Diary Archives 12-03-03 to 03-29-04
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3/29/04
Holy SHIT!!! Better send some mittens to all our friends down in hell. HHH actually allowed a clean pin for an up and coming wrestler (Shelton Benjamin) on Raw tonight. His expressions were actually priceless...much like those of Ric Flair (his 2nd) when he'd put over some local chump when the strap wasn't on the line. I give thumbs 3/4's up for a HHH who has the class to do for the next generation of wrestlers what Mick Foley did for him years ago. It's been a long time coming though..so I'm not gonna drink a frigging shot to him or otherwise get carried away over it.
Jack Kerry's (like Jesse Ventura I always refer to people I hate as "Jack" ) told a few obvious lies during this campaign to say the least..the whopper I just read on Yahoo takes the fucking cake; he claims he has a plan for controlling oil prices....yeah...SURE. And Paris Hilton is a legitimate actress with talent. You can't control oil prices...JACK. The only people that can wear towel's on their noggins.
Changing subjects again I turn to the world of chess.
I've been re-reading ancient issues of "Chess life and review" that I got in the mail in the 60's and 70's. I saw a picture of a guy on the cover of one issue that really tickled my fancy. The dude appeared to be wearing eye make-up..and was obviously dressed in full-on glam-rock threads circa 1975. I read the caption..and lo and behold it was none other than the late great Anthony Miles (from the U.K.)..the man who whipped ol' Karpov with an impossible opening move (A-6) as black...the man who played so many openings I prefer..so WELL. The man who tragically died early of some sort of diabetic/alcoholic/tragic circumstances. His glam pic was taken immediately after he won the "National Open" tournament in Las Vegas. I've GOT to get his post-death "autobiography" assembled by a pal of his which includes many of his games. I have no influence (yet) in chess circles..so I have to pay full price for new books. I won't mind doing so in this case.
Oh yeah..."the Rock" as Buford Pusser??? I say GREAT FUCKING IDEA.....double thumbs up based on the brief previews I've seen and what I've read about Duane Johnson actually going out of his way to discuss his role with Pusser's daughter. Elvis Presley was a big Buford Pusser fan..and I think the King would approve. That's all that matters...surely it doesn't matter what YOU think. Suck my ASSHOLE if you disagree..good night.
3/27/04
As of last night yet another RANCID VAT album is completely mixed and ready for release..by STEEL CAGE records in a few months (we haven't completed the cover art, etc.) and it's a good one. It's not our BEST album ever (the competition is stiff) but I think it ranks 3rd or so. I'm especially impressed by our Ric Flair tribute song "nature boy". Isn't it about goddamned time somebody delivered a song for the 16 time champion of the world..???
The Austin record show is coming up next weekend...SHIT.
Marla made me get a couple tables..probably hoping I'd drop fucking dead from the frustration of having to deal with collapsing tables and scam artists peddling bogus Roky Erickson shit hour after hour whilst Beatle loving sport jacketed clod's make fools of themselves in a mad dash for over-priced vinyl I wouldn't expect my cats Mr. Jinx and Dixie to find worthy of taking a steamy kittie dump on. Luckily Mark is coming along to help lug shit around and guzzle brews with. He's never had to experience what goes on at major record conventions..so he'll likely take it all in stride. Maybe I'll survive and get the last laugh on Marla afterall. Then again, maybe I'll drop dead and fulfill her wishes..her futon hasn't killed me off yet..this is a much tougher challenge to have to face.
I just read Mick Foley's book "Tietam Brown" which I found at our local library. I thought it was fantastic and immediately scolded myself severely over not having bought it at a book store. It's like a modern sort of "catcher in the rye" meets Andrew Vachs. It's not perfect..but it's damned good and I hope he writes a lot more books. It was very ambitious..that's for damned sure. I'm sure it was too nasty for many reviewers..although it's not "dirty"..it simply accurately reflects the nasty obsessions of a typical 17 year old. I was surprised by Mick's historical knowledge and ability to intellectually split hairs when it comes to understanding great moments in American history such as the Emanipation Proclamation.
I'm gonna try to email him and let him know that thee Whiskey Rebel approves (as if he gives a shit).
3/24/04
This is possibly the worst period of my life for staying in touch with people I want to be in touch with. If you know me personally and have received a damn phone call or email consider yourself on my elite list of bosom pals. I owe 3 dozen people emails.
I've neglected family members to a level of blatant shamefullness that disgusts me. It's not like I'm sitting around the house in a psychotic stupor..I've been very busy doing things and working on important shit I don't like to crow about until it's complete. I've gone through periods where I did sit around in a psychotic stupor with bad unproductive thoughts flowing through my noggin..including actively dreading leaving the house at all..and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not "reclusive" these days..I'm not pissed off at anybody I've known for a long time; I haven't turned heel on anyone..I just don't have my shit together. I'm feeling very guilty about it all...and I'll probably do something about it soon. Not tonight thought..or should I say this morning.
I devoted a lot of time to our San Marcos Rebel's chess team that competed in the Texas Team championship. We practiced twice a week for several weeks leading up to the event. Our first round matchup was against a team loaded with guys with an average rating of well over the expert level of "2000". It took me years as a budding young 12-13-14 year old before I ever defeated or even DREW a game with an expert. Elvis and Mark and Cecil (Eddie registered in the event under his legal name) all played guys who've had years of success and experience. They all had the shit absolutely kicked out of them that round..we're talking Ali vs. Jerry Quarry here. They didn't know what hit them..even though I'm pretty good ALL of the guys on that team outrate me. Oddly enough Thee Whiskey Rebel pulled off the upset of the tournament in round #1 against a guy rated 2184 which is a cunt hair away from the master level. I dominated the game...and ended it with a neat rook sacrifice. I had no idea until later that the guy was rated so high. Yeah, yeah...I've beaten experts and even masters in the past...but I was lucky in those cases..I pretty well dominated this contest. One of the tournament directors warned me that my opponent has a LONG memory..and NEVER forgets a loss..and that I'd best beware of our next meeting. Bring it on.
Round #2. We are awarded a "bye"...a victory awarded to the lowest ranking team in the contest (there were 11 total) because of the fact that there was an odd number of teams. This allowed us to hang out and spy on our prospective opponents for the next day..and start drinking early back at the motel.
The next morning (round #3) we faced a team with a HIGHER average rating (hey..competition was stiff) and Elvis, Mark and Cecil went down in flames pretty fast once again. They weren't too pleased about getting the crap knocked out of them..but what the hell..they took it like men. I played another expert rated 2134 who should've mopped the board with me..but it was my game to lose; I won a pawn early on..and missed an opportunity to gain a big advantage in a very complicated game that saw me coming within another cunt hair of withstanding the fella's all out attack.
Round #4 we faced a team stocked with more ordinary players even though they all had tournament experience. Elvis (who bravely competed on board two playing the 2nd toughest player from each team) lost with the black pieces against a veteran class "B" player (a guy at a level where he could kick YOUR ass in 15 moves..but no threat to experts or masters). Mark's opponent was a class "C" dude..who kindly handed him his queen and the game..congrats Mark!! You popped your cherry in competitive chess.
I polished off my foe..who Elvis thought looks a bit like my Father-in-law..HIS Grandfather. He was rated just a bit lower than me..and again, I played a helluva game and built up an advantage out of infintisimal weaknesses in his developement. According to the United States chess federation "ratings calculator" I should be bumped up to the highest rating I've ever held in my quest to achieve an expert and then master ranking eventually.
It all came down to Cecil's game; he was down a bit materially speaking..but if he drew or miraculously won..we'd win the match..and tie for a prize for lowly ranked teams like ours. He did his best...playing against a dude who appeared to be digging to Yanni on a Sony Walkman throughout their game. He lost..and we drifted on home.
What the hell....WAIT'LL NEXT YEAR. I think most of us will be playing in a tournament on April 24th. That's good...my team mates can obviously out booze and out class any team we're likely to face; they only need a bit of experience and improvement chess wise and we'd beat teams like the guys we tied with in round #4. We'd put 'em over our knee and administer spankings in fact.
My chess come back has been a table thumping smash. I won a couple internet tournaments..I survived losing to a 9 year old prodigy and maintained my sense of humor..I annihilated 4 out of 5 opponents at the Texas open..and performed at a frigging high level at the team tournament (with the help of a book titled "how to reassess your chess" by Jeremy Silman) I truly believe there's hope for me to climb out of the bush leagues and play at the master level.
All you people who are weirded out by chess and chess players...DON'T WORRY!! I've increased my drinking..Jim Beam and Budweiser are my two training table staples more than ever. I'm not swerving into an egghead existance...if anything I've ALWAYS been a bit of one..what the fuck. My old man never taught me to fish or hunt..what hobby was I SUPPOSED to gravitate to..HHmmm???
3/21/04
A sermon I just listened to on the radio inspired a thought..an ANGLE you might say..that I haven't even gotten around to discussing in any of my religious comments here.
The vast majority of folks in America..even those who don't practice their religion daily or even up until a family member dies..believe in a christian afterlife of some sort. I've always thought that was very strange; but I'm very aware of the fact that I'm outnumbered 90 to 1 or so by humanoids who evidenty think that I'M THE ODDBALL..the OUTSIDER when it comes to drawing comfort from my belief that there is most likely NO AFTERLIFE WHATSOEVER (and if there is humanoids are only GUESSING about what it will be like). I also draw comfort from the fact that if there IS a supreme deity or a hundred or a thousand of them..it could change it's mind today, tomorrow or next Thursday and reward rational fence sitters like me.
Anyway, if you're comforted by the thought of an afterlife for yourself or a dead friend or relative you want to "see again"...have you given any thought since 3 days after the funeral as to whether you've chosen the proper denomination out of the several hundred or so there are to choose from?? It frankly would drive me fucking nuts if I was a Jehovah Witness or Catholic for instance and I heard the preacher on the radio quoting chapter and verse from the bible putting my religion's claim at being the "true" one in jeopardy. Yunno, it's not just enough to pick a faith and live a casual sinful life from that day forward...in most cases you've got to lead a holy life or you'll wind up in the same flaming pool as me, ol' Uncle Anton and G.G. Allin.
As baffling as all the biblical contradictions are to me I'm even more baffled by people who feel that burning need to fool themselves by thinking they're "playing it safe" by believing in god and an afterlife deep down..even though they totally break every damned rule in their holy book.
Even though society considers me to be a godless ass...I can at least live my life with a clear conscious. I'm about to knock back a generous shot of whiskey followed by a cold blast of beer; according to the bible I'm "defiling" my temple..but according to my own rules I'm enjoying life. If YOU were to drink that same beer and shot according to the radio preacher and most christian experts you're putting your eternal life at stake just as much as the kid in the Sunday school stories who skips Sunday school to go rafting (oh yeah..did you go to church today???).
Of course if you're Catholic or Lutheran you can get away with boozing and have a clear conscience..but WHAT IF....WHAT IF the denominations who believe in actually literally following the bible are right after all?? I'd be especially nervous considering the shaky morality of the gaggle of pedophile priests!! WHAT IF those invisable slates of Joseph Smith's WEREN'T a hoax and the Mormon's are right??? WHAT if the frigging Moslems are right??? .you're SCREWED FOR SURE!!! You're love ones in the beyond are probably suffering unspeakable tortures if that's the case. Ditto for Elijah Muhammed and the mothership crew unless you were lucky enough to be born with black skin.
I can tell that a few people who read this will laugh it off outwardly..but secretely beads of perspiration will begin dotting their foreheads because I AM RIGHT. If there is a god and a master plan set in motion centuries ago...YOU'RE SCREWED unless you find the right holy path.
