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I've been a medical transcriptionist for the past 12 years. Here are some dictation bloopers my friend and I have collected over the past several years (YES, THESE WERE ALL ACTUALLY DICTATED!!!)
For the sake of confidentiality, no doctor or patient names are mentioned here. Also, no doctors were harmed in the process of collecting these bloopers. One last thing...... enjoy these, share them, but please don't take the credit for them! Thanks....
Happy laughing.
OKAY, NOW ON TO THE BLOOPERS!!
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First of all, here is my favorite -- a classic example of the pot calling the kettle black!!!
"He mumbles with lips that barely move and in fact is mostly unintelligible as to his intention
with his words."
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"The next patient's name is Doe, John.... I'm not sure which is the first name and which is the last name, although I would imagine Doe would be the last name, unless it's John."
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"This is an 8-year-old child accompanied by her mother, who appears playful and interactive."
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"This is a well-developed female who is working rather hard to bleed."
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"The patient's gait is normal. I am able to stand on her toes."
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"The patient comes in because she wants to get pregnant."
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"The patient was cleaned copiously and steri-stripped. She was then dressed and discharged."
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"This 50-year-old teacher is undergoing polysomnogram because of daytime sleepiness and difficulty staying asleep while teaching."
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"....painful cramps prior to her menses secondary to her period."
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"The other foot has the missing toes."
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(Dictated on a patient with schizophrenia) "The patients are alert and oriented."
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"He is an occasional smoker, smoking ten packs of cigarettes a day for the past 19 years."
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S: Patient comes in for ear pain. She is pain free.
O: TMs and canals are normal.
A: Normal knee exam.
P: Reassurance.
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"Blood loss from the procedure was less than 10 gallons."
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"First name Victor, spelled V as in Victor...."
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"Preoperative diagnosis: Unexplained abdominal pain in the knee."
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"She is sexually active with one muscle."
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"GENITORECTAL: Surgically fused ankles bilaterally."
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"He denies falling asleep while driving during meals."
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"Patient has been married for 30 years, living at home with husband, and in the past has had dogs, cats, and children as pets."
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"The patient states that diarrhea tends to run in his family."
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"He is married with two spouses, ages 12 and 9."
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"Pelvic and Pap smear were done in my office in her vaginal area."
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"Also, on his right hand he has a left thumb dislocation."
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"She had difficulty completing simple calculations. For example, when I asked her what 3 times 3 plus 1 equals, she said 'ten'".
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"This 42-year-old woman who was discharged after four days of admission, four days after a four-day admission, was discharged and now returns."
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Check out the whole list and more at http://kellyandkevin.com/bloopers.htm
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