I met today and a couple dozen of their friends. I hope Marla doesn't mind I sold some of her things to buy chemical "refreshments" for all.
2/16/05 REBEL REVIEW TIME
The BORN LOSERS 7" Vinyl e.p. (Scarey records, Italy).
This label is home to some red hot rock and roll by heavyweights like Bootleg Bill, Antiseen, The Dead Kinds and my neighbours up the road in A-town the Bulemics. Imagine my surprise when I unwrapped this one to find that this band is from a place I used to consider my hometown..Portland, Oregon (a.k.a. Snoreland Boregon).
Portland is loaded...I mean fucking crammed cheek to cheek with schmoozing, "music scene totem-pole" type bands. The last time I went there my pal Mike McNally drove me around shaking his head all the while...pointing out how you rarely see anybody but trend following hipsters in many parts of the "rose" city.
I wondered..how did this weinertown band wind up on Scarey records label..which seems to have a pronounced taste for good old sick Motherfuckin' rock and roll?? HHm??
I slapped the platter on the turntable and let 'er rip; I was nodding like a dope within seconds. THE BORN LOSERS no matter what else I may write about them here understand rock and roll. They are on the right side of the fence as of this release no doubt. The songs "for Chicago girls" and "streets of this town" are kicked off by well executed catchy guitar riffs that hold my interest and then some. "Red light valentine" is a bit slower but churns damned well. There's not a trace of "alternative" pop sensibility to be heard here. Of course, that's a GOOD thing in my world. Hey, it would've been a handy thing if I had been provided with a lyric sheet. I can't tell enough about the bands "attitytude" as they say in Hostile city without one. I don't think these guys are misanthropes..but you don't have to be a sick Motherfucker to rock.
BOTTOM LINE: YES..I will play this disc for friends...and they'll likely enjoy it.
As an inquiring mind type guy, I decided to explore their website. Wouldn't you know it...they aren't native Portlanders. They're from the lovely State of Alaska. The big question is this: will they let themselves be sucked into the pretentious music scene in Snoreland in an all out push to "get signed"?? Or will they carve out their own following of REAL rock and roll fans a few sets of ears at a time?? It's their choice.
A third option is for them to pack their trunks and head to a city with balls. Hey, there's Tacoma just back up the highway 100 miles.
An odd far-fetched coincidental note; the bands name "the Born Losers" was the title to the 1st movie in the "Billy Jack" series...which directly inspired the name (and choice of hat!) of Portlands legendary wrestler Billy Jack Haynes. Rock and roll is loaded with eerie coincidences like that. Will the band enjoy Mr. Haynes success as fan favorites?? Or turn into a foaming at the mouth heel act and scare the shit out of everybody..just for the fuck of it?? We shall see.
2/15/05
The last few days have been strange. I'm still in the mourning phase I guess you could say. I've handled it all too calmly though for a wacko like me...I keep waiting for it all to really hit me. I'm sure it will. I've found myself totally speechless when people have confronted me in public with small talk...somethings wrong..I haven't seen them coming. I think there's still something I need to learn from this experience that hasn't worked its way out of my guts yet (Read the earlier entry if this makes no sense).
Marla went off on a trip to visit a relative out of State...which means I'm a bachelor for a week. Humping, jumping Jesus. I feel obligated to do something stupid. Well, not THAT stupid..maybe something gratuitously childish. I'm "allowed" to do most of the things any normal male would do even though I've been married for over a quarter century. I'm not henpecked as they used to say. It always saddens me to see a husband or wife who isn't permitted to do anything fun without their partner....that's a soundtrack for an eventual D.I.V.O.R.C.E. in many cases.
So far I've really cut loose and torn things up around here; I took a nap followed by a therapuetic foot bath. Then I had a cup of coffee and went over some chess games. WOW. Now all I need to do is slap an Osmonds LP on the stereo (believe it or not I have one and it's good.."Crazy horses") and I'll officially be as wild as Donnie when his Wife visits a distant relative.
OOPS! Gotta go..my Ovaltines ready.
2/12/05
Got some bad news an hour or so ago..one of my two "genetic" Brothers died last wednesday. He wasn't the one that I've talked to on the phone and emailed many times. I never met him..and I'm only 95% sure he knew I existed.
I'm not sure how he died..but I was told by our sister whom I've met in the flesh he wasn't long for this world; her prediction resolved itself a few days later. I don't think he went of natural causes..I believe he lead a life that made mine seem tame.
I feel like I'm breaking new ground as a mourner. It's a strange situation. A cynic might say "so what..you didn't really know him". But, he was my Brother bottom line. And, Yes. I feel like a Brother passed away.
I know one thing, I'll be staging a one man wake around here tonight.
I feel bad I never got to even meet the guy. Maybe I could have straightened his ass out enough that he'd be alive still. Maybe I would've learned some things from him too...I guess we'll never know.
What can I say?? Bottoms up, Brother. Maybe I'll know by sun rise.....
2/09/05
REVIEWS!!!!! REVIEWS!!!!!! REVIEWS!!!!!
ANTISEEN: "Badwill ambassadors" CD & "Dear Abby" vinyl 7" e.p. (TKO records Huntington Beach, Ca.). Also: "Thee from parts unknown E.P." (Scarey records Italy).
What a helluva great way to launch my reviews section of this webstite in an upbeat manner. As many of you know of course, I'm a long time friend of ANTISEEN. As far as I'm concerned they've become one of the best bands in the world any way you slice it. My ardent support for these guys once lead to me being accused of being closet gay by a drunken rock star who later met and befriended the band. I watched it all unfold..but No..I didn't say "I told you so turkey!! That was all a LOOONNNG time ago. Let's get to these releases at hand.
