CALVIN’S TOOLBOX
&
MIRROR MUSINGS
PEFCA INTRODUCES AND DEDICATES THIS PAGE TO A NEW
PERRYVILLE LEGEND IN THE MAKING…
IT IS BROUGHT TO YOU FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF DEEPER
UNDERSTANDING AND WISDOM IN THE AREAS OF LIFE AND BUILDING MAINTENANCE
SEND US YOUR CALVANISM’S TO HELP SAVE THE WORLD AND
STOP THE LEAKS…..
WHAT’S THE FIRST THING
CALVIN NOTICED WHEN WALKING INTO THE DOVER HIGH SCHOOL GYM???
THERE’S SEVEN BULBS OUT
CALVIN
QUIZ:
WHY
DOES CALVIN ALWAYS HAVE A HANDKERCHIEF IN HIS POCKET?
CHECK
BACK LATER FOR ANSWER
CALVIN
SPEAKS!!!!
PEFCA CENTRAL HAS
RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM CALVIN HIMSELF; AFTER READING THE EMAIL, WE FEEL
COMPELLED TO RENAME THIS SITE FROM CALVIN’S TOOLBOX TO
CAL’S TOOLBOX
& MIRROR MUSINGS
HERE IS HIS
EMAIL, WHICH BEGINS WITH THE ANSWER TO THE FIRST CAL-QUIZ QUESTION:
alas, i have arrived upon
the scene with the answers to the problems that have plagued mankind for endless
ages and an occassional maintenance tip from the old "toolbox" the
question was asked why i carry a handerchief on me, well, besides the obvious
answers such as looking cool with a pair of wrap around shades astride a large
shiny scooter, and gagging the noisy 1st grader who sits on the bus behind you,
and perhaps even it's importance as nasal obstruction retrival tool, it has
magical properties when used in conjuntion with a pair of channel loc[tm]
pliers, no longer will you be bothered by unsightly "bitemarks" to your chrome plumbing caused by
unprotected wrenching, just wrap up that precious chromed out faucet and crank
away without the worry of unwanted "striations"
And...... while we are on
the subject of chrome, i am a personal mission to convince the custodial staff
at PHS that all these plumbing companies did not go thru all the trouble to
chrome all these plumbing parts to let them go thru life unappreciated, i'm not
talking about weekly or even monthly polishing, but,come on people! a couple
times a year with a quality polishing paste would brighten the day of any
patron of the lew!
And finally.... I was
shaving my head this morning thinking about bowling with 1 side of my brain and
crappie fishing with the other, and another thought came to me that perplexed
me so, if we get the F out of PEFCA,
Who? i ask, will lead the PECA's, Who?, I ask will be that shining star
to go forward into the new millenium? Who? i ask, will be PECA HEAD?
I rest my
case............Cal
greetings and salutations
to all, I have a travesty to report of
utmost importance so I'll get right to it , no beatin' roun' the bush, no lolly
gaggin', no draggin' my feet with senseless babblin' about the difference in
lite bulb wattage importance or the use of mulching blades on the lawn mower as
a viable excuse for not rakin' the football field with a yard rake and a trash
can, you'll not hear me go on and on with the serious task of door hinge
lubrication or ice machine cleaning, no siree! there will be none of that here,
so let's get it on!
Friday nite at Bigelow, I
was enjoying a butt-kickin' being administered by the Sr. girls when it
occurred to me that my bladder was 'bout to splatter, so after making my way to
the gentlemen's room to take care of business, I was in shock to find the
plumbing on the urinals with a green-like mold on them, "Christmas
decor?" I asked myself, but no, simply years of neglect left to speak for
itself that I can describe with only three words DIS-GUS-TING. But on the
brighter side of things, I am pleased to report that was the only serious
maintenance violation I observed.
And now for my game report,
and knowing that I am treading on sacred ground having the esteemed MOE &
FURF to offer these insights, I hope to not step on any toes and submit any
apologies if therefore required, but.........The three stooges that were
dressed like referees that supposedly called those games were nuttier than a
peanut processing plant! I think in their case the term "official"
would fit them nicely......."OFFICIAL JACKASS" but, that's just my opinion. cal
I would also like to
include that this commentary is solely the view of the CT&MM segment of
this website and does not necessarily express the outlook of the MFSL/
PEFCA.
