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12/31/02
I've just got to report on THEE song of this year, next year, last year..maybe not any year..but sure as hell MOST years.
No, it's not a song I wrote; even I wouldn't be crowing that hard about my own handiwork. It isn't a song by a C.O.S. band..or one of my other friends bands..or by Wayne Hancock or the immortal Sonny Burgess. It's a song recorded back in the 1960's by Wally Cox. Yep, THEE Wally Cox. I heard it for the first time several days ago. It was one of almost 100 drinking and adultery songs ol' Rivethead sent me on CDR's (thanks again bub). The title is "there is a tavern in the town"..and it features Wally yodeling for all his 98 pound frame is worth while several deep voiced strapping fellows sing with dignity in the background.
This song is all I want to hear right now at this point in time. We have a show tomorrow...if I cancel out or pull a George Jones..you will know why..that I'm sitting on my ass playing Play Station 2 bowling while Wally yodels along.
Now that I've given this song such a build up, I'll never bother to play it for anybody who may read this. There's NO WAY that a song can live up to this sort of advance hype. I DON'T CARE though..I'm simply enjoying it for what it is.
I won't argue the merits of the song with anybody. I will pass along a bit of advice I've expressed several times in the past since we're starting out with a new year and a clean slate.
I never would have found out about this song if I had dropped anchor in the harbor of one genre of music or another. I know that probably 90% of the people that read this are stuck on either punk rock OR rockabilly OR Kiss OR metal OR some other convenient genre to try to give your life some sort of "identity".
READ CAREFULLY: Anybody who think's they're big and bad and rough and tough and cool because they listen to some sort of loud kick-ass music is FULL OF SHIT. You're merely going through a childish dressup phase that you will eventually grow up out of..or remain stuck in like a fly that dines off of a fresh turd pile a bit too long.
If you think that Korn or Venom or Kiss or the Misfits or Puffy or any other artists make Wally Cox less fun to listen to..to me or Rivethead or your senile Grandpa... you're misguided. It's going to be a mighty dull life for you if you listen to nothing but the same little pile of records over and over and over. This year, try something NEW musically. Hell, try SEVERAL things new. Quit worrying about what your friends might think. Don't worry..you'll maybe have so much great new music to listen to you won't miss them anyway.
Well, I'm gonna back out of here..and maybe try to squeeze in between plays of Wally's song my Glen Meadmore album..which sounds like a cross between a barn dance and a gay disco.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TOUGH GUY!
12/30/02
It stormed all night..there were tornado warnings issued on all radio and TV stations. The sun is shining brightly now at 7:57 AM..my night watch is over. After watching over the forces of nature while most Texan's sleep, there's only responsibility I have to deal with before hitting the sack...knocking back another 6 or 7 more Coors. Gotta keep that good ol' non-union brewery going up in Colorado.
When I awake it'll be time to head out to the liquor store at the bottom of the hill for a jug to usher in the new frigging year. Maybe it's time for a visit with my "old Grandad?"..or perhaps I should get something even more special..a red-wax topped fifth of "Maker's mark"?? I've never exposed Elvis to Wild Turkey (although he's well educated when it comes to rum and most other crucial whiskey's like Fighting Cock and even Chivas Regal Scotch whiskey) and he's 18. Have I been a thoughtless slacker as a Father??
The end of another year around our house always brings out honest and welcome year end summary data from each of us Irwin's. Even though we all miss many food items from Philly and of course our double handful of friends there we love the climate here and the easier day to day struggle. FOR EXAMPLE: the post offices in every city I've ever lived in have always been swamped during December. Be there at 8:00 am when they open..or SUFFER! waiting for a half hour on the average behind foreign tongued-immigrants. Here in San Marcos....the post office has employed a NOVEl idea. They open up two more windows during the holidays..and have special employees circulate around the building to help people who only have simple questions or packages to pick up. The result was that I waited less time in line during December than any other month. In Philly it was the same clogged 3 windows year round. NOBODY that worked there gave a flying FUCk how long customers had to wait.
I also appreciate for my 2nd year in a row the annual H.E.B. (our local Texas grocery chain) beer give-away. You can select your favorite corporate beer in 12 ounce longneck bottles..20 of 'em..for $9.99. THAT'S A HELLUVA deal. ALL week long..instead of them trying to gouge you during the heavy drinking time of the year. Another nice "thankyou" sale is top sirloin steak (mid-West quality) for $1.97 per pound. NOT TO MENTION the $9.99 24 can cases of Lone Star and Pearl year 'round.
THANK YOU H.E.B.
For days we've been eating brisket you can cut with a fork..it sells for .99 cents per pound. Yumm.
If most of you fella's reading this actually shopped our H.E.B. this time of year you'd be delighted and surprised probably to see a large percentage of attractive co-ed's clad in short-shorts pushing carts as opposed to the old winter coat clad battleaxe senior citizen bitches that you shop alongside. You gal's would drool at the sight of all the boot wearing Texas hunk's strutting their packages at H.E.B...although they are out numbered by the ladies 8 to 1 or so.
Marla and I drink at a bar where it's not uncommon to see entire tables loaded with attractive females who are lonely and looking for beau's. There simply aren't enough men to go around down here. If you were single and on the make here..you'd have to be elephant man to miss out on taking home and banging one of these lonely Texas gals at closing time.
Sure beats looking at massively red-nosed scale-skinned old farts EVERYWHERE in places like Philly and Baltimore. I've been to 44 or so of the states in the union..and I have no idea why most people don't live here..although I'm glad they don't.
I'm proud to be a Texan..and I NOW KNOW why folks from places like California get upset when Texan's crow about their home state. California's an over crowded slag heap of Berkely loving left wing humanity. Texas has shithouses..CLEAN ones...in every single thrift store, fast food joint and laundrymat.
Sometimes I stop for a few minutes to squat and rest even if I don't have to defecate. I always leave the stall wondering why I didn't move here years ago.
Non-Texan's get pissed when they hear all the breast beating about how great it is here because they're JEALOUS..PERIOD. HAW HAW HAW HAW!!! I'm glad I've finally come home this year.
12/26/02
Somehow I learned over the years the advantages to waiting a bit before announcing things I'm working on. I think I picked up the habit from observing so many people telling me about 1) bands or zines they were working on that never materialized 2) journeys they were planning that never got beyond the driveway and 3) alcohol wagon-rides and diets that never got to first base.
Every now and then I catch myself revealing plans here that I probably should have kept to myself. Oh well...nobodies perfect.
It's the end of the year so I figure it's time to make a report on a couple projects.
RANCID VAT will be playing in San Antonio on 1/1/2003 (coincidentally our 22nd anniversary..although it's not being pushed that way...it's an annual punk-fest that's taken place for 15 years or so). It's at a club named "Sin 13". Lots of bands..we're playing very late in the bill I understand.
We're playing at EMO'S in Austin on 1/23with the Bulemics, Bagdhad Bombers and Shit.
Ever since the Supershow in New Orleans I've kept quiet publicly about the singer we rehearsed with a few times with that we expected to take over the singer spot. You can research this subject in the archives of this diary and read all about it. It didn't work out with him. After concluding it wasn't going to work out..I made one phone call to the next person "in line" that had talked to me about throwing his hat in the ring. HE is our new singer..his name is BEER and he's sang for San Antonio's SHIT for several years. You may know him better as the guy with the HUGE Antiseen back-piece. He knows wrestling as well as anybody YOU probably will ever meet. He's not a stranger to violence, fisticuffs blood, injuries, nudity and flying bougars on stage. He IS a bit of a ladies man..so I guess we won't be playing any new songs based on sexual frustration.
We've rehearsed with him many times. We've got alot of material you'd expect us to play down..and have a few surprises from the past ready. We've already come up with the BEST song about Austin ever written (and there must be 50 or so others..a jillion songwriters live there). I'll save the surprise for folks who show up at EMO'S 1/23.
We've got a single coming out in Italy soon (I'm shipping out the CDR and sleeve tomorrow). We recorded 7 songs in Sept/Oct. We have final mixes with Elvis as guest vocalist. He's been totally out of the Vat picture for months..working on his own band. We'll be having BEER record his own vocal tracks for eventual release on a full length CD.
I've been writing my ass off over the last few months. I've got several writing projects in various stages of completion. The one I've been pouring most of my energy into is a country music album book...opinionated reviews. I've already reviewed in detail over 100..and I plan to hit the 200 mark and then contact publishers. It's "opinonated"..but it's also a frigging commercial book. I felt the need to write about TRADITIONAL country music..the stuff I LOVE..because so many frigging Bruce Springsteen loving Rolling Stone magazine "conventional wisdom" twits have written "authoratative" histories on the genre that grant an insulting amount of attention to HIPPIES who played "country-rock" (their terminology..not mine) in the 70's. Yunno..the psuedo-intellectuals who think that the Eagles and Emmylou Harris and Gram Parsons are some sort of pioneering goddamned holy icons.
I've already torn THAT theory to ribbons.
My ultimate goal at first was to list my favorite 365 country albums. If the publisher I wind up with wants 200 or so I'll settle for that. I've already written about several very obscure albums that make the grade either way..along with scores of albums you'd expect me to write about.
One last bit of update. How many people do YOU know whom would pay $140.00 for a case of beer if he was stuck in a damned country where camels are the primary mode of transportation and Allah the preferred non-existant deity?? Are you cool enough to have any relatives who would finance a drinking session at that cost??
I am; he's my newly discovered half Brother..WHO ELSE?? Gee..do we have much in common??
12/23/02
I just got word about Joe Strummer dying of a heart attack Sunday.