Maybe I am too...but since I've found peace in my own iconoclastic beliefs at least I don't have to spend the rest of my life with fear lurking in a tiny corner of my soul. Over the years I've managed to personally counsel a few friends and relieve them of their "christian guilt". If you send me a fifth of booze (they bottle Beam and Ezra Brooks in plastic fifths that can be mailed) I'll help you through YOUR crisis to the best of my abilities. HEY! The bible says you're supposed to be "tithing" 10% of your income to the church..a fifth of booze is a cheap price to pay to enjoy the rest of a hedonisitc life guilt free. Get a bottle in the mail NOW to: thee Whiskey Rebel c/o brilliancy prize records P.O.Box 1781 San Marcos, Tx. 78666
3/15/04
I just read that Chubby Checker is demonstrating outside of a rock and roll hall of fame function. He's told the press that he doesn't give a damn about being a member of the hall..but that he's pissed because his work doesn't receive proper recognition.
FINALLY a protest I can identify with. Chubby's music is indeed head and shoulders above that of many inductees. I think the rock and roll hall of fame is a fucking JOKE. It's sick how many true pioneers of rock and roll aren't recognized at all. Even the great Gene Vincent was only begrudgingly inducted several years along...into a holy roster of rockers that includes icons like Billy Joel, Simon and Garfunkel and Bonnie Raitt.
Chubby Checker didn't actually write "the twist"...Hank Ballard did. Chubby's version became a humongous hit that launced an incredibly huge fad. Twist dance clubs opened everywhere. It was a simple dance that anybody could do..danced to an energetic beat. It was REAL rock and roll at least..unlike the music of Hall of famer's Jimmy Reed (a blues guy) Pete Seeger (a folkie..no rock and roll in his style AT ALL) James Taylor and even the Staples Singers?!?!?!?!...a soul act that once recorded a duet with George Jones I enjoy..but never came within a mile of playing rock and roll.
Somebody at the cliquish hall of fame obviously has it in for Chubby..he hasn't been inducted..but Hank Ballard HAS BEEN..even though Hank's high water mark song "finger poppin' time" hit maybe number 20 on the charts..whereas Chubby sold something like 250 million records (I checked..he DID). For that matter, Dick Clark who became famous hosting a dance show "American bandstand" that developed an audience nationwide thanks to the mass popularity of Chubby's music has ALSO been inducted. The chubster didn't have just one hit..he followed up "the twist" with a raft of followups' (like "let's twist again") and songs related to other dances such as "Pony Time" the incredibly cool FUZZ guitar laden number "THE FLY" and Chubby's other mega-hit that shook American culture to it's foundation the "LIMBO ROCK".
Whereas a lot of dance music is too wimpy or non-rocking to appeal to me, Chubby's music ROCKED in comparison. I have a LIVE album of his released on Cameo Parkway label 40 years ago that stands alongside James Brown's infamous live work of the day. I've played it several times per year for the last 20 years or so. I love to play it for people who under estimate Checker's rocking abilities. I first became a complete and total Chubby Checker mark when I purchased a shopping cart loaded with 7" vinyl 60's records for $7.00 at a thrift store in Vancouver Washington in 1980. There were many, many great Chubby disc's in that batch. I soon sought out his albums..and I even erected a shrine of sorts to him on a wall that maybe 2 or 3 long time friends like Mike McNally and Mike Schuppe can remember in our old home on North Portland Blvd. in Portland.The album covers hanging on the wall were destroyed by a house fire..and I haven't gotten around to building another one..although I've long since replaced the vinyl of course.
Rock and roll needed Chubby when he came along to inject life into a music taken over by grinning lily-white prettyboy's like Frankie Avalon and Fabian whose music was AWFUL and had no discernable beat whatsoever. Rock and Roll NEEDS Chubby and other REAL rocker's once again. Oldies radio has been destroyed and rendered unlistenable by stations in that format simply beating to death non-rocking lightweight Mo-town music. Since the late 60's "rock and roll" has become the unfortunate genre name standing for horrible hippe pop garbage warbled out by hall of famer's such as (believe it or not) James Taylor, Crosby Stills & Nash and the red hot , supreme rocking potentates of popular culture known as the "Young Rascals". As far as I'm concerned, the snotty hall of shame in Cleveland needs to induct the following "reject" artists (simply to name a few..I apologize for other's I'm too forgetful to list here) to establish credibility before I EVER agree to set foot in that dump: Chubby Checker, Esquirita, the Johnny Burnette rock and roll trio, Big Jay McNeely, Joe Houston, Hardrock Gunter, the Treniers, Wynonie Harris, Sonny Burgess, Billy Lee Riley, the Sonics, the Wailers, Link Wray, Roky Erickson, the Standells, Sam the Sham and the Pharoah's, the MC5, the Seeds, Gary Glitter, Slade, Black Sabbath the New York Dolls, the Stooges and eventually more recent acts such as the Sex Pistols and the Cramps.
HHHmmm. Check out that list a second time; I'd be more than happy to take their collective recordings to a desert Island and leave the official "hall of (!?) fame" pile behind for a bonfire. Wouldn't it be great if there was a radio station in YOUR town that played music by those folks??? HHMMM?? Yeah, yeah..there are "inducted" members who deserve the regonition..but let's face it. The problem with the Rock and roll hall of fame is that the artists in too many cases don't ROCK...they "Pop" in a politically correct and "diverse" fashion that is meant to mean something to mainstream "adult" Americans who are total SQUARES..and who listen to Yanni and secretary soft rock these days. Those people outnumber those of us who love REAL ROCK AND ROLL..so naturally the hall of fame clique will continue to pander to them by inducting primarily light weight pop acts. You can damn well expect to see Hottie and the Blowfish, Paula Abdul, Toto and Deborah Gibson inducted LONG before room will ever be made for rocker's who might offend someone or seem "too loud" such as biker rock instrumental King Davie Allen, Ronnie Self, the Sparkletones, Black Oak Arkansas, Wanda Jackson, the Sweet and Motorhead.
I salute Chubby's noble protest. His cause is more worthy than 99% of the last "causes" I've seen people marching in the street over. REAL ROCK AND ROLL is more important to me than whether a species of owl is wiped out..or whether some frigging jackass terrorist suspect is being fed and pampered properly in his prison cell. It's wonderful for people to want to "save the world"..well, how about IMPROVING the cultural quality of life in our part of the world just a bit by recognizing Chubby Checker's FUN rock and roll musical legacy over that of saps like this years new inductee..Jackson Brown??
RIGHT ON CHUBBY!!! I hear ya'!!!! I'm ready to fight in the streets for your music if neccessary if it'd mean the UN-induction and immediate outlawing of the hippie bands and their fans who've been pissing me off for 35 years.
3/13/04
We've all gone frigging insane here in San Marcos. Believe it or not, Today and tomorrow Elvis, Mark, Eddie and I will be representing our fair city in San Antonio as a chess team..the "San Marcos Rebel's". We've been working together for a couple months or so...training intensely. Our Tuesday and Thursday night "training table" has included enough booze to stop a room full of ordinary chess players in their tracks. It'll be interesting to see how the fellows do playing sober. None of them have any past tournament experience...Elvis played ONE game competitively with his egghead elementary school in Philly (Masterman...the national scholastic champ several times in recent years). That's the limit of experience between the guys except for me.
Yeah..we may get our asses kicked over the board or not..but we also might just kick a few asses in the parking lot in retaliation. It should be an interesting weekend. I only wish we had the vision to have some matching satin baseball jackets made up with our team logo. We'll try to take a few pictures.
Did you know that Humphrey Bogart was an avid competitive chess player?? He was even an authorized USCF tournament director. He drank like a fish while playing too. Napoleon played...but everybody with any sense let him win for obvious reasons.
3/08/04
In the wake of RF VIDEO Rob Feinstein's bust (as part of a sting operation targeting perv's on the net trolling for young boys) I got to thinking about what a goddamned DUMB fucking crime he's accused of; obviously the man hasn't been tried and convicted but obviously his wrestling and video production businesses were likely rendered near worthless overnight due to the type of crime he's accused of. The DUMBEST aspect of his alleged "crime" was obviously doing it in a semi public place where he could be monitored. Damn few people realize how their actions in the operation of a computer can easily be traced.
Another one of the dumbest of all dumb crimes is saying something stupid at the airport security checkpoint in an attempt to be funny..such as "HEY!! does the .38 in my shoe count?" or the brilliant "hey my buddy there's got a bomb in his brief case!!". I have NO SYMPATHY for anybody dumb enough to get nailed for that sort of shit.
And then there's the old wannabe tough guy routine of making a public threat against the President. That one's been a favorite of campus junior-radical's for years and years. A guy I used to know made a threat in a typical moronic punk rock zine in the 80's. He thought it was real clever..until a few REAL badasses from the secret service turned up at his door. You DON'T fuck with federal cops. WHO ARE YOU??? NOTHING!! Another big mouth. YAWN. You're just another fly to swat for those guys.
It seems like a large percentage of fools who commit stupid crimes are always so full of legal mis-information they love to spout in a cocky way. "There's NOTHING they can do to me man!!!!". They've got it all figured out. Yeah..SURE.
I don't like people who steal from thrift store donation boxes.
I'm not impressed by people who's idea of creating chaos is twisting a corner road sign so that people driving past are confused. As my old pal Jello once sayeth "trash a bank if you've got REAL balls". Don't rob a Kool-aid stand. Go for the big money..unless you're a big pussy. Steal something worth stealing..or live "legit".
3/04/04
We've been having weird dreams around here lately. A few nights ago, Elvis dreamt we had a 3rd cat that had the unique talent of being capable of quoting bible scripture chapter and verse. HHmm. Sounds like a potential sit-com plot to me...although it may be too intellectual for the "Paris Hilton" generation. Last night, I dreamt all night long that WWE's H.H.H. was my Brother-in-law for some fuzzy incomprehensible reason. I woke up and urinated a couple times and while doing so considered changing the course of my dream (we super intelligent high IQ types can do that you know). Then I thought about my real life Brother-in-law from Marla's side..a life long obsessive Paul McCartney fan..and ol' triple H didn't seem like such a bad guy.
I yakked on the phone with C.J. Price from Jersey for a long time tonight. We got to talking about beer (what else?) and when I went to the beer store a little later I was inspired to pickup a 12 pack of PEARL and 2 packs of 16 ounce cans of PABST BLUE RIBBON. I've felt for a long time that Pabst out of 16 ounce containers is delightful nectar...whereas the stuff they swamp into 12 ounce cans seems a bit disappointing..like the "Old Milwaukee's Best" that Mark drinks by the tub-full.
I mean no disrespect to Mark. I actually understand that "Old Milwaukee" and "Milwaukee's best" are two different brands...even though to me they both taste like fizzy prune juice. I remember many years ago when "Old Milwaukee" came out on the market Mike McNally and I got ahold of a 12 pack or two and engaged in some teenage public drinking walking the train tracks at Washington park in Portland Oregon. It tasted pretty good then..because it was a new brew and they wanted to impress rather than disgust blue collar beer drinkers. Eventually the recipe was changed and it wound up tasting awful. REMEMBER!!! Folks...I'm a guy who at the time enjoyed dozens of low budget beers like Heidelburg, Bohemian, Ranier, Hamms, Olympia, Blitz Weinhard, Schmidts, Lucky lager, Brown Derby, Falstaff (a rare beer to find in Oregon), Schlitz (REAL Schlitz..NOT malt liquor) and Burgie to name just a few. Both beers with "milwaukee" in their name tasted awful to me from about the year 1977 forward.
With Mark living here in San Marcos and drinking oceans of beer and shots with us it was inevitable that I'd wind up drinking a few of his brand. When the moment came, so as to be polite to our pal Mark, Elvis and I fixed smiles upon our faces..sidled over by the sink in case we had to spew..held our noses..and chugged 'em down.
"Hey..that wasn't THAT bad!" Elvis declared.