First off "Thee from parts unknown EP" which is pressed on superior euro-vinyl..and therefore pleasing to one's hand upon removing the platter from the beautiful gatefold sleeve lavished with pictures of the band sporting wrestling masks with the ease that the worlds dumbest bimbo Paris Hilton likely styles and profiles a face and mouthful of semen. "Dumps and dives" is a low pitched rumbling number that sets a tone of danger and delightful macho aggresion for this outing. "Mad, bad & dangerous to know" is a pumpin', humpin' and jumpin' swaggering upraised finger of a number that alone would terrify most pacifists to the point they wouldn't even flip the record for side 2. If they did (they won't) they'd get smacked in the face as if with by a North Carolina catfish from a cold stream by "from parts unknown" which glorifies masked stars of the squared circle that any REAL man will recognize but will make any whine-rock moron just go "Huh?". The disc ends with a rousing live version of a classic Antiseen tune "watch the bastard fry" which if my memory serves me was directed towards that cuddly s.o.b. Ted Bundy (to paraphrase an old SCTV skit I love: "He burned up REAL GOOD!").
The "Dear Abby" EP consists of versions (3 live) of Antiseens epic tributes to four supreme sadist/nihilist wrestlers of all time: Abdullah the Butcher, Sabu, Terry Funk and Cactus Jack. Now, I ask you....have you heard of a more promising premise for a 4 song release in years?? OF COURSE it's fucking great. If you have the sense to appreciate hardcore wrestling but sadly don't know dick about Antiseen..here's a great place to start. There may be hope for you yet. My copy is pressed on lovely blue swirl vinyl incidentally. An insert has been lovingly inserted with directions to Abdullah's home base eatery in Hotlanta. FUCK that Bobby Flay yuppie crap..Go order a big platter of studly ribs..and tell Abby's staff Antiseen sent ya'.
Which leaves us with "badwill Ambassadors"...an epic full length release that has been declared as their best by a good friend of mine in a thoughtful review in Carbon14 magazine. Well, trying to name the best Antiseen album is like trying to pick which one of your teeth is your favorite. They ALL have a special purpose and are all capable of being declared "the best" based if only on the sentimental memories you attach to your personal preference. A new Antiseen full length release is to savy listeners educated in the realm of rock and roll what a new Scorcese film is to movie buffs. That may seem like exaggeration..but who amongst all ye Antiseen fans hasn't played every one of their albums even more often than you've watched "Taxi driver" or "Goodfellas'"? If there's a "theme" at work here it would be that several of these songs seem to be a response to the sort of pansy, psuedo-intellectual critics who think Antiseen are a bunch of non-politically correct barbaric rednecks. The point is, OF COURSE they are! But that's a GOOD thing from the standpoint of many of us. That's precisely why we love this band. "No apologies", "scapegoat" and "F.T.K." (fuck the kids) will be as welcome to the do-gooder creeps who hate everything these guys stand for as a handful of Mr. Fuji's sneaky blinding salt. If that doesn't have 'em peeing in their crusty punk britches "Pledge allegiance to the bomb" will definetly do the job. "The devil meets the longhaired weirdo" is a Southern rock classic that may be the best cut on this CD. Then again, "ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag" and "weight of the world" will likely be the favorites of others..it's hard to say.
Musically, I'm very impressed. This isn't mere punk rock..this isn't pure metal..this is ROCK AND ROLL pal. The usual Antiseen toe-tappin' factor logs in high here once again. The vast majority of great heavy handed kickassss rock and roll bands sound whimpy and over produced by their 3rd or 4th album. That's sure as hell not the case here. There's a damned sure connection to the early Antiseen albums at work..but they aren't just lazily going through the motions. Most importantly, unlike some of their peers..they aren't afraid to be compared with their own great earlier work which has been embraced by a lot of fans world wide.
Let's see. CAN I THINK OF SOMETHING BAD TO SAY about these releases? Sure, it's easy. They keep playing the same 7 notes (and the accompanying sharps and flats) over and over again; when will they come up with some new notes? And hey..why aren't the two EP's full length releases?? HHmm??? See. They could be releasing several full length albums per year, right? Why can't they play every two-bit fucking little town in the U.S. on a regular basis to suit every last existing handful of rabid fans?? HHmm? Yes, they may have to sacrifice their personal lives and abandon their loved ones and subsist off of peanut butter to do so.....but don't they owe it to us??
YEAH......SURREEEEE!!!!!!
2/03/05
The mighty, immortal BLOWFLY will be playing SXSW in Austin...and hopefully I'll be allowed into the venue to watch the shit come down. I've been a fan of BLOWFLY for many, many years. I especially enjoy his album of soul classics including "shitting off the dock of the bay" and his disco era gems like "Blowfly meets Darth Vader" and "Blowfly's convoy". I understand the man will be sharing the stage with Antiseen sometime soon; if you are dumb enough to miss that, you're an ignorant peckerwood my friend.
I'm supposed to undergo an eye exam tomorrow and maybe get fitted up for newer glasses. If it happens it'll be in spite of my hangover and my recovering from foot injuries that make me want to ram a harpoon up your mama's cunt. Marla will be dragging me by the ear down there..more power to her.
Elvis and I watched a great documentary about Bowie's Spiders from Mars era tonight. Besides admiring Trevor Bolder's foot long sideburns (!!) I enjoyed getting some behind the scenes poop on one of my favorite periods in Rock and roll. Mick Ronson was absolutely fucking brilliant...it's too bad he's gone. Listen to "Jean Genie" and tell me that band didn't kick ass in a Muddy Waters meets glam way that lots of English bands attempted but rarely pulled off.
10 years ago we recorded a Rancid Vat tribute to Bowie entitled "Bowiecide" that I'm still proud of. It's amazing how many main stream Bowie tribute websites list it alongside Duran Duran and Bauhaus and a couple hundred others. The outstanding thing about our e.p. in my opinion is the fact that it's major technical fuckups...were all hopefully at least partially covered up by EFFECTS, EFFECTS and MORE EFFECTS in an amusing, self efacing cheesey manner. The effects fit the mood of a band of rock butchers bashing our way through songs like "Diamond Dogs" and the very gay and swishy Velvet Underground meets Hubert Selby number "Queen Bitch".
We've delivered a lot of other tributes over the years too of course. A lot of Vat fans hate Bowie plain and simple. Oh well.....I wouldn't even be married to Marla if it weren't for the "thin white duke"..what can I say? I haven't liked much of his music in about a quarter century..but what the fuck..even the Stones have sucked throughout most of the same time period.