R.I.P. Joe. Damn..I feel sorry for his Wife and kids.
I'm pouring shots here at 8:53 a.m....Jim Beam with Busch beer backs.
Alot of people might assume I wouldn't be a big fan of the Clash because of their in-yer-face "leftwing" political lyrics. On the contrary...I admire their outspokeness..just as I do that of certain in-yer-face "rightwing" bands...AND that of outspoken bands without a political stance at all (such as my own bands). That's not to say I totally disagreed with The Clash either..I went to see them play the night my Father died..and as I asked at Antiseen's SOD Central a few minutes ago..HOW MANY BANDS are worth THAT??
It's ironic as hell that before Elvis went to bed a couple hours ago now I bragged to him about the CLASH CD box set I recently found at a great price. We saw a video of "Tommygun" on VH1 and I remarked (having no inkling Joe had passed away) that "they have to show THAT video last..because they know none of the other bands they're showing tonight can keep up".
I stand by those words.
I'm fucking sad as hell...it's 9:07 am now..eyes burning..and I'm sitting here sleepless stupidly glaring out the window at Monday morning commuter traffic..as if that's going to help.
I can't even begin to admit to the horrible fucking thoughts running through my head..about "what if" a friend from this band or that band that I know personally died. I can't specify any further..it's bad luck and bad form to do so. I can just say this..DON'T take musicians for granted..like pro-wrestlers, so many die so damned young.
Bad thoughts....BAD fucking thoughts...
I'm not going to bed yet..but I'm leaving here right now...
12/22/02
I've seen a lot of pretty lights strung up in peoples yards over the last couple weeks..and I've heard alot of holiday music on radio stations from one end of the dial to the other. I read in my local paper about several church services coming up the night of the 24th and the morning of the 25th. The malls are JAMMED...in front of every store is a Salvation army guy panhandling..ringing a frigging bell..and everybody and his Brother has loaded his refrigerator with eggnog and stocked the liquor cabinet.
Folks are "ready" for holiday celebration..but it's obvious they've FORGOTTEN what the hell we're celebrating; they've FORGOTTEN the TRUE reason why we stock up our liquor cabinets this time of year..and that of course is so we can gather together and celebrate the greatness of Ric Flair and his holy birth.
It's 7:36 in the morning Texas time..and Elvis and I have been watching video footage of the Nature boy for 14 hours and 30 minutes approximately. We're going to get a few hours of sleep and take up where we left off about noon or so..but we won't sleep well without making this public plea to all of you to put the NATURE BOY back in XMAS where he belongs; today and tomorrow and ALL THIS WEEK even though you are busy and have guests to deal with..set aside some time to watch a Starcade VHS from the late 80's...or perhaps some vintage Deep South promotion footage if you have it.
It only takes a couple hours..and it means SO MUCH.
Set an example for your kids if nothing else. Let them know whom and what is important to you under your roof this holiday season. Join hands around ye olde Christmas tree..and then slowly raise your heads and shake loose your hands into the shape of the FOUR HORSEMEN sign...WHHOOOOO!!!!!!
Remember...a family that celebrates RIC together...STICKS together.
WWHHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/18/02
It occured to me upon re-reading my diary entry from last night that whereas I criticized asshole customers I dealt with back in high school when I worked at Sears..to an extent I"VE BECOME the asshole getting in the face of "innocent" clerks over the last few years.
There's a difference though...that's why I added " " hash marks around the word "innocent" in the previous sentence. The clerks that make me fucking flipout in public are all either oblivious, in-efficient, obviously mentally retarded..or ALL of the above. Way back when in the mid 70's at Washington square mall in Beaverton Oregon I was a fast, conscientous clerk of above average intelligence.
For the benefit of those of you unable or unwilling to keep up on current events, it's a fact that the "service" sector of our economy has increased in the last quarter century. Less people are loggers and ship-builders..and MORE..WAY MORE work at chain fast food joints like Wendy's and Burger King and SUBWAY and TACO HELL and places like that..that virtually didn't exist in a substantial way back then. Millions and millions more people cooked regularly at home 25 years ago...and therefore fastfood asshole clerks weren't experienced by folks except upon rare occasions.
Sears was the number one retailer in the US back then; K-mart was on the rise..they overtook Sears eventually and booted them out of the number one spot. Of course, since then K-mart has had its day..and is on the verge of bankruptcy..while old fashioned Sears which used to specialize in their own American made brand names is whoring merchandise manufactured in frigging Taiwan and Bolivia. Sears has ripped out all of their homey candy departments that peddled popcorn and tossed them into the retail graveyard along with Wendy's salad bars. Montgomery Wards is totally GONE..and has been replaced by jillions of tiny little specialty stores in MALLS...which were only beginning to flourish when I was in high school.
We are now living in the age of the RETARDED INCOMPETANT CLERK. We have to deal with them on a daily basis..there is NO avoiding them. When I get together on too rare occasions with pals like Jeff Clayton we spend the first 2 hours relating tales of horrid incompetant retail and fastfood service.
The reason that retarded nostril-mining clerks proliferate is this: Business school "conventional wisdom" dictates that it's more profitable to hire MORONS and pay them starvation wages..minimum wage..rather than shell out 20% more per hour to hire COMPETANT help.
Show me a fastfood outfit (there are a few) that pays $2-$3 more per hour to their help and I'll show you a relatively efficient restaurant. The reason why this works is the OTHER side of the coin..they EXPECT more from their clerks that they PAY above and beyond minimum wage; makes SENSE to me.
McDonalds just posted its very first quarterly LOSS in its infamous history; I'm not Ray fucking Kroc..but it's obvious to me that they should consider taking the HIGH road when hiring personnel. Fastfood joints in the good old USA have bottomed out service wise thanks to the mentality of paying hourly help as little as possible. Why not pay people decent living wages and capitolize on this fact with a series of adds touting this fact; it's CRUCIAL to thee Whiskey Rebel's plan here that they stress the fact that they EXPECT more of their clerks as a result. If people identify your fastfood chain with having more competent help business will increase..I GUARANTEE you. It's simple economics. It's time to do this..since we've reached a point where fastfood clerks are literally EXPECTED to be MORONS. The populace is TIRED of this..they'd rather pay 30 cents more per burger and get GOOD service in exchange.
Until this happens..I'll be out there blowing up and throwing temper tantrums at What-a-burger and Jack-off-in-a-box on a regular basis. Service SUCKS compared to when I was a teenager..and I'm FUCKING TIRED of it. Goodnight.
12/17/02
HO HO HO!!
As I sit here gazing out my window I can't help but notice the festive Christmas light display in the yard of the house across the street. When I'm wearing my glasses it looks like what it IS..a walkway lined with jolly candy canes; with my glasses off it looks like their frigging yard has just burst into flames.
I have no holiday depression this year whatsoever. Considering how I did for several years that's fine with me. It all started as a sort of backlash against the "perfect" Christmas seasons of my youth. As a child I enjoyed christmas for alot of reasons..the toys, the candy and crap like that. I also saw it even back then as a break that the adult world seemed to take away from the ordinary mundane day-in-day-out grind.
I began to develope second thoughts about Christmas the first year I worked at a Sears mall department store when I was still in high school. Even though most customers seemed happier than usual there were plenty of sourpuss folks who came out shopping in the final day or two that spoiled it all for me. They were fucking ASSHOLES. They were quite brazen about the fact that they were running around at the last minute to fulfill obligations that were either real or imagined. They'd get pissed that all of the choice heavily advertised merchandise was gone in effect foisting the fruits of their own damn procrastination on us. They'd really get in our damn faces..some of them totally LOST IT.. they'd start crying and swinging their fists extremely upset.
NOT upset at themselves...NOT upset at their "loved ones" who expected all those goddamned presents..they'd scream at US..AT ME.
One of my duties that year was assembling bicycles part time. My boss took me aside and said that some shopper had flipped and shot to death a bike assembler at a Sears store in Chicago who didn't have his kids bike ready on time. He STRONGLY advised me to tell him if there was any problems ahead of time.
GREAT..FUCKING GREAT.
Christmas eve day it was TOO LATE to assemble bikes for procrastinator customers. Several of them got PISSED...at ME first..then at my boss and THEN HIS boss. Usually we would have been forced to try to somehow slap a bike together for 'em..but in this case every damn warm body was needed at a cash register to ring up sales.
I was granted a lunch hour that day. Sitting on a bench in the mall chainsmoking camels I realized I was in an upset mood on Christmas eve for the first time in my life.
The hypocrisy of the holidays hit me all at once like a ton of bricks that lunch hour..and I've never looked at Christmas the same.
I thought about all the Christmas feel-good cliche slogan greetings..all the Christmas song lyrics about peace and joy and comfort...HAH! LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES.
In my minds eye I recognized the millions of asshole customers across our fair land treating me and people like me like shit on Christmas eve (because THEY were procrastinators) as the DICKHEAD MOTHERFUCKERS that they are. They were almost all destined to be at the cheerful jolly home of a loved one later that night..smiling and hugging loved ones. HAH!!! LIES!!
Alot of them would be standing in church at special midnight services singing hymns with the smiling sweater clad congregation..HAH!! FUCKING LYING TWO FACED SHIT EATING BIBLE BANGING PRICKS!!
It occured to me that in spite of the fact that as Sears associates we had busted our asses for three months straight to benefit the company...the worst part of our job was still to come: DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS returns. ANYBODY who has worked a retail job knows what that means. It's the worst day of the year. And then?? after the returns trickle off...STOREWIDE LAYOFFS.
