Long Night's Journey
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Characters in order of appearance:
JOAN Archer, Grace's partner, Leah's niece. Early forties.
Grace Ostler, JOAN's partner. Mid-forties.
Leah Wright, JOAN's aunt. Sixties.
Susan Gaskell, apprentice plumber. Twenties.
Scenes:
Scene 1 JOAN and Grace's home, an old one-story farmhouse in
Iowa, about 5:30 P.M. on a day in late December, 1979.
Scene 2 The same, around 11:00 P.M. that night.
Scene 3 The same, shortly before dawn the next morning.

Scene 1: Farmhouse about 5:30 P.M. in late December 1979.
The kitchen is stage right, the living room is stage left, a bedroom door is upstage off living room. Walls are suggested by framing; the kitchen is from the forties; furnishings are from thrift stores. Windows are stage right and upstage in kitchen, stage left in living room. A small wood-burning stove is in the living room with a covered pot and a teakettle on its flat surface. The back door is downstage right in the kitchen with a wall telephone near it. The front door is downstage left in the living room.

JOAN, a strong-looking woman, sits at the kitchen table cutting up apples, wearing old jeans and a sweat shirt. Sound of a car, then the engine cuts off, a car door slams. Grace enters right, wearing a skirted suit and an all-weather coat.

JOAN Oh, hi, Sweetheart. You startled me.

GRACE Hi, Hon. Didn't you hear the car? Gives JOAN a quick kiss before hanging up her coat in a closet upstage. It's noisy enough. I think the muffler's starting to go.

JOAN It just didn't register, I guess.

GRACE Goes into the living room to peek into the pot on the stove. Umm, I love coming home to the smell of supper cooking, even if it's just lentil soup, again. Returns to JOAN, leans over to put her arms around her and kiss her on the cheek. Those apples from our own tree?

JOAN Yeah, they've kept well enough in the cellar for applesauce.

GRACE Kissing Joan's neck now, but Joan is not responsive. What's bothering you? You're stiff as a board. Begins massaging Joan's neck and shoulders.

JOAN I didn't realize I was.

GRACE Is something wrong? You don't seem like yourself.

JOAN Shrugs. I was thinking today about being alone.

GRACE You planning to leave me?

JOAN Covers Grace's hand with hers, lowers her voice. Of course not! I love you, Darling. Turns in her chair to give Grace a quick hug, releases her at once and glances toward the living room. I was just thinking about how it would be if something happened to one of us and the other was left alone.

GRACE Uh oh. You're playing "what if" again. Gets a bottle of wine and two glasses. Let's just live each day as it comes. Opens bottle. Do you get bored working here alone? I'd think you would sometimes.

JOAN I wasn't al- . . . . I didn't get much done today. I meant to clean out the goat barn, but didn't get to it. Stands up and goes to Grace. Let's not have wine tonight. Takes bottle out of Grace's hand and replaces the lid. Let's juice these apples instead.

GRACE I thought you were making applesauce.

JOAN I'd rather have fresh apple juice, wouldn't you?

GRACE No, I'd rather have wine right now before supper. Come on, Joan; you could use something to relax you. You're so tense. Takes the lid off again and pours wine into both glasses. Hands one to Joan. Is there something you're not telling me?

JOAN We do need to talk. But I don't know how to begin.

GRACE Bring your wine and let's sit by the stove. It's chilly in here when the sun goes down. The light visible through the windows has been fading from early to late dusk. With her wine glass in one hand, she puts her other arm around Joan as they cross left. In the living room, Grace pulls Joan close and kisses her on the lips.

LEAH Enters through bedroom door. She's wearing a dress, hose and pumps. Sees the kiss and draws in her breath sharply. Oh my! Grace and Leah stare at each other. Joan, startled, spills her wine, then returns to the kitchen to put her glass on the table and get a sponge.

JOAN Wiping up the wine as she speaks. Grace, this is my Aunt, Leah Nelson. Aunt Leah, this is my house-mate, Grace Ostler. I didn't get a chance to tell you, Grace, Aunt Leah came this morning. We spent the whole day talking.

LEAH But I didn't realize . . . Embarrassed. I mean, I wouldn't have come if I'd known . . . but I really didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry into your problems.

GRACE Coldly, after a short, hostile silence. Our "problems" have always been outside these walls. Never--before now--inside them.