I'll happily crack a fart in the face of anybody who can't handle the "Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars" album. Pucker up sweetie:
2/02/05
I got a nice package or REVIEW items from Italy today. No, I haven't forgotten to launch my reviews project for this diary. I'll be starting off with no less than 3 (count 'em) Antiseen releases. I'll soon be following up with the other label items I got.
I WASN'T KIDDING in my entry in which I vowed to review right here whatever commercial, newer than 2003 CD's and vinyl treats I receive. I hope to get some stuff from bands who are having trouble getting their stuff reviewed at all.
Remember! I've promised to be mostly honest. Don't send it in if you can't handle criticism. If you know me..don't assume I'll review something just because I own a copy. You need to ask me to cover it here. You know my email address.
It's been a hellish night. I couldn't sleep when I tried..but I bet I will after I drink what's in front of me. OH YEAH. HELL YEAH. FUCK YEAH. My black Dixie cat provided some much needed company. He's rude a lot of the time..but seemed to sense my trauma tonight. He was responsible for 2 seperate wacky alcoholic drink spills in about 30 seconds on a night last week...so it's good to see him making up for his wasting alcohol.
Jinx cat is an old friend and all..but he's a nervous feline. Dixie has icewater running through his veins.
I've been steering clear of the TV since my bad experiences last week. I've concluded that if I had to name a current "best channel" it would definetly be the Arnold Palmer owned Golf network. There's damned few infomercials..and even some of them are fun to watch since they're golf related.
I love to watch golf improvement shows since they relate in an abstract way to my CHESS game. Think about it; they are both sports played by amateurs and pro's alike. Players are constantly looking for slight improvements to make in their games. You have to be very honest with yourself to improve in either game.
I haven't golfed in 25 fucking years of course. The golf tournament I played in that's written about in "Jobjumper" was one of the last times. I had to quit because as my expectations were raised asIi got into the game more and more...I began losing my temper too often. I seriously, physically tried to wrap a few clubs around tree trunks. No kidding..bending the shafts.
Unfortunately it's a rich mans game now or I might take it up again. I had a good knack for it...it's closely related to chess like I say. I'm a bit surprised my old pal Mike McNally doesn't golf several times per week. Maybe Mike Schuppe too for that matter. I'm sure the Cosmic Commander of Wrestling makes up for both of them. I do wonder though if he wears his little turban out on the links...HHmm???
1/26/05
KIDS: cartoons, cussing, racism, bibles, chess, perverts, adoption, etc.
Damn, I know a lot of people who have very young kids. One of these days I'll finally write a lengthy parenting piece. Until then, here is the short course. I have a lot of shortcomings...and I'm still a childish boob at times...but I succeeded as a parent by sticking to some well thought out strategy. If you're a parent you really do need to put your kids first. That means you don't drag them along to places they will not be comfortable in..such as lots of restaurants or airplanes or places where they will not have fun and raise hell such as movie theaters.
That's very important. Also, you have to squeeze in all the fun things in life you want to do AFTER you take care of your kids. It's not that hard. Figure out a way to keep the kids AND you happy..or be prepared to set aside your own pleasures for the time being.
Kids like to watch TV. In my opinion, that's not as catastrophic a way to pass the time as some "experts" suggest. You're a fool if you don't get involved with your kids and watch their favorite shows with them sometimes. It means a lot to them to be able to explain to you some silly cartoon made for kids that you may have trouble understanding. REMEMBER! You likely watched some pretty assinine stuff when you were a kid...and you loved it when adults watched it with you.
Some parents are so 100% focused on seeing to it that their kids don't swear..that they drive them to it by making the words magic. As my son Elvis was growing up he confirmed at a very young age that this was the truth about kids of friends of ours. I wouldn't make such a big deal about his if it weren't for the fact that I've seen so many parents who swear like sailor's in port smack and yell at their kids for saying a naughty word. HEY! Your intentions may be good..but there are more important things to worry about. Keep it in perspective.
And oh yeah...FUCK that soap in the mouth bit.
A damn lot of people I know have notions about folks of certain other races that are frowned on by the p.c. police. I've probably had more enemy's in my life of my own skin color than any other. Still, I don't wag my finger at people who are grown adults with deep seated predjudices. Hey, we all have our OWN lives to live.
That being said, a huge number of young people in this country over the last quarter century at least have been raised to be color blind. Kids that come up in the future will for the most part fall in line with them...NOT with the old folks who were raised during the 30,s or 40's or 50's...and NOT with people of your generation. I'm not saying joking about a stereotype now and then isn't healthy..I'm saying that if you come across to your kids like a hateful monster they will eventually in all likelyhood be ashamed of you at some point in their life. You don't want that.
If you need to bitch about some strangers behavior in public..DON'T focus on their skin color...simply point out what bothers you about them.
We come to the bible; my way of dealing with preachy relatives was to warn them calmy ahead of time that for every time they brought up their religious views to my Son..I would personally spend at least an equal amount of time scrutinizing their claims. If you're an atheist or agnostic or pagan or monotheist or just don't give a fuck it's important that you don't prevent kids from normally handling a bible or religious tract. You might just drive them towards it if you're not careful. Hey..we all have to make our own choices.
If you decide to cram the christian religion down their throats in a hardcore manner....I hope they TURN OUT LIKE ME!!!! That's what you deserve!
Most parents are aware of pervert priests (finally) and scoutmasters; HEY! what about the freaks in your own family. I'm dead serious. Keep an eye on those cousins and Uncles and others. If you think that it's not possible in your own family..fucking guess again. For more on this subject visit Andrew Vachss website. Read an interview or two with the man. Wise up.
If you want your kids to have an advantage academically or musically, Chess is a great game to teach them. Yeah, yeah..I'm a nut about it my self..but it's just a damn good way to improve one's intellect and have fun at the same time. Monopoly is fine..poker rules..but chess is something they can really sink their little teeth into. I've known a lot of fucked up people in life who held things together because they focused on the game instead of huffing glue or sitting flatass BORED in front of the TV for years and years.