PEFCA
NOTE: Let it be known that any opinions expressed concerning officials are
wholeheartedly endorsed by PEFCA, MFSL, Moe & Furf….
well, it's here..... 2005,
a year that I know will be filled with exciting adventures in bldg.
maintenance, and I have pondered on these chores and am facing one of the most
dreaded events that has cost me hours of sleeplessness the past few nights,
what, you may ask could cause a grown man to tremble in fear and break out in
night sweats? the "demonic hairball" that is clogging the floor drain
in the girls bathroom? the elusive leak in the library roof that seems to move
about like it is possessed by the spirit of a tap dancing elf? or maybe even
the fear of discovering the source of that funky, "something musta' died
in here after eatin' a cow-crap sandwich" smell in the field house?
NO! nothing that simple or
mundane, that would be like sippin' soup thru a straw compared to the horror
that I face of cleaning out................the maintenance truck! that's right! it's time to clean up
"ol' Smokey!" and not because
of the flawless gray paint on the body panels of this sleek V-8 powered beast
of '84 Dodge 4x4"show truck" do I call her this, but from the
beautiful blue smoke that she emits from her exhaust tubing as she goes about
her tasks that could be compared to the contrails of a high-flying passenger
jet, yes folks, somewhere in the confines of this honey there's a complete set
of drill bits I haven't seen in 6 months, 3 cordless drills w/ extra batteries,
a skil saw, countless screwdriver bits,
nuts, bolts, screws of every size,description and use, 4 pairs of gloves, 200
foot of nylon rope,stainless steel switch covers, drop lights, drop cloths,
extension cords, toilet gaskets, pliers,pry bars, nail pullers, set screws, hex
wrenches, p-traps, mouse traps, roach bait, wasp spray,circuit breakers,
shovels, hoes, picks, hammers, pipe wrenches,lite bulbs,ohmmeters,wire nuts,
mixed nuts,all those invoices I swore I gave to the bookkeeper and a multitude
of gadgets that make life easier, and I hate to even think what is in the tool
box in the back of the truck! heck, Jimmy Hoffa could be back there for all I
know! But I resolve to solve this untidy situation in a timely manner.
And furthermore, I would like to dispel any rumors of a
conspiracy as far of the events of Friday evenings outing concerning Coach
Watts, Coach Campbell, Moe and Furf.
The coaches merely wished to award and thank the Legends for their
undying support and service to the basketball team with a nice meal at a
respectable restaurant, followed by the observance of a relaxing game of
basketball with Coach Heath and the rest of the Razorback b-ball team. knowing
these fine men I doubt if the "F" was ever mentioned, I heard they
sang camp-fire songs on the way up to the hill and discussed the upcoming
Sunday school lesson on the way home, and besides, two outstanding, quality
individuals such as Moe 'n' Furf could never be swayed with such meager
offerings.
And finally, while I was shavin' my head this morning a thought
came to me...... why don't we have a bowling team at the almighty Maroon 'n'
Gray? or a Billiards team for cryin' out loud! and kids don't even know what
your talkin' about when you mention a "cat eye", "aggie" or
a "shooter" in the revered game of marbles, we are all going to be governed
one day by this younger generation who counts as their accomplishments scoring
a gazillion points on some mindless game projected by a one eyed monster, we
need to get more of these kids out 'n' roll 'em 'round in the mud and expose
them to the "real world" and I ain't talking about the show on MTV.
PEFCA
NOTE: After checking the moeandfurf@hotmail.com mailbox
while viewing the end of an outstanding performance in the Orange Bowl, PEFCA
CENTRAL wholeheartedly proclaims that THE ULTIMATE PERFORMANCE OF JANUARY 4,
2005 was not accomplished by a bunch of 18-23 year-olds in Miami dressed in
maroon and yeller………..
But
by the REAL
SOUTHERN CAL dressed in denim blue laying
on the floorboard with his right arm performing a blind exploration to an
uncharted world under the passenger
side just behind the seat belt mount…..
Well I'm finally back and
dang proud to be here I must say, it seems like that pesky "F" bug
was a little harder to eradicate then I initially expected, but hey ! computers
aren't my specialty, but fortunately I have a "nerd" in the family
that got-er- did!
