Hornita-Fangusitis ® ™
Some people say it’s haunted. Others say a man named Seymore died and his ghost will dismember your body with a blunt, rusty ax, and a bloody machete. Alas, they are all wrong. You see I have been there. I’ve been in there. I know that the house belongs to a man named Fybrand Frecula. He’s a man who has no friends, no money, and nobody to share his intelligence with. You see Fybrand was born with a very rare disease called Hornita-Fangusitis. It will make you sprout horns and fangs. You will also grow to be very smart. Anyway this is his story.
In 1951, Fybrand was born in Bucklebill Texas, at 3:51 AM in the Bucklebill Texas Central Hospital, on September the 22nd. He wasn’t a normal baby. His father and mother couldn’t stand to look at him. They always said they could never love him. The only reason they kept him was to make money from the media. After a while the story died down and his parents abandoned him.
You may wonder how I know so much. Well I’ll tell you. It was 7 years ago and I was working at Mr. Doc’s Hospital in Kila, Montana. I was on my lunch break and I was eating Cheetos and watching the Discovery Health Channel. A really gory show called “Enter the Fangs”. It was about a lady who had Hornita-Fangusitis. Her name was Amy Frecula. I later learned she was Fybrand’s grandmother. She was 67 years old, but enough about her, back to the story! As I was eating I noticed I was out of Cheetos! Since I had nothing else to eat, I decided to watch the show and really pay attention. After a while I decided I didn’t want to watch this woman’s suffering anymore. I was so touched by watching this show I decided to find a cure.
So here I am 7 years older and 7 years wiser. I have come very close to finding a cure. All I need is a piece of hair from one of the infected people to study and calculate what I need to do to find it. I learned of Mr. Frecula and that he lived in Bucklebill, Texas. I took a road trip down there and finally came to his house. His house was huge! It had 6 windows on the front. Two were boarded up and 3 were broken. I could see a light on in the top right window the only one that wasn’t broken. I slowly went to the door and gently turned the knob. I had a feeling of impending doom. I didn’t care. I wanted the cure and I wanted it now. I slowly opened the door. Very slowly I walked to the stairs looking at all the musty and broken chairs, couches, and tables. Up the stairs I walked. Squeak, Squeak. All the way up 50 stairs. I saw the door. I tiptoed to the door. My hand was on the knob. Slowly it turned and I stepped inside. I saw him sitting on the floor crying. I went to him and said, “Don’t be afraid.” He looked at me and he snapped at my leg! I kicked him and ran out of the house. I haven’t been back since.
By Shane