One of the smartest moves I ever made was making contact with my "birth" relatives. I don't dislike the Mother who raised me any less (they always ask about her). I've known of many screwed up people (including Ted Bundy) who hated the world because they weren't told the truth about their birth parents. Be honest about matters involving other relations. Don't decide for your kid which of them are worth knowing. If you try to steer your kid away from a bad parent or that persons parents...it'll likely come back to haunt you. If you are technically what is referred to as a "step-Mom" or Dad...I hope you rise to the occasion like several I personally know. It's tough...but in the long haul the payback almost always works out nicely..even though its tough to imagine the little brats being mature adults. If you're a bad "step-parent"....you don't deserve shit in return.
That's a lot of opinionated "wisdom" boiled down into a page or two. I think I did pretty good. UUURRRP.
1/23/05
Even though I'm proud of the fact that I rarely waste much time in front of the boob tube, I've spent the last couple days watching television while yet another minor foot injury heals up.
This is the first time I've really sat down and experienced it full throttle in years.
When I was a kid the TV in my bedroom saved me from having to be around and thus deal with my parents several hours out of each day.
There were only 5 channels available back then..3 networks, a fuzzy reception "educational" channel and the local Portland Oregon independant station "KPTV". As strange as it may sound to all you youngsters (especially all you fellow night owls) most of the stations signed off the air by 1:00 a.m. using very hokey test patterns or old fashioned video clips of a marine honor guard lowering a flag. KPTV salvaged many a night thanks to the fact that they ran old movies until 3:00 or so.
Of course, now we have cable TV hookups and 600 channels...there's lots to watch 24/7, right?? OF COURSE NOT!!
It took me only two days..TWO BLOODY DAYS to figure out the evil truth about how pathetic cable television is. Amd to think, lots of you watch it 6 hours per day year in and year out and probably never realize how you're being conned into thinking you're being provided with topnotch entertainment around the clock.
Where do I start??
Perhaps with the SHEER VOLUME of the repetitive commercials (they do it intentionally of course knowing it's annoying).
Then there's the fact that even though technically on paper most of the channels have programming all night long..90% resort to infomercials by 2:00.
Then there's the channels such as the History channel, the food channel and scores of others that run the same two programs (if it's a long one..the same SINGLE program) back to back all day and night....and sometimes they even run the same show two days in a row.
HEY YOU STUPID FUCKS!!! YOU'VE ALL BEEN CONDITIONED TO BELIEVE THAT FIRST RUN "NEW" EPISODES ARE SOME SORT OF SPECIAL TREAT!!
At least when there were so few channels they'd have new programming for the most part...with the exception of re-runs that would NEVER be run twice in the same day or week or month.
I know a lot of people who watch the same episodes of shows they like more than once in a week assuming there's nothing better to watch...yet they seem to do so happily as if there's nothing wrong about that.
Here's another horror story. I finally thought I had found a great new show tonight by accident. It was a cynical collection of home made video clips showing people doing stupid things like falling off mountains and getting into headon collisions thanks to their own stupidity.
WOW! I thought. Maybe this will start a new trend! Mayne there is hope for television.
Elvis has just sadly informed me that he was just watching another channel and another show with a different title and was treated to some of the EXACT SAME FUCKING FOOTAGE of a guy being mauled by a kangaroo.
GREAT! The wonderful new show isn't new at all...just a recycled illusion of one.
OH YEAH...and then there's the fact that even though you have 600 channels that it's only part of the illusion of value. You see the same 75 channels several different places on the dial.
It seems like most people under 35 have their favorite handful of shows that they follow religiously...often watching episodes (including an occasional new one) over and over and over.
Until the VCR came along in the 80's you couldn't do that; you were stuck with whatever fresh programming the networks and the independant and eduactional stations came up with. If they ran a favorite movie of yours.....it might be your only chance to see it for another year or maybe longer. Yeah, maybe a lot of TV programming stunk back then. I'd much rather smell a foul pile of shit ONCE than have to keep smelling it several times in a week.
Of course, there's another option...one that I now have taken advantage of with an ear to ear grin on my bearded, soused mug...that's tuning my television to my all time FAVORITE channel...one that my Daddy liked beyond all others too..it's found by clicking onto your "OFF" switch on your handheld remote.
Wouldn't you know...that happens to be my favorite radio station too!!
1/18/05
NEW WEBSITE FEATURE FOR 2005...MUSIC REVIEWS.
HEY, WHY THE FUCK NOT??
My bowel movements aren't all that flashy anymore..so I need something to go off on.
I've tried to avoid turning this humble, personal "diary" into a cesspool of plugs for every band I know. But, what the fuck. For 2005 just for the fun of it I want to shake things up a bit. For the rest of this calender year, I hereby GUARANTEE to review..however briefly...every commercial music release (CD and vinyl formats) sent to me for this purpose RIGHT HERE on this page.
I will review small time projects by unknowns side by side with more celebrated releases. I will review any genre of music you send in with the understanding that I don't like very much music from certain genres (such as whiney alternative, ska-pop and hip-hop) and will likely not have anything pleasant to say about stuff I hate.
I've been a big fan of every rock genre from rockabilly to punk to metal for a long goddamned time. I dig funky shit..and ancient R&B and soul. I'm especially prone to liking stuff by one man bands. I enjoy some bizarre noisy projects. I'm a huge traditional country fan of course. If you have any new classical recordings laying around I'll frigging review THEM.
I will consider releases dated 2003-2005 as "new" since I consider a release a couple years old fairly "new".
Here's the catch: I will be honest 95% of the time.
As a reviewer in the past I've always shown a special liking for creative or unexpected sounds as opposed to bands who sound like the flavor of the month or the year or the whatever the fuck you have. FUCK TRENDS...I THEE WHISKEY REBEL TRANSCEND ALL TRENDS. I also like many bands who are diehards for their type of sound whether or not they're doing something "new" or not. I like different cd's and records for different reasons. For instance, I wouldn't judge a surf release using the same identical standards as I would a country cd.
I can't return anything sent in....and I can't be pushed to observe a deadline. If you're a band or label feel free of course to use whatever I have to say about what you send in.
In the past I've been a bit hesitant (with a few exceptions) to review releases by bands I know since I'll be hurting the feelings of a dozen other bands who I know and don't mention and who are often equally deserving.