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS......I thought. I was too sick in my gut thinking about my newly realized hatred of Christmas to eat the cheesy free catered slop Sears had so lovingly provided us.
I had already known for a few years that PEOPLE ARE BAD..that the human race is a "Bad bad bad bad species"; but I hadn't yet before that day associated the worst aspects of human behavior with the "joyous holiday season".
Years later as a new Father I had to lighten up my attitude a bit and go along with the holiday shenanigans as best I could. I'm the FIRST to state that the biggest lie of all at Christmas time is that it's to celebrate "Christs birth"...YEAH SURE!!! LIES!!
Luckily, not very many people on Christmas day and throughout December are distracted by Jesus with all the presents and holiday food and booze to rip into.
Likewise as a more "mature" seasoned Dad I began to quadruple my alcohol intake during key holiday moments. Hey..IT WORKED!
I'm here to tell you all that you CAN drink away many of the negative aspects of Christmas. When I'd go out shopping for toys at some jam packed mall or "Toys'r us" I'd make sure to fortify myself with a pint or two of fortified wine or a flask of whiskey in the parking lot. Shopping became FUN..and my mind cleared of the troubling thoughts about how rotten human beings are that dominated so many Christmas tasks in my late teens and early twenties.
I'm back to liking many, MANY aspects of Christmas.
Time off from work is one...even most of the lowliest slobs in the work world get the damn day off...and the skeleton crews left to work at least get overtime.
Drinking Canadian Whiskey mixed with a smattering of seven-up until my eyes glaze over is my routine Christmas eve midnight "church" ritual. I sit around with Marla and Elvis and eat alot and listen to Dean Martin records and watch dozens of "Car 54 where are you" videotapes. I kid you not..THAT is the "holy" celebration that we substituted for all the traditional crap years ago. I bet you when he gets hitched and has kids he raises THEM to watch "Car 54" on Christmas eve.
Don't bother knocking on our door even though I guarantee you we'll be having more than you will at your annual extended family gathering. We allow no guests in our home on December 24th & 25th. We don't go visit anyone else. We DRINK..and eat and DRINK and DRINK and watch video tapes and unplug the phone if it rings.
Like hearty Mormon's stocking their bomb shelters with survival food..we Irwins are already laying in the extra supplies we'll be consuming. I've already begun the search through my thousand or so VHS tapes for every "Car 54" episode I can locate. In recent years we've taken to watching "Dragnet" and "Adam 12" too (what is it about us Irwin's and cops at Christmas fucking time?).
I suggest that YOU try to use whats left of the last days before Christmas to plan out your own booze-soaked "retreat" from ugly and hypocritical get togethers with relatives.
If you decide to tough out another year, at LEAST bring a damned flask this time..or a sleigh filled with the mind-numbing narcotic of your choice!.
HO HO HO!!!!!!
12/13/02
I've been scared shitless lately of how far behind I am in TCB' ing . It hit me like a horse dick in the face a couple minutes ago that I've been afraid to look at the calender for weeks and weeks; in fact, the dates on the previous sparse diary entries you see here are all off by a day or two or three I'm sure because I've been afraid to look at it.
I'm sure that most of the problem can be chalked up to holiday horseshit obligations and the fact that I WANT to actually send cards and small tokens of my esteem to a slew of "new" blood reltaives that I've met this year. My intentions have been noble..just like a lot of you reading this having been probably racing around trying to live up to holiday commitments.
Well, as of 5 minutes ago I've decided FUCK IT..I'm cracking open two beers this very second..about 2 hours after I've gotten out of bed. I'm gonna go grab the fifth of Beam in a minute and toast MYSELF and shrug off all the "responsible" notions that have me afraid of looking at a damn calender and owning up to what day it is.
I suggest that those of you who've been suffering from December stress that drink join me...NOW. All your personal stuff just isn't that crucial. If you DON'T drink..fire up a joint..or go beat yer meat or track down a massive hunk of chocolate.
Your parents and kids and aunts and uncles and bosses and "friends" and significant others aren't all that different from mine. I can say with confidence from past experience and reflection that they're all out to fucking get you with their HOLIDAY EXPECTATIONS. You and me and most sorry suckers like us are running around in circles this time of the year trying to please all these assholes we love so much; I say FUCK IT. Let's crack open some beers and get started on our Christmas drunk a little bit early.
If you're stressed out about a party or family get together...FUCK IT. you DON'T have to go..at the very least you can go under your OWN TERMS. I don't care if you have 5 kids or an aging Grandmother with altzheimer's or a nagging bitch Mother-in-law or a husband or wife breathing down your neck..DON'T go into debt..DON'T get anymore stressed out than you are. Tell them all that your mental health is more important than some damn holiday....isn't it?? ISN'T IT?? HHMMM???
Is living up to other peoples holiday expectations more important than your happiness and mental hygeine??
I've got a suggestion...TAKE TOMORROW OFF FROM WORK. JUST BLOW 'EM OFF. Get yourself a bottle of your favorite hard liquor...pour about half of it into the biggest glass in the house..add a few ounces of mixer..and take the concoction into a hot bath with you. Once you've consumed the drink and lolled around a while...dry off and climb back into the sack. FORGET about all the "important" things you "need" to do. If you dropped dead ten minutes from now everybody in your life would learn to get by just fine...REMEMBER that. Tell those who ask that they should just PRETEND you're dead for a few days until you say differently.
If you don't figure out a way to relax and get those around you to lower their expectations of you this time of year..who knows..maybe you WILL be dead by next year..or even sooner.
Yeah, you'll probably piss off a couple un-thinking, self-righteous people in your life by not living up to their expectations..but that's a helluva lot preferable than having your mail delivered by groundhogs.
BOTTOMS UP!!!!!!
12/10/02
Over the years I've been known to rant publicly in print about rap and hip hop, naive and misinformed political punk, nauseating "alternative", jock-country and various other styles of popular music that IRK me; I regret that I've rarely set aside the time to critically appraise (uhh...rip to pieces) a category of "music" that is so piss poor it's not REALLY music. In fact it's very reason for existance can be blamed NOT upon musical fanatics..but upon people who actually HATE music. Of course I'm referring to the great "non-music" genre of "soft-rock".
"Soft-Rock" is NOT R-O-C-K. It's NOT MEANT to be. It's meant to be to legitimate music what a greeting card is to an actual poem, lyric or bit of prose.
"Soft-Rock" is NOT meant for music fans..it's designed for folks who actually hate music to insert into situations in which music seems to be called for.
I can look you in the eye and shake your hand as a token of respect if you're into a genre of bonafide MUSIC that I am not..but I WON'T press the flesh with the likes of a retarded "soft-rock" non-music fan.
If you are a "Soft-Rock" moron..I wouldn't give you the dew off of my balls if you were dying of thirst in the desert.
There is something WRONG with a human being who can stand by and pretend to listen with pleasure to the sounds of "air supply" or the "Little river band" or Lionel Richie.
My Wife complains in the background that I've named 3 ancient "artists"; OF COURSE I remind her.."soft-rock" changes and progresses at a pace = to or slower than accepted office apparell.
The radio stations that program "soft-rock" are alike from New York to Seattle to Nebraska. The same 18 or so songs are played OVER AND OVER AND OVER everyday...ALWAYS including "uptown girl" by Billy Joel "god only knows" by the Beach boys and "feel so good" by Chuck Mangione (yeah..I KNOW it gets a little wild at one point).
I heard all these songs at various jobs over the years in which radio was force-fed upon us workers. Even though every couple years I'd manage to lead a rebellion calling for a different radio station (classical music.....PLEASEEEEEEE!!!!) management would always shoot down the request falling back on the old bromide that "soft-rock" is played on the job because it's "soft" and doesn't annoy anyone.
HAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Chinese water-torture sounds are "soft". The death rattle of a secretary or office manager throttled by a pissed off music lover forced to listen to "soft-rock" for too long is also "soft". It's a "soft" sound when I shit myself over having to listen to "sometimes when we touch" by Dan Hill...or my all-time least favorite song "wildfire" by Michael Murphy.
And so my rap-metal and pop-ska Brothers and Sisters...let's link arms.JOIN FORCES and DO AWAY with asshole music haters who foist that horrid "soft-rock shit upon us. We'll have plenty of time to settle our differences when the likes of "Chicago" "Kenny Loggins" and "Olivia Newton John" are banished solely to fireplace wine-sipping cuddles between no-class airhead secretaries and their wimpy "cookie-duster" mustachioed geek boyfriends.
12/06/02
After living almost a year now in Texas I can safely say that it's a great damn place to live..at least our part of the State. Yeah, we live in small San Marcos..but we've spent so much time in both Austin and San Antonio I know I could live in either without any damn problem at all.
The heat??? I began bitching about two weeks into September that I was ready for Summer to be over; a week later temperatures dropped. I love the October through April weather of course.
Texas beer and food?? We miss Philly sandwiches and our old Asian grocery store. But WHAT THE HELL...Mexican food was scarce and 3rd rate in Philly..and it's cheap and delicious here.
There's a bit of give and take when you move from one part of the country to another. Marla and I now believe we could live ANYWHERE in the 50 States (well, scratch Utah and most of Oregon). The key to moving around to great advantage is lining up a new home that is strong where the last was week.
We like the people here, the thrift stores rule..the live music menu is awe inspiring; I LOVE seeing people wearing Western clothing for a damn change. Our practice the other night sounded like a band ready to hit new heights (which we have already in the studio) rather than a band limping along after 22 years.
