7/27/1993 at 3:03a
this morning on jasper's walk... a man was standing by his house...
watching his black and white collie like dog... sniff around nearby... when
he saw jasper and me coming... he called out to the dog a couple of times
by name... when i got closer... i called out to the man asking what he had
said the dog's name was... the man said "gracy"... i said that was the
concert group i had heard last night... that they were really good...
(... i think here this means God's grace is involved)...
this morning on jasper's walk... a big black dog loose approached
us... as we came up to Broadview and Southern Drive streets... there was a
woman pushing her baby stroller along Broadview... the big black dog came
right up to jasper... and attacked him... took jasper by the neck in his
big jaws... i used my two hands and wrestled his jaws loose... and tried
to get control of the black dog... while i was doing that... jasper tore
into the big black dog... grabbed him by the hind leg and held on... i was
wrestling with the two dogs... trying to get them apart... i looked up and
asked the woman... if she would take jaspers leash... and take him over
there... then tie him up to the stop sign post... then to push her baby
carriage on up the street... till she would be safe... which she did...
in the mean time i held the big black dog's head in my hands... and shook
him good... and repeatedly told him... "if you don't quit it, i will knock
the shit out of you... i will kick the shit out of you... do you
understand... do you understand"... i saw that the dogs eyes were brown...
and that he was a kind dog... finally i dragged the dog over by where jasper
was tied up... and told the dog to get out of here... i untied jasper...
the dog shortly left after watching us a bit... and jasper and i went on
our merry way dear... (very, very symbolic of what happened later in the
day with [P]; the woman with the baby stroller = [C] and her new baby
boy; the dog's fighting and struggle is [P]'s struggle today)...
you asked once about the "range" reverie... asked what the black
things were... coming to get me... well, dear, i have known the answer for
over a week now dear... it's those big black dogs... on nearly every
walk... jasper and i face those big black dogs or other kinds of dogs...
in nearby yards... on properties... some acting very vicious... with
beware of dog signs posted out front to see... (symbolic of the conflicts
and strife being faced periodically)...
while ago... when [P] was going thru her "yellow and white
butterfly" meditation... i was thinkin'... when i was a little boy... on
the farm... and things didn't go very well for me... i would often start
feelin' sorry for myself... lots of times i would go into the barn... just
to be by myself... and i would let the "feelin' sorry" feeling grow and
grow... till it was very, very strong... because dear there was something
very, very SWEET about that "feelin' sorry" feeling... but i never quite
knew why that very, very SWEET aspect to it... well while ago... i found
out why... it was because it placed me into a very, very strong "here and
now" mental state... at that young boy age... i intuitively knew the
deliciousness of the "here and now" mental state... how NEAT huh...
*****
7/27/1993 at 6:50a
i have a feelin' that Clem had literally to deal with packs of wild
dogs out on the range... i suspect dear that they can be scary as shit (the
in town ones are for sure)... dingos i think they are called... now you
know why Clem had to learn and know how to be very very much in control...
(the head sort of guy)... OR DIE... NEAT huh... how stuff all ties
together... over ages...
[P]'s lesson was most intense... and i was involved in it in the
most non-detached way... FEELing most intensely many different feelings...
and then toward the end of the lesson... how it was so... that i was so an
integrated part of the lesson whole... in every facet that occurred... as
if dear... i once told God dear... that i would do His WILL dear...
whatever He wanted (a pact with God ages ago and again lately too)... and
He accepted that i wanted that... that He came to show His trust in me...
by letting me [B]... in on what it was He was a doin'... toward the end
of the lessons... and yet still git to feel the power and the glory... of
the non-detached feelings of the up front drama action... so NEAT to git to
be and see in the bigger play... and to come to know and understand...
it's for real and has a purpose... us human folk's growth... NEAT huh...
all from and for DEVINE LOVE... and dear you know what i mean...
*****
7/27/1993 at 11:37a
please dear... right now it is not relevant... about whether
you... can "trust" the pictures and information you might get... dear just
you git it dear... leave the "trust" and evaluation and analysis up to me
dear... you just be a receiver dear... let me be your knobs... dear...
just you let those pictures and words gush forth...
about clem dear... jasper and i had a very long walk dear...
assumption: that clem's life and my life now are a reflection of each
other... i make the following suggestions about clem dear... based on
whispers and musings from this morning's walk...
