Presented by Charlie Brown, pastor of San Carlos Vineyard

http://www.godshack.com/ email: info@godshack.com

Basic to vital ministry are face-to-face relationships where we can shape vision and ideas with each other, where we are free to disagree with one another, where we respect, love, and serve one another. In a face-to-face relationship, everything is on the table -there are no hidden agendas or concerns. I tell you what I think, you tell me what you think and we move ahead together.

Face-to-Face relationships demand certain criteria:

a) We communicate directly.

b) We do not permit negative bank shots, also known as "triangulation." (Unfortunately, some people in every congregation use this as a favorite method of influence.)

c) We encourage positive bank shots. Spread the good word!

d) Real relationships value the dignity of one another.

By definition, ministry means talking about people...their joys, their sorrows, and their needs. If you don't talk about the needs of people, how can you design ministry to encourage them? Discernment of needs is for ministry and never for gossip or criticism. Our knowledge of people is only to be used to serve them.

Two simple rules of confidentiality:

1. RULE ONE - Never break a confidence with another person.

If it is to be kept between us, I will never tell anyone else. I will never mention it to others as a "prayer request." If you break confidentiality, you will break trust in the relationship. The only exception is when life in danger. If someone tells you they are thinking of suicide or there is physical or sexual abuse going on, then tell the people who need to be involved.

2) RULE TWO - Never ask someone to violate a confidence.

If I discover you know something I want to know, but to tell me would mean you breaking a confidence with someone else, then I will not pry and pressure you to tell me. If I need to know, I may ask you to get permission from the other person to tell me. If the third person won't include me, then I must accept it.

Think of the use of the word "with" in the Old Testament. God told Moses: "Go, for I will be with you," or God's word in Isaiah, "when you pass through the water, I will be with you," or Psalm 23 "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me." Then, in the New Testament we read the first chapter of Matthew, "The virgin shall be with child and will give birth to a son, and they

will call him Emmanuel,"which means, God with us."

Constantly ask yourself "what am I doing that I might ask a member of my staff or someone else to be with me. (Wimber - I do it you watch etc.)

Example: Is the number one goal of the Youth Ministry to work with the kids in the church, or to reach the kids of the neighborhood?

1) Annually set goals for your ministry. Use the Purpose - Goals – Methods. Does the purpose of the proposed ministry fit with the over purpose and goals of our church?

2) Have at least monthly meetings with ministry leaders to review and build relationships.

3) Have key leaders meet every week (could be a 15 -minute phone call).

Regularity keeps the relationship face-to-face, and things don't build up or get distorted.

a) Keep each other informed of your plans before you act or involve others. Good

ideas that come up as a surprise in meetings can dishonor the players.

No surprises works both ways:

If the Youth Director has a new idea he/she discusses it with the Sr. Pastor before the kids or parents. In the same way, if the Pastor wants something new or different in the Youth ministry he should talk to the director

first before the parents or other leaders.

b) Talk about feelings and "potential feelings." Doing the right thing also means caring for people's feelings.

c) Let potential leaders hang out with current leaders. Get input from the current leaders as to whether the potentials will mix well with the established groups, No surprises simply means respecting one another enough to keep each other informed and to accept in a good spirit the possibility that some of your ideas for

ministry will be modified.

This idea is gleaned from the book In Search of Excellence, by Peters and Waterman.

Loose: means that the senior leader gives all the freedom to plan and act as the associate leaders deem fitting. Loose means that if you have all the dreams and energy to get it done, the senior leader says, "Go for it. How can I help and support you?"

Loose: means the leader is a permission-giver. It can also mean "I hear your plan, I don't think I would go about it that way and here is why, but your plan is sound and I want to back your dreams, so do it, and let me know how I can support you."

Tight: means the senior leader asks something very specific of the associate leader – a certain song sung, certain teaching in Youth Group etc. When the leader asks for tight, he/she explains why. The leader is not a permission deny-er, by restricting your freedom to act just for the fun of it; however, there are certain

issues that are very important and fall within the senior leader's realm.

Sometimes the senior leader may feel afraid that a certain action will be destructive to

the team, or church. The senior leader must discern if that fear represents a truly significant concern. Sometimes it takes more courage to let a team member do something new than it does to do something new yourself. Even at these times, the senior leader should share his concerns while he gives

permission. This keeps "everything on the table" and practices face-to-face relationships.

An organization that is too tight is controlling. dishonoring, and squelches dignity.

An organization that is too loose will lack sufficient boundaries, definition, an vision.

Most healthy churches will know when to be loose, because there are many different

ways to get the right things done. They will know when to be tight on issues of theology, ethics, identity, and vision.

Members of the Body of Christ need to be able to disagree agreeably and still model love, dignity, and unity. Loving loyalty means that out of love we stick together in public statements and private conversations even when we do not agree over specific issues. We come to "our decisions" or "the staff's decision." We

avoid statements like "that stupid idea that Jim had."

We have the freedom to disagree. Without it, our face-to-face relationship is not real. We have to practice a healthy loose-tight balance of permission giving and permission denying, of giving freedom and defining action. Where that loose-tight balance is healthy, where we respect one another's dignity, and bless one another's vision; then to the watching public, who would love to see us disagree--who sadly feast on conflicts among leadership--we show unity, loyalty, mutual respect, and commitment.

Recap of 7 Threads:

1) Face-to-face Relationships

2) Confidentiality

3) The With-Me Principle

4) Clear Expectations

5) No Surprises

6) Loose-Tight

7) Loving Loyalty

Lastly: ministry, even team ministry, is not about goals. Goals will never usher in the Kingdom of God. Goals aren't powerful enough. Ministry is about potential. Not the leaders potential, but the team members, and ultimately that of the entire church.