Don't think for a minute though that things are perfect here. It may sound like I'm crowing about how great things are. The fact is there IS a backlash to all the great things about Texas. There is ONE THING..ONE OVERBLOWN and OVER WORSHIPPED institution here in Texas that alternately pisses me off and bores me. I realize that some Texans read this. I'm hereby BEGGING you folks to not turn me in to my neighbors or the local city or State authorities for what I'm about to say.
These people here in Texas are so obsessed with football at all levels of competition it MAKES ME FUCKING SICK!!!!! You CAN'T avoid it. Elvis's high school's team sells out the local college stadium MONTHS in advance. You think football players get an abundance of attention in your local burgh?? They're fucking CRAZY here. The school is impoverished budget wise in many ways..but there's a seperate state of the art lockeroom for each of the schools football teams.
The local college team (SWT) is the focal point for this entire region six months out of the year. To compound my joys..the University of Texas is just 25 miles away. on "Holy" Saturdays at game time you can walk into a grocery store and make a circuit around the entire grid of aisles hopping on one foot with your penis hanging out..and nobody would notice. Everybody that isn't at the game or wedged in front of a TV set has his or her ear pressed to a frigging radio speaker.
Sundays?? HAH!! we've got the frigging Cowboys and the new team down in Houston..but MAINLY the "HOLY" fucking Dallas goddamned Cowpies.
It's not just weekends that are bad..Monday through Friday talk radio devotes a humongous amount of time to shows rehashing last weeks game hour by hour by hour by hour by hour. FOUR FUCKING HOURS they can small talk to death every facet of the game.
I thought the dopes in Portland oregon were obsessed with their fucking bastardball team...HAH!! They're put to shame by the obsession towards football here.
Like most other Texas institutions the TV show "King of the Hill" is incredibly accurate about Texas customs. Many episodes parody Hank and his neighbors religious like fervor for football. It's no exaggeration that football coaches on the show are held in the highest esteem of anybody walking the earth; especially the HOLY ICON of Texas football Tom Landry.
Tom Landry?? that stodgy looking dope that wore the smelly looking goofy hat?? Who in their right mind could worship HIM of all people?? What an antiquated fucking notion..worshipping hothead asshole football coaches like him and Vince Lombardi. It seems like the rest of the U.S. (with the possible exception of some parts of the Northern Midwest) expect football coaches to be sophisticated, well rounded human beings as opposed to 50's mentality dour-faced throwbacks like Landry and Lombardi.
BUT NO..here in Texas the moniker "Coach" is more respected than "Judge" or "Senator" or "Doctor". Any two bit coach is a sacred icon whose sage advice is indispensable.
GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!
Football coaches should be considered experts on the field..but obviously OFF the field I'd rather consult the school janitor or a bartender or a stockbroker about important matters in the REAL WORLD.
Talk show hosts here all double as football analysts (first place I've ever lived where they did!) ...which means FORGET talk radio during football season except for national shows.
Football scores from high schools and universitys mean about as much to me as those radio "commodity" prices that you hear throughout the day hear..yunno..the latest soy bean or winter wheat prices..BIG FUCKING DEAL!!
I almost fear for my life posting this to the internet...if this is the last entry you read here, you'll know that some Texans read this and took offense.
I'll say it ONE LAST TIME..FUCK DEAD TOM LANDRY and the Dallas Cowpies. FUCK college and high school ball..take the funds away from them and support worthy sports like BASEBALL, ping pong, bowling, billiards and tiddly fucking winks.
12/03/02
Recently Elvis and I decided to feed ourselves at WHAT-A-BURGER which is such a Texas institution it was immortalized by Steve Austin during a lengthy bit of promo. WHAT-A-BURGER is head and shoulders above the big national burger chains..no contest. Let there be no mistake about it..I've stormed out of every damn one you can name on many an occasion due to shitty service, bad food, etc. The sad fact is that even WHAT-A-BURGER'S underpaid slaves are impossible for me to deal sometimes.
I had a hunch...a STRONG hunch there would be trouble attempting to place my order with the drive-through dumbass on this day..but Elvis didn't feel like walking in to order in person so I drove up and decided to give it a shot.
"WHAT-A-BURGER may I HELP YEW?" drawled out a young female voice..
"Yeah..I'd like 2 double What-a-burgers with bacon and cheese..two large fries..."
I was interupted by the clerk..
"Sir....is that TWO number TWO combo's??"
I answered slowly.."NO!!!!! I want TWO..double..bacon..and..cheese.."
I was cut off again in mid-sentence..THIS time by a young male voice..
"Sir..what drinks would you like with your number two combo's????
NOW I was getting pissed!! I turned to look at Elvis..he was shaking his head amazed at the stupidity of the clerks..and at my usual bad luck in drawing the worst of them to serve me.
"I want TWO double-bacon and cheese Whataburgers...TWO large fries..a Strawberry shake and a Chocolate shake".....I said barely controlling my rage..in the back of my mind I wondered if this was a Beavis and Butthead gag being worked on me..
There was a LONG pause...
"Is that TWO number TWO's..with What kind of shakes??" a baffled male voice stammered out...
THEY STILL couldn't get it through their goddamned pimply little heads I DIDN'T WANT their goddamned McDonalds copy-cat numbered special...I RARELY DO. I don't believe that paying $1.80 for a huge cup of ice with 10 cents worth of soda is anything more than throwing away my money. I hardly ever buy burger joint soda for that reason. Call me a tightwad....go ahead.
I cursed loudly into the customer microphone....threw my truck into reverse and stomped on the gas burning rubber in the process. I threw it into drive and got the hell out of the parking lot wishing testical cancer on the fucks who train their burger clerks so poorly. The fact is though the same thing has happened at Burger King, Wendy's, McDonalds MANY times. Why?? why does it happen to me?? Because I"M the guy who was dropped on his fucking head by his Mother...
Elvis knew the drill..he urged me to slow down and not plow into any cars exiting the parking lot. We drove to the next What-a-burger a few miles away. As we got closer I debated out loud the chances of THIS W.A.B. getting my order right...Elvis just sighed.
I pulled up into a nice empty drive through lane..I eased parallel to the microphone. I waited anxiously..
"What-a-burger" may I help you??" a young female voice cheerfully inquired..
"Yeah...I'd like TWO double bacon and cheese What-a-burgers..TWO large orders of fries..a Chocolate shake..and a Strawberry shake.." I waited hopefully..on the verge of tears..
"Sir"..a voice slowly asked..."is that TWO number TWO'S"???
Out of control now, I bellowed out a savage HOWL...."AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Elvis managed to make the correct order leaning over me.
On the way home he asked me..
"Are you going to let that ruin your entire day now"?????
"Maybe"..I answered.
"You oughta do a diary entry out of it.." he suggested.
"Maybe...." I said stuffing a handful of greasy fries in my mouth..
11/29/02
Elvis and I watched an hour and a half or so of VH1 middle of the night "ancient" videos. First, we watched a show that they declared was the "loudest" rock and roll show on television. It started off with a Queen song.."fat bottom girls". Now, ordinarily you wouldn't spend too much time talking about THAT memorable number, would you?? but by the end of the hour we were in agreement that it was one of the BEST songs of the show if you can imagine that!!
We were treated to a strange video by "Heart" in which the guitar playing Sister (who is still thin) sang and played and had the limelight 95% of the time; in contrast the Sister who was always the LEAD SINGER of the band just moped around looking very sick and dis-involved. At times they had the now voiceless singer stand behind a bank of microphones..evidently to cover up the fact that she's somewhat overweight. Is THAT why the other Sister got all the attention?? It's not like she looks morbidly obese..the director seemed to treat her like a 'tard or a loser because she's overweight. HEY..there are plenty of great overweight singers..it doesn't effect your voice. I don't like Heart..never have; but I'd rather see the singer back out front..she's not expected to look like one of these current Britney-pop-slut teases.
We saw a bad BAD COMPANY video. I mean, REALLY bad. They were always very bland and dull in my book..and this newer video showing them 20 years older wearing dumb little beret's to cover their bald spots was absolutely as flat and drawn out and boring as can be; unless you count the Guns N' Roses video that followed it. They warbled a balled with accoustic guitars..it lasted 6 minutes..but seemed like 17. What either song was about I have NO IDEA.
HEY!!! why all the ballads on the "loudest" rock show on the planet, HHMM??
We were treated to "going to a go go" by the ROLLING STONES..who annihilated the non-existant competition so far on this show. They temporarily prevented me from pulling my T-shirt up over my head to block out any further ballad action.
Again though, if this is such a kickass show why didn't they run a version of "jumping jack flash" or "Sympathy for the devil" instead of an 80's mellow Motown cover?
Billy Squier was up. He was loud and medium tempo...and utterly without any conceivable charisma or talent. He's a NOTHING..he always WAS bland and tedious..who in their right mind would still want to see him these days??
"Everybody's working for the weekend" by Lover Boy was up next. Well, at least it's a tad bit FUNNY to watch those sappy blowhards shake their little perms..."Canada's finest" huh?? Or is "Triumph" Canada's finest?? How about Lorne Green and his 1963 RCA single of "Ringo"???
Next was Duran Duran with "hungry like the wolf"..and Elvis made a great point that the native girl the singer chases in the video is positively U-G-L-Y..making the "pursuit" theme a bit silly.
"Surrender" performed by Cheap Trick was shown..not bad...probably their best original song in my book. Still, with 50 years of rock and roll to choose from, it's strange that this should be a fist waving highlight of the show. Aerosmith was next...but NO..we didn't get to see the great "Ragdoll" video with the great Joe Perry slide bits; we were treated to a predictably dumb accompaniment to "Love in an elevator" which isn't half the song.
