archive: 05-26-02 to 05-03-02

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5/26/02

Ahh...memorial day weekend. I hide at home during most annual holidays..but this one is special. There's a good deal of MEANING behind this particular holiday; even though so many of our holidays have become commercialized this one brings to our collective minds and hearts and souls a truely worthy CAUSE to celebrate. And so I ask this day that you pause for a moment to kneel in meditation along with me and glorify the REAL "MEANING" of memorial day: BEER DRINKING.

OH GLORIUS BEER...HOW we love thee.

And we love thee most of all on this day that is set aside to commemorate all the DEAD bottles and cans and kegs of former alcoholic skirmiches.

PRAISE BE to your golden goodness. May your frothy foam forever ebb and flow like the mighty seas.

We used to commemorate this holiday with a 3 day annual Alcoholics Unanimous camping trip..back in the early 90's. Every one of them featured a great deal of drunken insanity and hijinx. It was on one of those trips that I discovered "black eyed peas" and wound up with a flame-thrower asshole. One year our keg ran dry and of course we were 25 miles from civilization. So, a drunken lunatic singer and I went from camp to camp buying jugs and pints and beers from shocked fellow campers. We even bought bottles people were drinking from. Of course since we were in Oregon it ALWAYS rained every damned time at least long enough to leave us wet and shivering as we drank more 3.2% beer than humans are supposed to drink. MORE beer than our bodies were created for us to process. We slaughtered billions and billions of brain cells and once we were all good and smashed we'd all get in a fight from being in such close intimate contact with each other for 3 days.

A certain drunken loser asshole singer attempted to sabotage our van after we got pissed off at him for playing a Pearl Jam cassette at ear shattering volume that probably had owls and lizards and squirrels fleeing from the forest with their paws and wings clamped over their little critter ears. It took me days to slap a confession out of the guy after we got home. I wound up tossing his ass out of the band and furthermore severing all future connections with him. We never had another A.U. campout.

Nowdays we celebrate this grandest of all holidays at home where our hearts are their purest ( and where we NEVER run out of beer). We have a moment of silence as we place a wreath or a few handfuls of flowers on the pile of "dead soldiers" as they say in our recycling bin.

If we fail to honor the drunken rampages we've embarked upon in the past..we'll be condemned to repeating the same silly beer drunk mistakes in the future.

OH GLORIUS BEER....how we love thee.

Strengthen us..but yea verily smite our Madd Mother enemies with the jawbone of an ass. Intoxicate us until we perceive camels walking through the eyes of needles and hell angels dancing on the heads of pins.

When I was a child..I drank the beverages of children. When I became a man..I put aside the wine coolers and soda-pop wines of childhood...and became a MAN! I slammed my fist on the bar and DEMANDED BEER.

And yea verily...a few whiskey shots for an extra kick.

5/24

After 2 and 1/2 years of doing business on Ebay I've racked up quite a few tales to tell. I'm saving most of them for a possible book..but I' can't hold back from telling about the dickhead I encountered today..who quite possibly is the biggest asshole I've dealt with since I worked at Radio Shack in the early 80's.

This guy is so arrogant that he could only be from either England or the Pacific Northwest...and indeed he's from Seattle (I've got to keep his name out of this public commentary though). The auction ended about 65 hours ago. I notified him within the hour of my address and the shipping fee; he paid me immediately with Paypal. And then this afternoon I received this email:

"It's now basically 3 days since I "seem to have won" the -----------. Apart from automatic emails with non-commital content, I have heard nothing from you. I paid you less than 1 hour after the auction ended. I consider it pretty abyssmal that you have not contacted me via personal email to say when you expect to ship the music out"...

My jaw dropped when I read this. Ebay's standard rule is that sellers should get in touch with winning bidders within 72 hours. I had done that; what did this guy want?? I checked and learned that his feedback total is...get ready.."2". Yep...TWO..T.W.O....!!!!

And this pinprick has the audacity to try to scold a dealer with over 1,655+++ feedback comments?? I own a special red star-lapel pin Ebay sent me...and I'm supposed to be schooled by a newbie who for all I know is 13 years old??

I considered that this might be a practicle joke....it may turn out to be. His vocabulary is awfully reminiscent of William Regal from the WWE, isn't it??

I printed out the guys email and hung it on the wall over the computer so i can have something to laugh at while waiting for websites to load. Then, I went to paypal and REFUNDED the dude's money. Finally I sent him this loving reply:

"Dear Rob: Congratulations! In over 2 and 1/2 years of doing business on Ebay I've never encountered a more childish jackass. I've refunded your money via Paypal...I REFUSE to do business with anybody as rude as you.

I checked and discovered you're brand new to Ebay...you have exactly TWO feedback comments..TWO. Yet you have the gall to tell somebody who has completed over 2,000 transactions how to conduct business on ebay..what sort of time interval is acceptable or not.

If you manage to keep from getting booted off of ebay due to your bad manners you'll eventually learn that most large dealers NEVER send you a chatty personal message..they don't have the TIME to. The last time I checked Ebay granted sellers 3 days..a FULL 72 hours to notify customers at the completion of an auction (I notifed YOU the same damn night). The reason 72 hours is allowed is common sense oriented; Sellers and buyers alike have LIVES to live apart from their auctions. For all you know I've been attending to my sick Mother or out of town for a day or two.

Anyway...you can have your money back..I reserve the right to refuse service just like any other business...Phil"

Of course, I'd have enjoyed telling the asshole to kiss my balls or smell my shit..but I figure as long as he's using a snooty William Regal schtick I may as well play along. UPDATE!! I just got his single sentence reply: "And you call yourself a professional".

Wow..he sure told me. I hope he clicks on the diary page icon attached to his emails from me and see's that I've besmirched him here.

In a nutshell the biggest dickheads I've dealt with through ebay are obvious Beevis and Butthead types into merch by acts like Insane Clown Posse. GG Allin fans are notoriously bad payers not only for my auctions but those of several friends who also sell the occasional GG artifact. As you'd expect from my last sermon Country music Ebay customers beat the pants off of punk rock buyers any day of the week. They are calm, reasonable and dependable.

it's more fun to me to randomly peruse Ebay looking for assholes with awful feedback than it is to actually shop for stuff.

Similarly it's more fun to sit on a bench in an obscure corner of a mall watching humanity oozing back and forth on parade than it is to actually enter any of the damn stores.

Riddle/brain puzzler of the day: Of all the slow paying deadbeats I've dealt with on Ebay who claim they've been occupied caring for a loved one who was suddenly injured or that they personally were injured..how many of them were telling the truth??

HHHMMMMM?????

5/20

As I've mentioned over and over my Wife Marla and I have been going out and seeing a helluva lot of live music since we moved here 25 miles South of Austin. Probably 3/4's ++ of the shows have been country acts since we were deprived of country music completely living in Philly for many years.

Dale Watson & his Lonestars, the Weary Boys and literally a horde of other acts keep the huge surplus of local honkytonks supplied with REAL country music every night of the week. I've yet to attend a show that was sparsley attended..whether it was held on a Sunday night or Tuesday or whatnot.

All these live country shows have led me to realize a grim truth that alot of folks might take exception to (so go AHEAD!)...namely: punk rock fans SUCK as opposed to country music fans.

Fuck...maybe the reason I've been vaguely depressed for a while stems from this realization. As anybody who reads this regularly knows I've had direct contact for over 21 years of playing music for punk rock fans. Compared to country music fans (I mean of the REAL stuff..not arena jock-countrypop) punk rock fans are CHEAP CHISELING FICKLE DICKHEADS. They gripe about having to pay to get in..yet bitch that no bands come to their town.