"MMM...yeah." I agreed jovially. "Hey Mark..can we keep a couple cans to kill any stray possum that've been running around our back yard; and SAY...maybe a can to clear up the spot in the driveway where a can of paint got dropped??".
All kidding aside...Milwaukee's Best isn't as bad as it used to taste.I even figured out why. Here in Texas we drink Old Milwaukee brewed right here...NOT Milwaukee or some other yankee backwater. Makes sense..eh?? Even Miller's and Budweiser cans have the state of Texas emblazoned on their cans down here...so we are assured of drinking tip top Texas beer.
2/27/04
To quote the old country song: "I've had as much of this as I can stand". What am I pissed off about?? The post-Janet Jackson-boob exposure "decency" crackdown on the radio industry. Everybody's heard about Stern's problems..and that pal of Chump Hogan Bubba the love sponge...but it's not limited simply to those guys.
I've been listening to talk oriented WOAI in San Antonio for most of the time I've lived in Texas. The programming is much better on KLBJ up in Austin..but it's harder for me to tune them in. WOAI evidently dismissed the last afternoon talk crew (two guys who weren't very good anyway) without offering any explantion. Now, in the wake of the Stern/Bubba/Dees etc. purging..I've been treated all week to a goddamned blatant christian talk show host. Now I know I've heard lots of talk show hosts who practice the christian faith since I began listening to talk radio well over 30 years ago (KGO San Francisco) but with the exception of Oliver North and occasionally G. Gordon Liddy I can't remember hearing anybody laying it on so thick.
WHAM!!!! Over fucking night....like a coup..I'm hearing conservative christian garbage on a par with Paul Harvey spew forth from the pulpit of WOAI.
Now I gotta admit..I enjoy Paul Harvey..as part of a daily mix of opinions and information. But I REFUSE..to listen to PRUDISH, STICK UP YER ASS CHRISTIAN DOGMA disguised as secular programming.
I'll admit Stern isn't as exciting as he used to be..and I'll go so far as to admit that he seems to be using "sex" as a crutch to limp along on. He seems bored with it all compared to 10 years ago when his program got me through my mornings at a crappy job at city hall in Philly. I owe Stern for being there and relieving my boredom 5 mornings per week for literally years.
Stern's enemies have been crowing for the last couple days about his sacking by clear channel. Most of the ones eager to criticize him don't seem to have spent much time listening to him. An Op/Ed in USAToday accused him of delivering racist rants. The squarehead Sunday school bozo on WOAI repeatedly called him an "idiot"...and another host criticized his "moronic" political opinions. First off, If my memory is correct..Stern graduated 1st in his college class. Secondly..Stern is hardly a bigot. His show includes (unlike WOAI) a wide variety of people of many ethnic groups as guests. The second banana on his show Robin is an African American woman..who is clearly Howard's friend and there by Howard's choice. Skit's like "black jeopardy" drag ethic charachteristics in front of the microphone to be discussed openly by Howard with his staff and callers. As far as Stern's "moronic" political views go..whereas the prudes assume he must be a liberal..he sounds Libertarian to me. He's had a huge array of big wig politician guests who all seem to take him seriously enough. I've always considered his political talks to be a strength.
I'M SO FUCKING SICK of prudes wringing their hands in despair over adult programming, Janet's breast, etc. GROW UP you juvenile little wimps!! Like selfish children you demand that everybody listen to what YOU approve of. EAT SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!
How long will it be before the authorities crack down on ME for having such a vile diary on the internet...HHMMMMM??????
While I'm at it..just for all you frigging homphobic prudes out there..I'm a happy hetero..but if I was gay and wanted to get "married" to some other dude..I hardly think it's any of YOUR fucking business. If judges are willing to sanction same sex marriages then it's just time for all you childish busybody jerks to accept it. I'm against special legislation that favors gays..and I'm against special legislation that wants to stomp on their rights too. If it makes a few thousand gay couples happy...why is it any skin off of your ass or mine?? I've heard a dozen dumbshits on the radio over the last few days thinking their being funny when they suggest..."hey..maybe I want to marry my pet dog..yuck yuck".
Hey pal..if you want to marry your frigging dog..go ahead. It's your business.
"Tradition" in the USA needs to be questioned and modified perodically as we gradually become a more educated society over the years. I'm fucking glad we didn't blindly stick to the all American christian prude "traditions" of slavery, denying women the vote and other rights, etc.
In every case in which our society has intelligently bucked "tradition" over the years Christian's have had to be dragged along kicking and screaming every step of the way. They get their way so often it's amazing they cry so hard when they don't. THINK I'M EXAGGERATING?? Year after year after year after year after year my fellow heathens and I pay one SIN TAX after another...HUGE fucking taxes on booze and smokes; and the christian churches go untaxed year after year. What a sweet fucking deal for the holy schmoes. Just ONCE...I'd like to see a frigging bible tax. Wanna reduce the national debt BIG TIME?? Have a one time church tax goddamnit.
Homosexuals pay taxes...most of my gay acquantances drink like fish and smoke like chimneys..so you KNOW they pay more than their share. They're part of our society whether you like what goes on in their bedrooms or not. If the judicial system supports legilization of same sex marriages..LET 'EM GET MARRIED. Our society should be oriented towards promoting maximum HAPPINESS rather than imposing sourpuss biblical restrictions.
Mark my words..if Bush goes through with backing a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage...he's GOING down. It'll be the biggest mistake of his political career.
2/22/04
YEE HAW. At Saturdays tattoo convention in San Antonio my Bukowski tattoo that Mark just layed on me won 2nd prize in the "portrait" category. Competition was fierce with Buk being nosed out of 1st place only by a portrait of Stevie Ray Vaughan..what the hell...how can you compete with him in Texas?? Luckily "we" managed to top several tragic portraits of dead and comatose love ones. The judges weren't swayed by the emotional appeals..and rendered their opinions based on the quality of the work performed. Thanks again to Mark. You can see the plaque displayed at Classic Tattoo here in San Marcos. I suggest you plan on a week or so vacation pilgrimage to come see it..and get tattoo'd by Mark yourself.
I had never been to a tattoo show. It was mostly what you'd expect except maybe even bigger. There were thousands of weekend bikers, one percenter's, tribal types and music geeks. Mostly people walked or stood around the indoor/outdoor convention center gaping at each other. I mostly gaped at THEM all gaping at each other. Yeah..there was stuff to gape at...but it was in a part of the building that was so crowded you needed to butter yer love handles to get through.
I'll say this..at least tattoo people BATHE..which is more than I can say for record collectors. There were guys and ladies too wearing colors all over the place from several different clubs. Evidently either bikers in San Antonio all get along..or this show was declared neutral territory.
I happened to notice that out of at least a couple thousand people there only one guy was wearing a cowboy hat. This is Texas..what gives??
During the judging sessions I had to get up on stage a couple times like a piece of meat and waggle my arm around. I watched as the "full body" contest guys peeled their clothes off down to jock straps so they could strut around. I had a wicked thought...that it'd be funny to make a big show out of stripping off all your clothes and then displaying a 6 inch tattoo on your arm! Of course I didn't have the nerve to go through with it.
2/19/04
Viva Eddy Guerrero!!! Finally he's sporting a world championship belt. I've watched him and his Uncle's wrestle for many years. The Portland Oregon promotion (run by Don Owens) that existed when I was growing up always seemed to include a member or two of the Guerrero family on their roster. They were all extremely well trained, agile and they all wrestled in an entertaining manner that (pardon the cliche) "told a story" every match. Remember (of course you don't) the Crockett memorial tag team tournament that the NWA promoted back in the 80's?? The one the Road Warriors one that featured the best tag teams from all over the country (minus anybody in the WWF cartoon promotion of the day)?? A couple Guerrero's were brought in...and they worked the Saturday TV shows for a few weeks to help hype the tournament. Even though all the Guerrero's were impressive Eddy's always seemed like the best wrestler from his family. I've seen his work in the AAA Lucha promotion with partner Art Barr, his ECW phase, I'd actually occasionally cheat on my WCW boycott to watch his matches there..and of course I've been following his work closely for years since he and his pals Benoit and Malenko jumped to WWF a few years ago. Damn almighty the Guerrero's have to happy as hell about him whipping Brock Lesnor last Sunday night for the strap. The clan doesn't seem to get the hype that the Hart's up in Canada do..and it's a shame. Maybe that'll all change now. I'm hoping for a long title reign. If he drops it at Wrestlemania I'm gonna take a big steaming, toxic dump in a cigar box and send it to the WWE offices.
2/14/04
We're gonna play our first Rancid Vat show ever here in San Marcos on 2/28. This is sure as hell one of the smallest towns we've ever played in...the only smaller one that comes to mind is Boone North Carolina. Is San Marcos ready??? we'll see. We'll have to behave to some sort of extent considering there's no way I can simply blend into the crowd in case another riot like the one in the suburbs of Philly we fomented. If you aren't one of the 30,000 preppy looking students you stand out here. My anonymity in this town will be totally blown after a few shows which means I won't even be able to buy groceries without answering questions about the band. Oh well..that's the price of being a superstar. Huh. Yeah.
I didn't bother to watch the democratic party debates tonight. It's been a pretty putrid campaign so far..very uninspiring. The most exciting thing about Tuesday nights since the primary's began is watching Dean lose. What a goddamned blow hard. Man, I bet Kerry isn't too eager to have Al Gore endorse him seeing as how it was the kiss of death for Dean. It's disturbing to see Al Sharpton accepted by all the gutless Demo's as a legitimate candidate. On the other hand it's refreshing to see that at least the masses haven't been totally duped by him either.
Oh yeah...it actually snowed here the other night. We got maybe an inch or so of it..which inspired a drunken 2:30 am snowball fight between Elvis and I. I actually wore a coat for a couple trips out of the house..which is rare. It could be 15 years or so before it snows here again. I love the weather here...and I can't understand why more people like us and now Mark don't move here. Incidentally...he's acknowledged that I wasn't exaggerating when I mentioned a couple times long ago in this diary there's 4 or 5 college women for every guy in this town. That's a ratio that can lead to guys getting some who rarely do elsewhere. Damn...think about it the next time you're humping your inflatable doll in Jersey or Missouri or whatever hell hole state you live in.
Whoops..I just cut a big fart..I better go take a Sharpton.
2/08/04
In 1970 I was a skinny nerd growing up near Portland Oregon in the lovely suburb of Beaverton. I didn't have a friend in the damned world for a long time. I didn't get along at the time with my bible thumping parents either. As a result I spent a lot of time reading books, studying chess and watching television alone in my bedroom. Yep..you could say that I was an egghead. Who knows..I might've grown up to be a pencil neck geek if it weren't for the fact that the highlight of every week was Saturday night when the local hour and a half "Portland Wrestling" show was televised. It was actually the one time of the week that I would venture out of my room to watch the larger TV set in our living room. My parents may have been real squares in most other ways..but I have to credit them for being incredibly gung-ho wrestling fans. Unlike today, wrestlers worked the audience as either sportsmanlike, sickeningly goody two shoes "faces"..or as evil, cheating and universally hated "heels". My parents supported the faces to the extent of yelling at the TV all redfaced and pissed off when the heels cheated. As for me..at an early age I decided I liked the heels. In retrospect, I'm damned glad I did of course. I came dangerously close to being a typical life long nerd. With the fine example of the heel wrestlers to follow I broke away from being being well behaved and took up drinking, smoking and normal healthy drug experimentation. I gradually lost my fear of having my ass kicked by older bullies. I gained confidence and eventually roamed downtown Portlands streets experiencing the real world for the first time.
