93/06/15 09:59
...well, SOMEBODY went and did it... from about a little after
noon until around 4 pm I was literally in an altered state of consciousness
that was like being intoxicated with love... it started off gently to
slowly build to a soft peak then lowered me down again to subside away...
during the soft peak Rebecca, Elizabeth and I were sitting in McDonalds
eating a hamburger as we were running errands - and as I looked at people
their face and skin seemed to have a soft radiance, a pretty girl just
seemed to "glow" with joy all over her... THE KEY TO THIS SEEMED TO BE ITS
SOFTNESS AND THE GENTLE AND SUBTLE WAY IT CREPT UP ON ME but it was damned
powerful in that you felt as if you were sweetly burning all over... and I
would look at a car or truck and it's finish and color would look
beautiful... and still the feeling grew stronger till everywhere I looked
EVERYWHERE and EVERYTHING seemed alive and so, so lovely... I was beginning
to feel if it got any more intense I wasn't going to be able to stand it...
then an old man showed up at the front door (we're home by then) saying
there was a dog down in the weeds behind his yard fence asking if it was
mine... I went with him and saw that the dog was old and not feeling too
well... as we could not identify the dog or it's owner I drove the dog over
to the humane society so they could take care of the poor old dog... IT WAS
IN THE DOING OF THIS DOG THINGY THAT THE INTOXICATING STATE SUBSIDED WHILE I
WAS SO BUSY ADDRESSING THAT PROBLEM... God, girl can this be your love you
keep speaking of??? if so, it's pretty heady stuff... no wonder I can't
take much of a dose of it... not only the above stuff, but I WAS laughing
and listening to my children in ways I have never done before...
...I just went over to the store... and some of that "liquor" hit again...
I found my self starting to sing in the truck on the way... something about
"it glows when it grows" which I turned into a full fledged song created
flat out on the spot... when I got into the store the "liquor" hit even
harder causing my eyes to mist over... then when I was standing in the
checkout line with five or six woman... they all became beautiful each in
her own way... there wasn't an ugly woman that I could see any where...
I couldn't stand it and it made me want to cry... I was so glad to get thru
that line and back out to the truck... God girl is that what you do to me?
it's no fair I wouldn't have a chance... please put out this fire in my
chest...
***
93/06/16 at 00:00
Now...honestly first...The new "format" is a bit strange to me,
but I'll try to get used to it, if it's important to you to do
things this way...
I have a question. What do you do to better remember your dreams?
I'm having lot's of trouble with this. I woke up last night, just
like the night before, with a good feeling, and associated it with
all that's going on with "this". But I didn't wake up enough to
write anything down, and this morning, I can't remember at all what
the "good feeling" was about. I do ask God that I remember. Does
this all come with time and practice, do you think?
I'll try to answer the questions you asked. They seem very obscure
to me, though...
As I said last night, I don't remember feeling anything but peace
during the time in which the "flash of light" happened. I'm not sure
what it was, and, at this time, I don't make an association between
the light and the intoxication.
During the "early feeling of the liquor", I remember feeling
overwhelmed by it, and a little nervous, because it felt like it
could keep growing until it would "take over" completely. I guess
that I felt like it could fill me to bursting. But I think, as I
said yesterday, that it does completely fill me, and then goes on to
fill the space around me.
As far as why I associate the feeling with love...I can't tell you
for sure. Maybe because I feel God in it somewhere. I think that at
times it starts because of something you've said that sparks a
"confirmation" of something we may have shared. I refered to it as a
"sweet burning" because I felt the words you used fit the feeling
very well. I didn't have words of my own to describe it.
When the intoxicated feeling goes on for days...As it is right
now...the intensity level changes frequently, softly getting
stronger and less strong. It's at a low level right now. It seems as
if the level changes with "discovery". Each time a piece of the
"puzzle" seems to fall into place, the feeling becomes very strong,
and overpowering, then slowly subsides to what I suppose is a level
I can "handle" for extended periods of time. Maybe the big "surge"
is a reward for "figuring something out".
I have to ask that you remember how new this all is to me. I don't
know if I have the answers for you to many of your questions. I'll
do my best, though, with you please keeping that in mind.
***
93/06/16 07:57
I thought or received thoughts or whatever it is that goes
on...Anyway, it happened again while I was bathing. For a moment
everything seemed crystal clear, as far as the meaning and purpose
of our "finding" each other. I've lost some of the clarity in just
the few minutes it took me to get back to the computer (Does THAT
happen to you...I mean the GLIMPSES or TEASES of insight that seem
to fade?) but, I'll try and recall some of it...Wait a minute...Are
those glimpses that "THIRD EYE" you were talking about opening just
a bit, like a blink?????? I saw what it is that we are to each
other, but it was pretty confusing to me, because it seemed that we
were the same thing. How can we both be "missing" the same "part"?
I saw that you needed to find the heart of you. The loving,
childlike, pure part. The part still with God. And that I had maybe
not to FIND that part, but to rediscover it. That mine is much
closer to the surface. And that the reason I seemed to be on the
"accelerated learning program" was so that I could catch up to you
so that we can discover things together. That would explain my
frustration when you weren't the teacher, and you being
uncomfortable when you HAD to be. "They" want us to get to a place
where we're "even"...equal halves. Or maybe two wholes. ?????
***
93/06/16 07:23
...this is great... because you are now describing your experience in
good detail I can now see with my EYES something that I can relate to...
...I can relate to the following which BTW are your words:
When the intoxicated feeling goes on for days...As it is right
now...the intensity level changes frequently, softly getting
stronger and less strong. It's at a low level right now. It seems as
if the level changes with "discovery". Each time a piece of the
"puzzle" seems to fall into place, the feeling becomes very strong,
and overpowering, then slowly subsides to what I suppose is a level
I can "handle" for extended periods of time. Maybe the big "surge"
is a reward for "figuring something out".
...I relate your "sweet burning" to my "touching (band) of forehead"...
From [G]'s response to one of my questions 21 April 1993:
"Little one, the band indeed is the opening of his third eye chakra. This
is a visual experience for this one for he is one of great wisdom and
knowledge. To explore the aspects of oneself takes great courage and is
seen as an act of loyalty to the one who created us all. [B] is awakening
to his inate talents of intuition. The band at times occurs to remind [B]
to look at the situation in a different light. Always listen to your heart!
Also pay attention to your body, every uncomfortable situation has a reason
as does every feeling of joy. Explore these possibilities as your third eye
is open. Be confident that this will bring only joyful experiences into
your life."
...I think that you are experiencing the
awakening (opening) of your heart chakra! (BTW a very good thing to have
happen to you!!!) I don't know if you have much knowledge about chakras or
not as... I won't explain
them to you any now. I'll just let you do some library and book research,
how 'bout checking the Genie on-line encyclopedia. ...anyway, your repeated
focus on love and trust in what you feel and have felt is what TELLS me that
your "heart" aspect (charka) is opening up. Just like [G] said that my
third eye chakra is opening and I can SEE, your [can't remember the number
but there are seven chakras] heart chakra is opening up and you can LOVE!!!
As you said "Neat ain't it?" [I wouldn't be surprised if [G]'s response to
your question mentions something about this] You see,
I had to be shown a taste of what you are feeling, the "sweet burning" in
order for me to relate to it when you got your little self around to
describing it in detail.