I'll begin next time with a review of the new Antiseen CD and a brilliant new e.p. of their as well.
DON'T BE SHY...SEE YOUR BANDS NAME ON THIS PAGE...for better or worse. Send your cd's and vinyl to: Thee Whiskey Rebel c/o brilliancy prize records P.O.Box 1781 San Marcos, Tx. 78666
REMEMBER!!! No cd or record will be considered too retarded or fucked up to either have a good laugh at...or receive a Texas sized dose of praise.
LABELS...Include whatever written matter you want to include to explain the project to me...but beware of offending me with over the top hype.
I gave football ONE MORE CHANCE this last weekend...just for Rocky up in Illinois. My last experience with the game (remember..I used to be a hardcore fan long ago) was a couple months ago; I specifically hated the commentary. This time around I was pleasantly surprised to actually find the commenators to be unbiased and not prone to fabricating pretentious excitement at all.
I enjoyed the Steelers victory and recognize that they are indeed an oldschool team. I almost threw caution to the wind and watched the Falcons game afterward but I glanced at the screen (which had been muted) and saw a bunch of players doing the moronic "raise the roof" bit right off the bat in the end zone and decided they aren't my type of team. The next day I closely watched the Colts-Patriot's game and was once again impressed. I really enjoy defensive football battles maybe for the same reason I enjoy a good slow positional chess struggle as opposed to error filled shootouts.
Thank you Rocky...for urging me to give it another go.
I'll give the NBA another chance too...but as soon as the hip-hop lifestyle factor reaches the red zone on my bullshit detector I'm changing the channel.
1/16/05
As I've possibly pointed out before, I've never actually gotten my ass kicked by anybody in my entire life...with the exception of my old man of course.
NOT ONCE.
On the other hand I've been chased by "gangs" of bullies as a little kid numerous times and threatened with beatings in junior high school that never materialized that I only occasionally ran from. I went to the most pacifist high school in the world...the only fights that took place between students were at keggers or elsewhere off campus. As an adult in my 20's I was a flint head who flew into a rage sometimes but I never got my ass kicked as a result. I was pulled apart from a bouncer who had attempted to destroy my Wife's bottle of whiskey once..that's probably the closest I came for many years.
We've caused a lot of trouble in a lot of clubs over the years..and still no ass whuppin'.
I want to be honest about this though.
I would've had my teeth rammed down my throat in several road rage situations if I hadn't sized up the other dude as being able to destroy me at will and backed away. I don't believe there's any shame in that...it's just smart..whereas a lot of you fellas and some of you meaner gals would never walk away.
In every case it was just a stranger...so who gives a fuck?? I wouldn't be prone to talking my way out of duking it out with somebody I had some sort of personal connection to.
Lots of fights start in bars. I'm NOT the kind of drunk who starts shooting his mouth off after having a few. What can I say?? I'm always happy to get loaded. The only time I start calling motherfuckers out is when we're on stage.
Well, there are exceptions. I really DID start the trouble when I scuffled with the moonie selling flowers in a bar..HE was the one who wound up on his ass in the street with his glasses busted..NOT ME!
I'm 6 foot 2 and have been at least 250 pounds since the late 80's or so. When I weighed in at 210-220 in the early 80's more assholes were lipping off at me in taverns than have since I added a gut. It should be obvious why.
Since I've gotten nice and plump the guys most likely to act like they want to start up something are small fellows that evidently have ye olde "Napoleon" complex.
I laugh dumbfucks like that off. Yeah, it'd be within my rights to sit on a few of them and slap them til they cried...but fuck that.
I'm definetly middle aged now. I refuse to take any shit off of young dumb asses that I think I can catch. If they're yelling from across the room..oh well..big deal. If they're nearby I won't take it.Yes..I'm slow..and prone to occasional injuries. But I have a very, VERY bad temper. I'm not afraid of a little blood...and I'm not going to back down from using any rough and tumble methods including foreign objects. No, I'm NOT going to box some college football player. If he gives me shit, I may have to blind side him with a cue stick..and I'll make it a damned BIG one.
I am very sick in the head...and hold grudges like you wouldn't believe in some cases. I'm not afraid at my age of taking my first ass kicking..but if you're feelin' froggy and want to take me on you'd better realize that if you don't finish the job you've issued me a license to use every dirty trick I can think up either to your face or behind your back to make your life a living hell.
Again, for the record. I'm not going to kung fu you or kickbox or high fly around the room. I'll try to draw you in close and smash a vulnerable part of your body such as your knee, your ball sack, your eyes, your Adams apple, temples, etc. If I can get behind you I'll clamp on a choke hold with the inside of my elbow and drag you to the floor where I can use my weight on you. Why do you think I've studied Abdullah the Butchers matches for years??
The rule book will not be used..because RULEBREAKERS RULE.
Incidentally, I've backed up friends religiously over the years. It's amazing that some of their flapping mouths didn't get us killed..but I'm still here..and so are they.
A few rules to guide your tavern survival by:
1) don't EVER fuck with Dwarves or women (if you're a guy).
2) don't ever turn your back near a pool table if there's some heat in the room (because of the available pool cues dummy).
3) If two guys are fighting over a woman..and one gets tossed out of the bar..he could be coming back with a piece. Best to drink up and find another bar. This goes DOUBLE if the folks are Mexicans (this was drilled into my head by a Mexican buddy long ago).
4) Remember gals, chicks who love to brawl are proportionately more brutal than guys who brawl. If you're a "nice" girl you'd best walk away from tangling with a bona fide she-demon.
5) Most bar fights that end with the guys hugging are usually followed by a swift free round of pitchers. Take advantage of this.
6) If you get into a dispute at a bar where people know what vehicle in the parking lot is yours, best to move it or guard it from a cheap shot vandal attack.
7) a good way of talking yourself out of a trouble spot when you know deep down that YOU'VE BEEN A DICK and want out..is to suddenly declare that you're sorry you've been an asshole...but you just found out that A) you have cancer B) your baby has cancer C) your Mom had a frigging stroke D) maybe all of the above in a really bad situation until something works.
8) Don't EVER stare at people in drinking establishments unless you're looking for a good slobberknocker.
