Balancing
Act at the Equinox
Act I
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Characters in order of appearance
Susan Gaskell, apprentice plumber, recovering
alcoholic. In her twenties.
Doris Yager, unemployed, former elementary teacher, recovering
alcoholic. In her thirties.
Leah Wright, unemployed, former homemaker, recovering alcoholic.
In her sixties.
Juanita Paz Nava, senior law student with Legal Aid. In
her twenties.
Joan Archer, Leah's niece, works her own "mini-farm."
In her forties.
Grace Ostler, Joan's partner, secretary to the president
of the university. In her forties.
Anna Singingtrees, partner in a real estate agency. In her
fifties.
Helen Kirschbaum, director of the Women's Center. In her
forties.
Tonja Dubinsky, Helen's partner, teacher in women's studies
at the university. In her forties.
Betty Watana, radio local news announcer. In her thirties.
Various townspeople, all ages, all colors, several nationalities,
both genders
Set
The stage is divided into three areas. 1)
Stage right suggests a small kitchen in an old farm house.
Cabinets are in the right corner upstage with a sink in
the cabinet on the back wall. The back door of the farmhouse
is stage right, just down stage from the cabinet on the
right wall. A wall phone is just down stage of the door.
A coat closet is upstage left. A doorway to the living room
(LR off stage) is stage left. An old-fashioned kitchen table
and two kitchen chairs are down stage. 2) Stage left suggests
a low-income efficiency apartment. Upstage right is a small
stove, a corner cabinet, a sink and small frig along the
upstage wall. A hinged screen is in the upstage left corner
next to the frig. A drop-leaf table and folding chairs are
along the left wall. The door to the apartment is down stage
left. A studio couch and end table with a telephone are
on the right wall. An army canvas cot and sleeping bag are
hidden behind the couch. 3) The entire width of the stage
down stage is a flexible space that will be the Legal Aid
office in one scene, the Women's Center in another, a radio
news room in another, a hospital room in another, and a
sidewalk on campus in another. Two plywood boxes (4' x 3'
x 2' and 3' x 2' x 2') can serve for most of the props for
this area. The larger box should have knee space cut out
of one of the 3' sides to serve as a desk. Cover it with
a dark blue sheet and it's the desk in the news set. Stand
it on its end to make a podium, again covered with the blue
sheet. Put the two boxes together and add several layers
of mattress or foam (to get the right height) draped in
white sheets to make the hospital bed.
Scenes
Act 1
Scene 1 Leah's efficiency apartment, late afternoon
of a day in March, 1980
Scene 2 Juanita's cubicle at Legal
Aid, the next morning
Scene 3 Joan and Grace's kitchen,
an afternoon of the following week
Scene 4 The Women's Center, the next
evening
Scene 5 Leah and Doris' apartment,
2:30 AM the next morning
Act
2 Scene 1 Grace and Joan's kitchen, the following
Sunday evening
Scene 2 The sidewalk before the university
administration
building, the following Tuesday, 11:00 A.M.
Scene 3 Radio news room, Wednesday
evening 10:00 P.M.
Scene 4 Grace's hospital room, two
days later, evening
Scene 5 Simultaneously: Joan and Grace's kitchen
and Doris and
Leah's apartment, supper time, a few days later
Act One
Scene 1 Leah's apartment, late
afternoon of a day in March, 1980.
Spotlight on Leah's efficiency apartment.
Doris is sitting on the studio
couch circling want ads with a pen. Doris is about 36, dressed
casually in jeans and a knitted shirt. There is a knock
at the door. She rises, crosses to the door, peeps through
the peep hole, then opens the door. Susan is there. Susan
is about 22, also dressed in jeans, wearing a sweater.
SUSAN
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought Leah Wright lived here.
DORIS
Leah is out. May I help you?
SUSAN
I'm Susan Gaskell. I met Leah the first night she was in
town back in December.
DORIS
Oh yes, come in, please. Leah told me all about that awful
night. Oh, I didn't mean it was bad because of you, of course.
SUSAN
S'all right. I know what you mean. It really was damn miserable
for her.
DORIS
I'm Doris Yager. Won't you sit down?
She returns to the couch and sits on one end. Susan sits
on the other, takes off her sweater and lays it beside her.
I'm the one who drove the "getaway" car for her
last December. But I dropped Leah off at her niece's place
and drove back to the halfway house myself. So I didn't
know what happened after that. Until last night. That's
when I escaped the halfway house myself.
SUSAN
Was it so bad there? I thought it was her husband Leah was
running away from.