Next, a video in which Sammy Hagar (pre-Halen) appeared to be singing live leaning on a cheaply assembled stage prop that tore in half..WHOOPS! It didn't seem planned. The song disintegrated even quicker. Next was Van Halen performing one of their WORST songs (I say that about all their tunes) "Unchained". YUCK!!! Lighthearted DRECK with a pussy pop hook. A waste of talent. They could be productively serving humanity by waiting tables or spraying deoderizer into smelly rented bowling shoes at a bowling alley.
"PLEASE!!" We said out loud to the tube. Can't we have just ONE good loud song?? I poised with the remote control perched behind my ear like a damn football..ready to huck it through our screen. We were rewarded with ACDC. Hallelujah.
We left the tube on out of laziness and watched three 80's rap videos that were Soooooo fucking stupid I couldn't take it any more. Elvis remarked how kids he knows would laugh if they saw the now unfashonable sweat pants and sideways hats.
Well, it doesn't take 15 years for fad-wear to look stupid. I laughed at 70's fashions during the late 70's!! I laughed (scornfully I might add) at early rap-fad-wear BACK THEN when it was starting out. When I was a young lad in grade school in the late 60's I thought hippies looked dirty and said stupid naive things. Likewise, I don't need to wait until 2017 to realize how frigging stupid people look wearing the monkey see-monkey do fashions of today.
I am ALWAYS RIGHT about these matters.
A final word for tonight: YOU DON"T HAVE TO look stupid..it's YOUR choice; and I am the ALMIGHTY JUDGE of what fashion statements are STUPD!
11/26/02
Two things in the news have caught my eye over the last few days. First off, I saw a really idiotic..yet really predicatable post to a Yahoo message board. It was written by a Christian upset over the recent court ruling in Alabama that the stone statue of a bible on a pedestal that a judge had installed in the courtroom lobby (in the dark of night without consulting anyone) would have to go.
The boob posted a message stating that non-believers in god are all "Bill Clinton loving liberals". Now THAT is stupid. I know plenty of atheists and agnostics who who HATED Clinton. I know even more hardcore conservative Christians (my Mother and about 15 of her relatives for openers) who LOVED Clinton. How about all the big inner city union goons who backed Clinton and Gore?? Ton's of them in Philly and NYC and Chicago are Catholic as opposed to being "godless atheists".
That idiotic post in itself is a living example of why we DON'T want to post statues of bibles by the doors of courtrooms. Even though Christians of various often bickering faiths are in the majority in our great nation...Christians DO NOT stand above atheists or agnostics or "towel heads" or Satanists or whomever in the eyes of the law.
In this period of calm before the likely war with a nation of folks practicing a different faith that HATES US and our religion it's important to keep reminding Christians that the excesses of the Muslim's they see abroad are mirror images of Christian behavior many "heathen's" like myself have been observing our Christian neighbors indulge in for years.
As extreme and overboard as the judge who violated the constitution to plant a bible statue by his courtroom was..and as IGNORANT and braindead as the poor fool who publicly equated non-believers in his church as "Bill Clinton lovers"..the Muslim world this week has produced a pageant of dark ages extremism that makes my American Christian buddy's seem like fine folk. I'm talking about the lunatics who rioted in Nigeria killing 200+ and injuring over a thousand people because a worldy newspaper writer made a comment that stated in a light hearted manner that the "prophet" (my ASS) Muhammed would perhaps have desired as a Wife one of the lovely contestants from the Miss World pageant (which was being held in Nigeria in the hopes of promoting tourism).
I encourage anybody who didn't read all about this debacle to do so.
REMEMBER..THIS is the same swell nation that has upset people worldwide because they plan to legally stone to death a Woman who had a baby out of wedlock.
Wouldn't you want to visit Nigeria?? HHmmm?? Great place to live, eh??
Just because someone makes a remark in a newspaper that a handful of BRAINLESS OUT OF CONTROL MUSLIM IDIOTS disagree with, 4,000 people have been left homeless after entire quarters of the city staging the pageant were trashed. Mobs chased and beat anybody that they suspected was "Christian". They made some people who cried and swore they weren't "infidel Christians" praise Allah on the spot to prove they weren't.
The pageant fled Nigeria..to a more civilized nation.
But that's not the end of the story...the reporter lady who made the seemingly innocuos comment referring to "the prophet" (my ASS) has been condemned to death by loving...peaceful Muslim leaders for her sentence long remark.
Now, I'm the first to point out that Christians aren't quite as out of control in the good old USA; but, not too damn far in our past loving and peaceful Christian communities pulled shit this extreme whenever they could get away with it.
"CHRISTIAN LAW" would be no better than "MUSLIM" law..unless you happened to be of the same denomination of the judge holding the gavel. Then you'd possibly see it as a fair and just court.
Perhaps a "Christian" judge in Alabama who considers Catholics or Mormons "heathens" would begin ruling against them indescrimately. And how about Jews?? It's easy to see that we'd wind up in a helluva mess.
Whenever I hear some bible thumper on a radio or TV show whining that the US has "turned away from god" and brought trouble upon itself, I want TO FUCKING SCREAM!!! Obviously religious extremism and fundamentalism elsewhere around the world is causing all sorts of problems ranging from "devout" suicide bombers to terrorist squads. The more "devoutly Christian" and inflexable we become as a nation the worse things are going to get.
If certain powerful conservative Christians had their way we'd engage in a war against the entire Muslim world declaring a "holy war" of our own that would make us as kneejerk and barbarian and brainless and as WRONG as the dumb twats foaming at the mouth to lynch a reporter for an innocent remark in a newspaper.
If this ever happens, I'm sure this diary will just disappear someday. So, print this page out so that you can reread me telling you all..I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!
11/22/02
As a parent of an 18 year old you can imagine I've seen my share of "parent/teacher" conferences and little league baseball games. I've done a helluva lot of Christmas toy shopping..preceded as often as possible in the early days downing a bottle of Thunderbird wine in the TOYS R'US parking lot.
Since the early days I've never felt any sort of kinship with the "other parents" I'd see along the way. I've always kept close track of what sort of teachers Elvis has had to endure since he was in Kindergarten. I don't TRUST teachers; I SYMPATHIZE with teachers and believe that they are masochists accepting teaching jobs since most (90% or so) parents view school as free child care for which they don't prepare their kids in the least. Every damn year Elvis has a couple BAD teachers. Some are too old to conect with the kids in anyway yet their jobs are protected due to bullshit union "tenure". A few of his teachers who are overly defensive and cynical about the kids possibly were good teachers at one time; they aren't backed up though by spineless administrators when they single out kids who have NO BUSINESS wasting the taxpayers money in public schools. Kids who disrupt classes continuosly should be dealt with by their parents and expelled if neccesary for jeopardizing the rights of OTHER students to receive an education. Unfortunately, kids beat and taunt and threaten other kids are usually gifted with big mouth small brain parents who think it's the duty of TEACHERS to discipline their fucking hellspawn.
Tonight I got another dosage of "other parents" and a goodly number of siblings too. The occasion was Elvis having the male lead role in a production of Thornton Wilder's "the skin of our teeth"...a part that has been played professionally by John Goodman, Harrison Ford and John Houseman to name a few. Yeah, it was only a high school play...but SHIT! How many people walking the face of the earth could memorize all those damn lines?? I'm proud of him..he even got to bend the play's sex pot over backwards for a frigging vigorous kiss.
The "other parents" looked square Square SQUARE. It shocks me when I stop and think about the fact that I'm the SAME AGE as these people roughly. For a few minutes I panicked..where did my life go?? How in the hell could I be the same generation as these docker-clad Dad's..and these Women with matronly purses and crows feet around their eyes??
I'm not talking about gray hair..I've known people in their early 20's with more gray hair than any of us there tonight. It's their singular & collective stern parental mannerism's ..their dour faced authoratative air..that alienates me.
You don't have to be a sour puss to raise your damn kids. Oh sure, I guess I've had my moments..but I'm not similar enough to the other parents of my generation to consider myself part of the same species.
I guess it's no coincidence we have NO parent friends our own age; it's been at LEAST 10 years since we have. We know a tiny number of older folks with kids out of school and a helluva lot of people 15-25 years younger who all seem to be busy having kids. Oh yeah, lets not forget all the singles we know. They matter too even though their rights are ignored so often by "family" oriented politicians almost anywhere I can think of off the top of my head except for San Francisco.
I've got no intention of changing of course..I'll go on being friendly with people who are many years younger and avoid all the squares my age..but I've got to admit; I didn't expect when Elvis was first born that things would turn out this way. I suppose I should be happy..but I don't like it when patterns I don't foresee take ahold of my damn life. Oh well....all the more reason to drain the Miller's at my elbow.
11/20/02
I've been saying it over and over and over for years along with alot of other probing minds: DON'T blindly believe what you read in newspaper or hear on talk radio shows or see on television.
That DOESN'T mean you shouldn't believe ANYTHING you see reported in the mainstream media. You need to learn how to develope a sense of judgement about these sort of things. For years there has been a "flat earth" society of fools who are convinced we're all being duped into believing the earth is round. They are BRAINLESS and IRRELEVANT. Then there's the folks who are so damned sure that the moon landings were filmed in a TV studio...WAKE UP!!! It's 2002..and y2k didn't send our planet back into the dark ages technologically speaking. Learn to recognize "ALARMIST'S" who draw pleasure from doubting the sun will rise tomorrow.
The latest bunch of OBSOLETE boobs are the tiny handful who want us to subscribe to the rantings of some ivory tower professor who wrote a book about 9/11 being staged by our own government.