Of all the great role model wrestlers I saw on TV back then one stands out in my memory: BEAUREGARDE. He was an incredibly flashy dresser who absolutely pissed off my parents with his smart alecky talk during his weekly interview segments. He tagged up sometimes with perhaps the greatest northwest wrestler of the age..Lonnie Mayne. Other times he worked as the senior partner in a tag team with wrestling newbie Jesse Ventura. Beau was not only a wrestling genius. In 1970 he rounded up a band and recorded what stands as the first full length LP recorded by a pro wrestler. He not only wrote all the songs and arranged the music..he also produced the first wrestling music video based on the album's title track "testify". I sat amazed in front of our TV set one Saturday night as Beau played the video for the home audience; my parents were of course disgusted to my delight.
During the same time period, I used to see Beauregarde cruising the streets of Portland on his 3 wheel motorcycle all the time. I once was startled to see him in person when I was competing in a chess tournament held in the hotel a lot of wrestlers lived in. I was in the process of beating some dumbasses in casual games between the official rounds. I was shooting my mouth off and bragging as usual; I just happened to look up..and there he was. I like to think he was amused to hear some skinny kid razzing somebody he was beating. We talked briefly. Oddly, I wasn't afraid or tongue tied like when I chatted with Bukowski. I had seen some of the other wrestlers like Stan Stasiak and Shag Thomas around..so I kept my cool.
Fast forward many years..to 1984. My band Rancid Vat was planning on recording some songs..including "testify". We were lucky enough to get Greg Sage from the Wipers to record and produce us (the results were the "Burger Belson" LP and the wrestling oriented E.P. "rulebreakers rule). We recorded Beauregarde's "testify" for the first time during that session. We've recorded it again since then..and we even played it at our very last practice. Unlike many original songs that we drop every few years we've played it live almost continuosly since 1984. The strange thing about Greg producing our first version of "testify" was the fact that he was the guitar player on Beau's album way back when!! Over the weeks that we worked on the recordings I talked a lot to Greg about Beauregarde and what it was like to work with him. He had first become aware of Beau the same way I had by seeing him on TV of course. Besides being a musical legend himself, Greg is an extremely knowledgable wrestling fan. He sold a lot of photo's to wrestling magazines as I recall. It goes without saying that as an intelligent, classy guy Greg admired the heel wrestlers like I did back then in the days before it became known as "sports entertainment".
Fast forward again..to a few days ago. Picture me standing beside my mailbox with a package in my hands looking very happy. HOLY SHIT!! Greg's record label ZENO has issued a beautiful 2 disc collection including the entire re-mastered "testify" album to CD (which collectors have been known to shell out HUGE bucks for) and a DVD featuring the "testify" video Beau produced all those years ago along with a history of the man's wrestling career, an outrageous photo album showing him in dozens of outlandish costumes and some bonus stuff too.
Elvis and I sat down and watched the DVD twice from start to finish right off the bat. I had been telling him about the video all his life..and he agreed it's as cool as I described it. I showed the DVD in its entirety to Mark the next day..and followed it up with the CD; his reaction of course was "wow! how can I get a copy of this".
Neighbor, if those are the words that have just passed your lips..I'll tell YOU what I told Mark. You can acquire this Beauregarde "extravaganza" by visiting: www.zenorecords.com TELL EM' WHISKEY REBEL SENT YA.
2/01/04
Jesus H. Fucking Christ and his bloody bungholed apostles...did that superbowl halftime show SUCK!! It sent me reeling to the fucking porcelain bowl...I'm not kidding; it made my stomach hurt and my bowels spew out a foul liquidy anal broth. Too much of an overdose of popular music for me I'm afraid. Not one fucking iota of rock and roll was heard..haven't I been lamenting the death of guitar oriented rock and roll for some time now in this diary?? HHmmm?? Maybe a few more folks are convinced I wasn't kidding. No country music was heard either I might add. Janet Jackson????? Who the fuck gives a rats ass about Janet Jackson these days??? How could any program director think for one fucking minute she'd appeal to football fans..but then, the add men KNOW that. They know all the football fans will watch anyway. Janet Jackson and that cute little whelp puke face Justin Timberlake were both programmed to draw in demographic groups that hate football. Gee, thanks.
And who the hell was that "sensitive" white boy with curly hair singing that pussyassed song while they showed slides of the "Columbia" astronauts?? Talk about a shameless, maudlin ploy. I tuned in too late for Yanni....and as bad as that old goat butt faced creep is I would have been quite happy in retrospect if I had been subjected to him. The curly haired fuck oughta have a chunk of the goal post rammed up his ass. The broad that sang the national anthem looked, walked and sounded like Shitney Houston...but it was some other cunt with a name that was too bizarre for me to remember.
Anyway...she sucked too. The football game was OK....but I couldn't focus on the second half very much. I shouldn't let horseshit popular music bother me..but in spite of the fact that I know better it drove me into a depression for a couple hours.
One thing's for sure: Rock and roll is nothing but a joke..a big ugly trailer trash type yuk yuk to the advertising agencies..AND the masses. Those of us who still listen to it aren't a large enough demographic group for Pepsi or Wall Street or the NFL to be concerned about. SO BE IT....let the masses choke on their precious, predictable rap commercial jingles.
I shouldn't subject myself to such heavy whiffs of pop cultures stench. I'm just a frigging masochist I guess. Oh well....a couple dozen beers and a few shots of Beam oughta clear my head.
1/31/04
Last night Phil Hendrie complimented President Bush on his backing of a new federal law that targets prison rape. Since quite a bit of Hendries show is a "work" meant to rile up listeners I pondered for a moment whether or not he was kidding about it. I conducted a search of the net for a story on the matter and lo and behold he wasn't joshing at all; it's called the "prison rape elimination act". I'm not a huge fan of Bush..but I was immediately impressed. Why hasn't a "concerned" democrat President tackled this problem in the past?? Believe it or not, I've thought for many years that tolerance of prison rape is one of the most blatant examples of mans inhumanity to man..and I'm not referring to the rapists! I've pointed out in private discussions several times over the years the fact that even as a "free" American there are places in America I can't go safely within our borders..and NOBODY gives a rats ass. When I was a kid growing up in a sheltered white suburb right out of the Brady bunch, I was verbally harassed by a mob of popular asshole kids on a daily basis..hells fucking bells..an HOURLY basis and NOBODY gave a rats ass. I've committed a few crimes over the years..mostly drug related...and even though I've never even spent a night in jail I've always known it's a possibility I'll wind up incarcerated somewhere where dudes are rumping other dudes against their will....and NOBODY gives a rats ass about it.
In spite of all the "sensitivity" horse crap being shoveled out by the media schools are fucking jungles presided over by innocent looking but monstrous little asshole kids who gang up on loners and weirdo's. I say, NOT IN MY TAX DOLLAR SUPPORTED public school!! A lot of Americans see prison rape as a similar form of "justice"..yunno.."who cares what those assholes do to one another" they say.
Is that your way of thinking, tough guy?? I can't wait until one of your family members or friends or better yet YOU wind up unexpectedly incarcerated so you can experience first hand an ALL AMERICAN ass bloodying butt stack.
Yunno, I sometimes get pissed off at all the worrying and hand wringing in the media about police "profiling" and police brutality and the rights of accused criminals. But bottom line I realize that one of the reasons our country is a better place to live than many others is the fact that if you're caught with a stash of drugs..or maybe drunk and behind the wheel of a car the cops just don't take you out and blow your fucking ass away. I don't know about you, but I know of a few acquantances who've been dragged into court and even imprisoned unfairly thanks simply to a vindictive, lying cunt ex-girlfriend. It could happen to almost anybody these days. We not only need to give accused criminals their goddamned day in court..we need to make sure the prisons that we ship somebody's Brother, Dad or pal off to aren't run by ass hungry inmates. Prison rape falls under "cruel and unusual" punishment as far as I'm concerned. It's quite a strange fucked up world we live in..in which we forbid convicts in many institutions to ruin their health with cigarettes...but we turn our heads to them rumping one another in tax payer financed facilities.
I understand the do gooders responsible for the prison rape bill are from "faith based" groups. Even though I have many a quarrel with religious groups and a few bones to pick with President Bush..I say YEE HAW to 'em in this case.
1/27/04
I've been showing my new Buk tattoo around town the last few days. Don't get me wrong; I'm not the type to seek attention by sticking my arm in peoples face fishing for compliments or abuse. The fact is I rarely wear sleeves..and ol' Chuckles is tattoo'd on my inner forearm fairly large. People around here just love to gape at tattoo's..and ask questions. When I'm in a big city I'm rude and evasive when strangers talk to me. But, I've learned to talk back in a friendly manner to locals here who talk to me first at the post office or thrift store or book store or liquor store. Why?? I don't want to wind up the town jerk any faster than neccessary. These people mean well. Example #1..the drunk lady who warmly greeted me as a fellow kindred "too lazy to cook" sort in the fastfood aisle at the grocery store. Example #2..the two students at the conveniance store up the street who began discussing loud enough for me to hear the fact that I was shopping for beer wearing my frigging slippers. These people aren't trying to start shit with me. They're used to other folks being open and communicative.
So, all the comments I've received on my Buk tattoo are unsolicited. I've gotten used to people waiting in lines staring at my other work and asking questions on occasion. This includes little kids who just LOVE tattoo's and are only being curious in a healthy way when they ask silly questions about them.
Of course, if I ever get tired of answering tattoo questions..I'll do what a lot of tatto artists and other folks who tend to be covered from head to toe do...I'll wear long sleeves and long pants to cover it all up.
Anyway, Chuck was a big hit as you might expect when Mark and I hit a few bars Saturday night after practice. People were shitting their pants over the quality of the work Mark did. Great. Chuck wasn't as warmly received at the post office. The friendliest clerk there is an "oldies" rock and roll fan. He considers him self pretty hip I guess. So, he remarked with glee "hey!! you got some new work!!". I stuck my arm in front of him to examine. His smile turned to a puzzled look. "Who is it??" He asked. "Charles Bukoski..a writer...and a big drunk" I cleverly retorted.
Silence fell over the post office. You could hear receipts being printed out by the little printers at each clerks station. It was as though I had said the mug on my arm belonged to Bin Laden or Castro or Madelaine Murray O'Hare. I concluded that the fellow wondered why in the hell I'd get a tattoo of some fricken' writer. I could tell his estimation of me sank at that moment. Oh well. On to the used book store.
After wandering around checking out the clearance racks for a half hour the last thing on my mind was Herr Buk. The 20 something clerk chappie at the counter reminded me when he declared.."I know who that is..it's..it's..it's.."
His face turned red. He couldn't peg the staring, snake eyed, ugly man on my fore arm. I helped him out "yeah...IT'S HIM!!! It's BUKOWSKI" I said..smiling. He sort of went "gulp"!! His face stayed red..and he fumbled bagging my purchases and handing me my receipt.
I was a little bit amazed at his reaction. Maybe he's a Burroughs guy??
We're gonna hit the liquor store and library later today. I can't wait.
1/24/04
I got a beautiful Bukowski portrait tattoo on my left inner forearm thanks to Mark. He did one helluva job..and he's gonna enter it in a convention contest coming up in February. Buk's eyes seem to follow everybody in the room. I find myself talking to him..to seek his sage advice. So far all he's "revealed" to me is the need for me to drink more, faster.
I've been getting emails from AMP readers more and more frequently as it gets distributed better and better across the country. The best thing about getting this rash of comments of praise or derision is the fact that it's coming from much younger people than have written to me over the years after reading CARBON14 and HITLIST columns. I've specially simplified my usual complex theories for AMP readers since I know the average age reader is so young. The latest email I got today was from a kid taking issue with my advocating alcohol. YEE HAW!! Emails like that make my day. I had addressed the column he read to his generation..which I refer to as the "Beavis and Butthead" generation; I can't wait to email him back and point out to him that his favorite charachter on Beavis and Butthead must have been Stuart..or maybe Stuarts cookie serving, minivan driving soccer Mom.