DORIS
It was. He would have picked her up the next day if we hadn't
got away that night. I didn't really run away from the house,
either. We both liked it there. That's where we met, matter
of fact. We left when our time was up. I was one of the
lucky ones who was granted an extension, so I stayed on
after Leah was gone. They have a waiting list, you know.
America can make alcoholics a lot faster than it can "cure"
them.
SUSAN
Don't I know! I'm an alcoholic, too; I suppose Leah has
told you. I've been sober for fifteen months now. And four
days.
DORIS
Good for you! Anyway, I didn't have any place to go, so
I followed Leah here. We had become close friends at the
halfway house. How well do you know her?
SUSAN
Well, she's been here two months or so now, and I've come
over about once a week to spend an evening with her. I like
the old gal.
DORIS
You know, Leah is the kind of mother I'd have chosen if
you could choose. That's funny, isn't it--when she doesn't
think of herself as a good mother.
SUSAN
So how many mothers do you know who feel secure about that?
DORIS
Touché.
SUSAN
How's Leah getting along now? I haven't seen her since Friday.
DORIS
We're desperate. I'm about to go out to apply for a job.
Looks like the only thing I can get in this town outside
a massage parlor is tending bar or waiting tables. Leah
is working at the food co-op one day a week. That's where
she is now.
SUSAN
Yes, I know. But not for wages, just for reduced prices
on food. I thought she'd be home by now.
DORIS
She's picking up some groceries for us after closing the
store.
SUSAN
You say you just got here last night?
DORIS
Yeh, first I drove out to the farm house where I'd taken
Leah two months ago. Joan, Leah's niece, directed me here.
SUSAN
I guess the house was too small for Leah to stay out there
with Joan.
DORIS
Is that what Leah told you? Well, actually, there was another
problem. Joan is living with a lover. A woman.
SUSAN
Oh, my god!
DORIS
That was my reaction. But Leah seems to think now that it's
not so bad. She said she had to admit that Joan and Grace
have a better relationship than any regular marriage she'd
seen so far.
SUSAN
No, I mean . . . oh wow! I think I put my foot in my mouth
the night I was there. I didn't know they were gay. Now
I know why Joan asked me if we'd met at the gay coffee shop.
I told her certainly not! I guess it should have occurred
to me that she wouldn't have asked that unless she'd been
there herself.
DORIS
Laughs.
From what Leah says about the strange people she's met in
this town, you don't dare say anything about any kind of
nut for fear you're talking to one!
SUSAN
Playfully.
Yeh, so watch it! Don't start trashing women in the trades.
I'm an apprentice plumber in the university program.
DORIS
Thanks for the warning. And another "female wino"
like Leah and me. You evidently called Leah that. She still
gets hot under the collar when she thinks of it.
SUSAN
I really made a hit with the family that first night, didn't
I? Well, anyway, Leah and I've been on good terms since
she moved in here. "Female winos" have to look
after each other. Loneliness can knock us off the wagon.
DORIS
Gets up, goes to the door, opens it and looks out, then
shuts the door.
I thought Leah would be here before this. How about a cup
of coffee? I was about to see if there was any to make for
myself when you knocked.
Starts for the cupboard.
SUSAN
Sure, if it's no bother.
The phone rings.
Shall I get that?
DORIS
Rummaging in the cabinet.
Would you, please?
SUSAN
Picking up phone. The following pauses are to listen
to the caller.
Leah Wright residence. . . . I'm sorry, Leah isn't in at
the moment. Would you like to leave a message? . . .
After a moment, she begins to make signals to Doris,
pantomiming and making faces to indicate that she is talking
to someone who is very angry. Doris stops looking for coffee
and comes down stage to watch her.
Yeah? Well, I wouldn't know anything about it, Mister. But
if I was married to a windbag of an old tyrant like you,
I'd sure find a way to get out, too! . . . No, I didn't
give her the money for rent and groceries. But I'm thinking
of going straight out and starting a fundraising drive for
her if that's what it takes to keep her from being dependent
on you!
By now Doris is making signals back, trying to get Susan
to be more diplomatic. She makes exaggerated faces and gestures
of dismay at Susan's inflammatory retorts. Susan signals
wildly with her free hand and makes faces to let Doris know
that the man on the phone is a beast and must be battled
to the finish.
All right. So you know where she got the money. What're
you gonna do about it? People have a right to give aid to
refugees. . . . . . . . . Why, you poop-assed, pig-faced
old piss pot! You go call on all the presidents you can
get in to see! Any president who got time to waste on you
ain't got the power to put hisself to bed, anyway!
She slams the receiver down.
DORIS
Wiping her hand downward over her face in a gesture of
dismay.
