initiation dream

15 May 1993

  "After I went to bed last night, I meditated saying my usual front end
preface about opening myself up to God and allowing catherine and her help
to work with me in my spiritual development.  I stated that today I had
gotten [G]'s reading responses:  one response being that if I would change
my attitude to allign with the universe that I would attract financial
security;  another response being what decision will [B] make about letting
his "ego die" and then he will be off and running into new spiritual realms.
I stated that I wanted to pursue running into new spiritual realms but that
my ego must co-exist with this as it needs to be here to deal with normal
physical reality, that I did not know what my purpose for reincarnating was
and would like to be shown or enlightened about it.

  "...after saying the above quietly at the front end of the meditation, I
soon noticed that it was as if I had started up and was moving forward i.e.
there was a sensation of shadows or grey moving passed me.  I understood
this to mean symbolically that I was moving forward again.  Anyway, the rest
of the meditation was a good, solid one in terms of being very well into the
meditative state.  I found myself looking and watching around at whatever
was being presented to my inner eyes... of which I remember nothing.  The
meditation lasted quite a while but finally my body seem to want me to
finish with the meditation, so I closed the meditation down.  Rolled over
and went to sleep.

  "...now the interesting stuff, of which I only remember some at this
point:  I was someplace, in a room maybe, and there was a little waterfall.
I was given something to eat and taste or sip.  I remember getting some
water from the little waterfall with my hand or spoon and was drinking it...
Then there were two men? one on each side of me.  I was sitting in a chair.
I felt a little intimidated by the two not knowing what they were doing.
The one on my right said to me when I looked up at him that they had been
working on my knees? [later I realized this was "needs" - [B]] all along.
As he said this I saw his face change such that his eyes appeared to both
look and focus inwardly on the third eye between his eyebrows...  Then there
appeared an image of the head and face of a black man.  He was very black,
shiny black.  It wasn't an angelic looking face but it wasn't too ugly
either.  As I watched the face he was looking at me.  I saw his lips move as
he was talking to me but I did not hear any words.  I may have asked here
that the white spiritual light continue to protect me as I wasn't quite sure
what was going on, i.e. was I getting into the wrong crowd...  Then I then
found myself coming up to a door of a trailer.  I went in thru the door.
There were partitions on the left for little room areas.  I looked over the
top of the first partition and saw no one there.  At first it seemed no one
was there.  Then I found myself forward just a little into the room sitting
at a table.  There was a man sitting across from me.  He talked to me or
more accurately he was telling me things and I was listening.  There seemed
to be others to the left [actually right - [B]] of the table but I did not
see much of them.  Behind the man across from me someone would come out from
a door and move over to my left as if talking or showing whatever the table-
man was discussing with me. One person came out and moved to my left.  He
had on some kind of coat, hat, gloves of like a military man, a flyer or
something.  There was chart behind him with pictures and words.  The chart
changed a couple of times.  When I couldn't keep my focus on the picture I
asked if I could see some of the picture again and it returned where I could
see better.  Then the charts and people coming out stopped.  I sat at the
table with the man across from me.  I have still been working on trying to
keep the reality in focus and was doing pretty well.  Then I noticed that
the table seemed to be solid enough as my hands and arms lay upon the table.
I moved my hands around on the table in circles and lifted and pounded my
hands down on the table a couple of times.  And said look at this I'm
touching this table.  Then my attention was on the man across from me.  He
reached out his hands and I reached out my hands.  My hands touching his
hands.  He asked me to cup my fingers downward and he cupped his fingers
upward.  My right hand was in his left hand, my left hand was in his right
hand.  I could feel the tips of his fingers very strongly!  Then I see his
face more clearly.  He looked like an oriental in his eyes and his face
seemed a bit chubby.  As he held my fingers his face began to change.  First
his eyes seemed to turn up and focus inwardly on the third eye area between
his eyebrows.  Then his face began to change shape as if going from a face
to "mantra-like" [mandala-like - [B]] symbols tho round, full face ones.
The eye whites were sometimes a part of the face patterns.  This lasted for
a few seconds.  I think I may have asked that God continue protecting me
with the white light a time or two, as this seemed to be a strange
experience to be undergoing.  I wasn't sure who all the people were and what
was going on.  I wondered several times if I had gotten into the wrong
crowd...  After this 'initiation' experience, for some time to come in the
dream I could focus and see and do things - or that is my impression!

  "...When I woke up this morning, I have been worrying about what happened
and who these people were.  I think I know:  ... It was in fact some kind of
awakening or initiation process to the spiritual insight for me.  The "non-
beautiful" entities were presenting themselves in modes that would keep me
away if I was not yet developed to deal with this i.e. was presented to be
perceived to be a sobering experience!  One of [G]'s responses said to
trust that which I will receive.  My feeling this morning is that I do trust
all that happened last night in the initiation dream but will view it with
caution and care! ..."