If you believe THAT..you may as well let me hip you to the "truth" that Yogi Bear cartoons have been beaming coded messages to extra-terrestrial creatures for years. There actually IS NO George Bush either Sr. OR Jr....they are both simulated by complex computers funded by the NRA and a committe of nazi oil millionaires.
One of the things you can do to enhance your skills at recognizing lies, exaggerations and distortions of the truth in the media is to deliberately listen to all sides to an extent. I figured out how far to trust Limbaugh by listening to his show many, many times. I agree with him on many social issues (such as his disgust for anti-smoking jackasses). Then he'll spoil it all by straying from common sense issues into the world of partisan politics. I learned how much I disagree with Libertarian's by LISTENING to one who had a talk show for months. I NEVER miss the chance to hear an Al Gore or Jesse Jackson speech on TV or radio...I always make sure to have a puke bucket handy though. Even though I've been a solid agnostic for well over 25 years I've always made a point of watching lots of TV religious programming ranging from the ludicrous to the bland.
If you have deep convictions about a political party it shouldn't seem tabboo to pick up a newspaper or blatant propaganda sheet from an opposing view. Likewise if you read a holy book from another faith you shouldn't feel like you're doing something wrong.
If you go out your way to read about outrageous nutcase theories at every opportunity you won't be taken in so easily by them..or by more subtle lies expressed in the media.
On second thought...forget everything I've written in this entry up to this point.
You know, I'd NEVER lie to all you fine people reading this out there in internet land. I'd like to be YOUR friend..that's right..thee Whiskey Rebel himself..will be YOUR PERSONAL FRIEND!! All you need to do to become my FRIEND is to send a $25 "registration" fee along with a couple paragraphs about yourself ( and a nude photo if you're a pretty girl) to my P.O.B.
WOW!! I just know we're gonna have some GREAT times together once we're SPECIAL FRIENDS. I especially want to urge folks who are lonely to be my FRIEND. That's $25....(cash or m.o. only) to my P.O.B...OK?? Don't delay..DO IT TODAY..and you can tell all the folks in your hometown at your crappy job who look down on you and think you're a weirdo that you're PERSONAL FRIENDS..with a bonafide rock star, published author and noted philosopher.
11/15/02
I woke from a deep sleep in a sitting position with my head bent towards the floor on the couch in our TV room. My neck was damned sore from my having slept in that position..as I slowly rotated it I noticed a puddle of spit trailing down my shirt front. Damn!! I had really slept deeply. I looked around the room still in a bit of a fog and saw Marla positioned to my right slumped over lightly snoring..with a fork holding a lettuce leaf still held tightly in her hand. There was a tray and a mess of broken glass and spilled food all over the floor at her feet. Elvis was sprawled out on the floor arms akimbo with what appeared to be the business end of a chicken leg still stuck in his mouth. Our two cats Mr. Jinx and Dixie were laying stretched out on the floor just like Elvis their little paws hovering overhead in a cartoon-like manner.
The TV was blaring away..some sort of crime scene show...SON OF A BITCH!!!...I REALIZED what had happened to us all..the last thing I could remember was our whole family settling into the room to watch this Monday nights episode of what we call:
"WWE: HHH"...
I guess most folks know it by is its actual name.."WWE RAW".
I climbed off of the couch shook Marla and Elvis awake.
"GODDAMNIT!!! IT happened AGAIN!!" I bellowed..
Marla yawned..."Why do you guys still insist on watching the triple H show when you know this is going to probably happen??"
"I drank 3 cups of frigging coffee right before the show came on..I was SURE I could sit through it" Elvis moaned shaking is head slowly.
"GODDAMNIT!!!" I bellowed..I'm already an hour and a half late getting to my Ebay work"....SON OF A BITCH...."
Marla was trying to shake poor little Dixie (who is still a kitten) awake.
"ELVIS! you're gonna have to dip Dixie in an ice water bath again to revive him" she instructed..
"OK Ma...luckily Mr. Jinx is older and has an adult cat constitution..he seems to have survived it" he replied looking relieved for his pets.
Marla walked off to get paper towels, a broom and dustpan to clean up with.
Usually I can last until Helmsley smacks his opponent with his phoney sledge hammer..and then revives the ref for a screwjob pin. At that point I either projectile vomit, change the channel..or nod off to sleep. It's happened so often I'm beginning to think they use the same footage over and over and over and somehow splice a new head in over the opponent being "screwed". This particular night that when HHH whipped out his little water bottle (which I NEVER understood in the first place..why is spewing water like a frigging lawn sprinkler cool?? ) for the 2,718th time I went out instantly..I guess we ALL must have.
"Damn it...when are they gonna give the strap to RVD or Chris Jericho" Elvis moaned...
"They could give it to Bob Holly..or Maven..or the Brooklyn fucking Brawler as far as I'm concerned" I answered stalking out of the room to try to catch up on my Ebay duties.
Since last Monday I've spent alot of time thinking about the situation. Of course as virtually anybody can tell you the problem is that triple H has been banging the bosses Daughter behind the seens..FOR REAL..for a longtime. That evidently means that he has the belt for life...whether or not they can make his title stretch interesting to viewers or not. The ratings for Smackdown (without HHH) have stayed very consistent over the last several months even though they lost the Rock and the geriatric Chumpster. Raw has gone down the toilet ratings rise..from average 4.5's to a 3.1 last week!!!! I've asked myself over and over again the same question dozens of competent wrestling fans I know have been asking..don't they REALIZE what the problem is??
And then it occured to me...Vince is probably in the backstage playback area slumped over in a chair with drool dripping down HIS jacket too when "the Game" launches into his boring repetitive entrance schtick.
You know how it is with family owned businesses..nobody wants to be the one to tell the boss THE TRUTH..that his possible future Son-in-law is sending viewers either scrambling for their remotes...or collapsing family style into early slumber.
Well, if they don't locate the problem eventually and liven up the show..when they lose the timeslot perhaps they can go into the sleep-aid business?? HHHmmm??
I can think of an immediate cure for the Monday night national sleeping sickness that triple H has spawned with this title run..you don't spell this cure with three "H"'s..you spell it with 6 letters..starting with an "A"..and ending with an "N". If WWE wants their Monday night show to survive they'll send good ol' J.R. out to about 35 miles South of where I live here in Texas to try to woo this fellow back..PRONTO.
11/13/02
So what would YOU think if a co-worker pulled a no-show at work..and then resurfaced after a few days sorrowfully declaring that two of her "Son's" were executed and left in a dumpster after a drug deal gone awry??
Would you believe her 100% and pitch a healthy contribution into the collection taken up for her?? Would you have your doubts if you had problems getting along with her in the past..and perhaps doubted her sanity?? Or do you believe that there is NO WAY any Mother could lie about something like that??
If you accept my last statement, I don't think it's very likely you're a regular reader to this diary..you probably are the winner of one of my Ebay auctions who strayed here out of curiosity.
As for me...I would DOUBT that any murders took place; even if somebody WAS murdered I'd question whether it was her "Son's" or friends trying to score crank for her.
I've used lies about deaths in the family to people who never existed to get days off from the job...employers FORCE us to do so. I had to turn down a trip for Rancid Vat to play in Holland at a big tattoo convention due to office red-tape vaction-day-selection protocal. I accepted it that time..but vowed NEVER AGAIN. Since then I've lied not only without a trace of "guilt" towards "letting the team at work down"..HAH!!!
I learned that no employer will EVER call you on an absence that you tie in to a story that makes you look like a swell, concerned parent.
So, if I needed a Thursday and a Friday off to go play a show or two in the South..instead of trying to work within the system and use "vacation" days I'd phone in with a worried voice stammering all kinds of nonsense about young Elvis being stricken with a strange illness. Not only did they never publicly question me (and HOW COULD THEY?..it would set an impossibly unpopular precedent that would worry the legitimate concerned Mothers in the office) I was always met with warm understanding smiles when I'd eventually return to work after missing time fo "care for Elvis" (HAH!!).
Hey...employers have the RIGHT to set whatever rules they want...they don't OWE us anything the law doesn't guarantee us. By the same token employees shouldn't feel compelled to rise to any higher ethical standard than the law demands. 25 years ago when I broke into the work force things were different..bosses were often from the Bob Dole generation..WWII vets who were easy to deal with. About the same point in time office and plant Xmas parties that served booze were phased out the WWII guys had been promoted..and the younger "boomer" bosses fucked everything up..possibly for good. My "career" began circling the crapper on its way down the hole about then too.
If you want to know more on the subject contact me for a copy (one of the few remaining) of "JOBJUMPER".
At any rate, I'm gonna play detective and find out whether or not the Woman (who works with a close acquantance of mine) was lying or not; my guess is we have another pathological liar at hand...but who can blame her, really??
11/11/02
It's wonderful to have my Phil Hendrie website backstage pass so that I can hear the greatest talk show host going today whenever I please. The last couple of days I've been shocked as hell to hear ol' Phil (hey..we share the same name..don't we?) talk about his personal life which he says these days revolves around PS2 SIMS and PS2 John Madden 2003 football. He also has described in detail his family adding a kitten at home recently to partner up with an older veteran cat.
Damn..sure sounds like my life. I'm obsessed with SIMS and Tripleplay baseball (I have played plenty of John Madden football) and of course one of the big events in my recent social life is adding a black HELL-CAT that we named "Dixie" to keep our old faithful cat "Mr. Jinx" company.
To top it all off he made a commentary on the air (just like I did in this diary) about his concern that the republican's are going to soon start in on their old bible thumping Christianity shit that I despise so much.