If I'd known you had such talents for diplomacy, I'd have
sent you off to Washington to serve your country, . . .
and taken that call myself.
SUSAN
That rotten, reactionary . . .
DORIS
Cutting in.
Never mind starting in on the "R" names. The "P"
names were completely adequate. What did he say?
SUSAN
Sits on the couch again, running her fingers through
her hair in exasperation.
That was Leah's husband, James Nelson.
DORIS
I gathered as much.
SUSAN
In the first place, he's really uptight about her taking
her own name back.
DORIS
How'd he know that?
SUSAN
I don't know. Maybe she put Leah Wright on her petition
for divorce. But didn't her son Jim come to see her last
week? Maybe she told him. Anyway, he knew it, and that's
how he could get her number from information. And he's really
breathing fire about the petition for divorce! He said it's
all my fault--he called me Grace--it's all my fault that
Leah left him. "If you hadn't given her the money to
live on, she'd have had to come back home to her husband
where she belongs." That's a direct quote. And if you
think what I called him was bad, you should have heard what
he called me! Or Grace, as he thought.
DORIS
Good lord! When he came to visit Leah at the halfway house,
he seemed like a nice person. Just your everyday businessman
who's doing what he can to be helpful. Of course, Leah has
told me how James is an enabler. And a heavy drinker himself,
but only on Saturday night, so it doesn't affect his work.
SUSAN
The worst of it is that he said he's going to call on the
university president and see to it that Grace loses her
job. He knows they are lesbians. He may be able to do it,
too.
DORIS
How did he find all that out?
SUSAN
I don't know. What a mess! What an ugly world they've made
for us.
LEAH
From outside the door.
Doris?
DORIS
Goes to open the door. Leah has her arms full of groceries.
Leah is in her late
sixties, wearing a pant suit and a spring coat over it.
Leah! Let me take one of those.
LEAH
They each carry a homemade tote bag of heavy cloth and
set them on the table as Leah speaks:
Thank you, Doris. Oh, hello, Susan.
She takes off her coat, throws it on the frame of the
hinged screen, then takes
reused jars and small plastic bags out of the tote bags,
holding up first one and
then another as she talks about them. Doris has returned
to sit on the couch beside Susan; both women watch Leah,
pained by the bad news they must break.
See what I got at the food co-op. They've got the most marvelous
selection of herbal teas--all in big jars. You measure out
whatever you want for yourself. And grains. And seeds to
sprout. It's like a foreign country! They've got foods I've
never heard off! Like millet. A man who came in to shop
told me you cook it and eat it like oatmeal for breakfast.
Or use it in meatless main dishes. He gave me a recipe I
want to try tomorrow.
She suddenly notices their silence and stops to look
at them, becoming alarmed.
What is it? What's happened?
SUSAN
Leah, your husband just called.
DORIS
It's bad news, Leah.
Scene 2 The next morning. Juanita's
desk at Legal Aid.
Spotlight on Juanita's desk which is placed
at an angle down stage; she is seated behind it with Leah
before it. Juanita is about 26, a senior law student. She
is dressed like a professional in skirt, blouse, and blazer.
Leah is wearing a good quality dress, hose and pumps. (She
had brought a suitcase with her when she left the halfway
house, so her clothes are expensive even though she is now
in poverty.)
JUANITA
So this is where it is now. Your husband received the action
for dissolution of marriage and had his lawyer prepare an
answer contesting it.
LEAH
What does that mean?
JUANITA
Time and trouble. He can slow down the process by months.
He's refused to waive the marriage counseling requirement
and the three month waiting period. He's going to resist
any settlement.
LEAH
What about the money for me?
JUANITA
I petitioned the court for separate support and maintenance.
The judge issued a temporary order for your husband to pay
the clerk of district court $150 a month for you.
LEAH
Temporary?
JUANITA
That's what they call the support while the divorce is pending.
LEAH
When can I get it? I need it terribly. Much more than $150!
JUANITA
I know you do, but . . .
LEAH
Cutting in, with great anxiety.
I don't have any cash at all of my own. A woman who isn't
even related to me has been paying my rent for three months
and giving me grocery money. And she can't really afford
it. I feel like a charity case.
JUANITA
Your husband hasn't paid it. He filed a financial statement
to resist our application for support. He claims his income
is too low to allow him to make the payments without severe
hardship.
LEAH
But he has plenty of money! The house is paid for. He has
quarterly income from his stocks and a good-sized pension
check every month.
JUANITA
Maybe he transferred the stocks to someone else. You said
you have a son, didn't you?
LEAH
But on top of all that, he started a small consulting firm
to give himself something to do. He can work as much as
he wants to get extra money.