And by the way, This
episodes maintenance tip comes from the "git-r-dun" files, have you
ever been plagued with a leaky wall toilet or urinal? sure ya have. Have you struggled
with diggin' all that ol' caulk from around to get it unstuck from the wall? me
too! Did you cuss like a sailor on shore leave in disgust at the obscenity of
this task? I did! well, this job can be
accomplished with a few simple items found in most tool boxes. All ya' need is an ol' metal butter knife
(bk) and a propane torch (pt), just hot the end of that bk with the pt and
you'll zip thru that crap faster 'n corn thru a goose! make sure while you are
concentrating on working with the bk you keep the pt pointed in a safe
direction, there's nuthin' worse then havin' a fire alarm screamin' in your ear
while your a workin', you'll even have an opportunity to use that handkerchief
you should be carryin' in your pocket, unless your not allergic to 3rd degree
hand burns and I don't know 'bout what goes on 'roun' yer place, but,
the"nurse" is not a place I choose to frequent, anywho, just follow
this tip an' you'll have these all important portals repaired in record time.
I got more to say but no time as of now, I would like to add that I have been to the
Temple of Socal Tranquility to burn incense and meditate for countless hours
and finally gave up and went and peeled the ol' onion an' came up with this conclusion;
To "H" with those punks who want the "F" out! who wants to
be affiliated with a PECA? not I ! We
are the USA, not the UA, we are FBA, not FA, and God help me, I will never be
associated with a NAAP as long as there's a NAPA parts store close by! You may
have to excuse me for YELLIN' but, It just ain't GELLIN' with my thinkin' , but
just bein' a guest of this web-site I suppose I shouldn't be a gettin' a
riled-up over this subject and go on my merry way, nail my nails, paint my
paints and screw all them no goo...................... screws. peace out!!! socal
Buenos Dios and howdy y'all, As Winter
winds down and Spring seems to be right around the corner, it's time to start
thinkin' about the one thing that makes Summertime the time of year that i live
for, "Grass growin' time" and i'm not talkin' 'bout the roll 'em an'
tokem kind, but the thick, luxurious carpet of bermuda grass that adorns the
football field, yes folks, now is the time to clean up all those winter weeds
that have poppped-up during the past few monthswith a good dose of glysophate/
non-selective herbicide, and maybe start thinkin' about a pre-emergence to keep
all those spring weeds from sproutin', and although i could go on for countless
hours on brands of products and methods of control for different situations, i
will not! every situation is different and what works for me might not be the
correct choice for you, perhaps someone such as your county extension agent can
help you with a perticular problem or concern as well as offer you lots of free
literature and info,HEY! it's free! use it!
And as far as the "F" thing is
concerned, i have been pondering on this for the past few days and it has my
mind a whirlin' like a hemi-powered ice cream churn at a fat- boys birthday
party, i think even though the vote has been tallied, i would not be suprised
if a recount was demanded and voter certification be scrutinized under a
microscope, i have heard the terms "RIGGED" and "TAMPERING"
used more than once recently.
And finally, congratulations to the Jr.Lady Mustangs BB team who brought home the wood and sent Ola home on the L-train for the district championship! Good job girls and i am out! Socal
alas, spring is in the air, birds are singing, flowers are blooming, 3rd grade romances in seat 14 on the bus, all the usual signs including all the crap we will have to endure in the form of pollen for the next few months, my eyes look like I've been cryin' for my mommy, my nose is runnin' like a cheap pair of pantyhose, and my throat feels rougher than a chicken-pecked, sun-bleached corn cob, other than that, I'm doin' alright.
Instead of a helpful tip this episode, I want to direct my comment to a subject that has been discussed in great detail 'round our place the past few weeks...... yes folks, it's
REF-TRASHIN'
TIME!
I'm not talkin' about those, "hey ref, that was a bad call!" guys, but the knuckle- draggin', mouth breathin' nitwits who disguise themselves in black 'n' white striped uniforms to spew their venom (or maybe it's ventom?) upon the hardworking and loyal players and fans. I suppose if you flunked brain surgery, rocket science or quantum physics and still wanted to use your superior cranial powers to exceed in life, you can become a basketball ref-r-ee. I also suppose that is why I do not understand all the "so-called" questionable judgements made by these fellas, with me just bein' the simple,country -grown hayseed that I am, I just can't compete with these intellectual superpowers.