I can't tell you how many imbeciles have approached the merchandise table over the years at our shows and actually asked me "what d'ya have for free"???? People like this don't even stand out at punk rock shows because there are so many trendy boobs begging out front of the club to wade through.

On week nights at lots of area clubs that book country, bands are compensated by having a knockout female friend of the band or club employee with a nice smile pass around a tip jar. I'm not talking about barely known acts being paid this way; we saw Red Voelkart (sp?) Merle Haggards world class guitar player for 35 years play for tips at a Saturday afternoon free happy hour at the Continental club. The jar was STUFFED everytime it made it's way around the room. I'm sure he and his band made out quite well.

Imagine if you tried to use any system requiring "honor" and generosity to pay punk rock bands! SHit fuck...all the little punk rock scumbags would be trying to scam money OUT of the jar.

My new friend Cade from the Weary boys used to play the punk rock circuit. He shrugged and explained to me the night we were introduced that music is HIS LIFE and he couldn't make enough working the punk rock circuit with all its crooked fly by night promoters and bookers and leach fans only looking for what they can get for FREE. So, he plays country music now and GETS PAID and WORKS REGULARLY. Yeah yeah...I'm sure his band occasionally gets burned by a booking agent or shows up to find a club at an out of State gig has closed its doors....but it's nothing like the flakey scumbag punk rock circuit.

Dale Watson and his boys play 3 nights or more in the Austin area year in and year out. (I suggest you check out his great website for confirmation of what I'm talking about here. Go to: www.dalewatson.com ) in urban areas 10 times the size of Austin this doesn't happen for punk rock bands. I can think of a few reasons..1) the country fans have jobs for the most part 2) many country fans go out for a night of dancing..and it doesn't "bore" them to dance to a familiar band they've heard many times 3) country musicians keep their material more varied...and are capable of playing for hours at a time.

Punk rock bands shoot their wad in 30-60 minutes for the most part. Several bands have to be booked each night and tons of equipment changed around constantly. "Dancing" punk rock style is banned in many clubs.

Hey..all you folks in punk rock bands..lean back for a minute and speculate on how wonderful it'd be to quit your boring day job and play locally a few nights a week (and only have to haul a professional compact amp as opposed to some humongous thing you have to borrow a truck to move). SORRY!!! the fans are incapable of supporting it. Unless your band is financed by a label or a patron of the fucking arts..if you want to play constantly and even BREAK EVEN money wise you have to travel in cramped beatup vans all over hells half acre begging people you've just met everywhere you go to sleep on their disgusting floo amongst their pets and their disgusting room mates. Since punk rock never even got off the drawing board in most cities of the union and since at its peak it's enjoyed only marginal success in huge sectors of the U.S. between the two coasts..you'd better get used to driving way the hell farther than a country act would. Rural areas are great stops for country acts on the road..but are only good places to get busted for punk bands.

By the way, when I talk about "punk rock fans" I'm speaking of the majority..90% or so. The 10% who have been generous to me and my bands over the years and cooked for us on occasion and sent me CD'S that I sometimes forget to thank the sender for and the people who've encouraged us and invested up to $100 at a time at the merchandise table...well, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN all you people.

I can guarantee you I SURE AS HELL reflect and dream about all the great people who've bought me beers and shots over the years...enough to float a goddamned Edsel. And how about all the people who've sent me bottles and 6 packs and 12 packs and even occasionally a case of beer by UPS??? I bet even Dale Watson doesn't get too many cases of beer shipped to him by reject drunken janitors into his music.

I'm not turning heel on the "good" fans..if anything I've come to appreciate them better from what I've seen in country bars around here.

In spite of what a few paranoid folks who are "afraid" of country music and rednecks might believe..the clubs in Austin and New Braunfels and here in San Marcos aren't dangerous in the least...at least not the venerable country venues. Yeah..if you behave like an asshole crusty at a punk gig you might just have your spare-change begging bluff called. But I've yet to see a fight or anything even coming close to one. Women leave their purses and coats on the bar unattended when they go dance. And NO!! they no longer string chicken-wire across the front of the stage at least in Austin which is by reputation a bit "soft" compared to other Texas cities. There are so many FREE shows and happy hours that it seems country music clubs and fans have achieved THAT goal at a level way beyond local punk scenes that shoot for that sort of thing. Of course it wouldn't be possible to see Dale Watson on chickenshit Sunday at Ginny's longhorn saloon every week if the fans were as CHEAP as I've described. And needless to say if you check out Dale's website you'll understand that he tries to play what the people in the bar WANT TO HEAR from his vault of songs as opposed to telling them to fuck off or spitting on them.

Incidentally, in some places in the US you can still see mainstream rock and roll bands working bars at Holiday Inns and even some fairly large clubs night after night. This sort of good ol' American "barband" entertainment used to be incredibly common well into the 80's. I wish I could levitate to places like Montana whenever I have the itch to see a RNR bar band. I remember seeing one that would segue from a doowop oldies hit into "Stairway to heaven". For years Mike Schuppe and I would go see a good honest (and yeah..a bit dated at times) bar band in the far reaches of Seattle-Tacoma whenever I visited him. Suffice it to say that the days of barbands playing top 40 in bars nightly for 4 hours have come and gone in the face of rap and hiphop and rapmetal dominating the chart positions guitar oriented rock and roll used to. Hhmmm...do Holiday Inns book "rap metal" cover bands??

Damn..I should've saved this for a column..I feel really good and warm and happy about what I've written tonight. To wrap up I'll point out that if you're planning to visit this area and want to check out some great country music or REAL rockabilly you don't have to phone ahead to a friend to make sure somethings happening that week; the great music NEVER ENDS around here.

5/19

About time for a SIMS update I'd say. Satan (who is currently employed as a U.S. army commander) concocted a devious plan to build a "human zoo" of captives in his lush green back yard. He suceeded in luring four lovely ladies from the neighborhood into their tiny new cell/homes which were thoughtfully equipped with toilet, a refrigerator full of food and a small love seat. A problem began to appear however; all of a sudden even Satan's best friends such as Idi Amin, Patty from the Manson family house, our swinging bachelor Rex and Elvis's SIMS self were no longer to be seen at Satan's pad even when they were invited.

The Prince of darkness tried and tried to figure out a way to deal with the judgemental attitude of his friends...but in the end he wound up freeing the terrified gals (who had been crying and pissing themselves for days) and selling the house. He just moved into his former larger home where he is redecorating.

Earlier in the week my own already bleak mood hit bottom when one of our best creations..REX...was suddenly caught up in a stove fire. I paused the game and yelled for Elvis to come help. I got impatient though..as he was taking a big shit; I ordered Rex to fight the fire which soon spread to the adjacent kitchen counter. It was then that I realized that we had fucked up big time designing Rex's bachelor pad...we FORGOT to install a smoke alarm! OH MY GOD!! I sent him away to call the fire department manually. They promised they were on the way..but after several intense horrifying minutes of Rex trying to put the fire out himself it had spread further to another wall of the kitchen. Just as the fire department asshole finally busted into the front door I got the shock of my SIMS life; Rex..the eternal bachelor..good natured guy who loved watching horror movies, bedding down a variety of babes and cranking his stereo...OUR REX was sucked into the flames and killed!

An urn with his ashes appeared on the spot where he passed away.

I yelled for Elvis to come on the run..with my voice actually quivering a bit.