JUANITA
He could have found some way to set up his business to show
a loss in order to reduce his apparent income. He's documented
a change of circumstances.
LEAH
He can't even draw his Social Security because his income
is too high. How can he say he doesn't have money when he
does?
JUANITA
Using the same techniques the rich use to keep from paying
taxes. He could be an old hand at it.
LEAH
What can I do?
JUANITA
Well, you could go on welfare, but you were adamant about
not wanting to do that. Can you get some kind of paying
job? Baby sitting, maybe?
LEAH
Very distressed.
Oh, no! That would be awful! I'm not good with small children
at all. My nerves are too bad. I wouldn't dare put myself
under that kind of strain. It takes all my strength just
to get through every day. You don't understand. I'm . .
. an alcoholic. I wouldn't be good for children. I'd be
screaming at them in an hour!
JUANITA
Well, I can ask the court to issue an order of attachment
on the house you and James own. He can't transfer the title
of the house without your signature in this state. But that
won't translate into cash for months. And he would be forced
to sell it.
LEAH
Oh, lord! Why is he doing this to me? I don't want to make
him sell the house! I'm only asking for my share after all
these years of keeping house for him. He's trying to starve
me out! He's really trying to force me to come back by making
sure I can't get money to live on otherwise.
JUANITA
Can the woman who paid your rent continue helping you for
awhile?
LEAH
I wanted to talk to you about her. Her name is Grace Ostler.
James has threatened to take away her income, too! He says
he can get her fired!
JUANITA
How could he do that?
LEAH
Grace works for the university. James found out where she
works and he found out--or maybe he just guessed--that she's
. . . that she's a homosexual. She lives with my niece.
That's why she's helping me, for my niece's sake. James
said he was going to call the president and put pressure
on him to fire Grace.
JUANITA
On the grounds that she's lesbian?
LEAH
He told Susan Gaskell--that's who took the call--that he
would threaten to make a big public thing about the university
having "perverts" on the payroll just when the
Board of Regents was considering university funding. He
said he knew it would work because the university is already
having trouble winning enough public support to maintain
its programs. He said the president is very nervous about
it.
JUANITA
Grace could sue, of course. But it's very difficult to persuade
a jury to protect the rights of homosexuals. I know. We
lost a case last month against two men who were accused
of beating up a man they saw coming out of a gay bar. We
had solid evidence, and it should have been an open and
shut case.
LEAH
Distraught.
Grace tried to help me, and he punishes her for it. As if
he thought he's my rightful owner and she's a thief. It
makes me so angry, I feel sick!
JUANITA
Maybe you should contact the Women's Center. It sounds as
if it's going to take some hefty resistance. More than we
can muster as separate individuals. In the meantime, I'll
do as much as I can through legal channels.
Scene 3
Grace and Joan's kitchen, an afternoon of the following
week.
Spotlight on the kitchen, stage right.
Joan is at the table with paper, pencil, and ruler, drawing
up plans. She is wearing faded jeans and an old shirt. Grace
enters from stage right through the back door, dressed for
office work and wearing a spring coat.
JOAN
Darling! Are you sick? It's only two o'clock.
GRACE
Taking off her coat, hanging it in the closet upstage
left.
Randall fired me, Joan.
JOAN
No! Why?
Rises and goes to put her arms around Grace.
GRACE
Returning Joan's embrace.
I don't know. He gave some vague reason about my not being
suited to the job.
JOAN
After fifteen years under three administrations? Pig shit!
GRACE
That's what I said. Minus the fertilizer.
Releases Joan and goes to look at Joan's plans on the
table. Joan goes to a bowl of bread dough on the counter
that has been rising. She brings it over to the end of the
table that is free of papers and punches it down.
He turned red and got stiff about it. He suggested that
I leave quietly with no fuss in order to get a good recommendation.
JOAN
Double shit!
She has pulled a bread board from its slot under the
countertop, brought it to the table, got a cup of flour
from the cupboard and sprinkled flour on the bread board,
turned the dough out on it, and is kneading it vigorously,
repeatedly pushing in the dough with one hand, then giving
it a quarter turn with the other with the rhythm of one
who has had much practice.
GRACE
They're giving me four weeks severance pay and two weeks
paid vacation. I did insist that he give me the reason for
firing me in writing. But he wouldn't commit himself to
it.
JOAN
Has come up behind the chair where Grace has seated herself,
places her hands with bits of bread dough clinging to them
on Grace's shoulders, too upset to think about what she
is doing.
Six weeks pay. That's maybe two mortgage payments. Oh lord,
Darling! What if we lose the land? I was going to start
building the rammed-earth walls tomorrow for the new hen
house. I was working out the final details of the plan.