1) clem had a team of horses
2) clem walked a great deal about on foot
3) clem walked in the hot sun bearing down on him
4) rabbits were very important to him, perhaps for food
5) clem was involved in animal hides and pelts, shot wild dogs
6) clem was very muscular and taut, no fat, a rugged handsome man
7) clem was left handed, but good with either hand
8) clem trusted his ability to deal with tuff hard range situations
9) clem ... a lot to soften his loneliness
10) clem loved animals especially dogs, had pet dogs
11) clem could set a goal of doing something in mind and git it done
12) clem did things in a slow measured and determined way
13) clem learned to know his limits and often pushed them out
14) clem knew how to deal with dangerous situations with calm
15) clem had a keen sense of hearing, a less keen sense of sight
16) clem was a very very independent sort of man, not conventional
17) clem saw and loved the rugged beauty all about him
18) clem came to know and love the feeling of being in the here & now
19) clem died by just falling down, tried to git up, just fell down
20) clem was eaten by the wolves and wild dogs after his death
dear... please feed me back... tell me your FEELings here...
*****
7/27/1993 at 12:21p
per Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary...
Blarney Stone - a stone in Blarney Castle near Cork, Ireland, held to make
those who kiss it skilled in flattery
dear an O MYGOSH... as i was writing the definition... the part
"near Cork, Ireland"... i got the picture of the milk maiden "morning walk"
picture (you'll be agittin' in the mail dear)... i just know that that life
is "your cow connection" dear... now you must dear... try when you can to
remember what you looked like then dear... imagine that you are looking in
the mirror combing your hair back then and there... or gazing down into a
pool of water... and see you watchin' you... please ___ASK___ your guides
to show you these things dear... you must ASK ASK ASK to be shown... to
git the results dear... and ASK to be shown your name then... and my name
then dear... and obtw when i thought of the "morning walk" picture... i
can see the mountains in the background dear... and another thought came to
mind dear... that is i remember being told while in Ireland around County
Cork i think dear... how very, very lovely the purple lavender heather is
all over the hills sides dear... (getting goose bumps here dear; as i also
did when i first thought about the "morning walk" picture up above a bit
dear)... who did you say was named Heather in your family circle... NEAT
huh... do you see how all these things are being tied together dear...
neat, neat, neat, neat... and i remember dear that when i was in County
Cork... the place seem somehow to stick in my mind... at the time i
thought that very strange dear... and yes very very lush... and old
feeling... with ancient rocks and stones... and cottages with thatched
roofs... what elizabeth would called troll houses... lots of animals and
cows... especially i think cows... and stone walled fenses in the pastures
and meadows... with beatuiful soundin' liltin' talkin' voices of the people
dear... lots of freckles... and lovely reddish hair... the women and
children so pretty and wide eyed... the men with their bushy eyebrows and
tossled hair... wearin' sometimes a golfer's like work cap... milkin' cows
and raising veggies for to eat... jobs were very very hard then dear...
potatoes probably too to eat... lots and lots of heather on the hillside...
worn down mountains dear... from an ancient land... elves and fairies...
beautiful singing voices... especially from near wales area dear... such
beautiful people and children dear... please feed me back dear... tell me
your FEELings dear...
*****
7/27/1993 at 12:52p
i think not only rabbit pelts but also dingo pelts... and other
animal pelts... perhaps for to sell for to git money...
as i was finishin' my long walk part this mornin' in the sun...
just as jasper and i were 'bout to turn into sunrise estates... with the
cooler shadier streets to walk... it was as if i was acomin' to the end of
my thoughts about clem... and i asked... i wonder how clem died... (goose
bumps here dear)... immediately i thought he... he just fell down... just
fell down... then tried to git up but couldn't... but he just fell down...
then it came to me... that he then would have been... eaten by the wolves
and wild dogs... (do they have wolves in australia... i don't know dear)...
and dear i didn't see (like in pictures) any of this... it was all
done thru noticing my body, what i was doin' while walkin'... thinkin'
'bout the subject of clem... 'bout relatin' my life as [B] from child to
now... assumin' that clem and [B] are a strong reflection of each other...
that [B] got what he has in abilities and ways of thinkin'... from the
same things clem would have had or would have developed in that lifetime...
NEAT huh... no dear, not a single picture... ---- i done it the hard way
----... i used my body and my mind dear... as if they are models built
from the past lives... (also dear i knew that "clem" was important to
[B]... other wise why would clem show up on top of the past life heap...
in our explorin's dear... he just has to be "me"... in very important ways
dear)...
just like your Ireland life is you dear... tied to your "cow
connections"... dear very important to explore that ireland life of yours
dear... it will help you understand great gobs of you insides dear... and
you outsides dear...