That's just the kind of guy I am. If I read about 6,000 people dying in an earthquake in India I shrug or yawn. If a cold snap kills a half dozen homeless beggers on a cold Winter night in the skid row part of town..I don't laugh hysterically; but I think inwardly "fuck those assholes"...I've been confronted by so many urban panhandlers trying to act intimidating I no longer have an ounce of compassion for any of them.

Last week whenever a priest commited suicide after being accused of being a pedophile predator..I chuckled to myself and refilled my shotglass.

But REX....I got incredibly upset over his passing and wondered if I could handle it even. I asked Elvis meekly if we should just back out of the scenario and not save it. After a great deal of discussion I convinced Elvis that my day would be shot to hell..FOR REAL...if we allowed old Rex to go because we had been negligent.

"If we had bought a smoke alarm then that would've been one thing" I argued.

"Maybe the game INTENDED that he die" El thoughtfully replied.

I agreed he may be right..but I've been very down lately over a combination of things and I couldn't take one more sack o' woe that day.

So, we pushed a button and Rex's life was restored. I've spent many happy hours living vicariously through him since..and you can GODDAMNED guaran-fucking-tee we've installed a smole alarm.

This may sound insane to some people..but remember too the great horror of my life that almost finished me off was a real life arson house fire. I'm very touchy on the subject.

My 3 roomies "Wolf" Hitler, Idi Amin and "Scorpio" (actually the zodiac killer) have moved into the biggest house on the block and are piling up money for their ultimate objective like mad. Hitler is now a master thief by profession..and Idi and Scorp' are tour guides in the rugged outdoors. They are the most successfull bunch we've created so far. I'm still waiting to see what they do when their power and money has been maximized.

Elvis created four deceased guys from different backgrounds to live together as hetero bachelors: Dean Martin, my dead Father, Joey Ramone and Elvis Presley. I asked that as a payback to my old man that he send him outside to do a lot of damned yard work tired or not! Joey appears to be the shy roomie who'll stay home and cook and TCB. Dino is a chick magnet and pickpocket. and my old man and Presley (who are the only two to have served in the Army in "real" life) have taken basic military jobs to earn some money for the house. Welcome to the neighborhood, men.

SIMS is the greatest game ever created (yes, including chess and poker) and we recommend you buy it PRONTO. No, I'm not a paid spokesman for SIMS..I wish I were though.

The strange series of wrestling deaths, tragedies and ratings ( the numbers of Smackdown and now Raw are sinking as fast as Hogan can peel off those cheesy pre-ripped shirts) has begun to attract attention by folks such as the Wrestling Observor. This is a bad period for wrestling..to say the least. Over the last few days we've lost two more grapplers who have both done their share and then some to entertain us over the years.

"Big Dick Dudley" died a few days ago; I'll never forget the drunk and half blind fools who would approach me on South street or in South Philly and think I was him. He was always the coolest Dudley in my book. I have no "inner" knowledge of why he was never brought to the WWF along with Bubba Ray and Devon..I wish he had been. Maybe he was too injured too often. I dunno. I'll miss him.

"Davey Boy Smith" who married into the Hart family passed away a day or so later. He was of course a huge headliner many times over the years..beginning with his "British Bulldogs" stint in the WWF and later with WCW as a solo wrestler. He was only 39.

All I can say is..the shotglasses in this house have had their bottoms facing skyward too often lately.

5/18

We get a few "attachments" emailed to us everyday..most from people we don't know..but some from people we do. Unless it's pre-arranged and approved by us they ALL go into the trash..PERIOD. We can't risk virudamage saluting someones happy intentions when they send us an ammusing picture or story..sorry.

It's time to quit being overly polite about this; is it because people are in general too new to pc's or too NAIVE that they send us all these files to delete???

I think I can understand the mindset of virus freaks; they've got to be like some of the frustrated guys I've known over the years who went a bit too long without getting laid. That doesn't mean I excuse them...If I were dictator I'd string 'em up by their balls in the public square and allow the citizenry to give them a piece of their minds and perhaps a wad of spit or fecal matter in the puss. Think of all the other lonely guys whose sex life is cut off when their computers are wiped out; now tell me I should be "understanding" to computer hacker boobs.

I'd make it an automatic stipulation of sentences against computer vandals that they not be allowed to possess a pc ever again...OR live on premises where someone owns one. You can't "cure" them anymore than you can cure a pedophile.

I have a big thing against fire bugs too. This traces back to the time a juvenile prickwad tried to burn down a gallery we played at with the CLEAVERS back in 1983. One of the owners came up between songs and asked our singer Steve to calmly suggest everybody leave the building; we smelled smoke at the same time. When the cops showed up they gave US (who would've been burned first..the arson left a trail leading to a huge flamable bucket about 10 yards immediately behind the stage) a hard time at first. We swiftly cooperated and identified for them a guy who several bystanders made us aware of. They picked the guy (a suburban juvenile smart ass from a "good" family) up and hauled him off.

We weren't 100% convinced the guy was the arsonist at first ourselves. Any doubt I had was squelched when I saw him several weeks later at another club. I watched as he took a couple big puffs on his smoke...admire the glowing red end..and drop it neatly into a waste basket filled mostly with paper and cardboard.

I eventually heard this fuckface had a history of this sort of thing...and that he was eventually institutionalized in some manner or other for some period of time for some cure or other.

Several years later, this stupid fucking asshole that had endangered our lives approached me outside of another club with a few of his friends (they were all 20's "slacker" types by then) to give ME a hard time about turning him into the cops that night back in 1983!!!! I was AMAZED anybody would have the nerve to admit something like that in front of their adult friends....AND that his friends seemed to feel like I had been a brute and a rat all those years ago.

He even admitted that he had "a problem" back then...but that it still was wrong to finger him.

Incidentally, this guy and his friends were standing there whining and whimpering and wringing their lily white hands ..NOT threatening me in any way. I wish they had gotten into my face so I could've "defended" myself with a Whiskey Rebel choke hold..followed by bashing his head repeatedly into the brick wall of the seedy skidrow club we stood in front of.

I understand the fact that in certain urban areas where gangs prevail one of the LAWS of the STREETS is :"thou shalt not rat out anybody".

Well that's fine and dandy for Brooklyn or South side Chi-town or South Central L.A....but at that time Portland was a big PUSSSY town with no gangs, no urban street life outside of a few wino's and illegal immigrants. The rat code wasn't in effect in that sort of environment.

The kind of spoiled middleclass dumbasses who try to emulate urban gangs in their prosperous suburban cookieland communities complete with all the usual cliche' buzzwords (delivered in a gangsta-rap cliche' wigger accent) about "homey's" and "turf" are some of the lowest of our species. What a fucking JOKE!! I've been told that a handful of impressionable dumbass teen rubes here in our town are trying to start up a "bloods/crips" game here!! Again...what a fucking JOKE!! Me and my friends outgrew playing "Batman" and "cowboys and Indians" and shit like that in 3rd grade. None of these dipshits has ever been within 100 miles of a "ghetto".

TV shows like Rikki Lake's love to book these sort of little boy 18 year olds since they can't help but look stupid and draw a lot of heat from the studio audience.

It makes no sense to me that in schools across America you can be one of these psuedo-gang member wiggers (Again I'm not talking about REAL gang members) and still apparently be a popular student leader or athlete..whereas if you're a quiet loner dressed in black clothes or a goth get-up the administration wants to COUNSEL you or suspend you.

Why is it so many people who are against "profiling" as done so by trained State police officers in New Jersey and elsewhere...WHY aren't those same people complaining about untrained school administrator's and teachers "profiling" lonely loser kids who fit their "profile"??? HHmmm?????