JOAN Aunt Leah needs our help, Grace. To Leah: May I explain the situation to Grace? Without waiting for an answer, to Grace: She didn't know where else to go. Could we sit down and talk? Joan and Leah sit on the sofa as Joan speaks. Aunt Leah and I had a chance to get really acquainted for the first time. A beginning, anyway. Please come sit down, Grace, and I'll try to fill you in.

GRACE Going to the chair and sitting, her voice cold, controlled. I wish you'd told me the minute I walked in the door, Joan.

JOAN But I didn't want to just blurt it out. I wanted you to understand what it's been like for Aunt Leah. She's my mother's sister; they were always very close. I remember my mother writing long letters to Aunt Leah when I was a kid. And whenever a fat envelope postmarked Le Mars was in our mail, I'd take it to Mother and she'd stop whatever she was doing to sit down and read it. Taking one of Leah's hands in hers. When my mother died two years ago . . .

LEAH Cutting in. It wasn't only that. I'd been drinking for years before that. It's how I got through it all. After your mother was gone, there was no one I could talk to, tell the truth to, I mean. But when James forwarded your Christmas letter to me . . .

JOAN Cutting in, to Grace. Aunt Leah was in a chemical dependency center for women last fall, then in a half-way house for the past three months.

LEAH To Joan . . . you'd written me about your acreage here and how you were going to farm it yourself and try to raise your own food next year.

JOAN To Grace. None of the rest of the family knows Aunt Leah is having trouble. They all think her life is just great, with a well-to-do husband and a grown son who's a successful writer.

LEAH To Joan. James told me to keep it to myself; it's no one else's business. He doesn't want anyone to know his wife is a drunk! Glancing at Grace. I didn't expect to be telling all this to a stranger.

JOAN But Grace lives here, Aunt Leah. She needs to know what this is all about.

LEAH James was supposed to pick me up tomorrow and take me home. They've probably called him to say they can't find me.

JOAN Aunt Leah asked one of the other women in the halfway house to drive her here. They drove almost all night.

LEAH You described where it is in the letter.

GRACE To Leah, relieved. You're going home tomorrow then?

LEAH Oh no! I can't go home. Jimmy is back again. My son. He has a drinking problem, too.

JOAN Jim's wife divorced him. Aunt Leah says he thinks his wife had no right to do it. Bitterly. Thinks her wedding vows hold her to lifelong devotion, no matter what he does.

LEAH To Joan . Jimmy visited me at the center. He said I'm responsible for the mess his life is in. I'm supposed to stay sober and show him the way. He said it was hell being the son of an alcoholic, and that's why he is what he is. She is mumbling softly to herself now, getting increasingly distressed. I can't help it; he shouldn't expect . . .

GRACE Cutting in. But why did you come here without writing or calling first?

LEAH They mustn't know I'm here! I thought Joan could help me. Pleading. If I could just stay for awhile till I'm well enough to make it on my own . . . .

JOAN Aunt Leah says there are nine other women at the halfway house. They've spent a good deal of time talking to each other. With humor. It's like a full-time consciousness-raising feminist cell!

LEAH To Joan. It wasn't very pleasant at first. The first week they all seemed very different from me. I felt so out of place, I even called James and begged him to come get me. But he insisted I stay and "adjust" until I got well enough to come home.

JOAN Aunt Leah did some hard thinking while she was there. She's decided to file for divorce.

GRACE To Leah. Is this James some kind of monster? A wife-beater?

LEAH Of course not! He's an ordinary businessman who knows who he is and what he's trying to do with his life. He can't see why I can't handle my part. He tries to be patient with me about my "failures," as he calls them.

GRACE He'll be relieved, then, when you file for divorce!

LEAH He'll be furious! He'll take it for ingratitude after all his understanding and forgiveness.

GRACE But how will you live? It's not easy to get a job these days. There's no government program anymore to help housewives re-enter the job market.

LEAH I don't know what to do. I haven't had a job since 1935. I thought--with Joan on an acreage--that I could earn my keep here by helping with the garden and the canning and taking care of the chickens. I won't eat much. I don't want to be a burden. Joan puts a comforting arm around Leah. I just can't live in that house any more. I don't know who I am there. I can't be responsible for their happiness. I just can't! Slips out from JOAN's arm, stands up and begins to pace. I don't want that on me any more! She is pulling into herself again, speaking in a desperate, low monologue. I don't want to be Mrs. James Nelson. Where am I in that? Nowhere at all! I just want to be Leah Wright again. I want to know who Leah Wright is.