9) Don't be intimidated because you're gonna be fighting somebody of another race...no matter what race you are.
10) If you're in an unfamiliar place you'd better learn what consists of FIGHTING WORDS. For instance, in many parts of the Northeast if you make a crack about somebody's Mom even in jest..it WILL mean a fight. In some parts of the South you can call somebody's Mom an old stinky cunt...but don't insult Hank Williams Sr. In some cities you can't knock the local sports teams..and in others you'll be bought a few free rounds if you DO. Go figure.
1/14/05
I've been in poor health over the last few fucking days. So what! You don't care. Why should you?
I've still been bashing out a few pages every day faithfully for the book I'm working on. Moving my writers chair and computer to a room without quite as much a view of seniors out on power walks has helped.
All the old BAD memories of the time period I'm writing about have been slithering up out of their coffins for another crack at driving me nutso. Of course in a way I'm still as yet stuck in the same time period which doesn't really help much.
I'll be rehashing over and over again every bad Ebay experience from the last 6 years; every horrid fucking record show I've been part of and some other mostly bad experiences experienced in making a buck...or at least trying damned hard to.
As further inspiration to my efforts Ebay announced earlier today a huge increase in fee's for sellers. There are a lot of dealers pissing and moaning to the media of course. What the hell...if Ebay can get away with it (yeah they can) they will. Similarly if the horrified Ebay dealers can find a way to pass the charges on to the buyers they will...without shedding a tear for them. It's a jungle out there, hey.
I have no sympathy for anybody..and I'm not sending a dime to Sri lanka either for that matter. Let Ebay or my fellow Ebay sellers or buyers or somebody with some actual fucking REAL MONEY do it. What the hell...do folks in Sri Lanka or Burma or Togo or Bang-the-desk ever send money to me when I can barely afford a case of beer to get me through the night?? Of course not.
Hey....does that upset you?? OK. Go call on Al Sharpton or Michael Moore or Dick Cheney or Vincent K. McMahon or Bruce Springstink or Boner from U2 or Billy Graham or some other self professed sympathetic, caring individual and leave me the fuck alone.
It's time for my once every 15 minutes blast of diahrrea..BBBRRAAPPPPP down your Mothers throat.
1/10/05
THE POWER OF POSITIVE DRINKING IN ACTION. Lesson 1.
Problem: Marla makes great salsa...but it leaves me with burning bowel movements the next day.
Solution: I'll eat it only when drunk. That way I'll simply blame my burning shit it on something else.
END OF PROBLEM.
Problem: Whenever I try to drink beer without spilling a lot of it in my stylish goatee I slip up and wind up with a beardful.
Solution: Don't think about it...that way I won't "choke" and wind up with beer in my beard.
END OF PROBLEM.
Problem: I'm very, very drunk and can't think of anything clever to end this diary session (which I probably shouldn't have started) off with.
Solution: Cuss a lot...and then make some more references to fecal matter.
9GODDAMNED YOU SHIT SUCKING SON OF A BITCH; KISS MY MOTHERS BALLS YOU TWAT!! Shave my balls PREACHER!?!?!? I bet you I left more shit stuck to the toilet rim than you did. When's the last time you took one of those big shits where you had to ease up off your perch and bang your ass on the stool and maybe swat your butt cheek to shake a big hunkie off your bum??
END OF PROBLEM.
1/08/05 #2
OK..I finally got a chance to watch to watch the TNA "Impact" wrestling show on FSN. I went into it with an open mind. Well, as open as I could be to a promotion that employs a lot of retread wrestlers I've been tired of for years already.
From a wrestling stand point it was about what I expected. There were matches involving some great young indy card works like A.J. Styles and Petey Williams that were pretty good. That was the highlight of the show for me.
Unfortunately, a huge amount of attention was given of course to guys like Jarret, Nash, D.D.P and the skilled but reportedly flakey Hardy Brother. I absolutely hated the final years of W.C.W., so you can bet that dialogue that referred to those days years did nothing to endear me to this new show.
Luckily Vince Russo is no longer part of TNA or I wouldn't have watched the show at all tonight. Dusty Rhodes is head booker..and I have no grudge against him at all.
I didn't see the need for the six sided ring. I didn't see it used in any novel way. NOT ONE..by even the strong wrestlers. Marla thought it looked pretty hokey too. Her thought was that the show seemed to resemble Elvis's PS2 video game matches.
I hated the studio it was filmed in and the plastic look. It seemed reminiscent to me of that cheesey old "American Gladiator's" show..or that old "Global wrestling" promotion that never got off the ground. The "fans" looked to me like soft suburban folks on vacation. ECW fans were often borderline psychotic..no comparison. Compared to the crumbling but cool arenas ECW's televised matches were taped in the arena just looked wrong to me.
The audience and the arena are BIG parts of wrestling on TV. I've always loved the hokey TV studio set used for Saturday morning Memphis tapings for years. Just watching the matches at home on the beloved "Portland wrestling" shows I grew up on made you practically smell like stale cigar smoke and peanuts.
Wrestling matches should take place in V.F.W. halls, armorys built 80 years ago and converted bowling alleys...NOT frigging Disney studios. What are they thinking??
I really, really wish I could watch ROH cards regularly..but fat chance. Happily a very cool fellow wrestling and booze freak from San Diego sent me several hours of ROH from a while back (THANKS Ted..I owe you several rounds) but humping jumping Jesus...until they go national there's not much I can do about watching their shows regularly. I don't have much of an entertainment budget at all to work with. It all gets spent on alcohol.
It was great seeing Candido and Raven and Shane Douglas and some others....but I'm not anxious to see TNA again any time soon.
Oh yeah..I almost forgot. The little between match vignettes were often incomprehensible. This is an area in which WWE can be weak or strong depending on whether or not you've got a talent like Angle or Jericho (thumbs UP!!!) at work or some forgetable Diva bimbo.
I didn't see any great heel charachters tonight either..not ONE who can hold a candle to potent guys like Christian and the Smackdown champ who has the internet geeks pissing themselves...my fellow Texan Bradshaw.