Well..before I start going off on that topic I better sign off...

BOTTOM LINE: as far as I'm concerned..suburban gangsta/wigger's = the Jamaican bobsled team..or Thai country Western singers. Stick THAT in your droopy trousers....then go twirl yer little balls up in mystic haze.

5/18

Rush Limbaugh said something intelligent and right on the mark today on his show; yeah yeah..mark the date on your calender. He pointed out how fast and free knee-jerk liberals are to accuse folks of "racism" "sexism" homophobia" blah blah blah. Of course old Rush hinslef while claiming to be so pure of heart is awful damn fast himself to roll out the "L" word and other words used in political yakk-fests to score a pin-fall. It's just part of his job as a provider of one-sided propaganda to make the other side look like monkeys and never fess up to his sides own faults. PLUS..it makes for entertaining talk radio.

Limbaugh's mosted hated foes themselves remind me of the small number of political-punks left who aren't above waving a finger at a bouncer tossing their drunk ass out of a club and accusing him of being a "fascist" for fucks sake!!

My entire life I've observed people on both extreme ends of the great American political spectrum engage the wacko's at the other end in a sort of dull intellectual rugby match in which the teams just shift the center of the spectrum back and forth every 10 or 15 years. Points are never scored in this never-ending contest. At least, not enough points are scored to grant a lasting victory for either side. Think about it...whenever one of the sides appears to be taking the upper hand (such as in the late 60's with the anti war protestors actually acheiving a bit of respect amongst mainstream people) soon after the other side capitalizes on the excesses created economically or verbally or socially and suddenly the other side takes over (such as during the Reagan administration).

Whereas extremists make alot of damn noise, the actual power remains in the hands of course of the mainstream centrist career politicians....the Democrats and Republicans who control EVERYTHING on a national level in this country.

I didn't invent this theory..being an educated man and a merchant of the truth I'll fess up and say this idea was discussed back in the early 80's in my collegiate economic history courses.

For people to seriously accept whatever slanted propaganda that is spewed by political rogues from either the extreme right or left wing is assinine. But, what the hell?? last time I heard Rush's show was drawing topnotch ratings. Left wing types are just as willing to distort statistics or play the race card or use whatever means are available to be equally as ruthless.

Back and forth they go at it. "Blah blah you FASCIST!!" "blah blah you damn welfare loving liberal"!! "fuggin' NAZI!!" "fuggin' COMMIE!!".

On a wrestling level It's kind of like watching Gold Dust and Kurt Angle go toe to toe...who can totally identify with either of those nutcase charachters???

Politically speaking most American's are like fucking GOATS..willing to suck up and digest anything placed in their path almost without question. They take their marching orders from thier union leader..or their priest or opinion leaders like Oprah.

When a maverick comes along (such as Jesse Ventura) both parties join hands and give him the fucking boot..and then turn back to their own boring fued.

I've been a talk radio hound for years and years. I listen to entertaining shows for the sheer fun of it regardless of which end of the spectrum the host is pitching for (news flash!! there seems to actually be an increasingly high percentage of Libertarian hosts out of proportion to folks who actually vote Lib.) I take it ALL with a grain of salt as they say. Alot of people who read this diary consider themselves wrestling fans with pipelines of insider info who are "in the know"; why is it so many of you people who are so savvy when it comes to realizing that wrestling is "entertainment" are completely ignorant of the fact that political talk shows are "works" too?? When will you wake up to the fact that candidates like Bush and Gore and your Demo's and Repub's in your home States have chosen politics as their PROFESSION and are working you every step of the way???

WWE doesn't WANT people who can merely "fight" working for them..they want entertainers who can put butt's in the seats DAMNIT.

And the 2 political parties that control everything in the US don't WANT people who can "think" they want people who can put votes in the ballot box DAMNIT.

It's so simple..and so obvious....

Yet, almost all of you are suckers for one "religion" or another....in spite of equally simple and logical reasoning. So, there's no reason to get my hopes up that I can influence a significant number of people who SHOULD be able to see the way things are.

Yunno, there's a positive tradeoff here that makes the American political system seem great in just ONE way; the fact that the masses brains are collectively stuck in neutral has its advantages. At least we're not likely in our lifetimes to winding up under the thumb of some politician who knows how to work the crowd and whom has some dangerous ideas that might fuck up my ability to sit here at 4 a.m. happily knocking back beers and shots. All over the world in countries where they sweat politics out intellectually there are fuckers plowing fields all day long or picking kernals of rice out of each others turds. Hhmmm. I'm content to live in luxury and turn my head the other way when people act gullible at election time. Lets just drop all this questioning bullshit..I'm gonna go register to vote tommorow..I'll toss a coin..heads for Republican..tails for Democrats. Hell..forget I ever complained in the first place...

5/15

Ok, I've bellyached lately about obsessive Star Wars fans and Chumpamaniac's; it's time to focus on some people who are very VERY different from that bunch. I'm thinking about people that can't appreciate all THREE Hanks..Hank Williams Sr. Hank Willams Jr. and Hank Williams III. I've lectured before on this topic before...but it's an IMPORTANT..CRUCIAL one.

If your brain and heart and ear and soul and guts can span all of the gap seperating all the "Hank's" you're way above average in your ability to appreciate great music. Don't get me wrong now...I'm not equating folks who dislike one of the Hank's with trekkies..some of my best friends..probably A MAJORITY of my best friends dislike the music (or is it their "image"??) of one or more of the Williams clan. I consider myself a nice chap doing a public service by instructing readers of this diary as to their petty mental flaws as listeners. If you pay close attention you might learn something here; specifically about the Williams clan.

Incidentally, are you aware that Hank Jr. has a Sister recognized by the courts of our land as a half Sister and legitimate heir to Hank Sr's fortune?? I'm referring to JETT Williams. I've seen her perform on the opry TV show and she's pretty damn good in her own right. WAY the hell better than Audrey Williams. Who's Audrey you say?? Have you heard Hank Sr.'s Wife Audrey sing on vinyl or compact disc?? It's not a very happy experience as I think ol' Bocephus has related publicly on many occasions. Audrey was inspiration for a large number of Hank's songs. The two didn't get along very well and split before Hank's death. Are you aware that Hank Sr's hot looking 2nd Wife toured the U.S. as "Hank William's widow" at the same time Audrey did?? Are you aware that she went on to marry Johnny Horton who like Hank died an extremely premature death in a wreck on the highway that he had such specific premonitions of he said "goodbye" to his family before he left home??? In fact, Hank Sr. and Horton both played their last live date in Austin..I believe at the same club.

Hank Sr. fell off of a damn horse early in his teens and his legendary drinking stems from his use of alcohol and pills to kill the pain. He died in his late 20's after years of woman pains, styling and profiling in the coolest suits of his time, chronic alcoholism, commitment on occasion to institutions, frequent long stretches of sobriety..and a catalogue of top notch music spanning the country sub genres of honky tonk, gospel..and sad narratives that move even a black hearted villain as myself to tears. Hank Sr.'s ability to convey the hell that often was his life into songs common people from around the globe can relate to is amazing. His songs have been interpreted and covered by artists from every genre of music.

Hank Jr. has often been portrayed by ignorant media assholes as some sort of archetypical "Bubba" in their frame of "yankee blind" reference that condemns a man as a racist if he is white, wears a beard and speaks with a Southern accent.