GRACE Cutting in. Could you stay on at the halfway house until you're able to work out some way to support yourself?

LEAH Pulling herself back. Stay on? Oh no. They have a waiting list of women, and they can't keep anyone very long. I'd like to stay there, but I can't.

JOAN Aunt Leah hasn't had much sleep. They drove most of the night and got here about ten this morning. She lay down for a nap finally about four. I wanted you to know what she's been through before we all put our heads together to try to figure out what to do.

GRACE But we really can't make this decision, the three of us together.

JOAN Why not? It involves the three of us.

GRACE Joan , you're not being fair to me. You and I need to work this through in private. There's no possibility of exploring the issue freely without that privacy.

LEAH Afraid. Shall I go into the other room and close the door?

GRACE No, that won't help. The house is too small. I'll drive you to a motel and check you in for tonight.

LEAH But, I don't have any money. I'd rather just go out to the barn and see the goats Joan was telling me about. If you have a flashlight, I'll go there and wait until you come and tell me that you're through.

GRACE That really won't do, Leah. Let me take you to a motel as my guest. I can drop Joan off at your room in the morning on my way to work and she'll let you know what we decided.

LEAH Desperately. No, please. Not tonight. Let me stay here on the sofa just tonight. I'll be all right in the barn until you come and get me.

JOAN Oh Grace, can't this wait till we're alone?

GRACE Coldly. When would that be, Joan ?

JOAN Anguished. I'm so sorry to hurt you like this, Aunt Leah.

LEAH Walking toward the coat closet in the kitchen. I'll put on my coat.

JOAN Rises, goes quickly to the closet before Leah can get there and starts to take out Leah's coat. You can't wear your dress coat to the goat barn, Aunt Leah. Puts it back, takes out her own old coat with a hood. Here, wear my old chore coat instead. And some warm mittens and a scarf. Pulls them out. Can you wear my boots? Takes out a pair of leather work-boots with laces and hooks. Let me get you a pair of jeans. Goes to the bedroom, calling back from there. You'll scratch your legs on the hay in that dress without these. Comes back with jeans. Leah pulls them on under her dress, then puts on the coat. There. Are you sure you'll be warm enough? There's a wind out there; I can hear it.

She returns to the bedroom to get a flashlight. Grace has finished her glass of wine, goes to the kitchen with her wine glass, puts it on the table beside Joan 's and pours wine into both. She returns to the living room with both glasses of wine, sets Joan 's on the coffee table, sits down on the couch to sip her wine and wait for Leah to go out. Joan helps Leah with the coat and scarf, faking cheerfulness. The goats are real friendly. They love attention.

Carrying the boots, Leah makes her way in Joan 's bulky clothes to a kitchen chair where she sits to take off her pumps and pull on Joan 's boots. Then she rises and goes to the back door, pulling on the warm gloves. Joan picks up the flashlight, follows Leah to the door and hands it to her.
I'll turn the yard light on for you. Flips a switch by the door, opens door, points. See the last door there? The light switch is just inside. Leah goes out. Joan calls after her. I'll come out to get you as soon as I can. Shuts the door, goes to the couch, sits down beside Grace and covers her face with her hands. Oh god, Grace, do we have to tear her up like this? She's so fragile emotionally. She needs time to heal. And someone to talk to. Grace, still grimly silent, hands Joan 's glass of wine to her. Joan takes a swallow, sets the glass back down, and looks at Grace, becoming angry with her suddenly. You know what it's like to have people tell you what kind of a wife and mother you're supposed to be. How can you turn your back on her like this? She's suffering! She isn't as strong as you! All she could think to do was numb the pain with whiskey. Rubs her head with both hands. I've given myself a headache, damn it.

GRACE With deliberate calm. It's impossible to talk anything over when you start laying guilt on me. I resent it, Joan . You haven't been honest with me about this. And not honest with yourself, either. Sets her glass beside Joan 's on the coffee table and massages JOAN's neck at the base of the skull.

JOAN You'd have rejected her on the spot. I wanted to find a way somehow . . .

GRACE Stops massaging and interrupts in a flash of anger. You wanted to manipulate me into accepting what you know is an impossible situation.

JOAN But how can we turn her away? She's desperate. She's in the ugly position of having to beg us to take her in!

GRACE In control of herself again. And we're in the ugly position of having to say no. Joan , this is our retreat. Most people out there think of us as sick . . . worse than sick! Even a college town is mostly their turf. Looks out the window stage left at complete darkness now. I feel their hostility everywhere. Movies, books, magazines, jokes. First as a woman, and even more intensely as a woman who loves a woman.