Don't worry parents; thee Whiskey Rebel is on the job helping to raise your impressionable adolescents to be cynical, agnostic drunks.
1/18/04
Evidently racial slurs have a positive effect on my chess game. I allowed my membership to run out at "instantchess.com" after a flurry of racial epithets being spat my way by a fellow from China. I immediately signed up to "ICC" (international chess club) which is also the chess website of choice of scores of officially titled Grandmasters and International masters. After watching several world famous masters play live blitz games (in which they have 3 and sometimes 1 minute to play all their moves in a game) most of last night, I played a few games today and lo and behold since I'm new to their rating system I'll rest my head on my pillow as a frigging "expert" in the five minute chess class. Yeah, yeah..it's based on a technicality..but what the hell. I beat every opponent that stood in my way for this day at least.
We've watched quite a bit of the Ric Flair 3 DVD collection "santa" brought me. It replaces about 4 dozen beat up, poorly marked old VHS tapes with all their tracking problems. There are so many great moments on this DVD set it's just fucking incredible. The "I quit" match between Flair and Terry Funk is a big favorite of mine. I can easily conceive of WWE doing volume #2 since it's been more successful than just about any product issued by them since Steve Austin ruled the T-shirt world for a year or so. I'd like to see Flair's fued with Vader and maybe some title defenses against some of the great guys out in the "territories". How about Flair vs. Brody or Flair vs. Nikita Koloff?? And hey, it'd be fun to see his match with "nature boy" Buddy Rodgers if it exists. Incidentally, there are 7 hidden promo bits that were publicized by an eager Flair fan at the Wrestling Observor website.
Some of the matches from the collection are VERY long as compared to today. I'm not that big a fan of todays 5 minute TV matches between "even" competitors that are follwed by another match next week..and the next..and then a pay per view match too often similar to the free TV matches. I'd rather watch "squash" matches with prelim bum "jobbers" like you saw in the old days. The idea was for opponents in an upcoming "grudge" match to show what they could possibly do to their future "quality" opponent on some 190 pound chump that bench pressed trays of dirty cups at Denny's by day. Nowdays we not only have to try to stomach "Triple ZZZ" using the same old sledge hammer bit to win at a PPV..we have to watch it a few times in the weeks building up to it. What REALLY sucked about the "good old days" were the over abundance of best 2 out of 3 fall matches that cheap promoters trying to put on a TV show with 6 or 8 wrestlers tried to hype as being "special" even though they booked at least one per week in my home territory. As big as a wrestling fan as I am I'd rather listen to Billy Joel music or watch "friends" or pluck my eyeballs out with a dull butter knife than watch a "scientific" match that lasts over 25 minutes. Remember..I'm the guy that took an early intermission at my home down the street during the legendary ECW hour long best 2 out of 3 falls match between Benoit and Guererro. I'm a fan of both of those guys..but SHIT!!! Enough is enough. It's usually more fun to me to watch a guy like Terry Funk or Mick Foley "attempt" a high flying move and fail than to see one executed perfectly. One reason why teams like the great Midnight Express were so much better than most tagteams today is the fact that they could work the crowd and piss everybody off...AND pull off some technical maneuvers in the process (like the "double goozle") or maybe fail miserably..collide like clutzes..or even on occasion act terrified of their opponents. Some of the best matches I've ever seen were five minute, totally out of control brawls featuring Abdullah the butcher. They tried to civilize him on WCW years ago and have him "wrestle" for 15 minute with a partner..but the matches were boring; everybody with any sense in the audience was just waiting for the end of the match..which would be a totally out of control brawl after all. I DON'T NEED...to watch Abby "WRESTLE" for fucks sake!! I want to see him ripping open somebody with a foreign object. FUCK "wrestling" in his case.
I hear the weather really sucks elsewhere in the U.S. right now.
We've been suffering a real "cold spell" here in Texas too..It's been in the 70's during the day..but the mercury's dipped down into the chilly 50's at night. BBBRRRHHH!!! One night it got SOOOOOO cold I had to switch off the ceiling fan over my futon-death-trap-bed.
One day last week when I was out hitting the thrift stores Duke from the Tunnel Rats called from some bar in New Hampshire where a pal and he were planning on playing chess. They called to clarify some rules..Elvis helped 'em out. Those guys up there like to really hit the bottle hard. I hope they didn't get too sauced and pass out in their cars. You'd fucking DIE if you did in weather like they've been having. Maybe they're still sitting there knocking down shots..arguing over whether a bishop moves backwards. Maybe they don't even know yet that the Patriot's are going to the frigging superbowl?? Damn...I'll knock back a shot of Beam right now in their honor either way....AAAHHHHHHHHH.
PART #2 1/13/04
I can't believe it; I've just been victimized with racial taunts on "instantchess.com" the net chess website I've recommended here a couple times. I was in the middle of a game with a guy from China (according to my investigation) named "kievenyu"; I ordinarily ignore juvenile chat so I can concentrate on my game..like most serious players. For no apparent reason this Chinese chap began taunting me using the words "whitey boy" and "whitey". I was Shocked. I complained immediately to a couple administrators who I assume will do nothing..but you never know. Coincidentally, my membership expires in four days and I'm thinking of jumping to a different chess site 50 times bigger loaded with dozens of grandmaster and international master members. From what I've been told they check out people before allowing them to play. Perhaps I won't have to suffer from racial slurs at their site..they're called "ICC" international chess club.
Incidentally...I WAS playing the white pieces; but that doesn't give this fellow a right to hide behind that fact. If one were playing an African American or someone from continental Africa (I have several times at this site) they would hardly get away with calling him "blackie" or "black boy"..now would they????
I'll keep the world informed of this situation right hear.
01/13/04
I'm up extra early this morning..the crack of dawn..a few minutes past 10:00 am. Elvis and I are venturing into Austin...I'm hitting thrift stores and he's starting his second college term today. Incidentally, Elvis got his first damned tattoo yesterday..a small Sailor Jerry piece over his ankle showing a cute little monkey sticking a lit firecracker under another monkey's ass. WOW..I bet the girls will love it.
El and I had a little chit chat that answers a question that came up a few years ago in Philly. There was this one time when we both woke up at the same time in our respective rooms to really, REALLY bad house shaking LOUD music. It was about noon or so..on a very hot Summer day. We were both so disoriented we thought the music was coming from inside our house some how. I yelled down from the floor I was sleeping on down to hi. "ElVIS..what the hell is that horrible music!!" He appeared staggering out of his bedroom. "I don't know...make it go away. He looked purple and sick..like the guy who swallowed a big wad of chew or something. He later told me that even though he was wandering around talking to me..he felt like he was still in the grip of the nightmare. We made our way to the downstairs living room fingers rammed into our ears and peered out the front window. The source of the excrutiatingly bad music was a stereo speaker positioned by the front door of the home of a neighborhood guy who probably assumed he was doing the street a favor by filling it with vomit inducing music at a thundering volume.
Neither Elvis nor I knew exactly what band was responsible for that awful, horrible fucking racket. After it had stopped I theorized perhaps Toto or Steely Dan. Elvis had no clue. He's seemed scarred from the incident however..as much as if he had been raped by a scoutmaster. He woke up from a nightmare this morning with the same revolting tune running through his head. This time he recognized it from an MTV classics video...it turns out the band that woke us up in Philly both feeling like we had gone to hell in the middle of the night was..none other than...STYX. YUCK!!!!!
There should be city ordinances against people playing STYX publicly. Just LOOK how it's still upsetting pour Elvis's nightly sleep years later. We should sue that dirty bastard.
1/07/04
Son of a bitch..it's 2004..we're plowing through this damned decade awfully goddamned fast. So far, nothing all that great has happened compared to for instance the first few years of several decades of my lifetime..but what the hell..I seem to be the only one whose noticed how individual years used to seem so distinctive. NOW they just blur together. The whole "new year" hoopla meant little to me this year except for the fact that since we are now Texan's for the 2nd year in a row we didn't have to travel long a long distance down snowy roads to escape the frigging mummers parade in Philly that drove me fucking crazy. Marla and I went down to a local tavern and downed a few. A few minutes before midnight we were issued noise makers and silly hats and free glasses of champagne that we didn't expect. I blew into my little cardboard kazoo way too much until Marla got disgusted and threatened to take it away. A few of the people around me looked a bit irked too. Others poured us more champagne. That's a nice touch..strangers pouring you free champagne. One of the good things about living in a small town. A few of the local yokals came by our table to shake my hand firmly and sincerely and also to wish us luck for the year. They didn't seem overly drunk or pushy..just friendly.
I took me a while to adjust to be on the receiving end of acts of public kindness from strangers here in Texas, but I'm coming around. Just today in the record store in town I was flipping through the aisle of LP'S that rarely changes titles and a guy from 10 feet away or so cheerfully hollered "HI!" with a harmless little wave. In Philly or L.A. I would have suspected him of setting me to ask me for a handout..but that sort of shit never takes place here in San Marcos. The guy was maybe 28 or so decked out in working mans levi's and a jacket and sporting a greasy looking hat. I can't imagine where I would've ever met him. He was just trying to be nice and hospitable...so I waved back and said "Hi" in an almost cheerful voice. That sort of thing happens almost every time I'm waiting in line at the liquor store. Somebody'll say "Hey boss..what you got there?". I'll flash my whiskey bottle at them and grin and nod and they're happy and nod back. They never try to get any more personal than that luckily. I've gotten so I can occasionally see their "random acts of kindness" before they even get a word out of their mouths.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...back in fucked up "friendly" Portland Oregon total strangers would walk up and talk to me all the time; unfortunately those fuckfaces never had the advantages of a Southern upbringing.Instead of greeting me and then backing off..they'd ask about my T-shirt.."what's an Antiseen"??? or "why do you have a: (choose one) skull/corpse/word of profanity/etc. on your shirt?" I've never seen such a place where so many people are convinced they live in one of the friendliest cities in the world, yet they're all so ready to argue about the stupidest shit ranging from politics to basketball with strangers. That's not "friendly"..that's NOSEY!! That's FUCKED UP!! That's a clear violation of privacy. That's NOT for thee Whiskey Rebel. And I had to deal with it on a daily basis for many years. Not any more though of course. "Friendly" Texan's just have a knack for meeting and greeting you and backing out so fast that I've been tempted a time or two to say "wait!! Don't go!!". Maybe that's what's in store for me in 2004. Maybe I'll be the one greeting total strangers from across the room at the record store..or winking and nodding at other guys loading up on intoxicants at the liquor store. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go get my new years cardboard kazoo and my pointy little freebie hat and wait by the front door to greet Marla when she comes home from work in a few minutes.
01/01/04
WHISKEY REBEL'S YEAR END SUMMARY and special "Best of" AWARDS.
BEST DIARY ENTRY of the year 2003: This one, obviously.
MOST IMPORTANT THOUGHTS central to the year 2003 you the reader can benefit from:
1) MUSLIMS HATE YOU..YEAH, YOU!!! Hey fellow Americans, whether you're a Howard Dean-drone or a Bush-backer Muslims in the middle east HATE YOU!! Whether you hate their guts..or want to embrace them and their "beautiful" faith..they fucking HATE YOU!!! This is not a situation that is going to change any time soon. Why?? Muslim leaders hate Americans because our relatively lively, free, sinful lifestyle gives their flock dangerous ideas and notions. The flock itself hates you because the leaders tell them to; also because the press from that part of the world has been villifying America and Americans for many years. Most importantly, Muslims in the middle east hate you because they are human beings..and it is natural for folks of different faiths to HATE each other in spite of all their phoney b.s. about "love".