It's rare to read an intelligent examination of Hank Jr's music. He's a definite music genius who has been known on many occasions to go around the stage simultaneously soloing on every instrument in his band. If you listen closely with an open mind and think about it you'll realize how Jr. has his finger on the pulse of common people in the same way his Daddy did. For instance..listen to "A country boy can survive"..if you don't instantly agree that song sums up the attitudes of scores of millions of rural folks...then obviously you're too chicken or too cheap or too trendy to visit smalltown America. His career has been incredibly long..I believe his first "greatest hits" album was released in the mid 60's!! His early music as a young teenager was limited to the way everybody expected him to perform..more or less EXACTLY like his famous old man. He was DAMN GOOD at that..no small feat when you consider how many revered country music stars strove for that very goal. In the mid 70's after falling off a mountain and coming as close to death as you can without exactly going, Hank Jr. decided to do music his OWN way..which since then has often crossed into the realm of blistering Southern-kick ass rock and roll. His live album released in the mid 80's (recorded in front of 100,000+ people) has the guitar volume you'd expect at a Van Halen stadium show (oh yeah..he did a video with THEM too). Listen to "attitude adjustment"...tell me that doesn't remind you of several instances from your life; I specially relate to "all my rowdy friends have settled down"..a song Hank Jr. wrote that displays he knows how to write a melancholy song even if 99% of the worlds musicians have forgotten how to (or never knew how). Well, I could list song after song after song..but if you've got your mind made up you'll hate Hank Jr. anyway; just like you'll hate the music of his Pappy if you have some sort of stick up your ass about "primitive" country music.

Hank III is performing somewhere tonight in the USA. This next shot of Jim Beam is for YOU HANK III!!!!!

From what I've heard of his 2 CD'S and the one live show we were lucky enough to catch he's an incredible talent. As an opinion leader of note, I get MASSIVE amounts of email from folks about HANK III. Alot of people all over the country think he's got the hottest live act going today. He often plays TWO sets..an hour of country music that displays his ability to perform honkytonk music that fans of his Grandpa's music are amazed by..and a set of deafening, energetic and balls out amplified rock that leaves even ME at a loss for words to categorize. When we saw him live the same guys backed him up on both sets..it was amazing. I KNEW I'd love his country set..I was warned by a few people that his "metal" (for lack of a better category) set bored them..but OH HO HO HO!!! what can I say?? A delegation of fans showed up at the club SPECIFICALLY to see the "metal" set. I wish I could buy a CD of THAT portion of the show. 3 or 4 times during his second set I sensed Hank III was actually combining and melding the two sounds he specializes in..into a sort of "country metal" that made my jaw drop. I think that's what's on the horizon for him. I can see a whole new "country/metal" genre busting out from his following.

Yeah...it sounds a bit weird..but why resist it?? HHmmm???

On a sad note I recently learned that Hank III's fiddle player was recently diagnosed with cancer. Of course you don't wish that on (almost) anybody...he was a BIG part of the live show we saw..and I hope he pulls through. He could be a prime player in the evolution of "country-metal". I've already read about a benefit concert for him to be held at the Continental club here in Austin. If anybody locally wants to put something together benefit-wise involving obnoxius punk rock bands such as ours, please for fucks sake get in touch with us.

Damn..I'm gonna go eat since I've been drinking on an empty stomach for about 9 or 10 hours.

5/13

We live across the street from the much larger and newer of two theatres in San Marcos. Elvis talked me into going to a $4.50 matinee showing of "Spiderman". Going to see a movie isn't a big deal to most people, but as I've written before in other places it is to me. One of the things I hated most about my upbringing was the fact that my parents as part of their nuthouse conservative Christian adjenda refused to allow my Sister and I to see movies in theatres. They actually said things like "the devil sits on the marquee of the theatre and laughs at all the fools being led to hell inside"!

I didn't see a movie in a theatre until I was 14 and had suffered a great deal of verbal abuse and had become identified as a total fucking weirdo by my peers (which I was..but NOT for reasons they accused me of). My first movie?? "Kansas city Bomber" with Raquel Welch. 2nd movie? "the Last picture show" which I am now living out down here in smalltown Texas.

Movies have always been special to me..I never have taken for granted the fact that they are a GREAT form of "escapism"; I'm a BIG fan of "escapism". I went through a DC comic book phase as a kid and then when I was about 20 a Marvel comics phase during which time I bought all of the old "Seargeant Fury" comics and quite a few Spiderman, Ghost Rider and Fantastic Four comics too. Those comics were sold long ago for booze during one instance or other of poverty; but let's just say that I know the Spiderman storyline and wasn't against the thought of seeing whether Hollywood in this century was going to be up to the task of doing ol' Spidey justice.

CARBON14 readers and HITLIST readers may be familiar with my rants against contemporary theatre behavior (yunno..talking to the screen) which drove me away from movie theatres in Philly permanently. It got to the point where everytime I went I'd wind up screaming either at some minimum wage assistant manager jerk or directly at some noisy, mouthy, cro-magnon boob who couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Before we went I gave some thought as to whether I'd wind up in a screaming match or stomping out in disgust here in innocent San MArcos. Elvis assured me that folks are very well mannered here publicly and reminded me that the glorius "hip hop lifestyle" (which is responsible for dumbfucks talking to the screen in theatres) is only lived out by a tiny sliver of kids..METAL and/or PUNK rock are the preferred genres of music by most.

He was right as it turned out. The half full matinee theatre audience were totally silent throughout the movie. When the lights came up I noticed there were approximately equal shares of white/hispanic and black folks. NOBODY had let their kids (and there were many in attendance) run around screaming or playing during the movie. The same phenoma can be seen on a daily basis in our local Walmart. It makes me swell with civic pride.

The movie itself was very good for what it was..and it puts the old cartoons and TV show to absolute SHAME. Back when the BATMAN movies came out I was disappointed. As many critics complained the 1st one was too long..and too "Bladerunner-ish". I also thought Michael Keaton who is a supreme pussyboy was mis-cast as the caped crusader. Jack Nicholson was good...and the soundtrack music by Prince was fine..but what the hell...Elvis who was still in his Ninja-turtle phase fucking fell asleep during the movie!! That NEVER has happened before or since. The second Batman movie didn't improve matters much..and I didn't see the 3rd one until it made it to TV. I'm glad I didn't waste my money on it since it seemed like a run of the mill 90's action film stocked with 90's era "hunks" and "babes". The plot was so far fetched from what the comics represented at that point it was ALMOST laughable.

The first SUPERMAN movie was OK. Give it a C+ or a B-. I forget the sequels. "POPEYE" the movie was retarded. I never did see the "X-Men" movie..cause I'm not really an "X-Men" type of guy.

SPIDERMAN was pulled off brilliantly...I give it an "A" as a superhero movie and a "B+" judging it alongside movies of all genres. I usually snicker during special effects that impress the masses. In this case it really fucking looked like Spiderman was webbing across Manhattan sometimes in a natural, clumsy fashion. The guy they got to play Peter Parker/Spidey was sufficiently dorky at first and later heroic as he came of age through the film. His super powers (with the exception of a different explanation for his webbing) were all clear and understandable. The Mary Jane selected was very good at delivering a sort of wholesome sexiness that fits the comic book charachter. Lois Lane has NEVER been portrayed as well after how many tries??

GREEN GOBLIN was pulled off damn well. The guy who played him looked like a normal guy who fit the part as opposed to being some Hollywood schmuck included in the film for a cheap pop. Best of all the music score never degenerated into a pop-music orgy. About 60 seconds of some hiphop/rap commercial crap was inserted during the credits..but almost comically it was quickly ejected in favor of the old TV show "Spiderman" theme. Contemporary music may put butts in the seats during the first run of films like this..but it also DATES them for all time. An orchestral score is still best for lending a timelessness to a film.