JOAN Aunt Leah isn't our enemy. She rubs her own nape now.

GRACE Still looking out the window, focused on her own train of thought. Most people think of us as the source of everything evil, everything they want to purge. The "moral majority" hates us the way the Nazis hated the Jews. Five years ago I thought they were going to make a place for us in the world. But we've lost more ground in the last two years than we'd gained in the ten years before that.

JOAN But what's all that got to do with Aunt Leah?

GRACE Not listening. The whole force of their violence is centered on us now. I think lesbians are a threat to them because we refuse to devote ourselves to their service.

JOAN Like hell! Most of us serve them, all right. You serve them well enough yourself as secretary to the president of the college. It's certainly not our college!

GRACE I do what I have to until we can afford for me to quit. You know that. They'd pressure me to leave now if they knew. Anyway, they'd be right about my disloyalty to their damned system!

JOAN But the same system has chewed up Aunt Leah!

GRACE Leah is one of them! You've brought one of them into our safe place and destroyed it! You can't deny it. Your body language was telling me that our free space had been invaded when I wanted to hold you in the kitchen.

JOAN I can't just ignore her when she's come to me for help.

GRACE There's the women's shelter.

JOAN I called them this afternoon when Aunt Leah was resting.

GRACE What'd they say?

JOAN They can't help. They have a waiting list for battered women, for god's sake! They've had cutbacks in their funding, and federal grants just aren't available any more. Not for women's programs.

GRACE You have to realize what our limits are, too. We can't give up the privacy we have here. You know what it's like for me, Darling. You can't have forgotten in just one year what it feels like to work at the college. Their simple-minded assumptions that a woman needs a man to be complete. And Christine with her rigid fundamentalist background! The look she gets on her face if the subject of homosexuals comes up! I feel like an undercover agent. I can't live with one of them in my own home! I've got to be free here.

JOAN But Aunt Leah . . . .

GRACE I saw her face when she came into the room! The Christine look! Here! In our own home. You've taken in the enemy, Joan. What do we have left?

JOAN But she wasn't prepared. She hadn't given any thought to the issue. If we give her a chance, she can grow out of those automatic responses. The conventional world hasn't been all that good to her, either.

GRACE If you want to teach tolerance to straights, leave me out of it. I don't want to be your demonstrator.

JOAN If I tell her to leave, she'll have to go back to Uncle James and she'll be drinking again in no time. She's been through all this before.

GRACE Joan ! Looks her full in the face for a moment, then sighs, gets up, goes into the bedroom. Joan follows.

JOAN From the bedroom. Oh no, Grace! Please don't!

GRACE From bedroom. I really have to, Joan. A home is not something I can give up. This won't be a home for me now. Comes out with a suitcase, goes to the closet. Sets the suitcase down to get her coat and gloves from the closet. Puts them on, then picks up the suitcase and goes to the back door. Pauses and turns back to talk to Joan who is still at the bedroom door. I'll take a room in a motel tonight. After work tomorrow, I'll try to find something more permanent. Goodbye, Joan . I'm . . . She can't finish, just picks up the suitcase and exits from the kitchen door. Sound of an engine starting, a car pulling out. Joan leans against the bedroom doorway, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist, her body stiff and slightly bent with pain.

Scene 2 Same, later that night.

Joan is seated on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, her feet on the coffee table next to the empty wine bottle and glasses, staring at the stove. The phone rings in the kitchen, and she stumbles over the coffee table going to answer it.

JOAN Expectant. Hello! Disappointed. Oh. Susan who? . . . You have my aunt? Where are you? . . . Lord! She walked that far? How is she? . . . All I have is a motorcycle, but I don't think I'd better try to ride it right now. I've had too much wine. God, I'm sorry to be such a pain this time of night. . . . All right. Take the highway south for five miles and then take the county road east to the first farmhouse. The yard light is on. Thank you, Susan. . . . All right. Thanks again. Hangs up. Puts firewood into the stove, sits on the sofa again, waits. Sound of a car engine that cuts off, then two car doors slam. Joan gets up and goes to the front door down stage. Enter Leah through the front door, still in Joan's old clothes, looks as if she has been crying for hours. Joan embraces Leah who doesn't respond, merely hands Joan the flashlight. Susan, dressed in tight jeans, leather boots and a winter jacket, enters after Leah. Joan closes the door and, ignoring Susan for the moment, turns to Leah.
Aunt Leah, I'm so sorry. I went out to the barn to call you back in, and I couldn't find you. I didn't think you'd want me to notify the police. But if I hadn't heard from you by midnight, I was going to call them anyway.