I pointed all this out to Marla..and she asked me point blank in reference to this diary..
"did you copy him?"
Thanks for the vote of confidence honey. Of COURSE I didn't copy him..when I do I'll make sure to mention his name.
If I was going to copy Hendrie shamelessly I'd never mention him at all to keep from being found out.
I picked up a book at the library the other day that had a back cover revue declaring that the author was voted "the greatest Western writer of all time" by his peers in a Western writers association...a man who created "more complex charachters than Louis L'Amour".
Well, I'm a big fan of L'Amour..although I've never felt that "complex charachters" was his bag. But, I've dug into 2 books by the so-called "greatest Western writer of all time"...and I'll be goddamned...he IS BETTER than L'Amour was.
His name is Elmer Kelton..and his book "Slaughter" manages to combine knowledge of American Western history with timeless questions way the hell above and beyond the ordinary Western pulp fiction novel. I might add..he's a TEXAN (of course!!). I'm glad as hell to have found a prolific author whose lifetime of work (he's gotta be in his 70's) is out there waiting for me. I haven't been this excited since I found out about Andrew Vachss.
11/10/02
First off I'd like a few words with you Democrats. If you're a Republican..congratulations; go have a shot on me..I won't be needing you for the first section of this entry.
OK all you donkees..just for the record I'd like to remind everybody that I'm NOT a Republican or Democrat. I'm not green party even though they're the only ones with any sense when it comes to a few issues. Unfortunately in the end they're as full of hot air as any other party...perhaps MORE. I agree with most of Jesse Ventura's positions and was inspired by what he accomplished as a third party candidate....but a helluva lot of good that'll do me or anybody else since his political career will be over all too soon and I don't see any candidates capitalizing on his momentum. It looks like in 2004 I'll wind up either voting Libertarian (even though I disagree with them often too) or staying home again to get drunk as usual.
Watching the Democrats and Republicans battle it out over the years has been like watching a couple drunks swinging pool cues wildly at each other in a tavern. In almost every case they're too damn drunk to do each other much permanent harm..but every now and then one of them somehow connects with the other guy..SMACK!! And a collective sigh "ooohhhhhh!!" rises up from the tavern patrons watching the fight. That's what happened to the reeling Demo's last Tuesday. Somehow the Republicans managed to deliver a haymaker that even THEY didn't expect would stagger their adversaries as much as it has.
It's disgusting to see such a one sided fight a couple elections in a row. I think the major problem is that your rhetoric is just not effective or well thought out. For instance the old "Bush is stupid" bit..hey..it's NOT WORKING. I've heard both Limbaugh and Drudge laughing their asses off on their shows about what a failed gambit that one is. To my way of thinking the "Bush as an idiot who can't talk" schtick clashes with ominous and scary rumors about the Bush family that might allow you people to put up a fight; if he's so damn stupid how could he be playing out a carefully planned role in front of the media that is designed to pass him off as a Texas rancher/regular guy type?PLEASE!! give us something better than "Bush is stupid".
Yunno, every time some spoiled Hollywood jackass decides to become a political theorist and make pro-Democrat statements to the media..SPLAT!!!!! It's a solid fist in the eye of the old battling donkey. Barbara and Rosie and the whole community of beautiful people AREN'T getting the job done. A lot of the time they make brash statements that if their side loses they're gonna move out of the country. SMACK!!! a fist to the ol' gut..they sound like quitters when they say that..and when they DON'T leave the country it provides well justified ammo for Limbaugh and his ilk.
Of course it doesn't help matters any that Democrats from the Clintons and Gore right on down the line have posed happily for pictures with nutcases they hope and pray will support them such as those lovable fucks from the Nation of Islam...SLAP!!! an openhanded blow knocks your fighting jackass back a step.
It's time to reaccess the value of some of your old warhorses like Senator Kennedy. He's just gotta turn off 2 voters for every 1 that blindly supports all Kennedys.
You're sort of in the same position as the Atlanta Braves..yeah..Maddox and Glavine and Chipper and all the rest of the longterm Braves look great on paper; but they haven't produced RESULTS. It's time for the Braves to rethink things..and likewise it's time for you Democrats to try something NEW or else you're gonna get the crap knocked out of you again in 2 years.
Actually, I don't really MIND you Democrats being ultimately humiliated and defeated. I wouldn't touch your party and what it represents with a ten foot pole as is. I don't want the Republicans to feel too comfortable though or else they're going to drift in a Christian moralistic direction. The most disgusting radio add I heard the entire election was by a staunch fundamentalist republican Christian candidate who delcared himself a man who stands for "Liberty" and "Freedom" ?!?!?!?!
Only by comparison to nutcase Islamic hardliners could fundamentalist Christians be considered disposed towards "liberty" or "freedom". The very fact that this guy would make such a claim is proof that either a) his ad agency is out of control b) his Christian "convictions" are merely a ploy; Christianity stands for restraint as opposed to balls out freedom..and following a rigid set of gods "commandments".
Oh, by the way..it's sure great timing on the part of "peace movement" organizers to make a big push to protest unilateral U.S. military action against Iraq this weekend at a time when the U.N. has decided to present a firm joint resolution to Saddam.
I'd frankly rather see them holding a candle light vigil to demand the Vatican no longer support wayward pervert priests.
I'd join their ranks if they directed a protest against arbitrary and antiquated sin taxes. I'd contribute money and recruit folks for them if they'd stand up for even just a one time BIBLE TAX.
If a mob took to the streets to violently demonstrate in favor of TORTE REFORM NOW I'd slip on my steel toed boots and grab my hostile city lickin' stick and be in the front ranks.
If they were marching to end the unbelievably costly and assinine "drug war"...legalize marijuana and free imprisoned pot smokers and dealers I'd be ecstatic and feel that we had turned a new corner politically in America.
Instead we have "peace" marchers flying and driving thousands of miles to throw bricks at cops in foreign countries..
I just heaved all over my keyboard from thinking about politics for too long..It's hopeless. I've gotta go clean up this mess....
11/09/02
Another big night in our tiny fly speck of a town San Marcos Texas..Dick Dale presided over a concert. It was great in so many ways...NO opening act..THANK YOU. Mr. Dale pulled off a big dramatic entrance thanks to a wireless hookup. He was on a roll from that point on. He surprised even ME with his deceptive introduction to his biggest hit song ever "miserlou"; he wrapped the night up with "Hava Nagila"...thanks Dick. Elvis presented us with a color glossy signed to Marla and I at the end of the night...a perfect turnabout from all those years of us getting shit signed for him.
My thoughts ran to some other great shows we've seen this year..Hank III, Billy Lee Riley, Wayne Hancock, Dale Watson and Antiseen (who were plainly head and shoulders on a different and higher level than the other bands) at the COS supershow.
Dick is well into his 60's and shows no signs of letting up any time soon. He declared from the stage that instead of dying in some rocking chair he'd go in an "explosion of body parts" on stage.
Most of my musical hero's are in their 60's and 70's. I think it's horseshit when somebody in their 30's uses a self conscious "old fart" spiel from the stage. There's absolutely no logical reason for people to quit playing music just because of a birthday. Young musicians who try to ape the "hope I die before I grow old" malarky of the Who are full of shit. I feel the same about Farron Young's "live fast love hard die young" baloney.
The best two single musical shows I've ever seen in my life were by Jayne County (in her 50's) and Fat's Domino (in his 60's)..and I have a serious difference of opinion with anybody that claims that 16 year olds somehow have some sort of "insight" that makes their music more better or relevant..except to other 16 year olds.
And I don't give a crap what Lester Bang's had to say on the subject..he was a great rock music scribe for his time..but he never lived long enough to witness how things have changed. Rock and roll is not for teenagers...they're all into rap, rap metal, hip hop, electronica and other non-rock genre's. Rock and roll is for people in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's etc.
People who are into rock and roll have alot in common with people who re-inact civil war battles...in other words they're on the fringe of society. I'm one of them (into R&R that is) ...and I'm not likely to change my ways in my remaining lifetime. Good night..UURRPPP.
11/07/02
We own a beautiful vintage (50's or so) MILLER HIGHLIFE beer pitcher. Elvis has been known to use it on numerous occasions. Tonight I chose to pour 3 cans of PEARL into it. I got a glass ready and prepared to fill it from the pitcher. Like a moron I poured..and SHIT!! beer spilled all over the fucking place. I looked closer and noticed there is no spout on this pitcher; I called for my first born Son to help me.."ELVIS"!!!
"Goddamnit..why doesn't this pitcher have a fucking spout?? How am I supposed to drink from it!!" I bellowed.
"I find it quite fun to drink from the pitcher" he replied...
I tilted my head back and poured some golden PEARL down my throat. MMM-mmm. The man-child was right; it WAS fun. I'm not too old to learn a new damned trick now and then. Not that I've never drank from a friggin' pitcher..I had many a time before he had ceased to shit his little diapers. I just hadn't associated drinking from THIS beautiful pitcher.
For those not lucky enough to be fellow Texan's PEARL is very similar to PBR. I hate another local beer "Shiner bock" which is slightly more expensive shit all the Austin dot.com yuppies undoubtedly drank before they all went broke. To be fair a few normal Texans seem to enjoy it too. LONESTAR is our most celebrated beer brewed purely for the enjoyment of Republic of Texas citizens. Our pals in San Antonio border on fanatacism when it comes to LONESTAR and I understand why. It's a bit darker than what I've been used to for years so I've had to gradually get used to it. I wrote about this several months ago in this diary..and I can update where I was at then by declaring that I can drink a 6 pack of talls (96 ounces) before I yearn for a lighter beer to alternate with further LONESTARS. HELLS FUCKING BELLS...I've only lived here for 9 months.