BRAVO...and a tip of the fifth to the producers.

I'm gonna go list some old "Amazing Spiderman" comics from 1980 or so on Ebay to try to capitalize on the film. I'm sure probably every comic book geek dealer has beat me to the punch weeks ago though. Oh well..what the fuck.

I saw a great documentary on rockabilly women from the 1950's on the tube last night. Lorrie and Larry Collins (better known as the COLLINS KIDS) were interviewed in depth along with Wanda Jackson and "female Elvis" Janis Martin. I've been fans of all of them for 20 years or so.

It was such a great show that Marla and I got to talking afterwards about the recent rash of friends of ours expressing disgust for "rockabilly". I've listened to them and taken it in stride for long enough.

I agree that contemporary "psycho-billy" and "fashion-billy" nitwits are enough to make one puke; why?? because they're just too goddamned "by-the-numbers". It's not about the MUSIC for many of this ilk; it's a fashion many of them have gravitated.."matured" into shall we say after tiring of "juvenile" punk rock and mohawk haircuts. This should all be obvious as hell. I used to talk to kids into "rockabilly" when I worked at Tower records and was alarmed to learn that most of them consider Mike Ness and Reverand Horton heat to be "rockabilly" performers. Yeah..SURE!! And "Fonzie" from the old "Happy Days" series was into "rockabilly" too I guess, eh??? SINCE ALL YOU LITTLE "psuedo-retro-rockabilly" FUCKERS ARE DRESSING LIKE HIM!!!

Look, I love engineer boots...I own a pair. I own a leather jacket and a few pair of straight leg levi's. Topped with a "wifebeater" or a flashy Hawaiin shirt you're looking GOOD; unless every other male in the trendy club you wear this stuff to is wearing exactly the same thing..then you're just wearing A UNIFORM.

I guess I must draw stares when I go to one of the countries leading rockabilly venues the "Continental" club in Austin. I'm often the only man in the room with hair past his collar..and am CERTAINLY the only one wearing sweat pants. You know what it reminds me of?? When I used to go see 60's psych bands (who are equal fashion slaves) at the "Anti-club" in L.A. in 1986-1987. In that case I was the only male in the room with SHORT hair, straight-leg levi's and a simple leather jacket.

I can hear a few people reading this scoff.. "Oh yeah Whiskey Rebel..I suppose you think that you're so much cooler than us for dressing like a slob wearing sweat pants to a niteclub".

YEAH FUCKFACE!!

Carl Perkins or Sonny Burgess never decked themselves out like fucking Fonzie. And they didn't sit around listening to rockabilly records day in day out. They were RECORDING rockabilly records...but it was their love of country and gospel and down and dirty R&B that influenced them.

Now, as for you folks who "hate rockabilly"...I'm here to tell you that most of you are ALSO fucked up. Why?? Because you don't "hate ROCKABILLY" which is one of the finest, purest, wildest and best genres of music ever; you actually HATE ROCKABILLY GEEKS. You've never heard REAL, AUTHENTIC rockabilly...HAVE YOU?? C'mon now?? Have you ever heard Warren Smith or Joe Clay or any Gene Vincent song other than "Be-bop-a-lula"?? Of COURSE you haven't..much less any of the dozens of relatively obscure people who pioneered the genre in the 1950's. You may have heard recordings of George Jones or Webb Pierce or other terrified country artists paraphrasing rockabilly back in the day in hopes of a crossover commercial hit..but if that's all you've heard you haven't heard rockabilly. There's a great interview of the CRAMPS in a book I own (and NO..THEY don't claim to be playing rockabilly all the time) in which they point out that rockabilly was a "quantum leap" musically. The popular and dominant music of the 1950's was crooned by total squares sporting conservative suits; all of a sudden total hicks from the backwoods were playing frantic, crazy ass music singing songs about UFO'S. Now THAT was ROCKABILLY. And guess what?? Damn few of them ever wore a "Fonzie" get up. Don't take MY word for it; go look it up.

Be forewarned! The next time I hear a friend putting down "rockabilly" it's going to be time for an oral pop quiz. The moral of this lesson is DON'T BESMERCH ROCKABILLY..unless you know of what you speak!

5/11

Elvis and I both have had cases of the shits over the last couple days..especially today. GODDAMN....a dangerous proposition when it comes to us Irwin's. It's gotten worse and worse in my case..I was leaning back on the couch screaming in agony earlier over my scalded anal-region...luckily it hasn't interfered with my drinking.

I unplugged the phone early today...and have forced myself to avoid looking at the email that may have come in. Tomorrow is Mother's day and there'll be plenty of time to yakk until we puke on the land line.

I've had to hold myself back from checking the email to see who if anybody took my "Star wars"/"Star Trek" rant overly seriously. It's really amazing how many people we know who are into it big time collecting all sorts of shit. I used to know a Batman collector when we lived in Everett. He won an award at a county fair for his collection..and I donated a couple items to him. Later I wound up firing his ass for fighting at work with the inventory service.

I'm very disciplined though..when I cut off my connections to the outside world nobody gets through. My burning sphincter (sp?!?!) muscles are too much for me to handle and talk to people at the same time.

One of these days very soon we're gonna add a "message board" to this cite as a final move before selling a couple add's to take advantage of all the hits this diary is getting. I need to get in touch with people who can tell me how specifically (or who specifically to ) I should sell adds. When this happens I'll immediately start commenting on wrestling events every Monday, Thursday and Sunday at least. I'll also likely kick it up to about 6 entries per week as opposed to 3 or 4 now.

Advertisers better GET IN TOUCH; we'll never resort to pop-up hard to load adds which piss me off. Short of that we need the paltry revenue from 2 or 3 stationary adds.

Elvis and I listened to several songs from the 1974 EDGAR WINTER group "Shock treatment" album last night. I realized that it's possibly the oldest album on my rack in terms of a record that I've listened to since it was released. I listened to the Monkees and the Beatles and the Stones earlier..but I've dumped and replaced over the years any albums by those groups based on my flighty moods. I've ALWAYS since I was teenager loved about half of the Shock Treatment album. I watched Edgar and his boys on Don Kirchner's rock concert TV show and marveled enough at Edgar's simultaneous sax and clavinet exhibition (remember "Frankenstein"??) that I had a similar go at the two instruments in the early 90's on our A.U. Dr. Kegger M.D. Lp/Cd. "Animal" is fantatic...and "Easy street" (which David Lee Roth covered) is fucking topnotch too. It's produced by Rick Derringer (who also plays on every track) who was the WWF's music director for a while back in the "bad years" of the 80's WWF.

I remember that the album was one of a few offered as a "quad" sound release..does anybody but me even remember the aborted notion of quad sound systems?? Probably not anybody reading this.

Another kickass CD that everybody should run to their record store to buy is Rhino records CD collection "the best of the Jimmy Castor bunch". Who doesn't dig "Troglodyte" "the Bertha Butt boogie" and "Hey Leroy...your Mama's calling you"...??? My advice to you is..get your nose unhitched from the anal crevices of all those loser racist-rap moron's and get INTO Jimmy Castor where you oughta BE.

Naive question of the weekend so far....Elvis asked if Stan Hansen is from Texas??? What??? Is Twisted Muthafuckin' Sister from Jersey oh my firstborn child?? UURRPPP.