LEAH Without looking at Joan , goes to stand by the stove as she removes Joan's coat, mittens, and scarf, putting them on the chair, then sits on the chair to remove Joan's boots and jeans. Crossing right to the kitchen to get her own shoes, she slips them on and crosses left to stand by the stove again, trying to get warm. She talks to herself compulsively as she does all of this, but audibly this time. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. I can't seem to help it. Whatever I do makes trouble. Just living makes trouble for them. There's no place for me anywhere without making trouble. All my life it's been like that. I can't make it anywhere. Other women can handle everything just fine, but me, I let everybody down. Every time. No matter how hard I try, I always just bring trouble to everyone. I'm so tired. I'm so cold. If only . . . Stares at the empty bottle on the coffee table. If only I had money of my own and could take care of myself and not be beholden to anybody. Susan and Joan watch Leah until she stops muttering to herself.

SUSAN To Joan: Hi, I'm Susan Gaskell. As I said on the phone, I was driving home from an AA meeting when I saw your aunt walking along the road. When I offered her a ride, she couldn't tell me where she was going and seemed so confused I thought she might have wandered off from a nursing home. But her ragged old coat smelled kind of bad, and I decided she must be homeless. We haven't had homeless people in our small town, but anything could happen these days. So I told her I'd take her to the police station and they could find where she belonged. She got really upset, but then she told me I could call you. Is she on the lam or something?

JOAN I thought she was out looking at my goats. I lent her the old coat I wear in the barn, and it smells like goats. It's a long story, and I'm just glad she's back safe. Thank you so much.

SUSAN Well, where in the world was she trying to go on foot? And why was she afraid of the police? I don't mean to pry, but it seems real strange that she'd be walking down the road on a night like this, and I'd kinda like to know if I'm an accomplice to anything.

LEAH Stiffly. You're right; I am "on the lam," as you so elegantly put it, but not for anything illegal. I'm running away from home. I'm a homeless, alcoholic old woman. Talking to herself again. How am I going to get through this? I don't know how I'm going to get through this.
Joan goes to Leah, puts an arm around her shoulder and guides her to the sofa where she sits on one side of her. Susan comes to sit on the other side, takes one of Leah's hands in hers and pats it.

SUSAN I don't have much to offer you, Leah. Just an AA Bible that wasn't written for women . . . Sardonically. . . .and always makes me remember what I was drinking to forget. Reaches into her pocket to pull out a little note pad and pencil stub. Writes. But if you want to talk to someone who's been where you've been, call me. Here's my number. Tries to give it to Leah.

LEAH Upset. You haven't been where I've been! You haven't raised any children. No one can blame you for what happens to them. You're not the one they . . .

SUSAN Handing the slip of paper to Joan across Leah's back. Come on now, Leah. We've all been there. They take us all for scapegoats and consumable goods.

LEAH Stiffly. Call me Mrs. Nelson. No, don't call me that. Call me Mrs. Wright. No, Miss Wright. That was my maiden name.

SUSAN With humor. As I was starting to say, Ms. Wright, what we gotta stop doing is crawling into the oven like Sylvia Plath and baking ourselves up into gingerbread for them. We can at least make them do the pushing. Looks at watch. Look, Thursday is almost dead. It'll be Friday in ten minutes. For just this one day, let's you and I stay out of the oven, OK? Get some sleep and call me later in the day if things get too much again.
Leah nods, sullen. Joan and Susan rise, go to front door.

JOAN Thanks again, Susan. I'm really sorry things are so out of control here tonight. I do appreciate all your trouble. Have we ever met? At Ruby's maybe?

SUSAN No, I never go there. It's mostly for gays, isn't it?

JOAN Coolly. Yes, it mostly is.

SUSAN Does not notice Joan 's cool tone. We might have met at the Women's Center. I've gone to a few network "happy hours." With not very happy results, I might add. Well, if I can be of any more help, let me know. We have to look out for each other. No counting on men for anything! Geesh! I'm starting to sound like a man-hating dyke myself! Laughs lightly. I mean it, though. I'm an apprentice plumber. The men I work with would like to wrap a pipe around my neck. It's war zone all day long.