Years ago whether it was the 1960's, 70's or 80's you could tune into just about any territorial wrestling show without having ever watched it and picked up right away on precisely WHY two guys or two tag teams feuding were pissed off at each other. Marla and I were both confused by tonights TNA show. We weren't drawn into any feuds..although we did indeed see some decent wrestling matches.
Hell, I've got about 400 VHS tapes loaded with wrestling matches accompanied by "ring psychology" you can sink your teeth into. I wish TNA well. I hope they make improvements and make me want to watch it again. It DID make my scrotum tingle a bit to be watching wrestling on TV on a Saturday night which I managed to do for a quarter century or so thanks to the late great Don Owen.
Maybe TNA could steal a march on the WWE and bring back REAL tag teams?? Or, how about bringing back charismatic managers?? HHMMM????
If you're a new reader to this diary, remember..there is a difference between my "opinions" on wrestling shows and those of bona fide experts. I don't consider myself an "insider" just because I've met a few of the wrestlers. They themselves know about what's really going on behind the scenes..NOT ME. There are sponsers to deal with, TV network assholes, parents groups pissing and moaning, etc. I'm glad to see wrestlers collecting a payday..including ones I'm not a fan of. I really wish there were many, many shows to choose from including some that champion the sort of kiddie oriented stuff I've never liked and shows for folks who are nostalgic about W.C.W.'s final days.
1/08/05 #1
By popular demand, here is Thee Award Winning Bukowski portrait tattoo emblazened on my forearm by Mark Von Diehl at "Live Electric Studios" located in lovely downtown San Marcos TX. Come get some!!
contact: liveelectricstudios.com.
1/04/05
Maybe to you this weekend was about celebrating the prospects of a (yawn) "new year". Yeah...SSUUURREEEEE. Lots of new great things will happen. I remember when I was a kid it was a holiday worth observing because you could actually tell one year from another. Nowdays wrestling is on life support, even "good" genres of music has been stuck in neutral for about 8 years, new cars are nothing to look forward to, TV blows dogshit, etc. To me, the weekend meant a chance for me to compete in another chess tournament. I've been mildly upset I had to miss two in a row in favor of playing music..so I wan't going to miss the "new years open". I headed down to San Antonio early in the afternoon Friday to hit a place where I buy a lot of cheap vinyl to sell on Ebay. I didn't find a lot of stuff. From there I headed to my home for the weekend..a Red Roof Inn with dirt cheap rates.
Unfortunately, I can't commute an hour each way back and forth to a tournament that starts so goddamned early in the morning; I've got to have a home base. I checked in about 6:00 pm or so. My room had two double beds in it and a window with a view of Ye Olde neon motel sign by the front door.
I've stayed a couple times in that motel before and am very familiar with it. For some damn reason whenever I stay there I feel like I'm back in New Jersey working a record show. HHmm.
It took me a couple annoying trips to haul all my drinking supplies and bottled water and chess set and 20 books and clothing and cooler up a couple flights of stairs. I wished somebody else was along on the trip for the first time so I could get them to help.
Luckily there were no pinks or mollycoddles along to piss and moan about me throwing beer cans around the room or parading around in my shorts. Likewise I felt quite comfortable watching ungodly stupid TV shows that I never would allow myself to get caught watching back at home.
Of course I knew damn well that far from feeling lonesome Marla would have a relaxing time watching her same holy trinity of TV shows (family guy, Andy Griffith and the Simpsons) over and over and over without me there to make occasional wise cracks. She needs to have me away once in a while..and I sure as fuck am not lonesome or blue being by myself in a motel. Motel's give me a LIFT. Of course I've described that aspect of the Whiskey Rebel lifestyle many times in magazine columns for Carbon 14, Hitlist and Amp. It would have been fine if Elvis or Mark or both of them wanted to come to the tournament..but you've got to be pretty hardcore into chess to miss all the festive New Years bullshit amateur drunk parties.
I studied chess until 8:00 pm..sort of a final tune up.
Then, it was off to a chinese buffet (excuse me..."Asian" is the p.c. word I'm told) where I ate for $5.25 and read about bowl games featuring teams I haven't cared about for 30 years or so. The buffett was fantastic featuring several home made delights as opposed to the same old stuff that makes you think all those places are somehow mysteriously connected as part of a Chinese human wave invasion.
I was back in my room by 9:00 pm..right on the numbers...just in time to get drunk hopefully by 1 or 2. I had a wake up call set for 7:40!! Now you see why I didn't drive back and forth, eh??
I watched some of the most goddawful TV I could while I had the chance. I watched about 8 minutes of Seinfeld which means I've suffered through it for a total of about 20 minutes or so in this life time. I couldn't miss a couple convenient episodes of one of the TV shows I fucking LOATHE more than any other: "sex and the city". YUCK!
Hells bells, I HAD to watch bad TV..since there was no good stuff to watch anyway. Next I watched several episodes of an HBO original production called "entourage" about a young hunk movie star and his three formulaic pals enjoying life and striving to get layed (laid?) in Hollywood. I can't believe I watched it for so long. I did really enjoy one heel charachter in the show..a pushy, unscrupulous agent. The young stud and his pals were all comic book like fools. I wished they'd have an episode in which a crazed female stalker would slice off their dicks in their sleep.
After precisely 12 spartan beers (no shots) I retired and slept for 5 hours or so. I totally ignored all the New Years countdown bull shit. FUCK IT..who cares?? They shouldn't even count years as boring as the last few.
I got up early Saturday morning and took a good preliminary dump. Then, I went to the lobby for a small cup of coffee (you don't want to peak too soon) downed it and had another more satisfying one (a dump that is..not more coffee).
Off to the airport Hilton which was the tournament site.
I didn't see any familiar faces with the exception of a few strong players I've seen at other tournaments. In the first round I was paired with a guy who is a fairly strong expert. I made a boneheaded mistake in the opening and followed it up with a bigger mistake on move 15. I lost. In retrospect I realize I played too fast..but the first round of the tournament is only lotted a short 90 minutes for all your moves..sort of a "sudden death" format.
I'm always up to playing the strongest opposition. In round 2 I was paired with an even tougher opponent..a strong ass full blown chess master who had been upset in round 1.
