93/06/12 06:58
I got to bed after 1:30 a.m. this morning. I didn't really feel all that
sleepy but was tired (remember I had had an earlier nap). I spent the time
just thinking about things and noticing around and inside me.
...I came to realize that my main purpose so far as your teacher has been
to be directed to help you become able to freely say the words contained
within your little letter in a letter. Please reread that DECLARATION from
the perspective that you are speaking to the God spirit within me (the same
God spirit within you; the same God spirit to which I speak when I say my
meditation preface; the same God spirit within every other human; these all
being manifestations of GOD - you are in effect talking to GOD telling Him
how you feel about Him!
"Dearest [God],
I'm not used to verbalizing THIS sort of thing, but I'm going to do it
for you. This is all too big for me to handle by myself. I need you to
be close to me. I need you inside me, making love to me so that all
this can "go away" for awhile. Just for awhile. Please hold me close
to you and touch me...anywhere you wish. I am yours. Each and every
part of me. Anything you want from me, you can have. You have given
me everything, and I want to do the same for you. I want to feel
you, smell you, taste you. All of you. I want you to hold me down
and look at me and make me KNOW you're here. Please make me remember
if we've done this before. Every single part of me is alive right
now and wanting you. Be here with me, please. Tell me what you need.
I love you.
It seems as if you must come to say in some form these words without
knowing quite to whom you are speaking. It seems as if it is necessary to
do this in order for you to push the cork out of the bottleneck! Also the
"I wish you were here" becomes crystal clear to me when viewed from the same
perspective: "I wish you were here [GOD]".
Last night after I came to this realization I began to have the feeling
that I remember KNOWING from before that one must go thru this kind of
declaration to GOD without quite knowing what is being said as it shows
deeply from the heart that it is meant!!! Now I better understand my role
in this process with you: my being male to your being female, the need for
the sexual images, the need for the trust to be there, also why I stumbled
around in getting the job done: [B] the man being sometimes confused in
that he doesn't keep clear in his mind that he is a messenger for who you
are really talking to.
...I will tell you shortly (after I get some coffee) about the pulsing
light and tingling sensations from a unique experience I had last night.