JOAN Yeh, I've heard it's rough trying to break into the fields where the pay is decent. Good night, Susan.

SUSAN Good night. Good night, Ms. Wright. Take care of yourself. You're worth it, believe me! Exits.

JOAN Closes door, goes back to the sofa and sits, talking more or less to herself. That's a woman you could hug one minute for her insight and sock in the jaw the next for her blindness!

LEAH She's very strange. So coarse for such a young woman. Talks like a thug. . . . But she says interesting things, sometimes.

JOAN You had a chance to talk?

LEAH Susan talked. Nonstop. The first thing she said to me when I got into her car was, "Are you an alcoholic?" That was rude. And I certainly didn't have liquor on my breath.

JOAN Well, you didn't look very respectable in my old coat and jeans. And the goat smell was so strong, she probably couldn't tell what your breath smelled like. Then too, she's an apprentice plumber. Maybe she's not much into parlor manners.

LEAH She should stick to plumbing.

JOAN So you talked at her apartment for a while before she called me?

LEAH Not much. She just went there to call you so she could have some place to dump me. I didn't want to give her your name, but if they'd started checking missing person reports, they'd have had me back to James in hours. We talked in the car on the way here . . . that is, Susan talked.

JOAN About what?

LEAH About God. Susan thinks god is a woman. I'm really tired, Joan. Could I make up a bed here on the sofa?

JOAN Oh, you can sleep in the bed, Aunt Leah. I'll sleep here.

LEAH Isn't the other woman sleeping in the bed?

JOAN Her name is Grace. Grace Ostler. Grace has gone out.

LEAH Relieved. Gone? But she'll be back later? I don't want to take her bed.

JOAN She won't be back tonight. I don't know if she's coming back.

LEAH Very relieved now. Oh. . . . Well, maybe it's all for the best. Timidly. You'll be OK now, don't you think?

JOAN Controlling a flash of anger. We'll have to find a place for you to live right away, Aunt Leah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be like this. But I don't think your living with me would be very good for either of us. We're too far apart. We're out of each other's reach.

LEAH I can't stay here, then? Just for a few months? I'm a very hard worker. I'll be careful not to say things that upset you. I don't mean to make trouble for people. I try to stay out of everyone's way.

JOAN Anger gone. It's just not going to work, Aunt Leah. You don't understand at all about Grace and me.

LEAH I thought you . . . you mean you're not? You're just ordinary roommates?

JOAN Really annoyed now. No! I mean you can't even imagine what Grace means to me. How could you share our home when you can't . . . At a loss for words.

LEAH I thought you said she was gone now.

JOAN I don't want her to be gone, damn it! I want her to be with me! This is our home together. We have a right to have our home a place where we can be free together. Oh, forget it. I can't make you understand.

LEAH Do you want me to go back to James?

JOAN No. We talked that all out this afternoon. I see why you need a fresh start in order to find yourself. To be with people who haven't already made up their minds about who you are and what you're good at.

LEAH I don't seem to be good at much. What can I do but baby-sit or keep house for someone? Live-in and low pay and no respect and how would that be different? I'm really very tired now. I could use a little wine to help me fall asleep.

JOAN I'm sorry, Aunt Leah. I polished off our only bottle. I can make you some soothing chamomile tea.

LEAH No, thank you. I'll just try to get through the night without anything, then. Although just a little bit of wine would help such a lot when I feel this bad.

JOAN To distract her attention. You were starting to tell me what Susan said about god being a woman.

LEAH Oh, yes. Gets up and walks upstage to bedroom door, looks back to sweep the room with a glance. Where did I put my suitcase? Oh, there it is. Retrieves suitcase from behind the sofa. Susan said God is an idea. And it makes all the difference in the world how we imagine the idea of God.

JOAN I agree with that.

LEAH Sets the suitcase down to share something that is totally new to her. She said all people probably pictured God as female for the first million years or so of human existence. It's only been in the last ten thousand years that anyone imagined God as male. And that's because the idea of male supremacy came out of a war culture that set out to conquer the world.

JOAN They did conquer the world. Susan's read some of the same books I have. But what got her started on theology?

LEAH You don't get her started on anything. She starts herself. If she's got something in her head that she's thinking about, she's talking about it, too. No leading up to the subject. As soon as we were on the highway she said, "The thing about God is . . ." and she was into it. Just like that. And then about the time I was starting to get interested in God, she dropped Her and took out after the AA bible.