5/10

I heard a talk show discussion today about the upcoming latest Star Wars movie. It really set me off when the host and his guest smugly agreed that Star Wars "fans" are "more cerebral" (I quote the words they used) than Star Trek fans.

"More cerebral"??? Gimme a fucking BREAK!! Both of those series are goddamned commercial pablum compared to topnotch sci-fi literature. Off the top of my head I'll nominate the "Dune" book series (not the MOVIE of course..Sting ruined it with his prescense) or of course any book by Philip K. Dick.

Star Wars and Star Trek movies and doodads and crap are fine for kids..and I can't blame older people for getting hung up on nostalgia; for Christs sake I watch "Huckleberry Hound" and feel warm and fuzzy. But I don't go onto talk shows claiming ol' Huck is intellectual fodder!!! I don't shell out big bucks for expensive toy after toy after toy. Since when do you need to spend a load of money to feel nostalgic?? Keep a copy of all the movies and your childhood toys..sure. If you get lured into being a collectable toy mark you're a sucker to some degree. If you REALIZE that..than we have no quarrle. It's your money..but don't tell me you're some sort of "intellectual" because you're a Star Wars buff.

The same goes for you goddamned trekkies.

All this Star Wars and other pop-culture hogwash up to and including beany babies, pokemon, sailor moon, dragonball Z, etc.etc. etc. is on a par with "hulkamania" in my book. You may as well go all the way and buy one of those big Chumpster foam fingers and a tear-away T-shirt. Why not shave your dome into a male pattern baldness horseshow "Hulk-do"..bleach it blonde..and then go stick your finger in a fucking light socket.

I fashion my own little collection of toys and bric-a-brac to fulfill my own purposes. I've written several times about the little wooden duck, plastic pig and ceramic turtle on top of my computer moniter. They mean as much to me as your overpriced limited edition toys..but they didn't cost a lot of money. If I get drunk enough I even talk to them..particularly "duck-duck".

If I wrote this diary to try to make friends this would be a piss-poor topic. I just compared notes with Marla and Elvis and I'm reminded that we know a dozen people or so pretty well who collect Star Wars stuff. Well, don't anybody get in too big an uproar about it. Go ahead and cuss out Huckleberry Hound if you want to get back at me....or even "duck-duck".

I'm gonna go take a fucking shit.

I walked into a stall at a thrift store today and saw that someone had left me their fecal treasure to admire; a pot chockfull of black shiney turds the shape of stubby cigars. MMmmmmmm.

5/8

There's a fine line between being a unique non-conforming individual with a true understanding of the rotten human species..and the group of folks who simply have a yen for for hopping around through life behaving in odd and unacceptable ways to get their kicks.

The first group of folks are often capable of great original creative achievements; although many of them wind up taking their lives or pissing or drinking or drugging their "gift" away. The second group thrive on attention and are better suited as second banana's than actually steering the ship.

The first group realize they are mostly alone in this life; the second group can't STAND to be completely alone for long. They often specialize in "off the wall" humor suited for drawing attention to oneself. The dyed in the wool pioneer thinkers avoid the hubbub of the masses.

People who fit into either group are hard to find and know..although it's much easier obviously to get to know the "off the wall humor" types than the profound thinkers. Both bunches tend to avoid dunderheads; so, if you've never met anybody who seems to fit either slot it may be a reflection on YOU.

I've located a cowboy music radio station that my Imac tunes in. The last several songs have been out and out drinking songs. DAMN. Where have I been?? It's much more fun to listen to these songs and knock back shots of booze than to even think about that friggin' male-pattern-baldness poster boy Chump Hogan. So, even though I watched 15 minutes of Smackdown I'm gonna skip reacting to it. I recommend everybody reading this finds a radio station loaded with tunes celebrating whiskey drinking and shooting bigmouth assholes in duels. If I could find this one in 5 minutes most of you should be able to do the same in an hour or two...

UUrrpppppp.....alright..a frigging fiddle tune..boil them cabbage down boys!!

5/7

Think back 20 years....where were you?? were you even born yet?? Or sucking on your Mom's titty??? Were you in grade school being groomed by the square teachers to be fine upstanding citizens?? I know where I was..on the job with RANCID VAT. We cooked it up over a Ouija board 12/31/80. Our first show was a couple weeks later. The only other C.O.S. band that was even within years of hatching was Antiseen; I believe Jeff Clayton was in his teenage-straightedge phase about then. Many C.O.S. people (if not most) were in grade school. We were playing the Mabuhay in San Francisco..Dammasch mental hospital and places like that.

I like to gloat about our longevity as much as the next legend.

Today I'm prompted to do so because we got a letter from a guy who goes back so far with us it's almost incredible. We were sending stuff through the mail in the mid 80's..and y'know what?? He's not even our longest term "band buddy" (OOhh..I like that phrase) that we still hear from..that's probably Imants up in Ontario. We get email from our pal Mr. Mike now and then..last time he saw me I would be absolutely unrecognizable to modern day Whisey Rebel-Roos. We're on A-1 terms with the guy who played the first show ever with us..nope, not Steve Wilson..he appeared at the 2nd show. The first show included Joe Hornof whom we yak with every 6 weeks on the phone.

I have a special place in my black heart for the first phase of people we met through our band. I still get an email every month or so from somebody I don't remember or never even met who saw us play in 1981 or 1982 who can't fucking believe we've managed to endure this long. Some of them probably hated us..but they get in touch anyway and get nostalgic for a paragraph or two.

When we started out Fred and Toody Cole (Dead Moon) were in their early 30's..and some folks thought they were "too old" to be in a band. We were in our early 20's and lots of people thought we were TOO OLD also; 20 years later we opened for 'em in Philly (last October).

My musical hero's aren't 40 and 50 year olds..most of 'em are in their 60's and 70's. Link Wray, Big Jay, Rudy Ray...hey hey hey.

Urp...time to go to practice.

5/6

My adoptive parents were total fucking schizo's as far as I'm concerned. They were friendly and warm and loving to people outside our home; but brutal and rather cold and distant at times when it came to my Sister and I. My old man and I buried the damned hatchet before he died. My Mother and I are getting along better at least than we have in years since we finally seem to have figured out what topics to avoid discussing.

My blood parents sure as hell seem to have had their high and low points too. I don't want to go into detail at this time concerning them since it's a subject I've decided not to publicly go into out of respect for my new found relatives. Suffice it to say that genetically speaking I've been dealt some cards that have madefor a bad combination with the insane and unhappy childhood I experienced.

Marla is crazy as hell too in ways. She has a very responsible side..but her people on both sides of her family have a legacy of mental health problems.

We've been married almost 25 years now having tied the knot at an early age. We would have killed each other long ago or split up in some other way if we hadn't figured out how to deal with all the insanity running rampant in our veins and brains.

Furthermore, we're both SMART enough to savvy that we can't make a habit of regularly acting out our worst impulses in public and get along with worthwhile people. We've got quite a few super intelligent and artistic acquantances including a few minor "celebrities". If we didn't keep ourselves in line mental health wise we'd have been hanging out exclusively with insane "losers" who can't control THEIR own weaknesses one bit. Actually, that describes more than a few of our cohorts over the years.

In a nutshell without naming names I'd estimate that probably 80% of the people we are friendly with are FUCKING NUTS at least part of the time. I'm NOT running them down in a mean spirited way..REMEMER! I've already confessed to having my own mental health problems.