BULLCORN !
Hey guys, cavemen discovered fire, Columbus found a round world, Galileo saw deep into the stars and Iron Butterfly found out if you sang the song,"In The Garden Of Eden" stoned out of your gourd it came out,"Inna Godda Da Vida" and yes, my eyesight is still good enough to see a foot on the out o' bounds line, I know what constitutes a foul and i'm pretty sure I have a grasp on the 3 second lane violation ruling, not counting all the pushing, shovin',over the back, elbow throwin', eye- spittin',chargin',blockin' and walkin', a lot of which went un- noticed. Me thinks these goobers received their training from the Stevie Wonder School of Basketball Refereeology,(is that a word?) Anywho, despite all their efforts to screw us outta' bunch of games, i've got to give our kids a 10 for effort and heart, the refs will receive a 1 for gracing us with their presence, on the other hand, I think i'll change that to a .5 for accepting pay for a job,"NOT WELL DONE!"
Shavin' the head, goin' to bed........i am out! Socal
Well, i'm back. And after much pondering i have come to the conclusion that there is nothing prettier than a pair of sprinklers rotating in the pre-dawn light, or the feel of the hand grips on the paint striping rig as you prepare the field for battle, and don't forget the aroma of hamburgers being grilled by tail-gaters,yeah buddy! it's football time, and after a long,hot summer i'm personally ready for some cool nites and some hot games. So far this season the Sr. Mustangs have outscored their opponents 89-0, way to go guys, good luck and keep it up!
For this episodes maint. tip, here's a handy trick i used this past summer, being faced with the task of painting the hallway and the 8 inch wide, 240 foot long maroon stripe that adorns it, i had to pull a rabbit outta' my hat, know everyone knows i have the steady hands of a nuerosurgeon and the artistic ability of Picasso, but the clock was running and i had to get 'er done, when i got to the stripe painting part i popped some lines with a chalk line and taped it with that pretty blue tape they show on TV, well "what's so hard about that?" you might ask, did i mention that it was a concrete block wall with the mortar joint from Hell? "SO WHAT!" you say, o.k., heres the trick part of the story, I sealed the tape line itself with painters caulk and after removing, SHAZZZZAM what a nice crisp line i had, yes, i spent $15 for tape and $9 for caulk, which leads me to another question, do you know why pretty blue tape, caulk and divorces are so expensive? ('cause they're worth it!)Just remember, your line will only be as straight as you tape it.
And finally........ I was rubbin'my noggin and musing to myself the other day when i recalled time in my life when things were simpler, life was a joy, no money problems , worry-free days upon end that i thought would never stop............ then mom put me on the bus to kindergarten............... it's been down hill since then, see ya' @ school! socal out
As i sit here and
watch the flogging being administered to the hogs by usc, i can only wonder
where these refs are from, they can't get a call right after watching it on replay, what a bunch of goobers, you may
or may not know this but i am a native Californian, HEY, mom and dad just
happened to be livin' there when i arrived, they are both from back here but as
with their generation everyone went west to make their fortune i guess that would make me a "califarkian"
I forgave them many years ago for not making the trip to Arkansas to have me,
but they were too busy farming as it was the spring of the year, but i grew up
learning the knowledge and ways of the "land of oppurtunity" as it
was called before the natural state was hung on us, i learned how to speak
correctly and carry myself like a true "Arky" as mom and dad would
say. Any-o-who, i'm proud to be here,
proud of the way our Hogs are representing us, you can't always judge a book by
it's cover, a football team by the score it produces, or a group of people by
the state they happen to call home.
I also
heard some words the other day in an english class that they were defining and
using in sentences, i gotta' tell ya' , these kids now days have it all wrong,
they don't know the art of articulate
speaking, two words they were working with that i remember vividly were
'ligify' and 'rectify'. I heard my
brother ask my other brother one day as he was standin' on top of the chicken
coop, "you think it would break my ligify jumped down off here?" and
my other brother said, " I don't know, but last night i would of rectify
hit that cow in the middle of the road!"
We had proper rearin'.
if this e-mail brings a tear to your eye, i did my job! socal..........outta' here!