JOAN Oh, yeh, I remember her mentioning something about it being no good for a woman.

LEAH She wants to rewrite it. Or maybe write a new one from scratch. She asked me if I'd like to help.

JOAN Do you like Susan? Do you get along with her pretty well?

LEAH Gives Joan a sharp look, then picks up the suitcase again and exits through the bedroom door upstage. From bedroom: She's a stranger, you know. I can't call her in the morning and ask to move in with her! She's not looking for a homeless old woman with a drinking problem to take care of! No one is! Except James. Just call James in the morning. He'll come and get me. To herself. There just isn't going to be a better life for me. It's too late. I've made too many mistakes. I just have to get through it. My god! Twenty years, maybe! Mother lived to be over eighty. But Rachel . . . maybe I'll be like Rachel. Only not cancer. Let it be heart. Let it be over quick. I wish I had something to help me get through it. It would help so much. I just want to sleep. I wish I had just one small glass. Just one.
Joan listens to Leah talk to herself. When Leah's voice trails off into whispers, JOAN goes to the sofa, wraps herself in the blanket, and sits staring at the stove.

Scene 3 The same, before dawn the next morning.

Joan is not asleep, but slumped down more. Sound of a car engine that shuts off, then a car door slams. Joan gets up, crosses right with the blanket still around her, looks out the kitchen window. Grace enters right, through the back door. They embrace.

JOAN Oh Darling! You came back! I'm so glad! I love you, Grace. I don't ever want to lose you!

GRACE Still holding Joan tightly. I shouldn't have run out on you. I couldn't stay away. I had to come back and fight it out with you!

JOAN Pulling away now. But I'm caught in the middle. I don't know how to solve this.
Grace crosses left to the stove in the living room to warm her hands. Joan follows and puts in more wood. Grace takes off her coat, throws it on the sofa. Joan offers her half the blanket. They sit down, wrapped in it together.

GRACE But you do see that the three of us can't live here together.

JOAN She wasn't in the barn after you left. I didn't know what to do. I was sure she didn't want me to telephone the police. I called and called-no Aunt Leah. Finally I even went up and down the road on my bike but didn't see her. She'd walked about five miles on the road when a woman picked her up. This was after 11 PM. I don't know what Aunt Leah was trying to do. She must have been too desperate to have a plan. And maybe she didn't care if she froze to death.

GRACE So where is she now?

JOAN In our bed. The woman who found her, Susan Gaskell, brought her back. Susan was going to take Aunt Leah to the police because Aunt Leah seemed so confused about where she belonged. That was when she gave Susan our number to call me. After I couldn't find her, I came in and drank the rest of the wine. Spent hours explaining to myself why you were being unjust and unfair and unhelpful . . . Ironically. . . . and I pretty much forgot the object of my charity altogether until the phone rang and a stranger told me she'd found her.

GRACE The first thing we have to do is free Leah from being an object of your charity! Or anybody's. Gets up to put another piece of wood in the stove. What a wretched, cold night! Returns to the shared blanket. Who is this Susan Gaskell? The name seems familiar.

JOAN We may have met her at the Women's Center; she's a feminist. She said she was on her way home from an AA meeting when she saw Aunt Leah.

GRACE What's she like?

JOAN You might like her. Aunt Leah says she gives spontaneous lectures on feminist subjects.

GRACE Grins. Like someone else you know? And is she lesbian?

JOAN Humorously. Goddess forbid anyone should think so! She's a plumber and very touchy on the subject. Wants to make sure no one assumes she's a "dyke" just because she can do a "man's job."

GRACE She said that?

JOAN No, I figured it out for myself.

GRACE Teasing. Well, some of us do impromptu lectures. Others do instant psycho-analyses.
Joan grins. Did Leah like her?

JOAN I know what you're thinking. I had the same idea. But Aunt Leah anticipated me. She pointed out that she can't push herself off on a stranger. With an age and cultural difference that's a gulf. Susan's probably not over twenty-five. She's single. And her language is offensive to Aunt Leah.

GRACE Well, there are wider gulfs. And Susan isn't the only one with offensive language.

JOAN Susan is as homophobic as Aunt Leah.

GRACE I'll take a sick day, and we'll look at apartments.

JOAN Aunt Leah has no money at all. Uncle James only gave her pocket money and she must have spent it all on gas for the trip here. And you know I don't have any. All I can contribute to this household is labor.