As the years of our lives go by we have less and less time and desire to deal with OTHER peoples insanity. When we were much younger a quarter century ago we were bored and didn't have enough to do to keep us busy aside from perching in front of a TV set for too many hours out of the day. Back then we tended to spend time trying to "help" our acquantance's deal with their lunacy. As the sands have flowed through the goddamned hour glass we've had less and less and less time to get bogged down with other peoples problems. I probably APPRECIATE my friends MORE than ever..but I don't have the time anymore to counsel them on the same topics night after night like I once did.

I think I've explained myself pretty well here in a thoughtful manor. Perhaps I should print up copies of this and stick them in my wallet to pass out when I encounter negative, time consuming insanity on a social basis, Hhhhmm???

NOTE to people who know me personally; I couldn't POSSIBLY be referring to YOU. Amongst all the people I know YOU couldn't possible have strange personality quirks..oh no.

The Widowmaker came to visit for a couple nights as part of a circuitous Southeastern motor jaunt. We went to "chicken shit Sunday" starring Dale Watson and his Lonestar's at Ginny's Longhorn Saloon in Austin. The chickens shit all over the number covered board and lucky winners became "hundred-aire's" as Dale put it. A good time was had by all.

Best Widowmaker one liner of the weekend was in reference to ACDC..he said: "If it weren't for that band I wouldn't have gotten tattoo's below my elbows".

Album of the night: "North of the Rio Grande" a 1950's Hank Thompson LP. The cover is a beautiful sketch in rustic yellow and orange and brown inks of a Texas landscape scene. 2nd place: "Machinegun etiquette" by the Damned. In other musical news Hasil Adkins is playing at the Continental club this weekend..and Link Wray the 20th. WOW!!! If you want to see live music..there's no where else to live in this damn country (unless you're into rap or hiphop or crap-metal).

Comical wrestling moment of the night: the Chumpster trying to spur Undertaker's motorcycle 50 feet . J.R. tried to cover for him by saying something like "well I guess Hulk's not used to Undertaker's particular bike"....HAH!! The crowd booed as Elvis and I hooted and highfived.

The sudden name change from WWF to WWE felt strange. I think they handled it very poorly; they should've had Linda McMahon or Vince or Spike Dudley or the damn Mulkey twins or SOMEBODY explain what the hell it all means. King Lawler was the first to forget and accidently say "WWF" instead of "WWE".

The upcoming payperview seems about as appealing as a night watching people try on shoes at Payless down at the outlet mall.

5/3

I feel like writing about a certain subject...but it's too damned big for a diary entry. I'll have to save it for a magazine column I guess. It has to do with when you should forgive friends that disappoint you, pull a bit of medium sized shit on you or OUTRIGHT FUCK YOU OVER. The answers are different to all three of those levels of bullshit.

Earlier in my life I showed absolutely no fucking mercy. I've made it a habit to keep a mental (and sometimes written) checklist of people to kill should I expect my life to end sometime soon. I'm satisfied in knowing that I still hate the fuckers I went to school with..particularly back in junior high school. But, over the last few years I've begun to forgive people from the rotten music scene who fucked with us 20 years or so ago. I gave a splendid review to Carbon14's upcoming next issue to a CD by a band masterminded by one of the first people to really hate us and shit on us when we started our first band in 1980. This is a major step for me I guess..am I getting soft and old and weak?? I might argue that I'm simply WISER..not wasting energy hatin' on a guy who shares alot of mutual friends with me who had the perfect right to hate our band in 1980 if he wanted to I suppose.

The amazing truth I have figured out is this: it's easy for me to forgive a guy who I'm never going to have to risk dealing with again. I'd sooner forgive HIM...than somebody who'd feel entitled to walk back into my life if I forgave them. If it's a low risk cleaning of the slate..well, OK. I'm not going to forgive anybody who stands a chance of burning me once again. When we played in S.F. in 1998 a guy came out to see us who also was on the enemy list in 1981 or so; what the fuck...here he was in 1998 paying admission to our show. He sells insurance probably for a living..

Do you GET IT??? WE WON!! The way I remember it he hated us "back in the day" because he was one of those punky type of trendy assholes who wore a leather jacket when it was 95 degrees out; and he LOVED to point fingers at people like us for alledged violations of the unwritten punk rock code that said we had to live up to some sort of fucking fashion standards. In 1981 I didn't even OWN a leather jacket. I wore then what tattoo artists into psychobilly wear now.

Well, who wound up selling insurance..and who wound up playing music forever??? The guy acknowledged that though..and we shook hands and I don't wish him bad luck. It feels GOOD when you can lighten the load of hatred you tote around. At the very least it makes room for more fitting up to date grudges.

You know what?? It's entirely possible that the guy went home that night and laughed his ass off at what a rube I was to shake hands with him and patch things up; well...if so I won't have to see him until I go to San Francisco next (hopefully as soon as we've moved into our new house). I wouldn't be so opened minded about an ex-band member who dicked us and lived in the same town.

I can always tell where I stand with bandmembers (I mean band members over the last 20 years..not just current ones) by whether or not they seem to want to discuss asshole ex-bandmembers who we're on bad terms with or the many ex-bandmembers we're on GREAT terms with. It's a dead giveaway how they perceive Marla and I deep down. Think about it.

Every band I know of that has lasted even a year has dealt with loyalty/hate/love/trust issues (I hate that word "issues"). I've become a reluctant expert on the subject...even more so than an expert on "relationships" between couples...althogh I'm pretty good at that too. In fact, I'm great at figuring out whether one or BOTH partners in a couple are scumbags. Better than dear Abby or that sourpuss jewish lady on the radio who Howard Stern hates.

A few random thoughts on the subject of people turning traitor or not..

1) If you suspect your spouse, lover, pal, bandmate, etc. of behaving in a deceptive manner or talking shit or somehow turning on you..DON'T LET ON at first; play it dumb. I've exposed a small handful of pathological liars in my time by pretending not to recognize their small slips and double talk. According to a book I read about Emperor Hirohito It's a Japanese strategy to appear to be weak and blind and lead the person you suspect into a state of overconfidence.

2) When you catch somebody pulling shit on you...you DON'T owe them any explanation at all; they may CLAIM you do...but what stone is that rule etched in..HHmmm??? Get the traitor OUT of your life...DON'T feel you need to explain yourself.

3) Don't "follow your heart" when judging whether or not your lover is cheating on you or whether or not they'll hit you again if you've got a track record of being fooled in the past.

4) Conversely, go ahead and "follow your heart" if you've done so in the past with consistantly positive results.

5) Gals, if a guy is horny enough he'll say ANYTHING to get in your pants...they ALL lie. When he says he's changed his ways..or is going to change his ways...DON'T BELIEVE it for a fucking second.

6) Guy's...95% of Women will want to change what you do (particularly the FUN things you do) once you've given them the legal right. It's a logical choice for them to do so..and society and relatives from both sides of the family will support her.

7) To you folks in bands...whenever you kick somebody out of a band they ALWAYS say: "I was going to quit anyway!!". Am I right???

8) And don't think that the fact people are so deceptive and slimey means you can trust animals...any damned cat in the world would trade its owner in for a dish of food after about 8 hours of not being fed. Dog's that are intelligent enough are cabable of deception..dogs that are DUMB (like Dobermans) can instantly turn on you and rip into your flesh after 10 years of good behavior.

9) If you ever get suckered into an "intervention" situation..NEVER..I MEAN NEVER EVER give your trust to the fuckers again. They are either two-faced about wanting what's "best for you" or they're incredibly naive. Either way, in the face of that shit it's time to cut some people from your life.

URRppppp.