Goes back and kneads the bread even more vigorously,
lifting it a few inches off the board and slamming it down,
lifting and slamming.
GRACE
I know. I see them.
Tries to brush the bread dough off her good dress.
Go ahead with your plans, Sweetheart. We'll find some way
to keep the place.
JOAN
I guess we could both wait tables and live on dandelion
greens all summer. And raise cash crops on our land evenings
and weekends. Hell, Grace! It seems like a brick wall! Decent
jobs are just not available in this town. Too many desperate
students who'll work part time on subsistence pay.
GRACE
Well, whatever happens, I'll be able to work with you full
time for the next few weeks.
Gets up and goes to Joan and hugs her. Joan turns and
takes Grace by the shoulders again.
JOAN
Earnestly.
Oh Hon, don't you think we could fight it? What kind of
politics are they playing, anyway?
GRACE
I wish I knew. I suppose they may have known all along that
I'm a lesbian. I've kept a very low profile, of course.
It's never been an issue before.
JOAN
Oh, I just remembered. Susan called and wanted to talk to
you. I don't know why she thought you would be home. She
was on her lunch hour. She said for you to call Doris at
Leah's apartment as soon as you got home.
GRACE
I wonder if they know anything about this? I'll call right
now.
Goes to wall phone stage right, dials. Picks bread dough
off her shoulders as she talks. Meanwhile Joan has finished
kneading and puts the dough back in the bowl, covers it
with a damp cloth. Joan sees Grace picking her shoulder
and gets a wash cloth which she moistens in a dish pan in
the sink, then goes to help Grace clean up the bread dough
on her dress as Grace continues to talk, pausing to listen
to the replies.
Hello, Doris? This is Grace Ostler. Joan said Susan wanted
me to call you. . . . James Nelson called Susan? . . . I
see. . . . Oh, god! . . . What? . . . Well, evidently he
was able to pull it off. Dr.Randall fired me right after
lunch. . . . Well, maybe, but . . . . Do you think it would
be worth it? I see. . . . Well, it might work. . . . Why
don't you bring the others over tonight for a bowl of soup
and tell us how it went? Oh, they're going to see him Friday?
Oh yeh, you said you wanted to talk to the women at the
network meeting Thursday before you go see Dr. Randall.
Well, when would be a good time? OK, Sunday evening then.
Keep in touch. Goodbye.
JOAN
Embraces Grace, wet cloth against Grace's back.
Oh, Sweetheart! What can we do?
GRACE
Gently taking the cloth from Joan, walking over to toss
it into the dish pan as she speaks.
Susan and Juanita Paz Nava are going to call on Randall
to threaten to make as much trouble for him as James can
if Randall doesn't rehire me.
JOAN
What? I don't get it.
GRACE
Going to stage left doorway as she speaks.
I'll change clothes and then let's go out and get started
on that hen house today. I really need to do some violent
work. I'll tell you what Doris said as we ram earth.
Scene 4 The Women's Center, the next evening.
Spotlight on Susan at the podium addressing
the audience, down stage, center. Actors should be planted
in the audience to give vocal responses in murmurs of anger
as Susan tells the story and in answering "Yes!"
when she asks for support several times.
SUSAN
I want to thank all of you for coming out to this emergency
meeting of the Women's Network. Special thanks to Tonja
Dubinsky and Helen Kirschbaum for calling the members of
Lesbian Alliance and to Barb Daniels for helping me call
the other organizations.
As we told you on the phone, we've got a problem
that involves us all. Grace Ostler has been fired from her
position as secretary to Peter Randall, president of the
university. She has served competently for fifteen years
under three presidents. She was fired for being lesbian.
Response from actors in audience, hopefully joined by
some in the audience..
That was not the reason given, and the whole thing is being
hushed up. But I personally took the call from a man who
bragged that he could get her fired for her sexual orientation.
She was fired the next day.
Response.
You should know the whole story. This man's wife, a woman
in her sixties, has filed for divorce. She fled from him
with no money, no job skills, no way of maintaining herself.
Grace Ostler rented a small apartment for her and gave her
a little grocery money. We have learned that last week the
husband sent their grown son here to snoop about until the
son discovered who was supporting his wife and how Grace
might be vulnerable. Why Grace? Well, the husband figures
he can knock out the paycheck that gave his wife independence
and break her resistance. This is called preserving the
American family.
Response.
When it's all of them against one or two of us, they can
do anything they like. But if we're really a network
. . . each of us as a single thread woven into the fabric
of all of us together . . . then each is as strong as all.
Are we willing to stand together?
Response.