GRACE You're doing your full share to make our dream of a country retreat come true, Darling. Money is only part of the plan. And I do still have an "outside job," selling my labor to the patriarchy for a modest sum. So I'll put up the deposit for an efficiency apartment.

JOAN Oh, Grace, your salary doesn't leave you much money to spare.

GRACE We'll go to student legal aid right away and start divorce proceedings. Maybe we can break out a piece of her equity after her forty years' contribution as a homemaker.

JOAN But you know what the statistics are about alimony . . . very few get it and no one can count on it for long. And dammit, Grace, you really can't spare the money to pay for Aunt Leah's housing after you make the mortgage payment here and buy whatever I can't produce.

GRACE What else is there to do? You don't want to throw her to the lions, and I'd rather sacrifice money than sanctuary. She's old enough for Social Security, isn't she? We'll try to get it set up so a separate check comes to her as a single person.

JOAN But even if she has shelter and food, how will she make it alone emotionally?

GRACE Look, we've got to believe in her strength. We can't just focus on her fragility. She's got a lot of stuff in her. Think about it! Here she is, in her sixties, having been brainwashed all her life by this culture. But she wasn't passive. She's been in rebellion for years. The liquor was sabotage; she disabled their servant.

JOAN Yeh, but she had a two-edged sword by the blade! Looks like most of the blood was hers.

GRACE Sure, it was a lousy weapon. But as you said yourself, it was the only one she could see at the time.

JOAN You're right. She was a classic case of a woman isolated from other women. Except for my mother. And my mother just gave her sympathy, then told her to make the best of it and do her part. I bet she wasn't any more help to Aunt Leah than she was to me.

GRACE But then they put her in a houseful of other "failed" women. All ages, I bet. All kinds of backgrounds. And wham! Leah is knocked for a loop! But she springs back up. She learns from all those outcasts. She grows. An explosion of growth! She re-thinks her whole life. Sorts out her values.

JOAN Picking up Grace's excitement. Unloads a barnful of shit!

GRACE And here she is! A little disoriented, but one tough old survivor!
Grace and Joan are laughing now in joy. Leah, dressed in a flannel nightgown and slippers, wrapped in a blanket, opens the bedroom door.

LEAH May I join the celebration?

JOAN Aunt Leah! You're the guest of honor! But we didn't know you were awake. . . Have you heard
what we were . . . .

LEAH Every word. I haven't been asleep. Thank you, Grace. I hadn't thought of myself as a "tough old survivor." Amused, she goes to sit on the chair by the fire.

GRACE Does the plan sound all right to you?

LEAH I don't know. What would I do in the apartment all by myself all day? I'd go insane! I don't know a soul here but you.

JOAN You've met Susan. And you said yourself it only took about a week to become very close to the women at the half-way house.

LEAH But that was different. We lived together. There was a structured relationship. We had to get to know each other.

GRACE This is a college town; there are women's groups here. Lots of them. Organized around the Women's Center. The director is a close friend of ours. We'll contact her as soon as we can and find out which support group you might want to be a part of.

JOAN Didn't you tell me Susan is looking for a "committee" to help her write the new AA bible? Maybe that could be the core group for you. They could use someone's full time on that project.

LEAH Yes, I suppose I could do that. But what I need most is money of my own. So I won't be beholden to anybody.

JOAN That's going to be the hardest part. A college town has a surplus of part-time workers that have to take what they can get. And no industry to speak of. Now with unemployment on the rise and public assistance dropping, it's a scary time. It may take awhile to get the divorce and get your Social Security payments started. But we'll do what we can to help you until you have your own income.

LEAH You'll come to see me as often as you can, Joan? I've never lived alone in my life. It's so easy to go from hope like I felt this afternoon to a pit of despair with sides so steep I can't begin to climb out by myself. Frightened into monologue again. What if I don't make it through this part?

GRACE Frees herself from JOAN's blanket, crosses right to the kitchen. Did either of you get a bite to eat for supper? I didn't. Let's eat that lentil soup that's been on the stove all day. Sets the table with bowls and spoons. Gets out a loaf of homemade bread, cuts slices. While Grace does this, Joan brings the pot of lentils from the stove in the living room to the kitchen table, using a corner of the blanket she's wrapped in for a potholder. We're going to need the nourishment. It's been a long, long night.

JOAN Looking past Grace to the kitchen window. Look, Hon. First light.
Leah joins them; Joan includes Grace in her blanket again. All three stand wrapped in blankets, watching the beginning of dawn.