2) THE MUSLIM WORLD SUCKS to live in!! Unless you are a devout one yourself that is. If you like to drink, partake of recreational drugs, enjoy smutty movies and lusting after women in public in general...they'd STRING YOU UP BY THE BALLS over in the middle east nations. For eating a pork chop you'd be disembowled in all likelyhood. If you're one of the many uninformed, idealistic liberals always complaining about Bush and his conservative Christian pals yet at the same time always professing to be concerned about the Muslim "people" won't you PLEASE wake up, grow up and realize that as nutty and annoying as our Christians are here in the U.S., the Muslims are 10 TIMES fucking worse!! Hey gals, women have almost ZERO rights in the happy Muslim world..where iwomen are still sentenced to being stoned to death as punishment for adultery in some places. Amongst all the filthy Western sinful pop music and films that are outlawed, even the passive game of CHESS has been outlawed in many Arab nations! Hey all my homosexual Rebel-Roos out there, you can forget about living a gay lifestyle over there for DAMNED sure. Yeah..gays are treated poorly in many places in the U.S, but the country that gave us the great distilleries of the South has also provided sexual and cultural deviants havens like San Francisco to congregate and prosper in. I hate Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson just like you..but compared to that dweeb Osama and his fundamentalist ilk they are like old friends.
3) Smokers rights are being stomped on right now from coast to coast. The fact that bars and restaurants in some places aren't even allowed to choose whether or not they will be smoking establishments is incredibly unfair. Of course, this sort of behavior isn't anything new. Consider all the "sin" taxes on tobacco and alcohol..and the fact that every institution that declares itself a church doesn't pay taxes AT ALL. It's time for a BIBLE tax my friends. DRINKERS!! It's time to unite behind the smokers because YOU ARE NEXT in line when they're forced to smoke in underground Government cement closets.
4) Our society has adapted a fucked up way of "dealing" with problems. If somebody slips on a banana peel and dies a great cry is heard to BAN BANANA'S!! Isn't there any sort of accident that can occur without people wanting to pass a new law?? I'm SICK of the morons who sob and wring their hands and declare that "if we can save just ONE life" it's worth passing some friggin' law that effects hundreds of millions of people by either slowing them down or forbidding them some sort of pleasure.
5) It seems like an alarming number of young black males are being convinced by genius assholes like Al Sharpton that cops routinely beat black males when they pull them over; so, instead of simply taking a ticket a lot of them take off leading the cops in a high speed chase. Yes, I know some cops beat black males they've pulled over in traffic; for that matter I know several white males who have gotten the same treatment for various reasons other than their skin color. The problem is that big Al and other self appointed African American leaders aren't making it clear that only SOME cops are dishing out beatings. I'm singling out Al here because he's the only one amongst several vocal self appointed African American "leaders" who is running for President. TAKE THE TICKET GUYS!!! Don't be conned by Al Sharpton or some dumbass rapper out to make a buck into risking your life. Plenty of cops are nice people who don't want to beat on you.
6) Light beer is outselling "normal" beer at an alarming rate in many places. It's obvious by the fact that so much of the advertising budget of beer companies is directed towards light brands. Perhaps this ties in with the fact that music hasn't progressed a BLOODY INCH in the last year..just like the last several before it. It's just the same old crap re-hashed over and over again. I see a connection; until people under 30 get back to drinking NORMAL corporate beer music will be stuck in nuetral. THIS MEANS YOU!
7) I can't remember any other time in my life in which the media has crammed such an endless stream of bullshit stories down the throats of the masses. They actually have people logging onto the internet or tuning in some bullshit cable channel to follow the lives of insignificant spoiled rotten cunts like Paris Hilton (read my upcoming AMP magazine column for the long version of my opinion about her) and fairhaired, suburban victims of crimes that are commited in large numbers upon uglier, less wealthy people. THEE WHISKEY REBEL is not one of the sheep; I'm one of the lone wolves..you can choose which you elect to be.
8) People who follow Oprah are mindless boobs.
9) If you want to further your "art" whether it be music, painting, writing, theatre or basket goddamned weaving...SHUT YOUR FUCKING TV OFF and devote yourself to your work.
10) The great majority of people globally who have inherited the religion of their parents are responsible for most of the international strife in the world. If you think Christianity is any more logical than Islam or Buddism or Atheism or jewry..you've been duped. Expect wide-spread global conflict until an international wave of TRUE seperation of church and State takes place..which will probably never happen. There's really not a damned thing you can do about it. I suggest you RISE ABOVE IT and proceed with a hedonistic, fun filled life style.
2003 WRESTLER OF THE YEAR:
Co-winners: Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle for consistantly being entertaining both in and out of the ring. They held together the shaky WWE this last year during the Triple HHH ("Triple ZZZ") era.
2003 Baseball MVP: Albert Pujols.
2003 Sports Asshole of the year: Barry Bonds for not only "dissing" Babe Ruth..but lying publicly claiming his stats are superior to the ol' Bambino's.
2003 Band of the year: THE CRAMPS..who I enjoyed live at a big out door venue in Austin. They not only played a ***** set...they've set a great example for other bands by taking charge of their music catalog by running their own label.
2003 Album of the year: Wayne Hancock "swing time". A masterpiece live album.
2003 Best live rock and roll show of the year: C.O.S. supershow in Las Vegas.
2003 PARTY of the year: For me, it was the wild bash I enjoyed at the B.P.Psycho's clubhouse in oakland last June.
2003 TV show of the year: "South Park"...which some how keeps getting better and better over the years.
2003 Most disappointing show: "the Osborne's". Sorry folks...turns out it's a WORK!!
2003 Most surprisingly good overlooked show: "Aqua teen hunger force" which can be seen on Cartoon network late Sunday nights. It's HILARIOUS and completely apolitical.
2003 radio show of the year: "The Phil Hendrie show". You can subscribe to it via the internet for about $6 per month if it isn't aired in your area. It beats Stern, Liddy and everybody else hands down. Note: It's NOT a talk show. Go try a few free sample bits from his website and you'll see how goddamned funny it is day after day.
2003 Best book of the year: "After the layoffs" by Iain Levison. Hard boiled fiction for people who hate their fucking bosses. An inspiring masterpiece.
2003 NEWS STORY of the year: The death of the great Johnny Cash. He sure as hell impacted your life more than Saddam whether the press realizes it or not. You'll rarely think about Saddam five years from now.
2003 Politician of the year: -----vacant-----
2003 Political ass-clowns of the year: Howard Dean and Al Sharpton. The Democratic party is in a sad state when folks take these two seriously. Dean's only apparent adgenda is to oppose Bush on every issue whether it makes sense or not. I'm not a fan of Bush...but he's not ALWAYS been wrong in his actions. If Dean truly wants the U.S. to kowtow to the U.N. I'm against him.
2003 Ebay Jackoff of the year: 1)The guy who gave me nuetral feedback because he only liked one song on the R.E.M album he bought from me. 2) The guy who won a Diamanda Galas CD from me who threw a hissy fit "DEMANDING" that I post positive feedback to him BEFORE he posted FB to me. He spent hours writing long emails to me explaining why he felt it was my duty to obey his wishes. I was in stitches for days!!! Still, he was an asshole. Fact is, If he hadn't made such a big deal about it I would've left him positive feedback as a matter of routine.
My personal highlights of the year include the publication of my second book "hostile city or bust", completing my country music album book, the completion of a full length Rancid Vat album that only needs to be mixed (featuring the toe tapper: "we hate you all the way from Texas") meeting my Sister Shari in person for the first time in Las Vegas, my return to competitive chess (I intend to compete constantly for at least several years) and watching my 1st born Son Elvis getting better first semester college grades than I ever dreamed of while maintaining a maniacal lifestyle. I'm obviously happy to say my Wife Marla hasn't managed to bring about my death by forcing me to sleep on a futon torture rack.
12/27/03
I checked into the RED ROOF INN by the airport in San Antonio last Friday evening so I could get a nights sleep before the Texas open chess tournament began the next morning. I've adjusted my schedule a helluva lot over the last month so that I could enter the tournament which starts in the same 9-10:00 a.m. hour range in which I recently was just nodding off to sleep, happily loaded.
I just knew I'd never be able to get to sleep at 1:00 a.m. or so here at our home where we have a holiday stockpile of booze and individuals running around crapping themselves. I could've looked up a bandmate or friend in San Antonio to maybe stay with; but I KNOW all of those folks down there are gonna be getting loaded all night. I'm not going to be a wet blanket in a friends home or suddenly demand that everybody start tip toeing around my own home for that matter.
So, I checked into the Red Roof with my trusty red mid-sized cooler and a jug of Rebel Yell sleepy-bye juice. The room was VERY cheap..and very small..but it had a very good view of the parking lot and a nearby busy road. The TV worked..unfortunately. I actually watched 6 minutes or so of "Friends". MY GOD!! What a stupid show. I HATE people in real life who are like the charachters on that damned show. The dialogue was obvious, boring and un-funny. NO WONDER it's such a huge hit. I couldn't take more than a few minutes of it until I grabbed the remote and tuned into my favorite channel which you can tune in on any TV set using the "OFF" button. I ate some delivered food and chugged a few beers and managed to be asleep by 12:30 a.m. believe it or not.
I'm a very paranoid guy. Even though I had a wake up call phoned in and an alarm clock set I still worried I'd over sleep past 8:00 a.m. I didn't..and by 8:20 I was tip toeing through the damned motel lobby with a double fist of styrofoam coffee cups. I was greeted between my room and the lobby not ONCE but TWICE..by cheerful and nauseating employees. I stared daggers at them and grunted back. If I was the boss of that motel I'd FIRE THE ASS of any prick face who went around getting in guests faces all happy and beaming in the morning. Needless to say I've removed from my life anybody who greets me in the morning like that.
I drove a mile and a half to a Hilton hotel where the tournament was being held in a few seperate meeting rooms. There were two sections of the tournament that players could enter based on your United States chess federation rating. The "open" section is for the very strongest players. Players rated over 1800 had to register in this section. The other section with many more players was the "reserve" section for people rated under 1800 only. I haven't played in a "reserve" section since I was about 14 years old even though I would have stood to win a lot of money if I had. Why?? Even when I was rated well under 1800 I had been advised by one of my mentors to always play in the tough section so as to improve in the long run as opposed to bringing home some easy cash. Since my rating has drooped to under 1800 thanks to my so-so (but encouraging) "come back" performance out in Las Vegas last June at the National open my current "mentor" (my Wife) ordered me to enter the reserve section to try to win some of the prize money. I agreed actually. Even though thanks to instantchess.com I consider my game to be approximately equal to my former high water mark long ago before my 23 year retirement, I still have to get back into the flow of playing human beings sitting in a chair for hours and hours with spectators walking around gaping at my game.
As it turned out I was the 4th highest rated player in the reserve section of the tournament. I was paired in the first round with a guy rated pretty damned low for a grown man in my opinion. He was a friendly Joe Square type who was watching over his young son who was also entered in the tournament. This guy was so square..he wore the kind of shoes and glasses and shirt that alternative rock goofballs wea to make some sort of "statement" about squares. I opted for my usual Reti opening as white (a double fianchetto of the bishops for you chess literate). I was slowly crushing him after 20 moves with no material advantage. Suddenly his moronically placed pieces seemed to accidently spring to life leaving him with some dangerous chances for victory. I made a few brilliant defensive moves followed by a nice sacrificial combination that forced either the loss of his Queen or checkmate. Nice victory...1-0.