Will you be ready to make a public demonstration supporting
a woman whose dismissal has no other grounds but that she
loves another woman?
Response.
Will you show this city that a woman who comes to the aid
of another woman will have the support of the Woman's Network?
Response.
Will you make it clear that an attack on any of us is an
attack on all of us?
Response.
Juanita has drawn up a petition of support and made a number
of copies. We need each of you to sign one copy tonight.
And please, would many of you take the extra sheets with
you to gather additional signatures of the women and men
in this community who do not intend to let anyone deprive
us of our livelihoods because of sexual orientation? I'll
read the petition to you: "We the undersigned protest
the dismissal of Grace Ostler as secretary to the president
of the university. It has come to our attention that the
real reason for her dismissal is her sexual orientation.
Her personal life in no way prevents her performance of
the duties in her job description. There is no evidence
that her work has been less than excellent. We demand that
she be reinstated and compensated for lost time."
Juanita and I will present this petition to
Peter Randall tomorrow afternoon. We'll let him know that
we're gathering still more signatures all over town. If
he doesn't agree to reinstate Grace, then we'll be calling
you to walk the picket line on the sidewalk in front of
the Administration Building starting Monday morning at 9
AM. We'll picket in four-hour shifts from 9 AM to 5 PM Monday
through Friday until we decide to change strategies.
Thank you again for coming. We'll be in touch
by phone. Please be sure that you've signed a petition and
put your phone number on it so we can reach you quickly
when we need you.
Scene 5 Doris and Leah's
apartment, 2:30 AM the next morning.
Spotlight on the apartment, stage left.
Leah is sleeping on the studio couch, folded down now into
a bed. Doris unlocks the door and enters. She takes off
her jacket and goes up stage to hang it in the closet behind
the screen. Leah starts awake, sits up in terror.
LEAH
Who's there?
DORIS
Just me, Leah. I didn't mean to wake you.
LEAH
Confused.
Oh . . . I was dreaming.
Lies back down.
I was in a big, old house. I couldn't get out. Finally I
found a small window that wasn't nailed shut and I crawled
out and let myself down to the ground. But I could see that
the whole place was surrounded by townsmen and that they
were helping the keepers hold me prisoner. I thought you
were one of them when I heard you come in. I was trying
to slip by to get to the road.
DORIS
That's the second time this week you've dreamed of a big
old house where you were being held prisoner.
Pulls out the army cot from behind the studio couch,
sets it up and arranges her sleeping bag on it as Leah speaks.
LEAH
It isn't the same house. But it's big and very old. And
dark. And even with it being a different house from the
last dream, it felt like a place I'd dreamed about before.
Many times. Do you ever have that feeling as you dream?
DORIS
I don't need to have nightmares. I'm living one.
LEAH
Hurt.
Oh. This apartment really is ugly and crowded and depressing,
isn't it?
DORIS
Goes behind hinged screen to change to pajamas while
she talks.
Leah, living here with you is the only good part about my
life now. It's my job I hate. Mixing drinks all night. Always
thinking about how I could put a little into a glass for
myself. If I could just take a drink, I could reach that
other person in me who is tougher. Who doesn't feel the
hurt. Who can cope. Who is so much a part of me. Who am
I kidding? That other self puts me in hell. But all the
while I'm tending bar, I keep feeling like I'm next door
to hell, anyway. So what the hell? Did you ever look at
the faces of those kids that hang around bars every night?
Comes out wearing pajamas and goes to sit on the cot
as Leah speaks.
LEAH
No, I've never been in a bar. Not where students go. Just
the restaurant kind. James always keeps a well-stocked liquor
cabinet.
DORIS
Every night they sit there till we close. Breathing smoke.
Drinking themselves sick. Listening to deafening music.
I think they must be telling each other that they're having
a great time. But they sure don't look like it. They look
empty. And scared. Like that's why they need the noise.
I get so depressed watching them that I don't know if I
can go on myself.
Gets up and paces the floor, hugging herself.
It's a minute-by-minute struggle not to pour that first
drink for myself. Eight hours of minutes of not pouring
myself a drink.
LEAH
Doris?
DORIS
Yeh?
LEAH
Do you think sometimes we should just give up and go back?
DORIS
Sits on edge of Leah's couch. Sadly, but without bitterness.
You forget, Leah. I don't have that choice. Go back to what?
Nobody's trying to keep me around. Gary divorced me to marry
someone else.
LEAH
Reaches out to pat Doris on the arm.
I'm sorry, Doris. I was too wrapped up in my own troubles.
I did forget.
DORIS
Gets up, goes back to her cot and climbs into the sleeping
bag.