I played the opening well but made a miscalculation on about move 15 that lead to a loss. It's always very cool when experienced masters tell you where you went wrong after the game. It's sort of a tradition amongst true lovers of the game. When I destroy somebody at a lower skill level I do what I can too. I didn't feel that bad about losing the first 2 of 5 rounds since I was playing in a section where I was one of the lowest rated players ( I placed 3rd in the lower section last year and am now rated too high to play in it). Unlike the nerds you remember who played chess at your high school the master I played was a big dude who looks like he's polished off his share of Lone Star and brisket. It was a positive experience.
I went back to the motel and napped for about an hour. I deliberately was subsisting off of V-8 canned vegetable juice before the games were over for the day so I didn't go out and find a huge burger to cram down my gaping maw like most of the players. Yeah..me thee Whiskey Rebel..finally health conscious as fuck!
I was paired in the 3rd round with a female who appeared to be 15 or so.
Regular readers of this will know about my loss to a 9 year old boy in my come back tournament in Las Vegas a year and a half ago. I've played and destroyed a few other kids since then; I've gotten over it psychologically and hope I play that little guy again. I haven't personally played any females since my come back. When I "retired" in my early 20's the only female players this side of Russia were weak. For that matter there were few black players in the U.S. and almost hardly any at all up in lily white Oregon.
Being such a fair minded individual I'm glad to see that nowdays there are tons of black players including a Grandmaster whose games I like to watch on the internet chess club. There are increasing numbers of Women playing too.
Anyway, the woman I played is rated almost exactly evenly with me. Her Brother was one of the top experts entered in the event. Her Father and Mother were both there on the scene with a computer in tow laden with the latest chess software making it sort of a family team effort that I admired.
We fought for 25 moves and wound up drawing the game with a dead position. No shame there.
There was "no shame" back at the motel either as I wolfed down my favorite light Subway hoagie (tuna salad with a slab of swiss and mustard) with precisely 12 more beers (no shots) and watched some truly stomach churning TV.
I can't believe I'm admitting this to the world..but here goes: I actually watched 90% of a Julia Roberts movie..some sappy love story with Harrison Ford. YUCK!!
It was bloody awful...no wonder it was probably one of the biggest films of the last 20 years. I can't believe people pay to watch predictable dreck like that. I knew how it was going to end within about 30 seconds...and I was right. Absolutely no surprises or plot swerves to be found in a movie like that in which they're pandering to the low intelligence of average American secretary cunts and the boy friends they force to take them to see such pieces of shit.
I'd honestly rather take my Mother and Aunt Selma to church rather than see a flick like that with a crowd of humanoids.
As I got drunker I found the next film to be pretty good however. It featured one of my favorite actresses Jennifer Jason Leigh (sp?) who YOU probably remember from Fast times at Ridgemont high..but whom I revere for her role in Hubert Selby's "last exit to Brooklyn" (based on a 5 star novel a literate friend of yours may have read).
Bridgette Fonda had a decent role too in the film "single white female". JJL was fantastic once again (isn't she Vic Morrow's Daughter??).
Lights out. 5 and 1/2 more hours of sleep.
Wake up. Shit again while watching increasing numbers of little pesky ants scurry around the sink and the bath tub drain area; vow to stay elsewhere next time.
Load up car. Get a small cup of coffee...take a substantial shit. You get the drill.
For round 4 my opponent was an amiable younger guy again rate at my level. We had a fighting draw in which all the pawns intertwined rendering it impossible to crack through the position. We didn't even exchange any pieces...the first time I've had that happen in a 500 game career.
Next to me a precocious little shit probably about 10 years old or so annoyed the hell out of me, his opponent, my opponent and half the players in the room. He couldn't shut the fuck up. He's gonna be a great player..but he needs a visit from the "board of education"..right across his rump..for his own good.
For round 5 I also had to sit next to the little turd face. He appeared to be super intelligent..but spoiled rotten. Of course I was a little jackass too at tournaments when I was 11 so what the fuck. I'm glad I didn't have to play him.
I did however play a fellow rated a bit lower than me who was from Houston and had that LBJ "Bunton strain" look. He wore a nice pair of boots and was a friendly man. He was quite irked at the precocious young prodigy. On the board he attacked me from the get go. His weakness as a player in fact was that he was constantly on the offensive. Sometimes you'e better off defending or making strategic moves to develope your pieces. He didn't throw away any material though for a long time. I got into "time trouble in which I had only 8 minutes left on my clock to make 10 moves in the most complicated part of the game. What's more..I had to fucking PISS!!
I lasted it out and won about 6 moves into the endgame after a trip to the sweet smelling Hilton urinal.
So..2 losses, 2 fighting draws and 1 win. That's about what I expected. I didn't lose to anybody lower than a strong veteran expert and master..and scored 2-1 against players rated near my level.
I had fun watching the top masters play too. I witnessed another scene of bad manners on the part of a kid..this one maybe 13 years old. He was sitting watching a game in which two masters were down to about 5 minutes each to finish the game...a real pressure filled intense situation. Kind of like the last 2 minutes of a football game..at least in the days before they started running commercials every play.
There were several people watching..very quietly. You've got to be VERY quiet at a chess tournament DAMN IT. The kid pulled a wrapped fruit roll up (?) snack out of his coat and ripped it open...making a horrid sound of ripping cloth. Then, he proceeded to rip it away from the paper wrapper. I would've fucking FLIPPED if he had done that when I was in time trouble and had to piss.
I went home and drank many beers..and the first shots I allowed my self in days. DAMN I'm a disciplined warrior when I have to be. I can't wait for the next tournament. It felt good to get away...and Mrs. Rebel seemed to have had a good rest too.
I suggest that everybody get away alone and do SOMETHING..some time soon for a weekend. It's a great way to get your head together whether you're fishing,, checking out the strip clubs in some other city, hunting wild boar, hunkered down in a cheap motel by a railroad track watching the trains go by..or perhaps climbing frigging rocks observing rare species of moss and fungus. If you can't stand to be alone with yourself once in a while...how in the hell do you think we can stand to be around you the rest of the time?? HHMM??
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