When I drink from a pitcher I get drunk quicker..like right now I'm feeling a little froggy if you know what I mean and I haven't even had a single shot of whiskey yet. Hell, it's only 1:00 am..barely the shank of the evening for a guy who beds down between 6:30-8:30 am.
I spent the evening listing stuff to our Ebay store that got wiped out several months ago by the Ebay cuss-word gestapo. I'm happy to have up for sale for the first time in years a handful of our white vinyl 1989 XMAS singles while they last. It's definetly one of the best things we've ever done. Our old pal Pig Champion produced it. The songs are "Santa Claus DWI" and "Santa forgot the booze".
Elvis is listening to Motorhead in the videogame chamber..so I'm gonna back on outta here with my pitcher and a stack of cans and join him..UUrrppp.
11/05/02
Upon reflection, I do believe that hamburger and peanuts are my asshole's downfall. Chicken, pork, lean beef steak...no problem. I shit 1 and 1/2 times on any given day that I eat these meats. But feed me a hamburger oriented meal or worse yet give me a can of planters peanuts when I've been drinking beer for 5 or 6 hours and I'll be vomiting pellets out of my bung hole 5 times the next day.
I've known that hamburger is rough on the ol' Whiskey Rebel official anus for awhile now..but the peanuts are a surprise. NOTE! I've avoided "bbq" or "red hot" seasoned peanuts for a year or so. It's too bad because I LOVE peanuts.
Elvis fixed up a batch of lightly battered and deep fried lean pork nuggets the other night; I dipped them in friggin' Louisianna HOT SAUCE but felt no anal burn the next day.
I'll have to conduct independant experiments to conclude whether I'll be able to eat mixed nuts or almonds in the future. Damn.
From what I've observed at the rest stops of the nation I have it pretty easy. I hear guys a couple stalls over nose-breathing and grunting audibly. Now THAT'S disgusting. When I'm on the road I don't eat like I might at home for the most part for various reasons. Most importantly, if I stop to eat a meal I'm gonna need to horse around stopping again a little ways up the road to shit. I don't like all those stops....and they are neccessary. That's the cycle..SHIT AND EAT. SHIT AND EAT. SHIT AND EAT.
I'm glad I live in Texas where lots of business owners take PRIDE in maintaining proud and sanitary shithouses. Like I've mentioned before...you can take a dump in 3/4's of thrift stores in this State; I never saw EVEN ONE on the West coast in all the years I lived there. Louisianna is BAD when it comes to shit house "pride". The area around Philly was hopeless. It's even hard to find a restaurant there you can buy a meal in with clean facilities. Pragmatic Philly residents have an attitude of "if we clean the bathroom somebody's gonna wanna use it!".
11/04/02
Since my last entry about my new Brother I've acquired a new Sister too who lives up in Colorado. I don't mean to slight her by not doing an entire entry about her.maybe I'll wait a few days to do it. One factoid: out of the entire continental United States my adopted Sister lived literally across the street from the Junior high school these two blood siblings went to school at. One more tidbit..it sounds like my Bro's favorite indoor and outdoor sports respectively were Chess and Baseball. Just like big Brother.
Just One more tidbit: Momma was an Elvis Presley fan..a BIG one. I'm glad to hear that.
On to other matters. I got the double goozle at the local Goodwill store last night. First I took a stiff clothesline from a retarded blind guy in a wheel chair who parked permanently next to the records and just sat there jabbering. I tried to sneak around and look at the piles of albums but he started babbling questions at me and I lit out for the book section. A while later I got hemmed in by the CD racks by a bona fide "hair lip" as they used to say. Not only was his voicebox a constantly whining and nasaly annoyance, his B.O. was so bad I almost wretched from the memory of it an hour later...I KID YOU NOT. Now, we've all needed a bath once in a while..but this guy smelled like a pot of spaghetti sauce made with rotten meat. His odor was like a Ric Flair chop to my nose.. and sent me reeling on my haunches to the checkstand.
Tomorrow's election day. Since we are granted the same choices offered by the two totally disgusting parties..I'll just say GOOD LUCK and I hope there's reason to vote in the local elections in YOUR balliwick. I was discouraged to hear a local talk show host describe Jesse Ventura as a "clown". If the boob had bothered to listen to Governor Jesse's positions rather than judge him like Pumpkinhead Limbaugh he probably would've endorsed him. That's very disappointing. I can understand if someone disagree's with his positions..but to judge him as if he's still a wrestler "looking for publicity" is ridiculous. I wonder if the fool knows that Jesse was a talkshow host for awhile just like him??
It's become talkshow hell around here due to bastardball coverage on the station that carries Phil Hendry. I need to subscribe to Phil's website so I can listen to his shows at other times..but I don't understand what a "real audio" player is all about. HELP! Where's Dave G-man??
I've been drinking out of 16 ounce cans for the last couple days and I now fully realize after drinking an ocean or so of beer over the last umpteen years how much better it tastes from 16 ounce cans as opposed to 12 ouncers. Of course it's even better served in a glass container of any size. Marla has found a bar refrigerator that will hold a pony keg of beer...I've never had a device like that. I KNOW it'll be cheaper by the keg..but how long does beer stay fresh like that?? HELP!!!!!
Good news on the concert front..Dick Dale will be playing here in San Marcos this Saturday. All us Irwin's are huge fans of his. Besides his worldclass guitar skill, I love the way he works the crowd which is just about the same way that lance Storm does for the WWE. Ever since I read that Mr. Dale was influenced by the flashy Big Jay McNeely as a youngster (just like Jimi Hendrix was) my worship for his talents has known no bounds. I now know where he's coming from.
We journeyed to a Halloween show in San Antonio that featured both "SHIT" and the "Bulemics" at a club called "Strutter's". I'm damn glad I didn't waste my time trying to navigate around 50,000 jocks and frat boys around 6th street in Austin the same night. That's why San Marcos is so perfect a place to live occasionally...there's two big cities within 35 miles or so that book great music. Not only that we've got the big country music dancehalls in New Braunfels and the occasional show here in S.M.
The Bulemic's by the way worked up a version of "Halloween" by the Misfits that ruled. There was blood in the stool when Shit played..Beer brought out a barbed-wire glove and used it on himself and a few bandmembers. Hee-hee-hee. What's Halloween without thee crimson mask up close?? (We had NO trick-or-treat action here at our new house "cemetary ridge". That suits me just fine. Elvis and his bass player wound up stalking our fair town dressed as a Satanic priest and a druid resepctively. Elvis knows a helluva lot of incantations..I never recognized that talent in him before).
We drank with members of both bands afterwords and had a fine sinful time.
I scanned some ebay items tonight during RAW. Marla asked me point blank if their show bores me now. I said "HELL NO!! I'm just busy.." but the truth of it was that it was boring enough tonight that Elvis fell asleep five minutes into it..and woke up 5 minutes afterwards. I'm glad the recent PPV'S have been better. I don't know why we haven't switched over to watching Smackdown more often; even though it features only a tiny fraction of our favorite wrestlers it's still always a better show. I guess we got used to it SUCKING when both Chumpster and the Rock were the main workers. Times are different now and we should be flexable.
URRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
11/01/02
You think you experience some days bigger than the rest in your life??
I walked in the door a half hour ago and lazily went about checking our various email addresses. When I got to Marla's address which is used by my relatives..LO AND BEHOLD; I had about 5 messages just this night from a familiar name..the name of my blood half Brother on my Mothers side.
I've never met my Brother..I've only seen pictures. When Oregon's new birth certificate laws enabled me to contact some blood relatives for the first time a while back I learned that this Brother existed; but his Father (we share the same Mother) was made very upset at the knowledge of my existence and he squashed the spreading of the glad tidings before my Brother and one Sister could find out about it. Even though he did me no favor's, I'm sad to say he passed away about amonth ago. If the cards were played out differently the man could have been my "Father"; I could have grown up conceivably alongside the 4 kids he reared with my Mother.
So how do I feel to receive email from my Brother (OK..half Brother if you want to be picky) for the first time ???
My mind is blown..and I headed right here to let all my little internet Rebel-Roos and other folks who hate me but read this anyway in on it all. G.G. had Merle..Jeff has Greg...Mick has Chris..Johnny has Tommy...Shemp had Moe and Curley...and now I too have a Brother who acknowledges my existance and wants to get together.
It sounds like he's into motorcycles; now, I TOLD my other relatives that I just happen to look like I ride a Harley. They must've thought I was pulling their legs.
I've more or less vowed not to drag the names of my newly discovered relations into public. I won't reveal his name here..but I'm not betraying any confidences to stoke the soap opera aspect of this diary by saying that thee Whiskey Rebel's Brother lives in Italy (he used to be in the armed forces) and has a Wife and child.
For those of you who only tune in here to laugh at my misfortunes you may as well have skipped this entry. I'm elated to say the least. This guy undoubtedly has his share of faults..but hell..the very thought of him being out there accepting me and ready to meet me makes me happy as Mick Foley at a X-mas theme park.
I wish I had known about him or had him to be with when times were really tough in my life long ago. My childhood sucked. I could've really used him. Maybe we just would've kicked the crap out of each other or sneaked up on each other and farted at each other when the other wasn't looking. Brothers can fight more viciously than anyone else when things work out that way.
All I ever wanted was a damned chance to have a Brother..and now I have one. That's my Halloween surprise this year 2002.
Try to top THAT.
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San Marcos, TX 78666
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