And the court gave him custody of the kids because of my
drinking. I didn't even get visiting rights. I haven't seen
them for two years. They're both in school now.
LEAH
It must be hard for you to be separated and not know how
they are.
DORIS
Bitterly now, staring at the ceiling.
They're probably better off without me. That's what hurts
the most. When I got married, I thought I'd be a terrific
mother. Here I was with a degree in elementary education
and six years' experience teaching second grade. I don't
understand, really, how it all went wrong.
LEAH
Do you think it will ever get better for us? Doris, I was
walking around downtown today, looking for a "Waitress
Wanted" or "Now hiring" sign. I passed Osco
Drug and thought about going in and shoplifting a big bottle
of aspirin.
DORIS
Good lord, Leah!
LEAH
I did go in. I stood and looked at the aspirin bottles so
long a clerk came over to see what I was up to.
DORIS
But why? Are you getting headaches? I'll buy you some aspirin
tomorrow. Our problems aren't so bad that getting arrested
for shoplifting couldn't make them worse!
LEAH
We could divide them up and swallow the whole bottle of
them. We could walk way out in the country and go into a
field and hide in weeds, and they'd never find us in time
to bring us back to life.
DORIS
I don't think it would work. I don't think there's an exit.
I used to think there was. But now I think we'd just find
ourselves in that big, dark house in your dreams. And then,
sooner or later, we'd find a way to get out of it, and we'd
have the whole thing to go through again.
LEAH
I don't think the houses in my dreams are death; I think
they're life.
DORIS
Maybe life and death are just two big, dark, old houses,
and we keep escaping from one into the other!
LEAH
Commenting with bitter humor.
You don't have a very comforting religion, do you?
DORIS
I got sick of comforting lies a long time ago. But I couldn't
stand looking at the world without them, either. Maybe that's
why I began drinking too much. . . . Listen to me making
excuses for myself. That's not the way to stay sober. .
. . . . . . . . Leah?
LEAH
Yes?
DORIS
There is a bright spot. I met a woman at the Women's Network
brown-bagger we went to Tuesday noon. Did you meet her?
Anna Singingtrees.
LEAH
I don't think so; what'd she look like?
DORIS
She's about fifty or so, dark, has her hair in a French
roll. She was wearing a gray plaid suit dress.
LEAH
Oh, yes, I think I saw her talking to you.
DORIS
She's a realtor. She and her husband are both licensed agents
and they're starting their own agency. She said there's
a lot of real estate turnover in a town like this with so
many graduate students and junior faculty coming and going.
LEAH
Are you thinking of going into real estate?
DORIS
Yes. I think I can work for Anna and John. They can't pay
me a salary; I'd have to make it on commissions. That means
I have to start part time or save up some money first. I
have to study some things and pass the realtor's exam to
get licensed first, too. But eventually I could quit bar
tending and work full time at it.
LEAH
Overwhelmed suddenly. Sits up and holds her face in her
hands as she speaks.
I'm just a weight. I made Grace lose her job and now you're
having to pay all my expenses . . . when you need to be
saving every penny.
DORIS
Gets up and goes to sit on Leah's bed again, puts an
arm around her shoulder.
But you're working at the food co-op and cooking for us
from scratch to make my dollars go farther. And I could
keep my job until I make enough selling houses to quit.
I don't absolutely have to have savings.
LEAH
I need a full-time job that pays money, not just part time
for food credit.
Gets up and goes to the kitchen area, opens cupboard.
DORIS
What're you looking for?
LEAH
I want a drink. Just a little drink to make me feel better.
DORIS
You know we don't have any alcohol here. You don't have
a bottle, do you? Did your son give you one when he was
here last week?
LEAH
You know he didn't. I saw you last night looking through
everything yourself . . . at three AM when you thought I
was asleep. Jimmy didn't give me anything. Just asked a
lot of snoopy questions. I wish I hadn't answered any of
them. I didn't think I gave away anything. I don't know
how he managed to guess. I wish I could have just a little
drink. I really need it now.
DORIS
Stands and goes to the kitchen area, too. Gets chocolate
mix out of the cupboard, turns on the burner under the kettle,
gets out cups, and spoons chocolate mix into them as she
speaks.
Look. I bought some junk food yesterday. I'll make us some
hot chocolate and we can pamper ourselves. It's bad psychology
to associate chocolate with emotional comfort. But when
anybody is as depressed as we are tonight, we can afford
to indulge ourselves in some bad psychology, can't we?
LEAH
Has gone back to sit on the couch, manages a little smile
for Doris.
You're funny, Doris. How did I ever make it through the
nights without your sense of humor?