The 2nd round started very soon after the 1st ended. I faced a young oriental guy I judged about 15 years old or so. Of course I was immediately reminded of my loss in the final round in Vegas to a 9 year old prodigy who was Chinese. I was imtimidated a bit in that situation..but I've had time to think it over and I can honestly say when I sat down in this round to play the guy I was able to focus on the BOARD and not on the opponent. Young chess players are very, very dangerous. Their rating is usually far below their playing skill since they tend to improve fast. They have way more energy than middle aged drunks like me who've annihilated quint-illion's of brain cells over the years. On the other hand, they make a lot of unseasoned mistakes that can be exploited by an older, patient competitor. I had the black pieces and chose my trademark Robatsch defense against his "E-4". He chose an unaggressive variation that lead to a middlegame in which all the pieces were developed fairly evenly. I made a couple subtle pawn moves that allowed me to blow the queenside open after a couple wishy washy moves on his part. He was VERY good and seemed to be able to see several moves ahead accurately. His judgement of the position didn't seem to be as good as mine this day. I played a crafty game and had him by the balls after about 30 moves. The game was really pretty. We reached an endgame with me up a couple pawns when he tipped over his king to resign. Hey, 2-0!!
I managed to grab a shower and a nap back at the motel before round 3. I had the white pieces again facing another young opponent. This guy seemed to be about 17 or so and looked like an older version of Elvis's drummer. he had death metal stickers all over his backpack too. Cool. I was sporting my "Bad Vibes" T-shirt. I played the Reti again which he seemed not very familiar with. By move 12 I was creating pawn weaknesses in his position. He suddenly made an irrational capture of a pawn momentarily putting me in check..but losing his knight in exchange for a total of 3 pawns in the process. Unfortunately his pawns were weak, isolated and 3 of them were tripled!! I started picking them off one by one. Finally he collapsed and made a fatal error losing a rook. Hey..3-0!! Not bad.
I was glad to have a positive record and all, but I out rated everybody I played. I was SUPPOSED to beat them just like I was SUPPOSED to lose more than I won back in Vegas. I knew I'd be playing somebody my own level though the next morning in round 4. After a night of drinking extremely strong bourbon and waters and guzzling frosty Bud's I was asleep early and right on time the next morning. I had black again and once again played the Robatsch defense. I was facing another guy who appeared to be about 17 years old..this guy was an anglo from Florida. WARNING SIGN!! People don't travel 1,000 miles to play in a tournament without good reason for expecting to win!! He handled the Robatsch aggressively as is possible..playing the super kamikaze move "H-4" on the 2nd move. I had studied ahead of time...my Robatsch opening book is usually as close a companion as my red cooler. After 12 moves or so I had developed my pieces effectively blocking a quick knockout attack by him. I should've hung back and played calmly..but instead I got in an overly aggresive mood and split open the center with a BAD pawn push which lead to a loss of a pawn and more material soon after. I lost...DAMN. I shook his hand though..and didn't feel bad considering he was rated about the same as me in spite of his age. I've got the AGE thing licked I think. I'd probably even rather play a young person than some stinky old coot. What the hell. 3-1.
I couldn't help but notice some of the other players in the tournament who seemed a bit out of place. Way down at the bottom end of the tournament boards was a guy who looked like LBJ sporting a big cowbow hat and a Levi suit. When I noticed him he was facing a little pig tailed girl who appeared to be about 10 or so. WHAT A BIZARRE PAIR!! I'm not sure who won...I'm a bit afraid to venture too close to the orbit of bad players. I saw a guy who didn't just place his pieces on the squares; he methodically screwed each one slowly into place like replacing a cap on a bottle of catsup. He obviously has a myriad of obsessive compulsive wack-job phobias. I was fascinated...but again pulled myself away before whatever invisable demon made him the way he is leaped off onto ME. I saw another guy who was the exact oppostie. The pieces were sprawled sloppily on the board half on and half off the squares while he analyzed some postion he had just likely screwed up in the tournament. I saw a few other nutty specimens..but not a damned one of them freaked me out like the ultra-conformists I had seen during my brief exposure to "Friends". I wound up hanging out and talking with a couple guys lets say early middle-aged who had driven in together to compete from somewhere in Texas. They were fine fellows who like to drink and get shitfaced. One of them actually owns a chess-shot glass set that they've gotten incredibly fucked up with playing in the past. You get to drink a single shot if you capture a pawn, two for a bishop, 3 for a rook, etc. They cheerfully declared that usually you never get to play a second game!!
It turned out that I was paired with one of these fine upstanding men for the last round. He blatany offered a draw discreetly ahead of time while in the bar trying to ply me with spirits at his expense. I had revealed earlier that my game suffers these days when I've had even a few. VERY SNEAKY. My new chess motto of course is "it isn't a game for pinks or molly-coddles!!" What if you had offered the immortal Ty Cobb a "draw" or a tie in a baseball game!! HAH!! He would've whipped out his whet stone and sharpened up his cleets. 23 years ago I would've shown the guy mercy..but NOT the knew and improved me. I had the white pieces and lead off with the Reti again. He responded symetrically for 10 moves to every move I made..obviously trying for a draw. Well, I can't blame him. it's all he needed for some prize money. With a great deal of patience I gradually pryed open the "A" file and crammed my rooks down his throat. The game ended in a flurry with me bringing down his King..which would've won me 6 shots on his special board. Final score: 4-1!!
Unfortunately, even though my 4-1 record was good enough to tie for 3rd place..this particular event oddly didn't offer a 3rd prize like most do..only 1st and 2nd. I feel good about what I accomplished though getting back into the thick of live competition here on Texas soil for the 1st time. I felt totally at home. I intend to keep playing in as many tournaments as I can for the foreseeable future. What the hell. Practicing Chess improves my reaction time on play station 2 games..and I have lots of song ideas running through my head at all times. Chess and music utilize the same part of your brain.
After the tournament, Elvis and Mark and I went to a local bar/pool hall. We guzzled beer and bumped dickheads playing 8 ball for a while. We intended to play for a long time which I needed to do to come down from the adrenaline rush of the tournament. Unfortunately the bartender allowed free jukebox access to a couple bimbo's he was probably hoping to bang. They picked about 235 hours of the WORST pop music of the last 10 years. From Michael Jackson to Enema-M and Kid Rock one horrid song after another blared out of the speakers placed all around the room. I eventually SNAPPED!!!! I tossed down my stick and chain-swore more pissed-off than Mark has ever seen me I think. GODDAMN I was mad. If the music wasn't bad enough, there was some frat dude bozo at the next table trying to get in some sluts pants using some sort of contrived jive-ass wigger accent like you hear on Rikki Lake episodes with real live wigger guests meant to terrify soccer Mom's. Dusty Rhodes is the only man that should be allowed to talk like that in public. I'm not impressed by wiggers. I wouldn't back down from a 10 foot tall one. They don't seem tough or dangerous to me; I consider them just a bunch of pussies going through some sort of "phase" they'll grow out of. That movie wigger Vin Diesel doesn't impress or scare me. FUCK HIM. YAWN. Now, OX BAKER...there's a guy who frightens me. Or Stan Hanson. Or frigging Jackie Chan or that plump guy Samo Hung..those guys KICK ASS. They don't need to dress in trendy, juvenile, oversized clown-wear to be BAD. And how about the mighty Fred Williamson and Isaac Hayes as "Truck Turner" or frigging Michael Berryman and his bug eyes in "the Hills have eyes"?? THOSE guys are scarey.
At any rate, our pool game deteriorated and we had to leave early and come back home and get groggled. Elvis....who usually drinks hard liquor..drained a 4 beer pitcher repeatedly as if there was a hole in it. I don't know what besides beer and whiskey shots Mark drank...but he didn't crawl out of the sack until 3:00 pm or so. Maybe he got into the jagermeister. I drank my fill until 5:00 a.m. or so and woke up the next morning with a smile on my face from dreaming about that chess-shot glass set.
12/24/03
My official Whiskey Rebel cat Dixie has been behaving like a kitty version of a frenzied crackhead lately. His kicks come from the pine needles on our Christmas tree. He can be seen almost 24/7 laying under our tree in a daze..with a few pine needles sloppily stuck to his black nose like powder on a humanoid recreational drug user's snout. He can sometimes be seen in a frenzy half chewing and licking needles on the lowest branches..lolling around on his back. We gave him and our veteran cat Mr. Jinx a rare holiday treat of canned cat food. Dixie ignored all our attempts to get him to pull himself away from his pine needle frenzy to eat his share of it. Mr. Jinx gladly wolfed it all down and trotted off to take a nap shaking his head as he watched Dixie acting like one of the hard cases in "reefer madness". We all wonder..just WHY does he chew and suck on pine needles??? Does he simply like the smell..or is he getting "high" in some way? Jinxy doesn't give a shit about pine needles. Is it because he's older and wiser..or older and maybe "square" in a cat way??
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen when we get rid of the damned tree. Will Dixie go through withdrawal?? Will he find another turn-on that gives him an even greater kick...like cleaning agents or perhaps smelly shoes or dirty laundry?? Will his grades start to slip??
I won a second internet chess tournament today with a score of 4 wins and one draw. This tournament was an entire rating class higher than the last one I won. The last few days I've had 3 experts on the ropes...but was forced due to time pressure to settle for draws. My "come back" which began at the national open last June has suceeded. I'm very confident I'm a better player than I was when I was young. I have a chance to prove it and win some prize money at the Texas Open Chess Championship in San Antonio this weekend.
The weirdest thing about this come back is I've noticed that even a couple beers drastically effect my play in a bad way. Back in the bad days just before I hung it up for 23 years, I'd play drunk or high all the time and think nothing of it. I had no idea why my results were so bad in those days.
Of course now I'm old enough and wise enough to realize I can have my cake and eat it too as the saying goes; I just wait until I'm done playing or studying to drink. I've registered at the crappy Yahoo chess site as "drunkenrebel1"for occasions in which I feel like playing a bit after cracking open a few beers. I don't want to besmirch the name and reputation of WhiskeyRebel at instantchess.com
12/21/03
Oh oh...looks like we've got a chronic pant's shitter on our hands. In the last diary entry I congratulated our new guitar player Mark on his ability to laugh at himself when he filled his pants unintentionally (I think) last week.
Now I've received an email from a pal of his ( thanks Rocky!) back up in Illinois that brings to light ANOTHER instance of Mark shitting his pants. Here's the straight "poop" in Rocky's words:
"Markys smile dissappeared and he hopped up quicker than anyone that hung (over) ever has and he ran to the bathroom clenching his ass cheeks together for dear life,he pounds on the sliding bathroom door and moans
"TERRY I HAD AN ACCIDENT!!!!"So IM not at all surprised Deihl dropped some choclate in his drawers".
NO WONDER Mark took it in stride the other day when he besmirched his jeans; he's grown so used to it happening he enjoys it. I hope when the day comes that I can't control myself that I can learn to "enjoy it" too. Bottom line, Mark's not only a top hand on the ole' Telecaster..he's an inspiration to the incontinent.
12/20/03
Our new guitar player Mark (of Dual Exhaust fame) has been down here in Texas for a few months now. I think he's earned bragging rights as a Texan not only by proving he can drink a lot of damned Lone Star on a regular basis, but also by the way he handled a "sticky" situation that would have had most folks from less significant States of the union in tears. He found himself 60 yards or so from the shithouse when an undeniable fecal blast reached his digestive systems anal bottleneck. In other words, in spite of a heroic sprint he filled his fucking pants in the final stretch.
Did he cuss or stomp around like a big baby?? Did he start crying like a California pussyboy?? HELL NO. He started laughing his damned head off. Seriously folks, crapping your pants isn't anything to get all that upset over. It shouldn't be considered a traumatic experience. LET IT FLOW DADDY. LET IT FLOW. Then, clean up..toss it in your laundry and return to your daily routine.
That's todays lesson: EVERYBODY CRAP'S THEIR PANTS ONCE IN A WHILE. Those who can face up to it and get a few yuks out of it are at peace and harmony with the inevitable cosmic forces. I've related many tales in this diary in the past about folks crapping their pants unexpectedly...like the one about the guy from the well known rock band who had to choose between letting down the audience or doing the RIGHT thing by LETTING IT FLOW. It's funny though, I've never heard even one single account of a Woman fessing up to pooping her panties that I can include here.