DORIS
You didn't, remember? We weren't either one doing too well
before we met. I think we've been good for each other. Do
you know what I'm thinking of doing? Long range, I mean?
LEAH
Long range? I thought you were measuring time in minutes.
DORIS
Pouring the hot water into the cups and stirring them
as she speaks.
Yeh, next minute and the minute after that, . . . and five
years later! I'd like to save enough money selling real
estate to buy a few acres with some sort of run-down shelter
on it. Something we could live in for a few months but that
wouldn't drive the price of the land up.
LEAH
Like Joan and Grace's place?
DORIS
Brings the two cups over, hands one to Leah, sits on
the couch with Leah as they both sip their hot chocolate.
Yes, but I don't want to do market gardening like Joan.
I want to start building rental apartments.
LEAH
With your own hands?
DORIS
And your hands, too. It's easier with four hands. Realtors
mostly have to work evenings and weekends, so we'd have
days to build houses. The first one for us, a kind of side-by-side
duplex. Look, I drew a floor plan at work.
Puts her cup on the floor and goes to the closet behind
the screen to pull a napkin out of her jacket pocket. Brings
it back to show Leah the drawing she made on it. Picks up
her cup and sits again, all the while talking.
When we get ours finished, we can build another one to rent.
We can pay for the building materials as we build, so we
don't have to borrow any money.
LEAH
Looking at the plans with interest.
Maybe we could find some used lumber the way Joan has.
DORIS
Maybe so. But as soon as we had one rented, we could use
the income to buy materials to build another. Till we have
a whole community! And enough rental income to quit our
other jobs if we want to.
LEAH
But, really, Doris. I don't know how to build rental apartments.
I've never even built a bird house!
DORIS
We can read how to do it. You should see what the library
has on passive solar and earth-sheltered houses. You can
even build them out of dirt! You make a form and put a few
inches of dirt and some water in it and ram it down hard
and add some more and ram it down. It turns out like concrete.
Lasts for years, they say, if you put stucco on the outside.
LEAH
I heard about that. Joan is going to build her new hen house
out of "rammed earth."
DORIS
Great! Maybe we could go out there and learn how by helping
her?
LEAH
She'd probably appreciate the help. But I don't understand
why anyone would pay money to rent a dirt house!
DORIS
Because they're easy to heat. And they can have beautiful
solar greenhouses all along the south side. I'll show you
some pictures in magazines from the library tomorrow. And
we'll provide garden space for everyone. This town in crawling
with earth-loving types.
LEAH
Like Joan and Grace.
DORIS
And it's catching. I'm turning into one myself. Except I
hate the food. I only like good, old-fashioned food that's
terrible for you.
LEAH
Sad again.
It sounds like a wild dream we could never make come true.
Like all the other plans we had for our lives when we were
young.
DORIS
Tell you what. You get through tomorrow without stealing
that bottle of aspirin. And I'll get through tomorrow night
without stealing a drink. And let's both think about what
first steps we can take toward making our wild dream come
true. I already know my first step--I'll go see Anna at
noon to find out what I need to start studying for the realtor's
license. Why don't you come with me?
LEAH
Oh, Doris, do you really think we could ever make it happen?
DORIS
We sure as hell don't have much to lose by trying!
LEAH
I'm afraid, Doris. What I feel all the time--every minute--is
a huge knot of fear. Like having a charley horse in the
chest. Everything else I feel is around the edges of that
big locked muscle in the center.
DORIS
Taking both cups to the sink.
Yeh, I know what you mean. I think of us as crossing one
of those bridges made of three ropes, one for your feet
and one for each hand.
Pretends to be walking the rope back to her cot.
Stretching for hundreds of yards over a chasm. If we look
down, we're paralyzed with fear. But if we make ourselves
keep our eyes on the far side, we can keep moving--foothold
by handhold--toward it.
LEAH
Getting under the covers again and lying back on her
pillow.
I'm glad you're on the bridge with me, Doris.
DORIS
Crawls back into her sleeping bag. Ironically.
Thanks.
Leah chuckles.
Leah?
LEAH
Yes?
DORIS
You can change that dark house dream, you know.
LEAH
Change a dream?
DORIS
Now as you're falling asleep, think about light flooding
a sun room of our earth house. Think about dwarf fruit trees
growing there, each shining leaf drinking up sunlight. The
house we'll make for ourselves.
LEAH
And tomato plants with their strong smell. And marigolds
. . . and food growing . . . . plenty of food . . . .
DORIS
And strong earth walls soaking up heat to keep us warm at
night. And our lives under our own control. . . . Good night,
Leah.
No answer. Sits up to look.
She's asleep.
Lies back down and turns over.
Act
II