What's the deal Ladies??? Is the act of soiling ones britches indeed a MANLY thang?? Are you gals too hung up collectively to laugh a bit at your own expense? Don't try to tell me you gals are neater and tidier in your hygenic comportment; I've known quite a few janitors over the years and they've unanimously been in agreement to the FACT that women's rest rooms are far filthier than men's. When a wad of excrement suddenly and without warning comes boiling out of a bunghole it doesn't notice whether said bungeroo is affixed to a male or a female. You can't stop a volcano...and you can't cork up a small percentage of dire shit's.
In other words, you gals have GOT to be making as many messes as the fella's...but it seems like none of you ever own up to it. I've been sticking up for you females for many years..taking your side against all the asshole guys that want to keep you in the kitchen when they're not pawing you like apes. I think it's high time a few of you shared your personal stories with me from those times when you've found yourself in Mark's predicament. Send 'em on in to whiskeyrebel@whiskeyrebel.com
I'll keep your tales confidential if you request me to. I'd prefer to share them here with the world however.
Incidentally, I've asked my Wife if she's shit her pants..and she insists she hasn't. She's confessed she's almost pee'd her pants several times though. She's of the opinion that many Women have a tougher time holding their water than men due to physical, muscular realities. She points out that you always see women featured in TV diaper adds rather than we men.
That reminds me of one of my Daddy's favorite catch phrases: "women, women..what a blessing..they can't piss without undressing".
12/16/03
I happened to be up in the very early morning when the news first broke about the capture of Saddam a couple nights ago. I was sitting right there in front of my TV set when the first pictures of Saddam being examined by the bald headed doctor were shown. I thought he was treated very humanely. The running commentary by the cable news anchors seemed a bit uninforned; I doubt the soldiers were giving him a dental check up. They must have been searching his mouth for a suicide pill (Hitler's #2 dude Goring cheated the hangman by swallowing cyanide capsules he kept hidden for quite a while). This point seemed lost upon the dumb bimbo journalists. Also I think they needed to publicly check him out for injuries before hauling his stinky ass away much like you check over a rental car for cosmetic damage before you drive it off the lot.
Since the morning of his capture It's been fun to listen to the handful of stubborn, desperate "nopey's" trying to second guess the administration.
What's that you say?? what's a "nopey??"
NOPEY was a charachter from the old Gumby series. He drove Gumby and Pokey nuts by saying "nope" no matter what course of action they suggested.
I hearby anoint Howard Dean as the "nopey" of the upcoming election. I was asked for my opinion on him months ago..and I commented that he seems to merely be the "anti-Bush" without a positive agenda of his own.
I think referring to him henceforth in this diary as "Howard "Nopey" Dean is a good idea. It's got a nice ring to it as opposed to "anti-Bush".
In spite of several comments by ol' Nopey to the press that I don't agree with I'll limit my remarks to the absolute stupidest. He declared that the victorius capture of Saddam Hussein was just part of a misguided U.S. policy that is teaching little Arab children to hate Christians and Jews. What a line of bull!!!! And people think this guy is sincere??
As I've pointed out many, many, many times this whole recent embroglio with Iraq is just the latest manifestation of an ancient Muslim hatred of Christians and Jews. Of course, Christians and Jews have hated the Arabs back...and have hated each other too. Do you imagine for one moment Arab kids in the middle east being brought up to NOT hate folks of other religions??? That's the way of the world. Why?? Because the world is populated by human beings..an essentially bad species.
Of course here in "Christian" America in spite of the dialogue of trendy p.c. folks, kids are taught to hate folks of other religions. A huge number of kids grow up trained by their parents to not only hate religious folk from outside our borders..they even hate American jews and muslims. NOT ONLY that...think of how kids are brought up to feel about scuzzy agnostics like me?? They're taught to feel the same way about Satanists, Wicca's, atheists, etc.
Like it or not, there are religious overtones to the ass kicking we delivered to Iraq you didn't hear much about on CNN. Why?? Simply because a helluva lot of the soldiers, officers, politicians and the folks back home too feel that we are a CHRISTIAN nation...called upon to defeat some heathen muslims. If you took a poll you'd find that a whopping majority of American's feel that GOD WAS ON OUR SIDE.
Of course, over in Iraq and the rest of the middle east they feel that THEIR god is on the job. Look how often reference was made during the brief war in the Arab press about an iminent miracle that would smack down the U.S.???
There IS one thing that Arab kids can learn to LOVE about Christian Americans; our video games, crappy commercial music and evil secular culture in general. If we want to extend the olive branch to these kids..we'll continue to ship our FUN American playthings over there.
Get out your world history book and check out all the wars involving Christians, Arabs and Jews over the years. Check out the final days of Byzantium..and the Ottoman empire...and the crusades. We've all been bumping dickheads with each other for many, many centuries. Before THAT...tribes were slaughtering each other in the name of a host of nutty gods.
Anyway, Nopey Dean can surely remember the second world war. Our post war occupation of Japan didn't lead to Japanese kids fervently hating American Christians any more than they already did. We won them over with our neat toys and songs and the related bric a brac. I know one helluva lot of Germans for that matter who do a better job of worshipping GOOD Sun records era American rock and roll than most Americans. Our crass Western music and porn and toys and junk are our best shot at burying the hatchet with those folks. The ones who won't be tempted by secular frivolities need to be perceived as sour puss killjoy assholes....just like OUR stodgy fundamentalists.
Iraq and Palestine and Saudi Arabia need ALCOHOL goddamnit...and 3 stooges films and bowling alleys and forbidden Cheech and Chong albums (There's DAMNED FEW problems in Iraq that couldn't be solved in the long run with a bumper crop of good weed).
The Arabs need a break from all the holy assholes with beards running around pointing fingers at each other. The holy men KNOW this; that's why they oppose Western culture...which if spread around any Arab nation would put them out of business.
12/13/03
The end of a much publicized trial here in Texas left me wondering whether or not justice has been completely served. A married couple turned their 12 year old son over to a couple of stern fundamentalist Brothers one of whom was a preacher to "discipline" him. They wound up flogging the holy crap out of him leaving him severely injured. One Brother got 24 years and the other 16. That's all fine and dandy..a couple of god's thugs taken off the streets. What I want to know is why nobody from the press has questioned what kind of wacko parents would turn their child over to nutjob freak Christians to straighten him out? Why should the Mother and Father be considered capable of dealing with their child in the future when they weren't able to in the past?? I think they should be held accountable for excercising poor judgement.
Self righteous fundamentalist Christians are often DANGEROUS; look at the carnage the vehement anti abortion wacko Christians are capable of.
Furthermore, I think lazy catholic parents who turn over their children to nuns at parochial schools to slap into line should be ashamed of themselves. It's a sign how fucked up people are that several adult acquantances of mine over the years will complain about being beaten and smacked at catholic schools....yet they still send their school age kids to catholic schools to avoid sending them to integrated public schools. SHAME ON YOU ASSHOLES!!!
The prosecuting attorney told the jury they shouldn't allow the holy men to simply return to their lives as usual as if nothing has happened; I'd instruct the legal system to not allow the parents to simply take custody of their child as if they did nothing irresponsible. C'MON!!!! You don't turn your kids over to ANYBODY else to physically punish unless you're a shitty parent.
12/10/03
Just finished off a fantastic book..one of the best I've read all year "first off the tee" by Don Van Natta Jr. It concerns the golf habits in detail of U.S. Presidents from Taft to Bush. I laughed my ass off during the first chapter account of a golf round a few years ago involving Jerry Ford, George Bush Sr...both life long sticklers for the rules..and Bill Clinton a known "mulligan" abuser and bullshit artist as much on the links as in other aspects of life. Balls flew all over the course that day cracking people in the head as Bush slowly seethed at Clinton's attempts to act buddy-buddy. It seems that JFK was the king of Presidential golfers along with Ike while Nixon was as big a cheat as Clinton. The always suave Warren Harding didn't cheat...but he broke the laws of our fair nation and pissed off golf officials by guzzling scotch publicly between holes. One of my favorites Teddy Roosevelt thought the game wasn't enough of a challenge. One thing is clear...non-golfing candidates for the job tended to lose politically (Gore, Dole, Dukakis, Mondale). I recommend the hell out of the book.
I've been appalled for the last few years at the short attention span of young consumers that has lead to all the goddamned jumpy commercials for products targeted towards them. It makes my fucking head swim to watch 3 minutes of commercials that never focus on a single image for longer than 1 or max 2 seconds. What's that?? Am I getting too "old"?? Maybe..but I didn't dig that style of vomit inducing film school visual hop around crap when it was being used in the 70's by hippie asshole film makers. I always hated "split screen" dogshit too...and I do to this day.
The reason this is my bellyache of the day is due to the fact that this Christmas season the add makers have further slashed their commercials into 10 second unrecognizable blips after years of 30 second adds being the standard. Yeah...that'd be a great thing if it meant shorter commercial breaks...but they show 3 10 second commercials in the same period of time. When they string 3 minutes ( 18 commercials) of 10 second commercials together it becomes a complete and total mishmash; I don't have any clue what the fuck they even want me to buy. There's one particular add that confuses me all to hell that begins with what seems to be a deoderant add but ends as another video game pitch with a guy shaving head somewhere in the 10 second blast!?!?!?! I've been forcefed an add for a certain fantasy oriented video game about a jillion goddamned times. The game seems to be about female Japanese charachters contorting their scantily clad bodies as they swing swords at unseen enemies concluding in a glamorous concert in which the charachters sing the worst outmoded disco crap I've heard in many a year. What does it all mean?? Do many young American girls really fantasize about dressing like sword carrying sluts and singing bad disco?? NO WONDER the Womens NBA and Soccer promotions are folding I guess.
Well, I better make this short; I feel compelled to buy some things down at the mall....if I can figure out what I've been pre-programmed to purchase.
12/03/03
Holy shit..once again through the wonders of the internet I've been linked together with a musical hero and "influence" I've wanted to cross paths with for oh..say 15 years or so. I'm talking about none other than Donny Death from the great band "Puke Spit and Guts".
For those reading this without the class or grace or sense to seek out the great recordings of our time, PS&G hailed from L.A. and recorded an LP in 1980 that was so frigging great I get email requests all the time from people wanting me to tape it for 'em. What's that?? You ask why folks just don't stroll down to their local used vinyl emporium and score a copy?? Fact is PS&G didn't love the world enough to make it easy to have a copy. I had to trade a pile of stuff to Jello to get mine years ago.
Puke Spit & Guts has had an influence on both of my bands. As far as Rancid Vat goes we've been performing their happy tune "eat hot lead" for years..you can find a studio version AND a live version on our "Darkest souls in Rock and Roll" LP. There are live versions on other releases we appear on. As I've revealed in print elsewhere my Whiskey Rebel gimmick was influenced by 1) watching the Fabulous Freebirds strut to the ring in their "flag" jackets and 2) gazing at PS&G's mighty Captain Worm as seen on the cover of their album. It was as simple..yet fateful as that. People pick stage names all the time for bands that fail and are never heard from again. In this case of course this very goddamned website is named after the charachter I became thanks to them.
I have a lot of details about PS&G history to add here in the near future. Don't get me wrong..this isn't the time or place for the thorough, all encompassing history fans have been waiting for. I'll let a few choice insider tidbits trickle out though if you're all good. I know a lot of people reading this are going to soil their sweats in anticipation. GOOD. Let 'em.
In other news, I was nominated for "player of the week" at
the instantchess.com website. I had to post a picture of myself. I'm sure
the chess players there will be puzzled as hell by the one I chose. I'm
supposed to be playing in a tournament in a higher rating bracket this week.
I haven't been able to track down any of the other players yet though. They
haven't played more than a handful of games between themselves either.
visit WhiskeyRebel.com for more info
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